Login with:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

Google

Yahoo

Aol.

Mibba

Your info will not be visible on the site. After logging in for the first time you'll be able to choose your display name.

The Benevolence Series

Chapter Twelve

The others had collected in the common area of their cell-block to discuss how they would proceed in regards to Woodbury. She had declined to join them, saying that she needed some rest, which wasn't untrue – but what she really needed was some time to collect herself after her altercation with her husband. She had taken Hershel up on his suggestion and had tucked the baby into her make-shift crib in the corner of the cell, her own shirt strung up on some wire taped to the wall to block out the light. Through the gaps in the material she could see Judith's hand draped across her chest, tiny fingers twitching as she slept. Lori wondered what her daughter dreamed of now, and how long it would take for her dreams to be clouded by the
nightmares that jolted the rest of the group out of their sleep most nights.

Lowering her chin, Lori pushed the loose strands of her hair behind her ears and turned back to the pair of T-Dog's pants that she was taking in and hemming for Hershel. She'd folded the right leg up and inwards to create a pouch to protect his still healing limb. She hoped that she had made it long enough and that he wouldn't take offense to her recycling their friend's clothes so soon after his death.

Glenn's raised voice caught her attention and she tuned into the conversation, curious about what had sparked a debate. Hershel responded, diplomatic but urgent, and Lori placed her sewing onto the floor and slowly pulled herself to her feet. She had barely made it to her cell-door when Maggie breezed passed her and stomped up the stairs, the young woman's back tense as she moved rigidly. Lori looked between Maggie's retreating form and the common area where it remained tense.

Deciding against getting involved with whatever was going on in the meeting, she glanced at her sleeping daughter one more time before pursuing Maggie. She took the stairs slowly, reminding herself to breathe with each step. The climb was excruciatingly slow, and she was more than a bit shaky when she finally reached the top, stomach aching and legs trembling beneath her.

She kept her hand wrapped around the metal railing as she made her way toward Maggie and Glenn's cell. She paused in front of her son's and rolled her eyes at the site of dirty clothes sprawled across the floor and junk tossed onto the top bunk.

She made a mental note to stop by on her way back downstairs to collect the laundry. Her room that she shared with Carol was as tidy as she had last seen it; her own bed stripped bare, though a couple of articles of clothing that hadn't been modified to fit her pregnant belly were folded into a neat pile at the bottom. She eyed the jeans longingly – she never thought that she would be excited for the day that she would be able to fit into the raggedy kneed pair of pants again.

Springs creaking from the cell two down refocused her attention and she continued down the narrow walk to where the sound had come from. Lori hesitated outside for a moment before tapping her knuckles against the metal frame where the door would slide closed. Maggie didn't move from her position on the bed where she had curled up, her knees pressed hard into her chest, held in place by tan arms.

Lori frowned at the sight of the other woman, feeling a mixture of concern and curiousity. She and Maggie had had a rocky start to their relationship and Lori took full responsibility for it. After-all, it was her request for a favour that had led Glenn and Maggie to go into town to pick up supplies for her, resulting in their attack.

And now she owed a debt of gratitude again – if it weren't for Maggie her daughter wouldn't have survived her traumatic birth. She owed Maggie any comfort that she could provide… she just wasn't sure if it would be welcome, considering that it had been on her account that Glenn and Maggie had been taken most recently. If she hadn't needed antibiotics, they never would have been out there.

"Can I come in?" Lori asked, keeping her voice low.

Maggie barely spared her a glance before returning her eyes to the wall in front of her.
Taking her silence as consent, Lori stepped into the small cell and made her way over to the bunk. She hesitated again before easing herself down onto the mattress by Maggie's feet. Reaching over, she rested a steady - and what she hoped to be reassuring – hand on the curled woman's ankle. Maggie flinched at the touch, and Lori considered retreating, then discarded the thought, keeping her hand firmly in place. The storm brewing in Maggie's green eyes was a clear manifestation of her inner turmoil.

"We can talk about it if you want… or we can just sit," Lori watched Maggie's face for any indication that she was listening. "That's okay too," she added reassuringly.
Maggie's throat tightened as she swallowed. Her voice was hard when she spoke, "Talk about what?"

The shift in the woman's body language was subtle, but Lori caught the way she curled in more, closing herself off physically, protectively. "Anything that you need to, or want to," she ventured, flexing her fingers to give the ankle in her hand a gentle squeeze.

Maggie remained silent, her teeth pinching her lower lip, worrying it as she continued to gaze
glassily at the wall across from her.

"You know, I," Lori paused, collecting herself. She wavered, unsure if she was making the wrong assumption, jumping to the wrong conclusion. "When we were at the CDC, before we found your farm… I remember feeling like things were finally going to be good again," she smiled in spite of herself, remembering the look on Carl's face when he and Sophia had discovered the games room, packed with toys and books. "We had food, and running hot water," she illustrated, delaying the inevitable part of the story that she hadn't ever spoken aloud.

"But then," she pursed her lips. "I was…" she searched for the words, feeling ashamed before they could even cross her lips. "Someone cornered me and… tried to force himself on me. I fought him off, but I can still feel his hands – clawing at me… at my thighs, my shorts…"
Maggie's breath hitched and Lori felt hot tears spring to her eyes, welling up but not falling, building until she could barely see anymore.

"Who?" Maggie asked, still hard.

Lori blinked once and a single tear trickled loose from the dam still in her eyes. She swiped at it with her free hand, unwilling to release her hold on Maggie. "It doesn't matter," she answered finally.

"Tell me who," Maggie demanded coldly. "Or I don't want to talk about this."

Nodding, Lori looked upwards at the seam where the wall met the ceiling. Anything to not be looking at Maggie. "Shane," she admitted, sputtering on the word. "It was Shane… He was drunk and confused and…" The stream of excuses died on her lips as she realized how hollow they sounded. She shook her head, dislodging more tears. "He thought he was entitled to something just because he wanted it and thought he had earned it."

Maggie nodded once. "But he didn't rape you," she croaked.

"No," Lori declared. "It didn't matter whether he did or he didn't… It didn't matter that I fought him off, or if he was sorry about what had happened," she cleared her throat, hoping to ease the tightness there. "I felt alone, like there was no one in the world who I could tell, who would understand. I felt like I would never be safe again."

The ankle beneath her hand shifted and Lori released her hold, keeping her eyes on the other woman's face as a mixture of emotions worked their way across her features: sadness, fear, anger, before they settled back into a blank canvas, void of any expression at all.

"Please just go away," Maggie muttered, turning her face into her pillow.

Lori conceded and got to her feet. "If you… you should get checked out, Maggie, if there was
any… if he -, " she took a deep breath. "If there was any contact, you should get checked out. Carol or I could- we can help you."

Without waiting for a response she slipped outside onto the catwalk and waited until she was out of Maggie's view before pausing to catch her breath. She hadn't realized how hard her heart was hammering in her chest and leaned against the railing, eyes closed, to steady herself, gulping in air as the fought to tuck away the flurry of emotions inside of her.

When she reopened her eyes she stared out the large windows opposite her, breathing through nausea and fear. Glenn was coming up the stairs, and he met her eyes as he passed her, his expression so unlike the one that belonged to the quirky, awkward young man she had met almost a year before.

Turning to give the couple their privacy, she headed downstairs, Carl's messy room now an afterthought.

XXXX

Lori returned to the ground floor of the block, disappointed to find that Rick had yet to come back inside. She wished that he could see how much he needed to sleep and eat something. He'd always been one to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders; her own personal Atlas. His sense of personal responsibility had always been one of the things she admired most about him. Now, she worried that he would be crushed by it all, and that there was nothing she could do to save him.

Still feeling emotional from her conversation with Maggie, the tears came easily. She swiped at them with the back of her hand and looked around miserably, unsure of what she was supposed to do now. She looked to the washing station, where Carol would normally be scrubbing the skin off her knuckles in a bucket of filthy laundry… and she had no idea where her son had gotten off to.

Judith would need to be fed soon, she wouldn't sleep for more than another half-hour… she looked to Carol's work station again, wondering how she was holding up in the wake of Daryl's… betrayal? The word didn't feel right – she couldn't imagine that she would have done anything different in his shoes. Departure, she decided.

Lori wondered if she would tell Carol about what she had learned from Maggie in case she decided that she did indeed need some help, and then she vetoed the idea immediately.
It was hard enough experiencing what she had, Lori didn't want to lump a betrayal of confidentiality on top of it. She hoped Maggie would also feel the same sense of solidarity and keep Lori's disclosure to herself. The last thing she needed right now was Rick carrying the
burden of that too – that one was hers to shoulder.

Footsteps sounded overhead and she followed Glenn's heavy movements as he descended the stairs. Based on his posture, she gleaned that his conversation with Maggie hadn't gone well. She sighed, it was hard to watch people dealing with rifts in such an already difficult time – you really didn't know when would be the last time… it seemed frivolous to waste even a second.

She and Rick had learned that the hard way – she sighed, or at least she thought they had.
Try again, she thought, remembering her conversation with Hershel. Grasping onto her determination she stopped by her cell to collect her daughter first.

She found Judith awake, unsuccessfully grasping at the pacifier attached to her sleeper, her small hands clumsily pushing it more than holding. Kneeling down so that she wouldn't have to bend, Lori picked up the baby, easing a carefully placed smile onto her lips. "Hi there," she cooed, setting Judith on the bed beside her before getting to her feet, unable to control the grunt of pain that escaped her as she stood.

"You alright?" Beth appeared at her side, her eyes conveying her concern. "You shouldn't – "

"Stand?" Lori let out a frustrated sigh. "Move? Breathe?" Closing her eyes she pressed two fingers to her temple where a dull headache was beginning. Taking a calming breath she patted
Beth's hand that had wound its way into the side of her shirt. The girl's fingers relaxed and she withdrew her hand. "I'm sorry," Lori apologized on a long exhalation. She offered Beth a smile as a peace offering.

"Accepted," Beth brightened again. "Need anything? It's gettin' on dinner time and I was thinkin'…" she drawled, pushing the hair that had come loose from her ponytail back to secure it behind her ears.

"Nervous about somethin'?" Lori asked, eying the young girl as she eased Judith up to her chest.

The blonde teenager pursed her lips, then offered an embarrassed smile, her cheeks tingeing pink. "How did you-?" she shook her head. "I was wondering if I could have one of those bottles of milk… and borrow Judith for a bit."

Lori lifted one brow questioningly.

"I just thought that Maggie might, y'know, that it would be good for her to have someone to cuddle for a bit who doesn't ask questions." Her blue eyes fell to Judith. "It's probably stupid."

As the clumsy explanation fell from the girl's mouth, Lori listened, feeling her heart swell with love for Beth. Using one hand to secure her daughter, she closed her free arm around the teenage girl, pulling her into a hug that she hoped conveyed the true extent of her affection.

"You're a good sister, Beth," she assured the girl in her arms.

Beth's arms weaved around Lori's frame and she tucked her head into the spot under her chin, her nose inches from Judith's. She held on, and Lori wondered how long the girl had been needing a solid hug.

"Thank you," Beth whispered, disengaging from the hug, though her hand lingered on Lori's back.

Lori transferred Judith to Beth's arms before giving each of the girls a quick kiss to the forehead. "Bottles are in the cooler… freshest one is at the front. The others will need to be dumped soon."

Beth nodded, "I'll take care of it," she promised, smiling softly as she left the room, tucking Judith's soother into her mouth.

XXXX

"Baby? Have you seen your daddy?" Lori asked her son when she found him in the common area tying his shoe laces. She leaned against the table where he had his gun half-assembled before him, its clip resting almost at the edge. "Don't put your shoes on the seat," she clucked, eyeing the muddy soles of his boots.

"He's outside," Carl put his foot down obediently and examined the dirty seat. Shrugging he used his hand to sweep the dirt onto the floor, and then offered her a sheepish smile. "Sorry, mom," he muttered, reaching for his clip.

Lori caught it first and lifted it out of his reach. Turning it over in her hand she rolled her thumb over the first bullet. "You know what he's doin' out there?" Lifting her eyes, she met her son's.

Carl shrugged and eyed the clip, then sighed, shaking his head. "No," he answered earnestly. "But I think he's by the stream… maybe you could talk to him; he's kind of freakin' us all out."

Frowning, Lori reached out to tough the boy's cheek. "You know he wouldn't hurt you," she assured him, giving his ear a gentle tug.

"I know," Carl agreed, reaching for the clip in her hand. He plucked it free from her fingers and busied himself with reassembling his gun. "It's just that… Glenn said he's riding the crazytrain," he shrugged again.

"That isn't true," Lori interjected, frowning at the choice of words.

Carl rolled his eyes, sliding his weapon into its holster on his hip. "Yeah, it is, mom. You didn't see him last night. He was like some kind of… I don't know! Crazy person!"

Lori took a calming breath and reached out to slide her arm around her son's shoulders. Pulling him into her side she started a slow walk toward the door. "I'll take care of your dad," she promised. "I don't want you to worry."

When he didn't answer her she looked over to find his eyes fixed on the ground ahead of them,
his expression torn. She gave him a squeeze and reached for his chin, turning his face upward to look at her. "I mean it, Carl. We're going to figure this out."

His nod was a hesitant one and she could tell that he didn't believe her, which only increased her determination. She and Rick - whether they were together or not – were still a team who desperately needed to get back on the same game-plan for the sake of their children.

Carl opened the door when they reached it, holding it open for Lori first. The day was brilliant and she sucked in the fresh air, feeling better already. Across the yard Glenn and Hershel were having a conversation by the pick-up truck and Lori knew instantly that it was one that she didn't want any part of. Moving slowly, she picked her way down the steps, Carl treading impatiently on her heels.

"You got somewhere to be?" she asked him, wincing as she reaching the bottom and lifted her hand to open the gate.

Carl stepped around her and used his shoulder to shove it open for her. "Nope," he lowered his face, hiding it under the brim of his hat. "Just sick of waiting for you, slow-poke."

"You little punk," she chuckled at his cheeky smile, hitting the brim of his hat to push it over his
eyes. "Slowpoke," she mimicked, watching him dart away out into the yard. Still beaming, she wandered further out, past the furthest corner of the building, toward the fence. She paused, raising her hand to block the sun from her eyes as she looked for Rick.

The pick-up started up and she turned to find Glenn behind the wheel, guiding the large vehicle toward the gate where Carl was ready for him. Hershel, who was left standing in his wake, sighed, his chest heaving impatiently. She watched him for a moment as he searched the yard, then followed his fixed gaze out beyond the three rows of fencing to the small wooded area by the creek. A figure moved through the trees and she squinted, recognizing the shirt and familiar gait – Rick.

"Let's go for a walk," Hershel suggested, making his way over to her on his crutches. Lori nodded, her eyes still trained on her husband in the distance as he stalked the creek bed. The wind picked up slightly, tossing the litter in the yard up into the air behind her and she turned to inspect where the sound had come from.

Easing her arms around herself she shivered, inspecting the fences and gates, suddenly feeling vulnerable without the thick prison walls around her. She looked to the gate, beyond the overpass where the Walkers had come through just over a week ago, then to the door where she, Carl, and Maggie had sought refuge.

A calloused hand touched her shoulder, startling her from her thoughts and she took a step back, her eyes finding Hershel's.

"You're alright," he said, his voice soft and warm, coaxing her out of her troubled thoughts. "No
one can hurt you here."

Lori nodded, taking a deep breath. She knew that her fears, though overwhelming, were unfounded. Hershel was right, the prison was safe, and they wouldn't still be there otherwise.

She acknowledged the old man with a nod and allowed him to turn her toward the field.

The walk was slow with Hershel on crutches and her clinging to her incision, her hands pressing down in an attempt to ease the relentless pain that jarred her with each uneven step.

They followed the perimeter of the fence, avoiding the overturned bus where the woman, Michonne, was sitting. Lori wondered what she was doing outside… or if she had a choice – maybe she wasn't welcome into the block.

When they were several feet away from the fence at the far end of the yard Hershel stopped walking. Pausing mid-step, Lori turned to him questioningly. He nodded toward the direction where they had seen Rick earlier, encouraging her to go on. She nodded and gave his forearm a gentle squeeze, allowing her hand to linger for the moment before leaving him to approach the fence.

She couldn't see Rick anymore, and she wondered if he had left. "Rick?" she called, feeling a nervous flutter in her chest. The woods were full of Walkers and she worried about him being on his own, especially in his current state. A movement caught her eye and she called his name again, sliding her fingers through the chain-link as she looked for him again. "Rick." He wasn't too deep into the woods, barely past the edge where the trees were relatively young and thin.

He appeared fully and paused at the foot of the bridge, his eyes fixed ahead of him.

"Will you come here for a sec?" she tried, trying to keep the waiver out of her voice as she inspected him. His hair was unwashed and drenched with sweat, his clothes too. She swept her gaze over his wane face – he looked sickly. "Just for a second."

He nodded, his eyes skimming the woods again before he turned to approach her slowly. She took a second to glance over her shoulder to see that Hershel hadn't abandoned her. The old man kept a quiet vigil exactly where she had left him. When she turned again she found that Rick had crossed the bridge to stand near the outer fence. He still wasn't looking at her, but she took it as a good sign that he was as close as he was.

"You doing alright?" she asked, forcing her voice to remain unconcerned; the last thing she wanted to do was scare him off by starting off too aggressively. When he didn't answer she tried again. "Baby, we're all worried about you. We need you."

Rick squinted in the sunlight, barely meeting her eyes for a moment before he was looking around again. "He send you?" he gestured over her shoulder at Hershel. "If he's so worried about it tell him to lead." His gestured turned to one of dismissal and he turned away to gaze at the woods again.

Lori worried that he might take off again and she leaned in, her sore abdomen pressed to the fence. "Is there something you need? What are you doing out here?" she asked, feeling a sense of urgency.

Rick didn't answer her at first, and when he did his voice was raw and exhausted to the point that she barely recognized it. "I- I've been…" he whispered, his eyes dazed. "I've got…" he seemed thoughtful, as though he wasn't quite sure what he was trying to say. "…stuff out here," he struggled, shifting from one foot to the other, and gestured to the woods. "…Stuff," he added quietly.

Lori rested her cheek against her right hand and blinked back tears. No wonder Carl was on edge about his father's behaviour… the dull look in his eyes and the absent tone in his voice was more than a little unsettling.

"How much longer do you need?" Hershel asked, easing his way over to her side.

Rick met the man's eyes then lowered his own to the ground. "I don't know," he shook his head slightly, his chest rising then deflating as his hand slid over his belt to rest on the butt of his gun – his eyes continuing to drift to look behind him at the woods. "I don't…"

"Is there anything I can help you with?" the old man asked from beside her. Lori kept her watery eyes fixed on her troubled husband as he shifted back and forth unsteadily on his feet. He had taken to not looking at her at all, as though she wasn't even there.

His blue eyes held Hershel's, focussing for the first time since she had come out here. He locked gazes and Lori could see his mind working as he weighed his options. Hershel turned to leave, and she released the fence, her hand darting out to bunch into his shirt fabric. He stopped just as Rick spoke, his voice slipping back into some semblance of the one that she was familiar with.

"I saw something," Rick announced, taking small steps toward the fence.

Hershel turned back to the fence and Lori uncoiled her fist as Rick stepped as close as he could with the chain-link barriers between them. "Lori," he admitted. "I saw L-," he quavered, his eyes settling on the ground again. "I'm seeing Lori," he admitted.

Lori felt her mouth part and her eyes widen. She looked to Hershel in confusion and he held up his hand.

"Lori's right here, Rick," Hershel corrected. "See?"

Rick shook his head, using one hand to scrub his eye. "I know," he agreed. "There's two of them. I know that it's not really her, the other one… or that it isn't real, but I," he shook his head.
"It's gotta mean something. The dreams… the phone – Shane, in the town," he lifted his hand to
slide it through a diamond-shaped link of fence. He kept his chin low as he spoke, his eyes fixed on Hershel's. "It's gotta mean something."

Lori's chest ached with all of the words jammed up inside her, held in place by the knot in her throat.

"There's an answer," Rick insisted. "It doesn't make sense, but in time… it will, it will make sense."

"Come on in," Hershel coached him soothingly. "You need rest." When Rick hesitated he continued, this time with a touch of force. "It's not safe out here."

Rick shook his head and stepped away. "I can't," he said decidedly, turning back towards the bridge. "I can't."

Lori watched him go, her thoughts a jumbled mess of concern and shock that seemed to cloud her ability to do anything at all. She felt her shoulders slump as she turned to Hershel, watching his face like she was underwater or a thousand miles away. "Bring him back," she pleaded, the words a vacant croak, forcing their way out through the pinhole opening in her too-tight throat.

"Hersh-," she was startled by the thin wisp of a long-range weapon firing and she froze, her eyes darting toward the prison. Time seemed to move in slow motion as the air filled with several consecutive snaps of an automatic weapon behind her and she turned in time to see the bridge explode under Rick's feet as a string of holes appeared along its edge, splintering the wood.

She barely had time to respond before she and Hershel were under fire too, and then she was falling, shoved to the ground. Panicked, she broke her fall with her forearms, but it did little to stop the impact of her abdomen with the hilly soil, followed by excruciating pain. Crying out, she felt Hershel grasp the collar of her shirt and start to drag her, pulling the neckline up around her throat – out of panic she pushed his hand away and fought to catch her breath.

"I'm okay," she muttered, panting through the pain. She pushed herself to follow him as she
crawled military-style into the longer grass where they would have some more coverage.

Bullets narrowly missed her and she held her breath, her hand finding Hershel's as they both froze and waited.

Moving slowly, she moved her free hand underneath her to hold her abdomen. It felt spongy to the touch and she startled, quickly withdrawing her hand to inspect her fingers. Looking between the digits and Hershel she felt a strange sensation of cold seep over her as shock settled in at the sight of oozing red blood.

Comments

I like this version better x

thewalkerinme thewalkerinme
5/11/15

Judith Maggie Grimes. Nope. NOpe NOPe. NOPE! I can't. It's too beautiful. This is so lovely. I feel like this would have happened. Like, I wish Carl hadn't shot her because she totally would have lived. I llove where you're going with this, with the small changes you're making x

thewalkerinme thewalkerinme
5/10/15

Chapter 4 was beautiful. Your writing is beautiful. Just, everything about this is beautiful.

thewalkerinme thewalkerinme
5/1/15

OMFG WHY HAVE I TAKEN SO LONG TO FIND THIS?!?! I wish this had happened, thank you for writing this! LOVE LOVE! Your writing is perfect and you have made me miss Lori so much and I am only on the first chapter! Please don't stop writing this, I don't know if you have finished but I am gonna keep reading to find out, and if I find you have stopped before the end then I am gonna spam your comments! Love this!

thewalkerinme thewalkerinme
10/6/14
@chroniclesofcharnia

I appreciate having you. :) Thanks for reading!
PrintDust PrintDust
9/8/13