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I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Chapter 84

~Author's Note: I am so freaking excited to be back to this story! I am excited about this chapter, because it is my first "I Will Follow..." chapter after my hiatus (and I feel this chapter), and about the story going forward...what is coming SO soon! It gets exciting after this one. I want to thank all of you who come back to read after my extended vacation and for being so patient with both me and the story. I love you guys! You're awesome.~
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Daryl hammered the makeshift cross into the ground with the butt of his bow watching the brittle weathered wood start to splinter under the force, the wood almost as weathered as he was. Pulling back a little, going easier, not wanting to take his frustration or guilt out on this above all things...ruin this marker.

'No man's good enough for your little girl, until one is'. I'm pretty sure he would've said that about you...for Beth...

Maggie told him that...told him that about Hershel what seemed like a lifetime ago, when she realized that Beth was his. Now...now Hershel was probably looking down on him from where ever he was, cursing the day his Beth gave a stupid redneck like him her heart and that Daryl wasn't strong enough to say no.

Landmarks...it was the only thing he had left to go on now. It had nothing to do with his skills as a hunter or a tracker anymore, but what desperate, lost people reverted to...their personal landmarks....what they knew.

The idea is to take the creek up about five miles, turn around and come back down the other side. Chances are she'll be by the creek. It's her only landmark.

Clenching his eyes and scrunching his brow, Daryl tried to banish those images from his mind...Sophia...limping outta the barn...turned, Rick putting a bullet between her eyes. That little girl died...but landmarks...he'd gotten close, found her doll in that creek...just didn't find her in time.He wasn't gonna fail this time around. He couldn't.

Landmarks...Rick wasn't necessarily lost...Beth was just lost to him, but Rick might revert to his landmarks to find a safe place to keep his family. The prison. That was the last landmark they all had, and Rick might've thought just like he did that by now, the herd would've moved on, and it was...could be secured. The fences might be down. The Governor's tank might have taken out the guard towers, done some structural damage to part of the buildings, but it was a fucking prison built out of concrete and rebar, made to withstand fire, earthquakes, hell unleashed on earth. The whole side of the admin building had been down when they first moved in, and they made it...made it work. The cellblocks would be secure, and with just Beth, Rick, Carl, and Judith, they wouldn't attract nothing...lock themselves up tight in a concrete box.

Daryl was right. The herd was gone, just a few stragglers...enough for him to take out some of his pent up rage...but not just that; it wasn't just the herd that was gone. The prison was totally deserted, void of life...void of Beth. And she hadn't been there either...he knew. None of the stuff in her cell had been touched...and he found Hershel. He found Hershel dead, not turned but dead on the ground...severed head and all. Someone had done him a passing kindness and put a blade through his brain. But if Beth had been here, she would've looked for...found Hershel, and she would've never left her Daddy like that. Neither would Daryl.

Straightening his stiff back, looking around the prison graveyard...so many of the graves he'd dug...the unofficial gravedigger...but this...this was the most important grave.

"I'm sorry Hershel. I could've done something. If I hadn't stopped looking for the Governor, none of this would've happened...not even to Beth." Could Hershel even hear him out there?

Hey Hershel. I really don't know what I believe 'bout all this heaven and hell stuff, but I know you believed, so maybe you can hear me out there somewhere. See, the thing is, ever since you died and we lost the prison, me and Beth have had a rough road. I've tried to protect her the best I can, and she's given me something to believe in. She's given me hope. I know I'm not the kind of man you ever pictured your daughter with, but I fell hard. I've never loved a woman before Beth. It's too late to ask your permission, but I would've said something like this. Hershel, I respect you, and I love Beth with everything I am. In our world, I can't promise that the things I'll do will always make Beth happy, but they'll always be to keep her safe. I promise to love her and protect her until I'm dead...

Thinking about the promises he made to Hershel on his wedding day...the implicit promises he made to Beth...his vows to her...

"I didn't lie. I tried to protect her. I thought what I did was gonna save her...I didn't plan to live. I tried..."

He stood there for a long time, just looking at the ruins. Not the ruins of the prison, it was still standing...but the ruins of his life...what their lives had been...all of 'em.

"I tried..."

Retracing the paths of the past to try to find Beth but finding nothing brought back demons...ghosts of days gone by that were held at bay when he was with her...overshadowed by her goodness, light, and love...his love. But with Beth gone, so was that buffer...the faces of the dead coming back to haunt him.

Beth's cell was the closest he was gonna come to the comfort of her arms, closing the barred door behind him, remembering a time when he swore he would never sleep in a cell...in a cage. The day he was born into clan Dixon seemed to dictate his fate would lead him to a life behind bars. Merle had been there, his old man had been there too, but despite his circumstances, despite the kind of life he always seemed to be wrapped up in before, just following Merle around and doing whatever Merle said they were gonna be doing that day, Daryl refused to be part of that legacy...fought it every step of the way. But now it was the closest he could get to Beth...the life he had...what he became because of her...a better man. Throwing himself down on her bed, hating the world for what it did to them...destroying them, he just wanted to hold her...right here, right now...still remembered what she felt like against him...needed that. What if he forgot? That would destroy him.

He made himself remember...here...this moment. He needed to remember all of her...everything. Starring off at the cell door, he saw himself standing there as she might've seen him that night...awkward, feeling guilty...lost...the last time he stood at her door before...

It wasn't the first time he'd been at her door. Hell, they'd lived together here; they were a family, tight...even after they started bringing others in, but the night Zack died, it was different. Glenn offered...Glenn offered to tell Beth Zack was gone, but Daryl told Glenn it was his job...his responsibility. Daryl lead the run. Zackdied on his watch. It was on him. In retrospect, maybe he should've let Glenn go, take Maggie with him to comfort Beth. Glenn was her brother-in-law, Maggie her sister...but Daryl needed to. He had a responsibility to Zack. That's the lie he told himself when in reality it had nothing to do with that code. It had to do with Beth, and a responsibility...maybe a feeling towards her.

Damn romance novel...

He hadn't been joking...it might've come out that way, but he'd been annoyed when he spit that at Zack. Wanted to get a move on on the run, but instead he had to stand there and listen to the kid tell Beth that what he was going off to do was dangerous, wanted to see her before he left just in case. Beth wasn't stupid; she'd been in dangerous spots, more than Zack had ever been, and her little breathy giggle at him subtly showing off his courage told him so. It wasn't just annoyance neither. It had been jealousy...knew it now...not then. It was just something strange that built inside him...an itch and an ache... something he hadn't been able to name in that moment, but he'd felt it. Then Zack died.

Beth had been so unmoved, so cold about Zack's death. She tried to make herself numb to the pain, but she never really belonged to Zack...her heart didn't, did it? She didn't cry when he died, but she saw the pain in him.

Are you okay? Him...she'd been worried about him.

Just tired of losing people is all. It was more answer than Daryl would've given anyone else. It was a real answer, and an answer that copped to weakness and emotion. Even at that, it wasn't the whole truth.

No, I'm not okay. That was the unspoken truth, but she knew. That was the answer banging around in his head, the thing he couldn't say then.

Daryl tried to cut off his vision, stop the vivid memory before he got to the...let himself feel that hug, Beth, that sweet little thing wrapping her arms around him with no hesitation, no reservations, giving her comfort freely to a dirty, worthless redneck like him. He wanted to remember, but it hurt. Infuriated, hating the world for giving with one hand and just as quickly taking away with the other, Daryl jumped out of her bed, almost knocking his head on the top bunk. He didn't deserve her...never had...didn't even deserve this closeness to her memory.

That fucking sign...he needed a sign, a sign to give him hope, point him in the right direction...but this sign was the last thing he needed. The last time he saw it, Beth had been changing it from 30 days without and accident to 0 days without an accident. That was the start of their tragic tale. T-Dog was right about this place. It was a tomb. Did any of them really make it out alive?

Rage...he couldn't stop himself, sweeping everything including the fucking sign off the top of Beth's cabinet, immediately regretting it, hearing something shatter against the floor. Sinking down to his knees on the cold concrete, defeated...whimpering...

Just tired of losing people is all...

...he was a prick, destroying her stuff...what little she had in this place to make the prison cell hers...make it home.

Something caught his eye, something he remembered her with so often but hadn't seen since they ran...Beth's bracelet...the bracelet with the cross just sitting on the floor between the broken shards of the trinket that smashed on the concrete.

It wouldn't kill you to have a little faith.

It wasn't a sign. He wasn't stupid enough to believe that...finding her bracelet in her cell, but faith...faith had been a pillar upon which Beth built her life. The bracelet was hers. Amongst the shattered pieces of what used to be Beth's world, Daryl found a piece of her faith...her hope. Working it over his hand, Daryl could carry her faith with him.

Picking up her things, at least the ones he hadn't broken, picking himself up off the floor too, Daryl rearranged her cabinet as best he could. He left Beth's cell realizing he didn't belong there...in her place...without her. He didn't deserve to feel near to her until he stopped failing and found her. Even then...even if he ever got her back, he still might not deserve her then.Daryl exiled himself to his perch, his place, his room without bars, without walls, but he still felt trapped by his failures.

"Phhhh..." Blowing out a deep breath.

Just trying to rest his head for the night...his perch, the prison...it had been home. It was the only place he had ever really felt safe and happy...secure in his life before...before Beth. It might have been the shell of a prison, but it was home. In the end though, it had just been another in a long line of places he laid his head for the night, each more painful to lose than the last...just another temporary home.

Where now, Dixon...?

Home.

"Maybe we'll go back there someday..." Beth's voice had been filled with hope, talking about the farm.

"Who knows, Lil' Bit. Maybe your home will be ours someday."

"It already was our home...your home too...we'd just be going back home...Daddy would've wanted that...his family living there...150 years of Greenes lived there...maybe the Dixons will make it that long too..."

That farm, that big white house...that land...that was still her home. There. It was the absolute last place he knew to look, but he had no fucking idea how to get there. That meant back to the fort. Back to Maggie. She was the only one left who knew where home was.
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She snapped its little neck quick in her hands. It didn't even know what was coming, and she didn't have a second thought. Carl, however, watched her kill with her bare hands, all wide-eyed. What else was she supposed to do? The surprisingly plump rabbit just hopped right beside her while they were making camp. If she pulled her knife to stab it, she would have spooked it. Shooting it...shooting anything wasn't an option. Their bullets were reserved for saving their lives...or ending them. That part nobody said, but it was understood. They all knew. If it came to that, that was the way they would go. All of them.

Beth fought the little bitter twinge inside that thought maybe Carl was side-eyeing her because he didn't think she would or could kill a furry little creature.

"You want me to do that, Beth?" Carl offered her Judith in trade for the rabbit.

Okay, so he wasn't doubting or underestimating her, he was trying to protect her from the ugly, messy things in the world, but he didn't need to. Andshe wasn't his to protect.

"No, I've got it." She might not have ever done it, going in to skin the rabbit, but she had seen Daryl do it so many times.

She had never killed an animal before. Daryl had always been there, and truthfully, if he was with her now, she wouldn't have to or even want to...she would let him. But he wasn't. Rick wasn't Daryl. Carl wasn't Daryl, and this was her job. It was just an animal. She'd had far worse blood on her hands. Beth thought it might be harder to skin it than Daryl made it look. Daryl made everything like this look easy, but once she sliced the skin from the legs and split it down the haunches, careful not to cut away any of the precious meat, just a little tugging, and the skin peeled down like a glove. Even slicing its belly open, scooping out the guts didn't faze her...she didn't even flinch severing its neck, just tossing the entrails, hide, and head in the fire. More than anything, Beth was excited...excited for food. She was hungry, but that didn't matter...just the deep fulfillment knowing that Carl and Judith were going to eat and not because it was something Rick caught and killed. It was her kill.

The rabbit's blood was burning her hands, but she was proud...happy looking at the carcass she was skewering on a spit to set cooking over the fire. There was something in it for her too. She would get a taste of the rabbit, chewing it up for Judith, and she would fight it, but she would probably eat her own portion. Something changed that day that she was trapped with her back to the sky, forced to fight to save Judith rather than taking the easy way out...forced to fight even though she knew there was no way she was going to live and her death was going to be terrible. Something snapped in her with that last walker she mutilated...it was something brutal and instinctual, a need to survive and not give up. But something else...when Rick brought her back to the world around her, the reality...seeing to her wounds with a gentle touch, forcing her to eat, ensuring she survived, Beth realized...it was complicated. She wasn't happy, but it wasn't just about what was needed. She couldn't go numb...not entirely. Daryl and his loss were with her every day...and the nights, cold, lonely, and hollow...but every day she lived, Beth knew she was honoring Daryl's sacrifice...making it worth it, honoring who he was.

She wasn't surviving anymore because she had too...because she was needed and obligated to survive, but she was surviving because she wanted to.

You don't want to die, Beth. There's still a life for you...

Rick said that...she didn't know what kind of life there was, but it wasn't a question she was asking herself anymore...You don't want to die?...it was knowledge...You don't want to die.

"Watch the rabbit..." Beth tried to instruct.

"What, so it doesn't run away?" Carl got out smirking, Beth rolling her eyes, trying...trying to make herself be what Carl needed.

"Don't let it burn," Beth finished, putting it over the flames. "I need to go wash up."

The stream had been good to them, following the path it set out. Water, they were never thirsty, there were some fish to be had a few days back, a scrawny rabbit...not as nice as hers. There was never enough food, but there was food. She was eating now, not trying to starve herself, and that had to be affecting everyone; it wasn't enough food for them all to survive in the long run, but they were still alive...making it together. Walkers had been sparse near the water too. It had been an easy path in an impossible world to survive, and today, the water lead them somewhere. A pretty little rock bridge across the stream supported a scenic stretch of a two-lane blacktop cut through the woods. Stepping out on that faded pavement, looking both ways, seeing no walkers...it was exactly what Rick was hoping for...a path, and time and opportunity to actually figure out where they were without being chased relentlessly with no choice in direction. Rick wanted to set camp in the shelter of the woods away from the road and a distance from the water's edge in case of rain. The overcast sky had been threatening for days. He left her to see to it while he went to scout the road. He trusted her with his children enough and her ability to protect them that he left them with her when he had a choice. He'd seen her...what she did...what she was capable of doing...to save Judith. It was a boost of her self-worth.

Kneeling down in the soft sand of the bank, needing to wash the sting of the rabbit off her hands, Beth realizing just how hungry she was, unable to stop what her body needed, licked the still warm blood from her hands, sucked it from between her fingers. It tasted sharp like iron...but it tasted...good. She couldn't stop. Her stomach didn't turn at the thought of raw rabbit...swallowing the blood didn't make her nauseous. Something inside her was determined to live and was going to find a way. She wasn't going to waste this chance. Beth didn't stop until it was gone, looking down at her hands that were almost clean, just the remnants of blood stuck in the cracks and lines of her fingers and palms. Remembering...remembering that day in bed. Was that so long ago, when Daryl laid his arm down beside hers to compare, asked her why she was so pale...princess in a tower syndrome he called it before he knew, anemia the truth of it? That's why her body took what it wanted...needed now.

Her bandaged hand was soaked with blood though...not hers...the rabbit's, so she still needed to wash her hand...at least the wound. She couldn't risk infection, slipping the cloth off, untying it so she could rinse it in the stream. Examining her palm, the cut was healing as nicely as could be expected under the circumstances. Despite the fact they had no medicine, Rick was hyper vigilant in keeping it clean. It needed to be stitched, but they hadn't had that option. Beth was grateful, opening and closing her hand, that she had full function, just the uncomfortable stiffness and pull at the large crusty scab that puckered and spanned the width of her palm. She would scar, but it didn't matter.

What would Daryl think about his princess in a tower now? Cut, scraped, scarred...was he looking down on her just happy she was alive? She wasn't the girl he loved anymore...something different.

The healing wound needed some air, Beth leaving it free of the wet, clean bandage that needed to be dried by the fire before she rewrapped her hand. Cupping up a handful of cold water, a soothing drink, Beth saw it turn pink in her palm, tainted by the rabbit blood she hadn't realized was smeared on her face. She didn't have a mirror, but she could imagine what she looked like...a monster...one of them...splashing water on her face, rubbing it away before she even thought about returning to Carl and Judith. They didn't need to see her this way...see what she had resorted to. She couldn't help think...they found a road, Rick wanted to get them to or at least head towards Washington D.C.. Even if they made it somewhere, they might never find their group again. One thing was for sure though, somewhere along the way, they would eventually run into other people or groups. Beth wasn't just nervous about where the road would lead them, she was wary of strangers...new people...after their experiences with the Governor and her experiences traveling with Daryl. Daryl had been too...but was Rick? Would Rick want to join another group...stay with them? Of course he would if it ensured the safety of his children and her...not for her sake, but for his promise to Daryl.

But what did they tell them...a new group...people they might find? What did they tell them about who they were, what they went through, where they were from, who they were now...what they became? Would anyone ever accept them or understand? Could they ever go back, or had they been out here too long...too wild?
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"What in the Mother Dick is this? There's an apocalypse on, and you come blazing in on a Harley?"

Kicking his bike stand down, dismounting, Daryl just shrugged, not taking offense to Abraham; it was just his way of greeting. He knew that by now.

"It ain't a Harley. It's a chopped Triumph TR6C."

Merle's bike...his bike had been sitting at the prison, right where he left it, untouched, not a scratch on it. Started up on the second kick, not a miss one. If there was ever a sign, that was it. Take the bike. It wasn't really a decision or a risk. It just was. It could go faster, further, dodge things, go places a car couldn't, all on less gas. Sure it was loud as hell, but that never stopped him before.

"When you can tell me the difference between a M58 Wolf and an M1 Abrams, I'll give half a rat's ass about the difference between a Harley and that."

"Hmmph..." Merle would've went ten rounds with Abe over that just for the hell of itbefore he smashed his face in, but Daryl didn't have the will or the want to go toe to toe with him. Abe was just making light of the situation.

"Hey Mercer, you wanna shut those gates before you let an army of the dead in, or are you just going to stand there staring at Dixon's bike, waiting to trade your cock and balls in for a chance to ride bitch on back?"

"You playing big man today?" Daryl questioned, marveling but not really surprised at how quickly Red was moving up the ranks.

Abraham might've just been a simple grunt before, but now, he'd survived...had experience in the worst situations possible. More than these people. He knew what it took.

"Seems like that's the case. The Head Mother Fucker is on a little R&R out there, left me on gatekeeper duty."

"Here." Daryl dug in his saddlebags, grabbing his offerings, handing them off to Abe. Just a few flash bangs and percussion grenades. "It ain't much. Didn't have much room, but I ain't staying long. Just need to talk to Maggie."

Abraham didn't even assess his payment, but Daryl was playing by the rules, at least in this. Maddox wasn't there, but he wasn't gonna owe nobody nothin'.

"You need to stay...at least the night."

What, was Red tryin' to be his Mom now?

"I'm fine. I'll be outta your hair before sundown."

"No. You need to stay. Michonne was right, when we were all fighting about who was staying and who was going before the storm of shit rained down on us and took everyone's choice away. You can be out there too long."

"I'm fine..." Daryl insisted, just wanting to get out of the damned conversation.

"You've been out there too long. Fight me all you want, but you're losing yourself, and you can't. You've got to be able to come back. You've got to be able to come back when you find Beth. Stay, if not for you, then for your girl. She deserves that much."

It was a hard pill to swallow...realizing Abraham was right.

"Remember who you were with her. Remember yourself. The life she deserves, not what it became." Didn't have nothing to say, just waiting for Abe to finish. "And man, there's a storm coming. I feel it in my bones."

Red's last ditch effort was rain? Just shaking his head, Daryl didn't fight it, back on his bike to park it outside his trailer...didn't want anyone to know where he'd been, and Merle's motorcycle would be a dead giveaway. Didn't want anyone to know where he was headed neither, but there was no choice there.

That simple question, "Where is Fairburn road?" stopped Maggie's tears at the knowledge that his arrival meant Beth was still lost to them, overcame the sadness, Maggie finding her voice.

"You...you think Beth went home?"

"I think if she could, she might." It was the best he could do to keep her from breaking down because he sure in the hell couldn't tell Maggie it was his last hope. Daryl needed her.

He avoided the hope in her eyes, instead unfolding his map on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Here's where we are. Can you just point it out? That's all I need. The location. Then I can find my way from here to there."

She got distracted though...wasn't really looking at the map anymore, eyes fixed on Beth's little cross bracelet wrapped around his wrist peeking out from under his coat sleeve. No...that was his. Maggie was looking at it longingly, like she was gonna ask him for it. He already gave her a picture of Beth...she wasn't getting nothing else of what he had left.

"Maggie..." getting her attention, thankful at least that she only recognized the bracelet as Beth's, didn't question where he got if from...didn't put two and two together that he'd been out to the prison.

She bent over the map, scanning it while Daryl watched from the corner of his eye as Michonne and Glenn showed up on scene, largely ignoring him, just nodding their greeting, probably remembering his breakdown the last time he made an appearance...got overwhelmed by everyone up in his space. Tara and Eugene came through that front door too, but they totally avoided.

"Hey Maggie..." Glenn called from the kitchen, but she was so engrossed, pouring over the map. "Maggie!" Glenn more urgent..

"What...?"
"This is boiling...about to boil over..."

"Then turn it off Glenn." Maggie snapped a little. Was she annoyed...actually more interested in her sister...helping him than playing house?

Damn, he had to stop being so fucking bitter. It wasted too much energy.

"Here..." She caressed the spot, tracing her finger back a little bit to a major road. "This is where you were on the highway in that big traffic snarl up..."

"Backtrack to Fairburn road. Two miles down's the farm. I'll see the mailbox-name on it's Greene..." Daryl finished her sentence...repeated the memory in his own words, seeing Maggie up on her horse, stealing Lori away to take to Rick and Carl...told 'em how to find their way. Maggie looked at him all bright-eyed...eye's so different than Beth's... "I remember things...I used to be a tracker."

Didn't know what he was anymore. He didn't know why he said it neither...nothing needed to be explained. Swiping a pen from the coffee table, ripping its cap off between his teeth, Daryl marked the map. Back to the beginning...the very beginning.

His stomach rumbled, Maggie hearing, smiling a little. Hating the weakness, but smelling the food cooking, he couldn't deny he was hungry. Not that he hadn't been eating, wasn't starving or nothin'...just that he didn't waste much time actually hunting...and this was a home cooked meal.

"Hey Tara, set a place for Daryl at the table," Maggie looked him up and down, this time seriously taking him in. "He's going to get cleaned up and stay for dinner."

There wasn't much to protest. He needed to remember.

Splashing cool water on his face, trying to scrub away the dirt and grime with his hands, Daryl had to pick up the pretty bleached white washcloth instead, going to work. His hands were too dirty to do the job on their own. Relegated by Maggie like a child to wash up before eating...well, he made the effort, even made the effort to run wet fingers through his scraggly hair. His reflection though, looking in the mirror...maybe this was something he was avoiding...looking at himself...what he was becoming. No matter how much he scrubbed, he wasn't never gonna be clean enough for this pretty white washed world of theirs. Eye sockets dark and sunken in, hair even more overgrown than he was comfortable with, just grizzled, cheekbones sharp...face leaner and deadlier than ever. He was eating...he was still strong and lethal...he just needed more. But his eyes...his eyes were what caught even him. There was no life to them anymore...just death.

Who are you?

The mirror wasn't gonna answer, but what was left of his soul did...told him the thing he'd known his entire life, the thing that repeated in his head over and over like a broken record.

Nobody. Nothing.

Without her, he was nothing. No reason to keep breathing.

Fist balled up tight, stopped mid strike just centimeters from the mirror...wanting to shatter it, break the image of himself he saw...maybe even needed to feel the pain, see some of his own blood running red...bleeding so he knew he was alive. Daryl growled, wanted to yell...needed to break something even if it was himself, all that raw power burning in his muscles, but he still had enough control to stop...barely. Fist turning white and shaking until he could force it open, flexing and clenching his fingers until that physical tension was gone...turning away from the mirror.

Michonne was right. You could be out there too long. Abraham was right too. He had been out there too long. But he'd been out there his entire life. Out there for Daryl wasn't actually a place.

You see Beth...the darkness, it comes so easily for me...I need humanity...something to hold on to...something to fight for...

It was the most essential truth of who he was...who he became with Beth. But he lost his anchor...he needed to find his something to fight for or he was as good as lost.

He stood off to the side of the door, just assessing, watching the dynamic of the room. Two big tables end to end occupied the space made even smaller where before there had been only one. Maggie and Tara were putting food on the table, Glenn and Abraham were standing aside talking quietly, others were herding into the dining room, the front door opening. So the rest of them were on their way? Nothing seemed outta the ordinary...like they did this every day...lived as a family. They were all holding it together. He felt Bob there, coming up behind him, too wild not to have sensed him...to be caught off guard.
"How's the side? Healed up?"

"I ain't dead, that means I made it." The wound that almost killed him...the infection that took away the best chance he had at finding Beth was nothing but a memory and a nasty scar.

"You want me to have a look? You haven't been up to the hospital since..."

"I'm fine." And he was. He wasn't even lying now to avoid. A little snappy, but not lying. "I cut the stitches out a long while ago."

Bob raised his eyebrow, grimacing at him a little at the thought, but it hadn't been all that bad. Just needed to be done, so he did it.

"You do this every night?" Daryl looked back to the table, people starting to sit down now, waiting.

"What...eat together? Yeah. We try. We might be here, but we're still us."

Us. It was a hard bullet to chew because more and more to Daryl, no matter how tragedy had united the group, the us was becoming a them, and every day he was more and more numb to it.

"Daryl, Bob come on..." Tyreese's voice rumbled. "We're starving."

Maggie put him at the head of the table, fixing his plate and all like a mother hen, like it gave her purpose, but none of it made him comfortable. It was Glenn's place...the head of the table, had to be because now, Maggie was sitting at his right and Glenn to his left across from her. Abraham and Rosita were sharing the space at the other end of the crowded table. Daryl's presence clearly having shook up the seating chart with Tara hovering in a spot far removed from her sister, Maggie, that distance no doubt for his sake or to lessen the likelihood of bloodshed. And Eugene, well, he was closer than Daryl would've liked, but it seemed they were still keeping him distanced from Abraham. Abe saw him scanning the table, giving Daryl a small nod, like he was assuring him he was doing the right thing by sitting his ass there.

Glad to be largely ignored while everyone was fixing plates, passing them down, focused on dinner, Daryl dove into his own plate. Fuck waiting...fuck manners...just so hungry, shoveling. It was quiet for a few seconds after they all got their food, taking their first bites, actually enjoying.

"Spaghetti Tuesdays on Wednesday." Sasha declared, breaking the silence.

Huh? It was Wednesday? They actually knew what day it was? And what in the hell was Spaghetti Tuesday? But Glenn beside him chuckled heartily, making Daryl look up from his plate of noodles swimming in red sauce, everyone else too. So there was a story there.

"During the outbreak at the prison, Sasha and I were sick in quarantine, and Hershel was in there with us too..." Glenn started, but paused, glancing over at Maggie before continuing. "We were all helping take care of the sick. Everything seemed hopeless...Anyway, with Daryl out on the run for the meds and Carol with...well, we were the only council members left at the prison. Hershel decided it was time to use our executive powers to officially declare Spaghetti Tuesdays on Wednesday."

He started feeling shitty, separating Glenn and Maggie 'cause of where he was sitting. Watching Glenn give Maggie a soft smile from across the table, more than anyone, Daryl knew what it felt like to want to hold, comfort, and protect his wife but not be able to.

"Daddy loved spaghetti. We always had spaghetti on Tuesday. If Daddy wouldn't have eaten so much of it, there would have been leftovers, but..." She choked up a little before managing to continue. "Daddy didn't hate, but if he hated anything, it was Wednesday dinner because it was so far away form Spaghetti Tuesday. I guess...I guess that was his solution..."
There were smiles but silence, everyone who knew Hershel remembering him and his kind hearted soul, everyone who had never met Hershel just showing their respect.

Anxiety building in his chest, he didn't want to tell them about going back to the prison...the ruins of their life. That loss...that loss was on him-his responsibility, 'cause of the Governor...but Hershel... He should tell them he found Hershel, buried Hershel...laid him to rest, did the only thing he could. It wouldn't make up for it, but Hershel deserved it, and his family deserved to know. Maybe Daryl even needed that sense of peace...absolution.

He had to..."I..."

"My Dad drove for Gorbelli Foods...after the shit hit the fan, we ended up with his truck stocked top to bottom mostly with Sketti Rings parked right out front our apartment building. We lived on those things...my Dad, me, my sister, my niece...until we left with...until we left after my Dad died. I hated them...those stupid Sketti Rings. Now I miss them. I miss him...and my sister...her little girl..." Tara trailed off.

She had no right...no fucking right to say that to Hershel's family...no right to lay her tragedy on them when she...when Tara was with the Governor. No. She tarnished Hershel's memory with her BS story...and just by being there. Everyone else had clearly come to terms with it, had a long time ago...weren't offended...but Daryl couldn't. Almost knocking his chair over throwing it back, tossing his napkin on the table...

"Thanks for the food. It's been great..." Sarcastic, bitter, not caring he was cutting off Tara's little sob story.

The rest of 'em were quiet through his abrupt departure, just hearing Maggie finally call out his name when the front door slammed behind him.

Another in a long line of bad decisions...coming back...staying for family dinner, getting himself locked in again. At least he had his own space...his own place to hole up.

"Daryl..."

Dammit Glenn.

He just kept on walking down the pavement, trying to get away...keep the distance.

"I ain't goin' back."

"Just hold up a minute." He heard Glenn break into a jog.

"Glenn, this ain't about us, but it will be. Back off." He was in no mood for the Glenn who never gave up on anyone. Daryl was a lost cause.

"This isn't about that...dinner. It's about Beth." That was the one thing that was guaranteed to get Daryl to stop in his tracks, and Glenn knew it.

It better be good...worth his time. Him stopping was enough cue to get Glenn talking.

"Maggie says you're going back to the farm."

Daryl turned. "Mmm-hmm."

"You think there's a chance Rick might've taken her there?"

Nodding.

"I've been thinking that too. Beth is our family. We're going with you. We need to...Maggie needs to. I talked to Abraham earlier. He said he would let me and Maggie out with you. Are you leaving tomorrow?"

It was cute. Glenn seemed pretty firm in the knowledge that he was tagging along, balling up for his family.

"Yup." Daryl was leaving out in the morning.

"We'll meet you down by the gates about midmorning to head out."

Just turning away, no use to argue.

"Daryl," Glenn was insistent.

"I heard ya'." Daryl heard. That didn't mean that he agreed or was going to comply.

This was a solo trip. Didn't want no company. Either he was coming back with Beth or not at all.
_________________________________________

Startled from sleep, Beth saw Rick and Carl across the fire immediately alert too. Someone was coming, not something...someone. It just sounded like one, one set of boots breaking branches, heading into their camp set back in the trees just a little ways from the road. Nobody had time to say anything, make a plan, or argue. It was a split second decision, a calculated risk. They were spotted. If they ran, they would be chased. That didn't give them the upper hand. Instead, Rick signaled for Beth to stay beside the fire with Judith, silently slipping away deeper into the woods with Carl in tow.

Notes

Comments

@Smokey85
Awww...thank you so much for coming back to read! You are amazing. I truly appreciate it!

Aireabella Aireabella
3/30/19

I am so happy you are back! I love your stories and always look forward to your updates! Thank you for sharing your work :)

Smokey85 Smokey85
3/26/19

@McDrogoInaNewWorld
So glad that you enjoyed it! It always makes my day when I can make people happy by doing what I love! Thank you so much!

Aireabella Aireabella
6/14/18

Yay!!! Another great chapter on the books, can’t wait to see what happens next!!

@blesdirishangel
Thank you so much for coming back to my fic and for your comment! I am glad that you love the update. You are amazing!

Aireabella Aireabella
6/7/18