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The Benevolence Series

Chapter Fifteen

He stopped inches away from the fence, staring into the cloudy eyes of the Walker that clawed ravenously at the chain-link, its fingers curled into arthritic talons, its nails bruised and torn up, rotting at their quicks. It snarled and growled as it reached for him, failing to come close. Daryl looked over to his brother on the other side of the yard, then turned back to the Walker, examining the sundress that hung loosely over its emaciated frame, the straps falling into the hollowed valleys on the side of its should blades.

He realized if he looked close enough he could see that her eyes had been blue – and she had a wedding band dangling loosely from her finger.

"What'ch'u lookin' at, little brother?" Merle appeared at his shoulder, casting a shadow over the

Walkers face, deepening the murkiness of her eyes until Daryl couldn't make out their colour anymore. "See somethin' you like?"

Daryl dropped his eyes to her knees, half-annoyed and partly abashed; somehow Merle managed to always make him feel like a piece of shit nothing – just like when he'd been a boy.

"We could bring her in here…" Merle laughed, patting Daryl roughly on the shoulder.

Daryl shrugged him off and took a step closer to the fence, pulling his knife out. The Walker was close enough to the fence that he could pop the blade through the centre of her forehead, and he watched her eyes flicker then freeze over before she dropped into a heap on the ground.
"You ever leave me like that I'll come back'n kill ya twice," his brother muttered, horking then spitting on the ground at the foot of the fence where the Walkers feet had ended up.

Daryl ignored his comment and headed back towards the house, sliding his knife back into his pocket. Merle followed him in and he wanted to tell him to leave him the fuck alone.

Stepping into the common area he found Lori scrubbing a pile of laundry in a filthy tub of water. Sweat glistened on her forehead, dampening her hair and making it stick to her face. As he approached the table she winced and straightened up, arching her back, her hand finding her abdomen. She offered him a wane smile and a curt nod when she spotted him.

"You shouldn't be doin' that shit," he muttered.

Lori's smile tightened and she dropped her hands back into the bucket. "If I don't do it then Carol will, or Beth – we all have to pull our own weight. Besides-," she was cut short as an impatient wail erupted from the other side of the table. Lori turned to look down at the floor and Daryl braced his knuckles on the table to peer over its edge.

He found Judith in her box, staring up at Lori. She howled again, this time tilting her head back to present a set of gums, her eyes scrunched closed.

"Okay," Lori sighed, looking down at her hands. The baby continued to cry and she swiped at her brow with her forearm. "Give mommy a minute…"

Daryl shrugged, pushing back from the table. "I'll get her," he offered, making his way around to the box. "I ain't doin' anything anyway." Reaching into the box he lifted Judith out and got to his feet, settling her into his right arm. It had been a while since he'd held her – not since her birth - and she'd already grown a ton. She felt heavier and fleshier, less flimsy and fragile. He looked up to catch Lori watching him, a tiny smile forming on her lips.

"What?" he snapped defensively – he was sick of her giving him that look. "Don't gotta get all sentimental about it."

Lori held up her hands in surrender, though her smile stayed in place. "I didn't say a thing," she chuckled, getting back to the laundry.

Turning his back on her Daryl huffed and headed to the other side of the room to escape her scrutiny. He headed into Merle's cage and plonked down on the bed, sitting Judith on his lap. She'd stopped crying and he stared into her eyes as she inspected him, her eyes like moss.

"This piece 'o shit," he commented, reaching out to pick up the soother attached to her sleeper.
A figure filled the doorway and he looked up to find Merle leaning against the metal frame. "Little young for ya but I guess she's better than your other love interest out there," he commented, stepping into the cage.

Daryl ignored him and turned his attention back to Judith, his fingers smoothing a wisp of hair off her forehead.

"You think about her when you hold her or somethin'?" Merle asked, sitting on the table in the corner. "Sk-," he began.

Daryl's eyes shot to his brother. "Don't," he barked. "It doesn't mean nothin'. I just don't mind takin' her sometimes when there isn't anyone else to do it. That's all it is."

Merle scoffed, sliding his knife prosthetic off. "Give her here," he motioned with his hand. Daryl eyed his stump for a moment, then looked up to meet his eyes, his own hands curling around Judith's sides. Conceding, he got to his feet and carefully passed Judith over to Merle, his hands lingering on her head and belly. He wasn't sure how Lori would feel about him letting Merle hold the baby. He glanced over his shoulder to find her absorbed in her task.

"Bigger than she was," Merle assessed the baby in his arms. "Bit fatter too."

Daryl leaned against the other side of the cage, keeping his eyes on his feet. It was true –
Georgia Lyn had been small enough to almost fit in his cupped hands, but she'd come early so she didn't breathe right.

"Remember when she was born? That little pyjama thing I got her? What'd it say again?" Merle looked up from the baby in his arms, his face looked thoughtful for a second before splitting into a grin. "I'm an asshole-," he recalled, chuckling.

Daryl crossed his arms over his chest. "Got it from my dad," he finished, his own mouth twisting into a smile of its own accord. "Bernie was pissed," he scuffed the floor with his toe.
Merle sobered a little, looking back to Judith. "Yeah, no loss – dumb bitch," he sucked his teeth and motioned with his chin.

Daryl stepped forward and took the baby back from him and rested her against his chest, his hand splaying across her back to keep her in place. Pushing off the wall he slipped out of the cage, leaving Merle to put his knife back on. He froze when he saw Lori watching him intently. Ducking his head he headed in her direction, waiting for her to lace into him about letting his brother hold the baby. Instead she offered him a small nod and went back to her work.

"Thanks for looking out for her," Lori reached out to rest her hand on his shoulder lightly, the water on her hands soaking into his shirt.

"Messin' my shirt up," he muttered, stiff under her touch.

Shaking her head, she retreated and moved to pick up the laundry with a soft oof.

Daryl quickly rose from his crouched position and took the basket off her. "Best leave it to Carol and Beth for now," he suggested, heading towards the perch where Carol usually hung their clothes. Over his shoulder Lori bent down to retrieve Judith before following him.

XXXX

The night air was surprisingly cool for summer, and she settled against the chain-link fence that closed in the overpass, her eyes drifting closed. Most of the group had turned in for the night, but she found herself unable to sleep alone in her cell. Once the baby had started to fuss she decided to step outside for a bit, figuring some fresh air would do them both some good.

Lori hated sleepless nights, because they often came hand-in-hand with an overactive mind. With Judith fussing against her shoulder, she allowed her thoughts to drift to all the people she had lost: her mother, father, brother, friends. Usually when she took a moment to think about them she was filled with immeasurable grief and guilt because she didn't think about them often at all. Everything had come apart so quickly that she felt like she was still on the run, like she hadn't had a chance to mourn them all.

Looking down at her daughter she knew that her mom would have loved to have a new baby in their little family, especially a granddaughter. Her brother had had twin sons of his own with his ex-wife – Lori wondered if they were still alive out there somewhere. She knew it was a long shot but the alternative seemed almost crippling some days.

"Shhh," Lori whispered, smoothing the back of Judith's head. The baby cooed then let out a long sigh, her body melting into her mother's shoulder as she fell asleep. "I'm envious," Lori chuckled, resting her cheek against her daughter's ear.

The sound of an engine cut through the night and she carefully got to her feet. The guard tower door squeaked and Glenn appeared into the yard, his gun on his shoulder to approach the gate. She made her way inside to find Daryl jogging down the steps, his cheek creased by the fabric on his pillow. The man was an unbelievably light sleeper, she thought, following him to the door that would lead them out to the yard. As she started to follow him down the steps he put his arm out to block her.

Lori started to protest but was stopped by the look he sent her way. Sighing, she nodded and leaned against the doorframe, shifting Judith to cradle her in her arms instead. The baby turned into her chest, her hands smothering her pacifier, holding it in place. She could hear the gate sliding open and tires rolling over the cement, and she craned her neck to try to see around the side of the wall. When car doors opened then closed she figured it would be safe enough and she descended the stairs.

She was just turning the corner when Carl stepped into her path. "No, mom, don't look yet," he protested, pushing her towards the stairs again.

His hands landed on her biceps and she turned to avoid having to walk backwards with the baby. "Okay," she agreed lightly, stopping once they reached the other side of the wall. "Let me see you," she demanded softly, reaching out to take his chin. "You alright?" Lori asked, pushing his hair out of his eyes to inspect him.

He pulled his face back and nodded, "Yes, mom," he groaned, swatting her hand away.

Stepping back he peered around the corner of the building, then motioned for her to follow him.

As they approached the vehicle she found Rick and Daryl unloading something from the hatchback trunk of the car, a large thin box. She lifted one eyebrow as she tried out make out what it was in the dark.

Carl looked at her expectantly and she stepped around to Rick's side to see the image on the wide part of the box: a playpen. "Thank you," she turned to Carl first, pulling him into her side. She leaned down, ignoring the pain it caused her incision, and pressed a kiss to her son's head.

"I think she'll like it," he said decidedly. "Don't you?"

Lori agreed with a hum and pressed a kiss to his forehead before releasing him. "Was this your idea?" she asked him.

Carl moved to start dragging the box inside. "Yeah, cause she is getting too big for her box now," he explained.

Glenn and Daryl had already started towards the guard's tower, so Michonne stepped in to help Carl with the box. The woman wordlessly lifted it to her chest and nodded for Carl to go ahead. Her son looked for a moment, his expression stunned at her strength, then turned and started for the door.

Alone with her husband Lori's eyes brushed over the arsenal in the car, before she lowered herself onto the bumper. Rick took a seat beside her and he watched Judith sleeping for a few moments before finally addressing her. "There was a fire," he reported, looking up to meet her eyes. "Couple of blocks turned to ash… our place too."

Lori blinked, listening to his news. She felt the loss first – their home was gone. The revelation brought with it a punch of sadness and she turned to look out towards the field.

"Lori," Rick said her name softly, drawing her attention back to him.

She met his eyes again and saw the apology in them. The emotion there caught her off guard and she switched gears. "Baby, it isn't your fault," she insisted, moving closer to him. She caught his hand in hers and squeezed his fingers. "It doesn't matter. It's just a house… this, us being together is home."

Rick lowered his chin to rest it against his chest wearily. "That man, the one I told you about before - Morgan – he was there, Lori. His son died, he's lost it, everything… his mind," he swallowed. "I wanted to take you all back home."

Lori felt her brow crease as she tried to follow what he was telling her. "Rick," releasing his hand she skated hers over his face and settled her palm onto his jaw. Stroking his cheek with her thumb she leaned in to kiss him. "We're all okay," she assured him, her lips still touching the corner of his mouth.

"What if I can't keep you safe?" he asked, lowering his face again. "I can't ever lose you… or Carl," with trembling fingers he touched their daughters forehead. "Judith."

Lori wanted to promise him that he wouldn't, but she knew that it was a promise that she couldn't keep – the world felt like it had become a stage with a trap door, and every time she blinked something else had dropped away into the unknown. Instead of speaking she took his hand again and tugged on him to lead him inside. He glanced back at the car uncertainly.

"Leave it," she nodded to the tower where she knew Daryl and Glenn were watching. They'd do whatever needed to be done with the weapons. "You've done enough for today."
Inside the common area she found Carl already pulling the pieces of the travel crib out of the box. On the ground beside him Lori spotted his knife and shivered. She hadn't seen it since Carl had passed it to Maggie to – Lori tried to push the memory out of her brain. She turned her attention back to her son who was inspecting two lengths of pipe.

"Leave it until tomorrow, Love," she instructed, leaning into Rick's side. His arm slipped around her shoulder and she smiled at the familiar feeling of the way her hip fit against his. When Carl began to protest she cut him off. "You'll be able to see the instructions better with some light in here," she reasoned.

Carl scoffed, "I don't need instructions. I can figure it out by myself."

Lori chuckled, "You really are becoming a man."

Rick grunted at her words. "Head in now," he ordered Carl, guiding her towards the cell. "Judith can take another night in her box."

"Okay," Carl huffed, abandoning the poles on the ground with a loud clang. Lori winced at the sound but carried on into the cellblock, looking forward to getting some sleep, curled up with her husband where she belonged.

XXXX

Glenn leaned against the window of the guard tower, crossing his arms over his chest. Letting his eyes close he rested his forehead against the glass and yawned. He knew that he didn't necessarily have to be on watch now that Rick was back, but he couldn't bring himself to go back inside. The awkwardness between himself and Maggie was almost insufferable. It was like she didn't want him to be around her at all anymore.

Opening his eyes again he watched Daryl and Michonne empty the trunk of the car. Rick had come through with the supplies he had brought back. Now they just needed an army the size of the Governor's and maybe they would be able to win against him.

The door at the bottom of the tower squeaked and he frowned seeing that Michonne and Daryl were still by the car. He heard feet on the steps and he slid off the control panel to investigate the sound. Maggie appeared out of the inky shadows, her hair messed from sleep. She seemed to catch his eyes inspecting the tangle on the side of her hair and she offered him a small smile, reaching out to smooth the strands.

"Let me," he reached out to help, then froze as she flinched. Her reaction was subtle, barely beyond a twitch of her eyes, but it felt as though she had screamed at him again to go away. His rejected hand hovered uselessly before he dropped it to his side.

Maggie's eyes darted to the floor and he sighed, turning his back on her to go back to the window. She joined him a couple of seconds later and stood at his shoulder, her eyes fixed out on the yard.

His jaw ached from being clenched like a vice and he had to work hard to control his breathing, like his body had forgotten to do it automatically. He wanted to be angry at her, but he was mostly confused – she was always so confusing. "It's like you're blaming me," his voice was calm despite his roiling emotions.

Maggie's eyes widened and she crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't blame you, Glenn," she finally said after a length of time that seemed to stretch out forever. "I blame him."

"Doesn't feel like that." His utterance came out more like a question as he aped her posture, his own arms crossing in front of him. He knew he was being unfair, but she wasn't the only one who'd gone through hell and it wasn't fair that she was punishing him and closing him out. He didn't mind shouldering both their burden but it was like she was resting it on his shoulders but not letting it go and he couldn't take her pulling on him anymore.

She turned around to face him, her eyes flickering between his face and the floor. "You think this is easy for me? I want things to be normal… more than anything," her voice was teary as she spoke.

"You're the one in the driver's seat," he fired back, stalking across the room so that he wouldn't have to look at her not looking at him. "And it's like you have us pointed at a brick wall." Glenn pulled his hat off and bunched it up in his hands so that he would have something to do with them.

"That isn't fair," she cleared her throat.

He wanted to laugh. "Fair?" he spat the word like it was bitter. "What is fair, Maggie? Look around you!" he turned to face her again and watched her sink into the console, her face turned down to the floor. "You know what isn't fair? You won't talk to me, you won't even look at me!"
He wished he hadn't made the accusation, because when her eyes finally lifted to meet his they were veiled with tears. In the dark he could see the fine trembling of her shoulders and she shook her head slowly, the movement controlled. Glenn felt his resolve soften and then melt.

"Come," he instructed softly, opening his arms. "Please, Maggie."

She came to him in one smooth movement and wound her arms around him, her face finding his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispered, sniffing.

"No, Maggie," he held her solidly to him, feeling guilty for nagging at her and pushing her to tears. He wasn't supposed to make her cry, he was supposed to keep her safe. He felt like he'd failed her again. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

She nodded against him but otherwise remained perfectly still. "I just need some time, okay?"
Kissing her forehead he nodded. "I can do that," he promised.

Comments

I like this version better x

thewalkerinme thewalkerinme
5/11/15

Judith Maggie Grimes. Nope. NOpe NOPe. NOPE! I can't. It's too beautiful. This is so lovely. I feel like this would have happened. Like, I wish Carl hadn't shot her because she totally would have lived. I llove where you're going with this, with the small changes you're making x

thewalkerinme thewalkerinme
5/10/15

Chapter 4 was beautiful. Your writing is beautiful. Just, everything about this is beautiful.

thewalkerinme thewalkerinme
5/1/15

OMFG WHY HAVE I TAKEN SO LONG TO FIND THIS?!?! I wish this had happened, thank you for writing this! LOVE LOVE! Your writing is perfect and you have made me miss Lori so much and I am only on the first chapter! Please don't stop writing this, I don't know if you have finished but I am gonna keep reading to find out, and if I find you have stopped before the end then I am gonna spam your comments! Love this!

thewalkerinme thewalkerinme
10/6/14
@chroniclesofcharnia

I appreciate having you. :) Thanks for reading!
PrintDust PrintDust
9/8/13