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Hearts of the Past and Present

More Reasons

I went over to Hayden and Olly who were slouched at the table, Hershel was beside them chatting.

"Want something to eat then?" My voice was shaky and cracked when I spoke.

I was fighting a loosing battle to raging tears. I didn't fool myself when I spoke, never mind Hershel, Hayden and Olly who were staring wide eyed at me.

"Naw Lily, ya alright." Hayden was looking concerned, "Do ya want to sit down?" He patted the chair next to him.

"Yeah I think ya should take a seat." Olly agreed, he also looked very worried.

This was crazy and so backwards. These boys had been living rough for god knows how long and couldn't even remember the last time they had something proper to eat, they were close to passing out from a mixture of exhaustion and malnutrition but they were the ones giving me health advice and telling me to sit down. I must have looked a state for that to happen.

"No, no, I'm fine! Honestly." I completely lied and I shook my head in protest. "Here,"

I walked over to the good station, my legs were weak and shaky. I picked up two granola bars and a packet of crackers, it wasn't much, and there wasn't much i could do for Hayden and Olly right now but it'll be the best they've had in weeks. I put them on the table in front of them, they grabbed them eagerly but not so much to be rude.

My hands too were shaking, joining my legs. I poured our two cups of water and handed it to them, "There you go, don't be shy either. Help yourselves, you need it."

The brothers gulped down the water, wetting those dry, cracked lips.

"Thank you," Hayden said, in a grateful tone but outlined with pity.

He was feeling sorry for me, for me having to put on this unbelievable front.

I was putting my full attention to the new boys, otherwise right now, I'd probably be running through the trees again putting as much distance as I could between Daryl and I.

This was a good thing, having them here. It saved their lives and my own. To get me through these next few days, I could help them, work on them like a project or a hobby to keep my busy. I needed them as much as try needed me.

I sat down on my hands to hide their shakes and tried hard to stop my teeth from chattering, as the rest of the group came into the living block. My eyes landed on Daryl. There was this awful churning in my stomach, and an uncomfortable tingling running down my back.

"Lily, are you okay? You're as white as a ghost." Hershel asked.

"I'm gonna be sick," I exclaimed and launched myself over to the bin that stayed in the corner of the room.

I violently vomited everything and anything I had in my stomach. I had a phobia of sick and being sick, not only did I violently vomit, I was now violently shaking. I held on tightly to the side of the bin.

Someone was comfortingly rubbing my back and it was nice, I turned around to find that it was Daryl.

"Get off your hands off me!" I said and moved away, I wiped the sick off my mouth with the back of my hand.

How could he think that this action would be remotely appropriate? He had just brought in my attacker and Carol's murder, what, did he think I would understand?

"Lily I'm so sorry." He stepped back giving me the space I needed, before I threw myself at him, and not untie sexy kind of way. "I wanted to tell ya where I was goin' and what I was doing but I didn't want to risk what we had." Daryl said, he had stopped crying and seemed stronger in his argument, he really wanted to explain all to me. But did I want to hear it?

Yes and no. Neither way would make me feel better, nothing could at this moment in time.

This sounds so crazy and dramatic, but I felt like I couldn't be happy again. 24 hours ago, I was having sex with Daryl in the shower. I was the happiest I had EVER been.

I hadn't felt like this with anyone before, yeah there were guys I really likes but the lengths I went with for Daryl I wouldn't have even considered doing with the past boyfriends. Now, the world was crumbling at my feet. I was watching everything fall apart. Friendships, relationships, trust. It had all gone. This little family we had going on, was ruined. It was over. Like Daryl and I.

"Never touch me again," I ordered.

I stormed past him, knocking his shoulder and returned to Hayden and Olly. I hoped this hurt him, me running into another guy's arms, not literally but still. The brothers awkwardly ate their crackers, they were probably questioning what I had brought them into. I guess it was better to be inside with us, then out there with them..

Daryl was not giving up, "You need to hear me out! You need to know what happened Lily, I'm not the bad guy here!"

I rolled my eyes, I may have been close to a break down but my sarcasm was still in tact. "No you're not, you're the bad girl's bitch, now fuck off and leave me alone."

I wasn't going to be the one to leave the room this time, I wanted it to be Daryl and I wanted to hold my ground. And stay with Hayden and Olly. I expected him to walk away but he rested against the table, palms down, he meant business.

"I love you Lily. You know that,"

I didn't think my heart could feel anymore pain, I thought I had hit the limited but it felt like It had been stamped on then kicked onto a motorway and have a lorry ride over it. This was the first time Daryl had said the actual words, I love you. And I can't ignore that fact that he sounded like he meant it when he said it.

When I said I thought I loved him, he replied with me too, I didn't mention it again and I let it slip. This was the worst thing he could do, with the worst timing. Was this his attempt of getting my forgiveness or just him trying to get me to listen. My head was already all over the place, but now my heart was too. I couldn't love him, I just can't. Not now, not after this.

You could cut the awkwardness in the room with a knife, but no one moved. Either they wanted to see and hear what would have been group gossip first hand or they were here to keep the peace, stop any violence that could easily occur. I could snap and kill him, then probably myself.

Hayden watched Daryl intently, his eyes were analysing every inch of his face and his body, like he was trying to place him somewhere whereas Olly just continued to keep his head down and finish the crackers. These eyes weren't only scanning but glaring too.

Daryl so far has made a great impression on the new boys; a man torn over two girls, a bad ass bitch, and an English girl, a bad ass bitch who was violent and a murder. But then again so had I; I'm the pathetic love sick girl who risks her life over nothing, the borderline crazy girl with emotions off the scale. They were in for a ride.

I stared at Daryl, tears fell silently down my face.

"I want to know," I finally said, "I want to know why, if you love me, why you'd bring her here. Start from the beginning."

I took a deep breath preparing myself for what was to come, Daryl also took a deep breath, but it was not a nervous one, just a preparation one like mine.

"The first two weeks back at the prison, yeah, the forest was my escape and huntin' was like medicine to me, I was feelin' better. The guilt and pain had subsided, but as soon as I stepped foot back in the prison and saw ya face, it all came back. I just needed time and space, and that's what the forest gave me.

One trip out, I heard screamin'. I completely freaked out thinkin' it was you. I ran to it, and saw Martinez gettin' ripped to shreds and Bella was tryin' to fight off a stray walker. Naturally I put a arrow through the head of all of them and put Martinez outta his misery. I couldn't leave them to die that way. Bella was in bits, and I couldn't speak. I was completely lost for words, I wasn't sure if I was shocked or angry or what. I just looked at her, she's wasn't the woman she was at the prison and she wasn't the woman I knew before all this.

You know what I did? I went to walk away. I literally turned my back on her, and began to walk away. But she chased after me, crying, saying she was sorry, sorry or everything that happened at Woodbury.

She eventually stopped following me and I continued, until she called out that she was pregnant. With a The Gov's baby. I froze. In that moment I didn't think of anyone but that unborn baby, I couldn't walk away from it.

I kept her safe from then and onwards NOT because I care for her, NOT because I love her, but for that unborn kid. I can't just leave that baby, it is no way in hell mine, just I can't. It would be on my mind till death.

Everythin' I have done; huntin' for her, cookin' for her, things I'm not proud of for her, weren't actually for Bella but for the poor kid inside her. It would have no chance with just Bella, it needed me. It needs us.

I'm not doin' this outta love, I'm doin' this out of good morals. It doesn't mean that I don't love you because, god, I do Lily. I love you a lot. I don't want this to mess things up between us. I hope ya can understand."

My head was in my hands, I couldn't look at Daryl. Before me stood an amazing man, a brave, courageous and caring man, but also stood before me was a traitor and a heart breaker. I didn't know what to think.

"Things your not proud of?" Hayden repeated.

I was pretty shocked at the fact that Hayden was commenting on the matter. I guessed he would have wanted to stay out of this.

"I know you," Olly said angrily.

"You're the guy that robbed us!" Hayden accused.

"Yeah!" His little brother agreed.

Hayden rose from the table, "You took everythin' we had and left us for dead, which we nearly are!"

This was the loudest I had heard Hayden speak, I didn't think he had it in him right now.

I took my hands away from my face and forced myself to look at Daryl.

"Is that true Daryl?" I asked, although I wasn't sure If I wanted an answer.

Daryl took a moment to look at the skinny faced blonde boys and nodded, his eyes couldn't meet my own.

I shook my head in disgust, "You just keep giving me more and more reasons to hate you Daryl."

Notes

Sorry it's been a few days!! I haven't had mic time recently and when I did, I wasn't in the right mind set to write. I'm full of cold at the moment so, here's this chapter and I'm off to bed! Hope you likes it, leave me some feedback to wake up to!! Xx

Comments

Girl, its been like 4 months since u last updated.

ElyseStyle ElyseStyle
6/6/14

Girl, its been like 4 months since u last updated.

ElyseStyle ElyseStyle
6/6/14

Love it, Lily and Bella bonded how sweet anyhoo great chapter can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

MoMo_chan92 MoMo_chan92
1/23/14

@Alice_Weekes
thank you! :D

walkingrosie walkingrosie
1/23/14

@SierraaDixon
Hahaha thank you so much!!! X

walkingrosie walkingrosie
1/23/14