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Hearts of the Past and Present

Broken Hearts

My breath caught in my throat.

I could never be able to understand the pain both Daryl and Bella had felt, I had never lost a child or had any experience with young losses. I can only imagine what it would be like to lose your baby, kids meant everything to me; I planned a big family, a boy, twins girls and another boy.

The worst thing that could happen is a parent out living their child.

This, I couldn't be angry about, this could only bring me pain and sorrow for Daryl, and Bella. Daryl was left by his only happiness after the most devastating news. He must have been a broken soul. I know I would have been. But then again, so must have Bella. To pack up and leave like that, clearly she wasn't and couldn't deal with it. And obviously running away from the problem was how she felt with things, like how she ran from her mother and step father.

Daryl looked at Rick and I for a response, but we were both lost for words. Rick kicked some rocks and lifted up the dust, I silently sobbed. My heart reached out to Daryl, but it was way too soon for anything like that.

"I'm sorry about that." I said meaning it with my all. A tear dripped of my cheek and made the smallest puddle.

"Can I go now?" He asked.

"Conditions first." Rick began, "She, for now, will not interact with the group nor will she spend much of her time out of that cell. We don't trust her. She is not our problem, you brought her in here, you will take care of her, meaning making her breakfast, lunch, dinner, and she'll need it done good since she's eatin' for two. And if she causes any problems or risks any of our lives, she's outta here and you'll have to decide what you're to do next. Is that a done deal?"

Daryl nodded, without eye contact, "That's only fair."

"Damn right that's fair."

"Are we done now?" Daryl asked impatiently.

Rick nodded once, "Yes, but for Lily's piece of mind and for your own protection from the two new lads, I think you should sleep in a locked cell tonight, don't you? After all you have brought a murderer home and robbed those poor kids, I'm sure they'll have somethin' more to say to ya when they're better." He didn't try to not be patronising. That was exactly how Rick wanted to be, clearly he was very angry at how Daryl had stolen from survivors.

But Rick let him go back inside, this must have been what he wanted from Daryl; a full explanation to justify his actions. I partly understood now.

I wrapped my arms around myself as if I were trying to physically hold myself together. I crumpled in wards, like I was a piece of paper being scrunched and tossed into a bin.

Rick pulled me in tight, "This must be so hard for you Lily, and I'm really sorry. But I hope ya see what Daryl's doin'. I'm not happy havin' a murderer in my prison, but we can't kick her out. It's sentencin' an innocent life to death when doing so. But I promise, the only thin' protectin' her is that baby and as soon as the pregnancy is over.. You are free to do as you wish. But Lily, I'm orderin' ya to not lay a finger on Bella. In a moment of madness ya could, and it could be the biggest regret of your life. So stay away from her as much as you can, take this day by day, that's what I'll be doin' for this issue. I'm not sayin' ya have to be nice to her, I'm saying don't hurt the baby. Focus on what makes you happy, surround yaself with positive people. For now, this may mean leavin' Daryl out of the picture but that's your call. Only do what you can handle. And I've got you Lily, I've got you."

When I pulled back from Rick's hold, his shirt shoulder was a damp patch of my tears. I was so confused and emotionally drained.

Did I love Daryl? Did he really love me? Could I handle living with Bella? I really didn't know. And there was no way I was figuring all that out tonight.

"Come on," Rick tugged my hand and pulled me back inside.

The tense crowd in the living cell had dispersed. Sat awkwardly on the table together were Maggie and Pete, chairs apart, waiting. Carl was sat with Olly and Hayden, Glen too. I suspected that Michonne had escaped the madness and went to bed, there was only so much drama that woman could take and that Hershel had went to explain all to Beth who hid Judith from the craziness. Daryl must be making his new bed.

Pete and Maggie rose from their chairs when I returned.

Pete's eyes were warm and pitiful. Things hadn't been the same between us since our huge argument but I needed some family right now, one of his bear hugs was what I needed.

I ran into his open arms, "Oh Lily, my little Lily flower. I'm sorry sweetie. I'm sorry this has happened. Its preposterous but we can't do anything about it, for the time being."

All his fury had gone, the blood thirst he had for Bella and Daryl had vanished and he was in Dad mode to his only niece. "I've helped mend a few broken hearts, Sarah's a few times and even Jake's. I can mend yours."

His warmth radiated through my body, he thawed me out. I had to forget about the argument, it meant nothing to me now anyway. I let go of Pete and he met up with Rick, the pair seemed to be an in serious heated conversation.

I walked over to Maggie, her arms were extended. "Ya've been doin' so well, ya are so strong. Stay that way." I nodded into her shoulder before being released.

I had some explaining to do. I headed over slowly, almost timidly to where I left Hayden and Olly. "I promise I'm not crazy," I began.

"Everyone's a lil' crazy sometimes." Hayden replied, he looked better already.

"Lily, ya don't need to explain yaself to us. Glen already did," Olly said.

I looked to Glen who gave me an awkward smile. "Thanks, saves me getting angry and upset again." I felt some tears coming on, so I used my new tactic. "Want something else to eat? I'll cook for you if you like?"

"We're not goin' to eat all ya food. There's so many of ya." Hayden said and when I thought about it, to me there wasn't that many compared to what this group once was.

Rick, Carl, Judith, Hershel, Maggie, Glen, Beth, Michonne, Daryl, Me. Carol was the first loss I had now from the group, but there had been many before my arrival. There was a guy named T Dog, Andrea a big part of the group, the two prisoners who survived in here, before that there was Shane, I've heard a lot about him, he was driven insane, not by the dead but by love. There was Dale. And so many others.

So our group now seemed small to me, but to Hayden and Olly, we were like an army since that had been on their own for so long.

Glen stood up from the table, "How about Maggie and I make everyone a little something. It's been a long night, I'll cook super and you and Carl can find these guys somewhere to sleep."

"Sounds good," I nodded and coincidently my stomach rumbled.

I nodded my head over to our collection of spare clothes and covers and Carl got up from the table, he seemed happy to help. Maybe he was feeling sorry for me. I raked through the materials with the help from Carl, but I expected a lot more, especially since winter was well on its way. I'm glad I found Hayden and Olly, well I'm glad they found me. There was no way they'd last the winter.

I wrapped two bed sheets around two pillows and handed them to Carl, he tucked each under each arm. I I tucked them under my arm and made my way up to the free cells, the ones on mine and Daryl's level.

"Hey kid," Bella called out to Carl, clearly not seeing me behind him. "Where's Lily? Is she and Daryl okay?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked more so to myself than to Carl or Bella.

I stormed over to her. "Don't you fucking dare speak to Carl or even say my name. You're lucky to be alive, so don't push it with me or anyone. I could kill you." I threatened, venom stained my voice.

"Then why haven't you?" She suddenly sounded around 14 years old although she was 27, 6 years older than me. "Why are you keeping me alive?"

"I'm not the one keeping you alive, it's that dammed baby. If it wasn't for it, you'd be dead by now." I answered honestly.

I walked away first, Carl stayed back for a moment to eye up the devil in disguise but turned back around to answer her first question, knowing that Daryl could hear me perfectly. "And no, Daryl and I are not okay. We never will be and we aren't certainly not 'you and Daryl' anymore. It's just me." I have made a decision, Daryl and I were no more and never could unite again. "Now speak to me again, and I'll skin you alive."

"Woah, bad ass Lily." Carl commented.

Iwalked up the metal staircase, Carl tried his best to keep up with my hurried pace. I was half hoping to find Daryl curled up in his usual bed crying into his pillow, but the usually occupied space was empty, it had all been moved into the first cell at the top of the stairs.

Daryl hovered by his bed, he didn't know whether to get into it or come to the bars to speak to me.

"I hope you heard that, and I hope I was clear." I said cold heartedly.

"Crystal clear." Daryl replied mirroring my tone.

"I'll come and lock the door myself after supper." I added, pouring salt into the wound.

I continued down the small pathway to the empty cells, Carl was right on my heels.

"Harsh," he said.

"Do you blame me?" I asked.

He he took a moment, "No, I actually don't. What Daryl's done is out of order. I hate-"

I quickly stopped Carl from saying something he'd regret, he doesn't hate Daryl, he never could.

"Don't say it. You don't mean it." I ruffled Carl's hair, "Find your own reasons to dislike someone." I winked and joked

I know I was harsh to him and yes, I felt sorry for Daryl. I partly understood why he brought Bella here, yes I loved him but I couldn't, yes I wanted to be together but we can't. He's a completely different person to me, I don't know this Daryl. This Daryl is secretive, sneaky and sly. So I have to be hostile. Keep my distance. Stop myself from getting hurt.

I quickly inspected the cells beside mine, they were clean and safe. Carl and I made the beds for the guys downstairs and returned in time for the rice.

Michonne came out of her cell and took a bowl to Daryl before eating her own. Rick took it upon himself to delivery Bella's supper to her since Daryl prematurely locked himself up.

It was a quiet meal, not many words were exchanged until Rick and Pete finished.

"I have a few questions for you boys." Rick began.

"Hit us with them," Hayden said nearly confidently.

Rick gave Pete a look, Pete asked, "How many walkers have you killed?"

"Today?" Olly asked, and took a second to think about it. "Seven today, that's not including the four we took down that were after Lily."

"Overall." Pete cleared it up.

"Too many to count." Hayden replied, his long hair casted shadows across his face.

"Next question," Rick took over. "How many people have ya killed?"

Olly went ever paler than he previously was and looked down at his empty bowl. Hayden stared hard into the distance. Neither answered his question.

Rick's voice picked up, "I asked you, how many people have you killed?"

"One," Hayden answered. "Olly hasn't killed any."

My eyes widened, but I tried to convince myself. One? Just one person? That's okay, right? They'll be allowed to stay if they killed just the one.

"Why?" Rick asked, this was the make or break question.

"Because I didn't want my girlfriend to become a zombie."

I chocked on my mouth full of rice.

Notes

I'm so sorry that it's been 9 days since I updates!! I feel so bad! :( but things have been super crazy in good ways and bad. I hope you all forgive me! X

Comments

Girl, its been like 4 months since u last updated.

ElyseStyle ElyseStyle
6/6/14

Girl, its been like 4 months since u last updated.

ElyseStyle ElyseStyle
6/6/14

Love it, Lily and Bella bonded how sweet anyhoo great chapter can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

MoMo_chan92 MoMo_chan92
1/23/14

@Alice_Weekes
thank you! :D

walkingrosie walkingrosie
1/23/14

@SierraaDixon
Hahaha thank you so much!!! X

walkingrosie walkingrosie
1/23/14