Wolf in My Heart
Eva had gone to Carl’s side as Rick went to talk to Shane before he and Otis pulled away. She brushed the boy’s hair back and sighed, not a sad sigh, not a happy one, and certainly not content. She was not anxious, and at the moment, not fearful. She was numb, Eva glanced out the open window for a moment as the sun poured in. In her mind she could see how perfect that moment had been as Carl reached to pet the deer. “he was so close” she thought closing her eyes, she could remember the three of them watching him, gripping at each other’s sleeves leaning over and forward, proud, nervous, giddy. Just so close.
Eva opened her eyes. “To close”
Eva let a tear slipped from her eye and brushed Carl’s hair back letting her hand trail down to his cheek. “We messed up Kiddo” She whispered, “we messed up…But I promise, we will be better” she said “I will be better, nothing’s going to come near you, not anymore” she spoke with a new drive as she leaned over the kissed the child’s forehead. “You deserve better” she thought thinking only of Lori, why had she let Carl stay with Rick and Shane? Hadn’t what happened to Sophia but enough warning on her? It took 3 mean, 4 eventually, and then all of to search for her and no one’s found her. What if that had been Carl? Eva brushed his hair back one more time as noticed as she did so his breathing would even out, and she smiled.
“You know, you would have made a great mother” Rick’s hoarse ragged voice rolled as he entered the room, he sat down on the edge of the bed next to Eva. A beat, as Eva held her breath “a mother” she thought in a bitter sweet mix of emotion. “heh, Yeah well, Shane isn’t gonna want none now…I’ll just be happy being rejected god mother until then” she managed a hidden memory in her eyes as she forced a smile. Rick fell Silent, “ you say that, like you’d be awful” Rick said trying to laugh, Eva looked up at him. As she did, in a quick flash, she saw a vibrant pair of blue eyes. Only. They were not his.
Ricks breathing slowed as He watched Eva watch him, his breath was uneven, as his nerves began to jitter. He’d never quite noticed how Green her eyes really where. Such a liquid like Green, like a lake at the perfect summer camp, devouring the green hues of the trees and brush around it. “Eva” Rick spoke and her name came out like a question.
Eva blinked a few times to see now the only Blue eyes that were there, were ricks. She slowly shifted her gaze off to Carl as she watched him. “I would be” she murmured slowly “huh?” Rick breathed her words bringing him out of his fixation “not a bad mother…but a good enough one” Eva rose to her feet gazing at Carls face. “At least, not yet” she added. Rick watched her with confusion, there was a battle in her eyes, and it looked like one of 300 men. Rick reached out and Grabbed Eva’s hand he held it tightly. He didn’t need her to speak to know there was something inside of her hurting. “Eva” Rick called as she looked down at him a frantic woman cane bursting through the door and into the room.
“Carl!” Lori called running to the side of the bed she fell to her knees hysterical. Eva’s eyes landed on her, and for once, she felt sorry for Lori. “His going to be ok” Eva said, as Lori rose to her feet, tears streaming down her face. Lori balled her hands into fists and her arms trembled “Ok? Does this look ok to you?” Lori said raising her voice. “My Boy is shot! And was shot under you’re watch!” Lori barked, Eva’s face became cold as stone. “You’re his mother!” she barked in a tone so cavernous, so sharp, it struck through Lori like an arctic knife. Lori’s eyes became wide at Eva’s tone and she exhale. “You’re the one who’s supposed to make sure the possibility for such things don’t have a chance to happen!” Eva growled in a deep murderous tone, her eyes shimming, bright, furious, a Lioness on the Animal channel couldn’t have stood its ground.
“You are supposed to take him to safety not wander in the woods, I alone could not take him back to you and the group if I wanted to and Rick and Shane needed to look for Sophia!” Eva walked to Lori, Lori much taller than she was, seemed to cower as Eva circled her. “You want to blame somebody!” Eva yelled closing her eyes she clenched her fists, tighter and tighter, as if they were around someone’s neck, tighter, blood dripped from her palm. “Blame the Bitch that wasn’t there!” she yelled Lori’s eyes flashed with anger and she found enough courage to slap Eva across the face, “get out! You are no part of this family, as you said it is my son so leave! You have no right to be in here!” Lori rushed her words before she lost her nerve, Eva turned her head to look at Lori, her eyes clouded over in a dark grim shine.
Eva stormed off to the door, she paused and her eyes fell on Carl, they softened for a moment, before she walked out.
Why’d you-” Rick said looked at Lori before jogging to the door “Eva!” He called, Hershel walked through the door almost Colliding with Rick, “boy that girl was in a hurry” Hershel muttered looking back once. “Now that our both here we have something’s we need to talk about” Hershel said with a heavy sigh. Rick looked over Hershel’s shoulder but Eva was long gone, Rick exhaled and nodded looking up at Hershel “yes of course”.
Eva ran out the house, across the open field of the Farm land, and to the gates. Ahead of her lay the most beautiful scenery should could have ever asked for, rural Georgia under the setting sun. But she could not enjoy it. “He is my son!” Lori voice rang through her ears “you don’t have the right!” Eva leaned against the gate, blue eyes flashing in her mind, tears rolled down her cheeks. “Neither do you” she muttered, stroking the wooden gated with a blank mind. “I can’t do that again no matter what I cannot explode like that again, I might ruin everything” she thought.
The sun had set, it was night time now, Eva looked up with dull eyes from where she still stood leaning against the gate. The RV rolled into the Farm, with Glenn’s car. Both towing either Rick’s truck or Shane’s car behind them. Daryl leading the way on his bike. “Hershel must have sent his daughter for them too” Eva muttered turning her eyes to the dirt road, she had not noticed that the sun had completely set. How long had she been just standing there?
Rick sat by Carl’s side his eyes had been fluttering open, and he had already woke up once, asking about Sophia. Rick’s eyes were stained red, as she could remember fighting with Lori over, Carl’s condition. She was having second thoughts about fighting for his life, and Rick could not take it. Glenn and T-dog had come by to comfort him and wish Carl the best, Carol and Andrea had stopped in as well. But were was Eva? It wasn’t like her, Lori’s never scared her before so why now? Rick looked at his son and sighed, holding back what few tears his body had left. “Hey, how’s the Kid?” Daryl called somewhat timid as he peeked into the room “better, but I’ll be glad when Shane and Otis return with the supplies” Rick replied looking up at him. Daryl nodded and went to leave “Wait!” Rick called. Daryl stopped and turned around “yeah” he breathed, Rick glanced around as if expecting Lori to pop up. “Have you seen Eva?” he asked. Daryl shook his head.
“No why?” He asked, Rick glanced around again “I haven’t seen here since daylight, she had a bout with Lori…and ran off” Rick said “Im-” before Rick could voice it Daryl nodded “I got it I’ll go look for her” He offered, It wasn’t safe for Rick to say anything about her out loud, not with Lori around the place. Rick nodded gratefully “thanks”
Eva now sat on the Gate, her legs dangling as she looked at her shoes, and her blood stained knees, she recalled diving to catch Carl when he had been shot, how is body had instantly felt lifeless. How she went numb, the overpowering serial feeling, she could have ripped Otis to shreds like a walker, rip open that lard like stomach and pull everything out. She glared “but at least he is redeeming himself, right?” she growled, digging her fingernails into the wood. Every time she recalled the moment of the shot, more anger boiled. “There you are! Damn, had me combing the whole damn place! I was about to check the barn over there” Daryl called. Eva looked up at him with dull eyes. “What do you want?” she asked “Rick sent me” Daryl stated standing in front of her. “Is everyone here?” Eva asked Daryl nodded “How’s Jenner?” she asked Daryl gave a nod “he’s good, Hershel’s gonna make him a fake foot until we can find a real prosthetic for him” He explained, Eva nodded. And it was Silent for a while.
“Those the only questions you have?” Daryl asked, there was a long pause as Eva shifted her gaze to the side “I heard about you yelling off Lori’s head…I can already just see how that went” Daryl said with a short chuckle. Eva paused “Carl” she said “how’s he doing?” she asked. “Ricks says he’s doing better” Daryl said Eva nodded. “I think he wants you in there though, Lori’s taking a break and talking with Carol” Daryl relayed as he walked off. Eva watched him for a moment before hopping off the gate.
Eva could hear Rick yelling at Hershel and Lori sobbing from down the hall, “Carl!” she called sprinting down the hall, and she came to a halt in front of the open room. Rick held a hysterical Lori while asking Hershel what was happening. “It’s a seizure” Hershel stated “He’s lost to much blood, and isn’t getting enough to his brain” Hershel stated, Eva gasped and pushed through Hershel, and Rick, “get away from him!” Lori yelled, Eva crawled onto the bed and gently held Carl’s head, loose enough so that it could move with his body, but firm enough as to he would not bit his tongue or swallow his tongue. “No she’s doing right” Hershel called, Lori blinked and turned ot look at Hershel. “I used to do this…for my mother” Eva said slowly. Rick looked at the ground. She did used to do it for her mother, when she was young.
Before long, Carl’s episode had ended, Lori shoved Eva away from him and off of the bed, with a thud, Eva landed on her bad knee, she yelped in pain and scooted away from the bed against the wall, she cursed under her breath and rubbed her knee, grimacing, Lori had popped the cap back off. “Eva” Rick called heading to her, Eva shook her head and smiled faintly “remember you cannot afford to have an outburst again” she thought, flashing a tired yet painful smile. “She’s worried, I don’t think it was on purpose” Eva stated struggling to get to her feet. Her knee screamed, “go sit by your sons side, I can get Daryl to pop it back again” Eva reasoned hopping past Rick to the door. Rick grabbed her hand and held it, Eva refused to look at him. With a soft squeeze, Rick let go of her.
Patricia, Otis’ wife wrapped Eva’s knee after Daryl had set it back, “thank you” Eva said weakly Patricia nodded “you know Otis isn’t a bad man, it’s probably killing him” the woman said she too looked very weak. Eva frowned she had been trying not to think of the fact that Shane had not returned yet. “We never had any kids of our own, but he always wanted some” she mused, at this Eva’s anger towards Otis melted away. “Why not?” she asked “body just won’t make them” Patricia stated with a sigh. “I’m sorry” Eva said with minute pity. Patricia shook her head. “No it’s alright, we’ve baby sat for all of Hershel’s kids being neighbors and all, and going to the same church” she said. “That was enough” she added. Eva thought for a moment “I envy you, for being so strong” she said, Patricia looked up at her in shock. Eva stood up and smiled down at her a bit “thanks for fixing me up, I’ve got to go check on a friend” she said going to a guest room.
In the bed lay Jenner, He looked down at the peg leg like foot Hershel had fashioned for him. “Jenner” Eva called grabbing his attention. The light in the room was dim, with the low watt light bulb of the battery run lamp. Jenner looked up and smiled “it’s not that bad of a job” he stated, but his smile fell when he saw the disparaging look in Eva’s eyes. “What’s going on with this group?” Jenner asked watching Eva sit down next to him. “The Apocalypse is happening Jenner, and it wants to kick out ass…but we’re not going to let it, there is still a chance” She said, Jenner closed his eyes “A Chance” he echoed. Jenner rubbed Eva’s back comfortingly and sighed “a very small Chance” he added. Both people looked at a third presence “They’re going to do the Surgery” Andrea said Eva stood up quickly “what but the supplies aren’t” Eva gasped, Andrea nodded “I know, they’re giving him a bloods transfusion first” Andrea continued “hoping to by a bit more time for Shane and Otis to get here” Eva walked past Andrea and looked at her meaningfully “Andrea, thank you” she said “Lori doesn’t want to tell you anything, someone had to, after all you’ve only basically played second mother to the kid…you should know” Andrea said, Eva nodded and headed to Carl’s room.
She walked through the old fashioned country halls of the house, looking at the old family pictures hanging on the wall, showing off generations past of Greene family. Old Irish men and women, from their motherland til’ now. She wished she’d had a family like that, shaking the thought form her mind she peeked inside the room given to Carl, Lori wasn’t there, she slipped into the room silently, to see rick sitting by Carl’s side a tube in his arm, red liquid flowing through it. “Hey” Eva called softly Rick looked up and almost went to stand before remembering he was hooked up as Carl’s life line. Rick sat back down quickly “Hey” he managed feeling uneasy. Eva looked from the tube to Carl and then back to Rick. “Hershel Says it’ll by some time for Shane to get back” He muttered. Eva nodded and looked up at the old clock on the wall, it was well past 11 now. She had not realized she had been standing outside that long.
“Where were you? I hadn’t seen you for hours, nobody had” Rick asked, his gruff voice pulling her eyes away from the clock and into his own eyes. “I was calming down” Eva said, she looked to the side “you know my temper” she added a bit shamefully, but it wasn’t as real as it would have seemed. Rick nodded “you were just worried, Lori’s not been fond of you, but even she can’t deny that, regardless of what she’s said or what she thinks” Rick paused “you care about Carl like he was part of your own blood, you got mad, and it’s true we shouldn’t have let him come, we should have held firm to having him go back with the others” Rick stated Eva sighed “I’m sorry” Eva muttered as he used the words ‘We’ “no don’t be we needed a kick in the rear, I hate it had to be like this but it’s true, the world ain’t the same anymore, I get that now” He stated. Eva looked down at the tubes. “Have you eaten?” she asked Rick shook his head “where’s Lori? She asked “I don’t know she went to speak with Carol” he stated tiredly, Eva nodded and left the room “well someone’s got to feed you” she said playfully, Rick smiled at her light tone and watched her exit the room.
sorry had to repost cause last chapter froze when editing...