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Wolf in My Heart

Guilt

“Rick”

Eva breathed, He looked at her blankly, his eyes going to the bathroom door. “How’s he doing?” Rick asked Stiffly, Eva managed to smile “Ok a bit shaken up behind losing Otis” Eva managed but it felt so wrong, it was always hard for her to lie to Rick. He nodded and rested a hand on Eva’s upper arm tenderly “Eva I wanted to thank you for what you did for Carl, Me, Lori” He said looking deep into her eyes, Holding her to that spot. Eva smiled “It’s what I’m here for-” Rick took her hands in his “No” he breathed “not this time, Hershel was right you were in no shape to do what you did” Rick looked off to the side “and with the way Lori was…” He looked down and then back up into Eva’s eyes his face close to hers.

Eva’s heart raced, so close. “Rick” she said softly touching his face “Carl has nothing to do with Lori, if he needs my help and I can help. That’s just what I’m going to do….Regardless of what she says, what she wants, if it’s his life or her favor” Eva paused and for a brief moment that dark glint in her eyes was visible to Rick. “Fuck her” Eva muttered she stroked Rick’s cheek fondly before walking past him leaving him in shock.

“Here we ugh put these together for Shane” Maggie said with tired watery eyes as she dropped the pile of clothing into Eva’s arms. Maggie stepped back and gazed at them “T-They were Otis’” she murmured looking back up at Eva. Eva felt a pang of guilt for the secret she now had to keep. Eva nod faintly and offered a saddened smile “thank you” she whispered, Maggie nodded and turned to leave. Eva reached out an arm and drew Maggie into a hug “I’m sorry you guys lost family…but I do thank him for saving Shane…for saving Carl” Eva muttered, Maggie shook Eva from her and turned to leer at the bathroom wall. Eva froze…had Maggie been suspicious?

“Here” Rick said taking the clothing from Eva, “I’ll give him these, you should go rest” Eva looked at him and then to the bathroom door “But” Rick pulled the cloths out of her reach “No buts, I’ve had time to rest, you’re still paste colored, now go on” Rick offered her a playful smile as he reach out and brush her hair “go on I’m not gonna repeat myself” He chuckled. Eva smile and left.

Rick gazed at the bathroom door, his hand hovering over the handle. He didn’t want to open it, He was grateful to Shane for going out there, sticking his neck out once again like he has always done. But in the hidden gaps of his heart there lye a bitterness, Again he had received Eva’s praises, and again he would play the hero. Rick wasn’t a petty man, he knew these things should not bother him but it was the fact that it was happening all over again.

With a sigh rick pulled his heart into the right place and opened the door “Hey man it’s me, brought you some cloths”

Eva’s walked down the hall, her feet taking her to Carl’s room she needed to see she needed to know how the surgery went was he okay. But as she went to the door she met face to face with Lori. The two women gazed at each other blankly, Lori then glared and slammed the door in Eva’s face. Eva turned around clenching her fists lightly “ungrateful bitch” Eva muttered before stalking out of the house. She sat down on the front porch in the swing gazing into the night. “Maybe I don’t belong here anymore” She sighed, Things were getting complicated. Far too complicated, she had to admit that her focus on Rick and Carl was not helping things much for Shane or the group. No one trusted her fully because everyone knew there is nothing she would not, could not do for Rick. He and Carl were the only reasons she was really around, she was certain of the fact Shane would follow her anywhere.

Focusing on finding Sophia, getting her back to Carol, came second. She was determined but in reality it came second to Rick and Carl’s wellbeing and her greater plans for them. If things became to dangerous on this search for Sophia, if their lives were put at risk again….
Eva closed her eyes.

She didn’t want to think about what she would have to do. Opening them she looked up to see Daryl setting up his tent. Against her own will she got up and headed over to him.

“You’re coming over to see me?” He scoffed as he worked at his tent, never bothering to look back at her “you must be feeling guilty as hell” he chuckled amused. Eva scrunched up her nose and crossed her arms “what the hell do you mean redneck?” she asked Daryl glanced back at her and stood up brushing his hands off on his jeans “really?” he scoffed “it’s obvious your boy cut Otis down, it was written all over his face” Daryl gave Eva a serious stare “an’ He might not tell the rest of us what went down” he said pointing at Eva “But he’d tell you” He added “and I know he told you” Eva looked down and to the side “well…things happen…accidents happen” she muttered, “yeah” Daryl paused “ and the dead don’t walk neither.” He walked around to the other side of the tent.

“As long as you’re out here, make yourself useful an’ help me out” Daryl grunted. Eva looked back to the house and then to Daryl “fine” she sighed walking towards the tent. Daryl smirked to himself. He was starting to understand this rival of his.

Shane rubbed his now bald head, it was weird but it had to be done. He buttoned the last button at the top of his shirt and headed over to Carl’s room. Lori rose to her feat. “Shane” she called her eyes shining brightly “what you did” she spoke quickly Shane nodded “yeah I know” he muttered softly. Lori’s eyes softened on him “You know you don’t have to go, you should stay.” She said, Shane lowered his head but looked up at her, he frowned a bit as he thought hard. Could he stay? After what he did could he stay? Eventually it was going to come to light, people were going to put the pieces together. Not only would he have to worry about Rick finding out about Him and Lori but he’d also have to worry about Otis’ death coming to light as well. Shane sighed and shook his head “You say that now but” He paused and backed away towards the door “I’m sorry” He said in a low voice before vanishing out the door.

Eva laughed as Daryl told her more stories of his childhood, they had been sharing stories while setting up the tent, he sat on the ground next to her his arms crossed loosely across his knees, while she drew aimlessly in the dirt with a stick. “Damn your brother and Old man were always at odd huh?” Eva chuckled “yeah but it was just the way they were you know?” Daryl said with a small smile “Shane never like my Dad, either. This one time when I was in middle school he tried to sock my dad in the face and-” Daryl’s smile fell “You out here with him again?” Shane asked as calmly as he could but his words dripped dangerously with possession. Eva’s smiled turned into a frown as she glanced at Daryl before getting to her feet “No, no don’t let me interrupt!” Shane barked indigently Eva glared “we were just talking, normal people do that every day. He was just trying to cheer me up, I helped him with the tent” Eva spoke Shane looked down at Daryl who in turn gave him a dry gaze. “I ain’t want your chick, she was just making herself useful, if you wanted a lap dog put ‘er on a leash of something” Daryl said unfazed by Shane’s attitude.


Shane grabbed Eva’s arm and drug her away from the tent “come on” he barked “Shane what the hell!” Eva cried as he drug her behind him, he was headed for the gates. Eva crossed her arms as they stopped he leaned against the gates and sighed rubbing his head “I’m sorry, I just, I ain’t been…you know quite right” Shane spoke these words with difficulty. Eva’s anger defused and her arms dropped limply at her sides as Shane looked up at her with those big brown puppy dog eyes. Eva sighed and walked over to him holding out her arms she gave him a light nudge behind his back and he fell into them. Wrapping his big body around hers, hunting around her as she held his head to her neck. He hid his face in her hair and trembled lightly. “I know” she whispered gently resting a hand on the top of his head.

“Tomorrow morning, I’m going to go out on a run I’m sure I can get at least Daryl to go with me and look for some Respaphil” Shane drew in a deep breath preparing to protest “before you get to bellyaching, He told me some things about his Brother and trust me, the hillbilly knows a thing or two about pills” She said, Shane fell silent “he can help and you need the stuff before it gets bad” She spoke softly. She eyed his bald head and gently pried him off of her. “Your head” she said slowly. Shane became nervous and fidgety as he ran his hand over his head “Um H-He got a patch of hair, left a scratch, had to cover it up at least this way there’s no missing patch and it just looks like I nicked myself” Shane spoke quickly. Eva looked at his bald head flatly, “I know it looks bad…” He muttered apprehensively. Eva had always praised his bushy coffee colored waves in which he had proudly inherited from his Italian mother. “No” Eva said slowly looking at his head “It’s just new” she paused “It’ll grow on me” she said forcing a smile “it brings out your-
“Nose…” her mind mused.

-eyes and face” she spoke making that smile wider. “Really?” He asked wrapping his arms around her waist, he leaned his forehead to hers. She looked up into his eyes, such Smokey brown eyes like Hickory. Eva sighed and smiled true. “Yeah” she breathed reaching up to hold his face “but you’ll always been my lovely boy” she murmured with a smirk. Shane gave her a crooked smile and held her closer “Lovely huh” he muttered before crashing his lips to hers. She may have thought that then, but if she had been back there, with him and Otis…He knew she’d not thing anything close. Lovely. Shane was beginning to think there was nothing good within him anymore. Lovely. Wasn’t anything but a beautiful little lie.

The next morning, Eva had showered and changed, exiting out the house she held an uncomfortable frown on her face as she walked awkwardly in jeans that were about a size to small, she pulled them up in a little shimmy. “I’d rather wear some of Otis’ left over pants” she muttered. Rick came up the stairs laughing his eyes crinkled slightly and a twinkle within them. “But those look nice” he said after looking her over. They were tight, and hugged every curve she had from her hips to her calves. “I can’t bend down without them cutting into my abdomen, or pulling out my leg hair” Eva huffed in annoyance. “They just need to loosen all jean are like that” Rick reasoned looking her over one more time. Eva caught onto this and smirked inwardly she turned around and paused looking down behind her “shit I think I slit them too” she said pretending to struggle to see behind her. Rick’s eyes landed on her rear and his eyes glazed over, the jeans were just so tight, it was as if the crease between her rear and her thighs was a smile. He shook his head “N-no , no slit, you’re fine” Rick said, the wind knocked out of him at his words. Eva turned her head back towards the house to hide her smirk and chuckled inwardly. “I mean” Rick muttered lowly to himself but she didn’t notice.

Looking up Eva spotted Lori coming towards the door, she looked at Eva and then around her to Rick who was looking off to the side, trying to gather his thoughts into the proper frame of mind. “well thanks for checking for me Rick but I think I’m still going to ask for a pair of Otis’ pants” Eva said glancing back at Rick with a smile before scampering past Lori in a light jog “Morning” she sang to Lori with a cheerful smile but her eyes and the under tone of her sing a song tune, was mocking. Lori leered at her as she went bye and continued to walk to Rick standing in the doorway with her arms crossed “check on what for her?” Lori asked pointedly Rick sighed and rubbed the back of his neck “just some things” he mumbled “Hey how Carl doing?” he asked quickly trying to move the subject along.

Eva returned outside as she stood around the empty grave for Otis, she laid a couple of wild flowers on the grave and backed up next to Shane, holding his hand. Both feeling awkward in the man whom they were betraying’s clothing. “Please, Shane would you, would you say a few words for him” Patricia spoke through tearful eyes. “I-I just, you were the last one with him, in his final moments, please” She asked with quivering lips. Shane looked down at Eva and she nodded “oh ahead…He’d” she paused and side glanced hating herself “He’d want you too, after all it sounded like the two of you had” she paused again, she had to stop her inner guilt and make this believable “formed a bond out there…I know it’s hard but..” Eva stammered but covered it as emotion. Shane nodded “alright” he breathed shakily as if upset. “Otis and I weren’t really on a good page after well…after what happened, but he was a good man.” Shane glanced at Patricia who smiled faintly “We gotta save the boy, that’s what he said” Shane went on his words flowing more naturally “I told him don’t do it that he had people, but He just wanted to make things right, He-he wanted to save Carl, he said he’s want someone to do the same for him, or his wife, for his people” Shane went on, Patricia cried but her eyes were full of Pride in her Husband. Eva closed her eyes and looked down “He was a true hero, and Man I’m gonna miss ya” Shane said, glancing down at the Grave.


“We’re horrible people and are going to fry in hell” Eva muttered as she walked away from the Funeral with Shane headed for their car. “No we’re doing this all for Carl, we did it all for him, that ain’t bad, its jus’ what has to be done” Shane reasoned. Eva shook her head but then nodded “it’s always just what has to be done” she muttered bitterly “I’m sick of it” she sighed. Shane nodded and rubbed her arm comfortingly before heading over to Rick. Eva spotted Daryl walking away from Carol and jogged over to him. “Daryl!” she called he stopped and turned to her “yeah?” he asked gripping his crossbow. “I need to go on a run, Hershel says towns not too far down the road” she said, she glanced briefly towards Shane, Daryl looked his way and nodded “need me to go with you?” He asked Eva nodded. “Alright, let’s go” He said following her to the car.

Notes

Comments

Please update soon!! I cant wait to see where this story goes!!! Id love for her to end up with Shane!! Love your writing!!!! :)

I couldn't stop reading once I started. Please update soon

racheljewell racheljewell
5/2/14

@hope_is_real
thank you will try and update soon

Dixology Dixology
12/27/13

I love this so much!(:

hope_is_real hope_is_real
12/21/13

@LovingtheGrimesandDixons
Thank you very much, I'll try to keep updating in a good amount of time :)
I love Kate too

Dixology Dixology
12/11/13