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I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Chapter 88

They descended on her like a hordeof ravenous hyenas. Didn't know how they all found out already...got there so quick...

Nope...he knew. That fucking fire-haired som'bitch.

Dammit Abraham.

Maddox probably called it in and Abe sent a runner for everyone. Red might've been on his side, Daryl's inside man, but that didn't mean he still wasn't loyal to all the rest of 'em...'cause he was.

There was nothin' he could do to shield her from all this...take charge of the situation...'til both their feet were planted flat on the ground. Even holding onto him, Beth got all tripped up just trying to get off his bike, everyone pushing too fucking close. He had to bark at 'em all to give her space...they were smothering her...but it didn't do much good.

Beth wasn't ready for this. A reunion, maybe, but being surrounded, groped and grabbed, pawed on, and tugged every which way, constricted by everyone she knew in the world...she didn't need that. It didn't take a genius to figure out Beth was shell-shocked; hell, you didn't even need half a brain...a head stuffed full of straw would be all it would take. And Daryl felt how overwhelmed she'd been with just him. Seeing them all waiting there, riding up on the scene of the impending reunion,the tension had been building in Daryl's chest. Those moments...those beautiful moments where Beth was just his, his and no one else's, were fading away, the anxious seconds ticking down in his heart to where shewasn't just his anymore.Maybe he was being too selfish, wanting Beth to himself, but he wasn't ready to just turn her over to the group. He had a right to her...more of a right than any of 'em...any of the others. He was her husband...he loved her...and even if he'd somehow lost that right, he was still her protector and was gonna keep her safe and see that she was well enough or at least willing enough before he turned her over to the people she did choose to belong to. She was the only one who was gonna revoke that privilege.

They were all so fucking close in proximity that he couldn't even step off. Had to do a jig and hop step, getting off his bike the wrong way. He couldn't see Beth; she was so little. They totally swallowed her alive, and she needed him...maybe more, he needed her...to get to her. Daryl jerked away from an unexpected grip on his arm, not trying to halt him...just get his attention when he only had a one track mind. A quick glance over his shoulder and he saw Michonne's characteristically solemn face gone bright but still guarded...

"Rick, Carl...Judith?"

Dammit, he couldn't begrudge her asking about them, nodding towards the Hummer where usually observant Michonne would've noticed Rick and his brood stepping outta the truck at just that moment on her own. Daryl paused his quest for Beth long enough to see Carl and Michonne hug tight, then a very uncharacteristic albeit subtle embrace between Michonne and Rick with Michonne pulling away and gently caressing Judith's head. Glad he stopped though, seeing Rick and his family approach the gleeful melee around Beth; they were a timely distraction. Daryl used strategy, going the opposite way of Rick so he could extricate her.

Beth, she was surrounded by the people she loved...the people who loved her, but she was almost panicking, seemingly ignoring them, what they were saying, trying to talk to her...hug her. She wasn't comfortable...damn near frantic in her distraction from where he could finally see, turning around the small, confined space theyrestricted her to. She was looking around like she needed something to breathe. Was she looking for him? No time to doubt or question...those things could all wait 'til later, Beth's welfare the only thing that should be concerning him or anyone. Daryl shouldered his way through the rest of 'em to her, sweeping Beth into his arms. They might not be willing to turn Beth loose on her own, but they sure in the hell weren't gonna be standing in his way...didn't even try...everyone stepping aside and letting him pass. They weren't gonna stop him, weren't gonna question him neither. He'd been the one who cared. The one who searched from the beginning...as soon as he was able. The one who didn't give up and just decide to settle down all nice and comfy in their sweet little apocatopia. He'd been out there tracking every day, and when there was nothin' to track...he still looked...didn't just sit somewhere hoping that Beth would show up. He might not have been the one who found her...rescued her...but he tried. That meant everything; they had to know that. Daryl wasn't gonna take a second with her for granted or let anyone risk her for their own selfish gratification.

He was rewarded by Beth, after the initial shock of losing her footing, melting into him. So long...after so long...having her curled up tight against his chest, letting him bear her weight...the weight of her world...it was exactly what Daryl needed. He needed Beth to need him. But she was so little, so much lighter than he remembered...Carrying Beth into that hospital, the eerie magic of those doors sliding open of their own volition in a world that no longer supported that kind of life, Daryl knew that Beth's physical healing would begin here...hoped that their healing...Beth's forgiveness of his inadequacies and failures could begin too. Fuck it. He was being a selfish prick...thinking about himself when Beth was like this. All he could really ever hope for was Beth staying alive and getting well again...but his heart still had hope for them too.

_______________________________________________

A solid arm thrown up stopped Maggie in her tracks, a barrier keeping her from encroaching on Beth's space then sweeping her back even further away, not rough but getting his point across. Barely got Beth sitting up on the hospital bed...

"Don't let go..." she pleaded in a tiny little voice...

...before Maggie tried to get to her, squeeze in front of him...take his place. Daryl understood, but he couldn't. It wasn't gonna happen. He sure in the hell wasn't gonna let Maggie step between them, especially with Beth's plea.

Maggie...she had to understand, and even if she didn't...shooting an icy glare over his shoulder at Maggie, trying to warn her to stay back if she hadn't gotten the point. She was a teary mess, even more so than Beth...no reason for her to be crying anymore. Glenn was gently holding her back, trying to take her in his arms.

"Maggie...give them some space. Beth's in shock." Glenn reasoned softly.

Daryl didn't know if that was true, medically or otherwise...shock...but Beth was overwhelmed, not saying a word, just looking around nervously, assessing her new surroundings...this place. But if Maggie made her upset again, Daryl would curse himself for having to leave Beth's side, but he would put Maggie out. Thoughts of Maggie were abandoned for Beth. She needed him. Just trying to calm her...she was so quiet, but he could see her shallow, tremulous breath. Skimming his hand down her cheek to draw her attention to him...

"Look at me, Beth. You're fine. You're gonna be just fine."

Beth tugged at him, pulling him back to her, close, the dark shelter of his arms safer and more comforting to her than the stark, bright white sterility of the cold hospital room. Daryl found his calm...his stillness...his focus too. Always found it in her. Didn't even cross his mind...he didn't even shy from her affection with everyone around them. Shit like that didn't matter anymore.

But the rest...all the rest of them came and put him on edge again; he tried to quell it to keep Beth calm. Rick, Carl, and Judith of course...he hadn't paid much attention to their conditions, no way he could ever seem them as being worse off than Beth much less see them, but being out there, they needed a good looking over too. It was the others...all of 'em...that sucked the air out of the room...made Daryl feel confined, constricted...surrounded. As much as he might still resent them for what happened...fostering that hate in his heart...Daryl tried to remind himself that this was their pack, and the pack gathered to protect their own or celebrate. This was maybe a case of both...and it wasn't the first time this hospital had felt the presence of their pack or seen that pack mentality.

“You know, your family is quite unique. The night you came in, they were protecting you like some sort of wolf pack. I've never seen such a fierce familial group with so few familial relations...blood ties." They were a force to be reckoned with when they stood together...no denying that. They were there for him when he was hurt, out, sedated...drifting in oblivion, just dreaming of Beth. They would be no less loyal to her. They loved her more than him, and they should. He just wished they would back up and give her some room.

Daryl felt defensive being bumped and jostled until he realized it was from Rick and the kids trying to get closer to them. The kids...he could forgive that seeing Carl perch on the bed beside Beth, Judith in his arms wrapped up in his poncho. Of course. Beth had his poncho when they ran, and of course she would sacrifice herself and her own health to give it to the baby to keep her warm. Daryl cursed himself, leaning his head down into Beth, loving her for the pure soul she was and hating himself for everything she must've gone through...all the sacrifices she must've made to save that little girl. She should've never had to. He wasn't quite sure if it was the new place, all the people around again, or just 'cause she could, but Judith started fussing in Carl's arms...fussing, then crying, then screaming.

"Beth, can you take her?" Desperation in Carl's voice at his inability to calm his sister, all of 'em knowing that Rick had no talent at calming Judith when she was like this...an apocalypse baby who had instinct enough not to cry ever when danger was near but took full advantage and let it all out when she could.

Beth went to pull away from himto take the little girl, Judith all red faced from bawling, reaching her little baby arms out for her.

"Here, I got her." Daryl intercepted, not wanting to push an unhappy baby on Beth when she was already disquieted...still trying to adjust...still so shaken.

Taking Judith in his arms, he had to let go of Beth, but her eyes didn't let go of him...neither did she. Beth's slender fingers threaded through his front belt loop, still holding on.

"Shhh sweetheart..." Daryl softened, trying to soothe Judith. "Come on Lil' Asskicker. You're all good...shhh..."

Rocking her, bouncing her a little in his arms, it didn't take long 'til Judith quieted enough that it was just a little obligatory whine every few seconds finally fading away and turning into a contented coo. The room was still and silent; everyone was looking at him the way they did when he held the baby...but they weren't there anymore...not for him...just Beth. Beth was looking up at him, her face content now too, fingers brushing over the little girl's leg then coming to rest on his arm, thumb caressing the taut muscle through the warm worn flannel sleeve of his shirt. In this instant where the world stopped and only they existed...just him and Beth, Daryl felt the spark of somethingdeep in his core...not a twinge, but maybe a longing he didn't understand...

"No, this isn't going to work. I need the room. Everyone who isn't part of the new family on the base needs to exit." Someone Daryl didn't know came in with authority and was trying to lay down the law...a doctor he didn't know. Not that he knew many of 'em...just one. He avoided this place like the plague. Hadn't been back since...

Everyone seemed to constrict tighter...closer to the bed where Beth and Carl were perched with Rick standing nearby. The doc went about it all wrong. Everyone in that space...that hospital room saw themselves as part of the same family, instinctively circling the wounded and weak to protect 'em. They had to go, but an outsider telling them wasn't gonna fly. If Daryl was going to get Beth looked at...get Rick and the kids help too, it had to be him.

"You got her?" Daryl placed Judith in Beth's arms, not a complaint one from the little girl.

He hesitated for a moment longer, just looking at her in the safety of Beth’s embrace. Now, more than ever, Beth was Judith's mother...a fierce, wild, protective kind of mother.

"Out." Daryl growled, a low rumble rose in his chest as he turned from Beth to the rest of them. He didn't need to raise his voice to get their attention. Even though Rick was there now, their leader...Daryl had never been their leader...they all stopped and took pause. "Out..."

It only took twice to get his point across, Tyreese moving into action to usher everyone from the room.

"We'll be out here, in the waiting room, if you need us."

Daryl gave an almost imperceptible nod. They wouldn't need 'em, but it was the group’s sense of loyalty. Maggie...Maggie wasn't budging though.

"She's my sister." It was in direct defiance to Daryl.

Beth was in a complicated enough state as it was. He didn't want to have to go toe to toe with Maggie in front of her, fighting over her, so he said the only thing that he thought might matter, the only thing that might make Maggie yield to him.

"She's my everything..." Soft, but heartfelt and fierce. He didn't just say it, he felt it...every word.

Maggie backed down, reaching out and brushing Beth's arm softly before retreating with Glenn.

"I'm Dr. Oberle. Welcome to The Preserve.We are going to get you all looked over, patched up, and have you back to your group before you know it." This one was a gruff man, but he said all the niceties with relative sincerity. "We have another doctor on duty. I'm going to suggest breaking us up so we can give you all the best care and most focused attention possible. I was in pediatrics, so why don't I have a look at mom and baby, and Dad, you and the boy, we'll get you set up in another room so we can all have some privacy."

Nobody was really saying anything about all the assumptions, but the doc finally seemed to notice there was another person in the equation...Daryl.

"Why are you here? I said I needed the room...just the family."

Daryl adjusted his crossbow over his shoulder, white knuckling the strap, trying to relieve some of the tension he was feeling at the challenge to his presence.

"She's my wife." He definitely wasn't taking lightly to being scolded for standing next to his Beth...his family. Wasn't no way in hell he was leaving.

"Okay." That was easy enough. "I'll handle your wife and baby, and you and your boy..." Indicating Rick and Carl, but Rick didn't let him finish.

"That's my baby." Rick asserted just as fiercely as Daryl claimed Beth.

The doctor went silent, Daryl watching the gears turn in his head...working out the familial complications. Girl holding baby. Girl claimed by one man, baby claimed by another. It was the end of the world, but even then, those assumptions made for a Jerry Springer episode, apocalypse edition. Raising an eyebrow, this Dr. Oberle, seemingly a smart man, was trying to figure out how to carefully disentangle them without setting off either of the possessive males.

"She's not mine." Out of all of them, Beth was the only one thinking straight.

The men were too busy claiming what was theirs, marking their territory...Beth clarifying what wasn't hers...what needed to be clarified. But there was sadness in her tremulous little voice...a little voice that was shy now of speaking in front of strangers. Was it sadness for a baby without a mother? Or was it sadness that she was a womanwithout a child?

"It's okay...we'll go." Beth passed Judith back to Carl, Judith starting a little whine again.

Beth caressed her wispy hair before sliding down off the hospital bed.

"Where are we headed?" Daryl questioned, scooping Beth up in his arms.
_______________________________________________


It was a strange place...a strange feeling...a hospital. Not with just electricity, but with everything working at once...so modern, all the bells and whistles. Beth didn't even have to close her eyes to imagine she was in the world before the turn. This was the world before, but it wasn't her world. They were alone...finally alone...just the two of them, just her and Daryl, but the anxiety was there, knowing that any second that door was going to fly open and some stranger was going to come in to poke and prod her. Her heart was beating so fast and hard waiting to hear footsteps stop outside...that doorknob turn. Beth sat in the middle of the bed, knees drawn up, arms wrapped tight around her legs, looking down...focusing on the dirty prints the heels of her boots left on the pristine white covers...so white...just trying to calm herself and steady her breathing.

Daryl was wound...wound tight...pacing back and forth beside the bed between her and the door like a caged animal, stopping every so often to touch her softly, ask if she was okay...maybe even just doing it to make sure she was real. And not all that much time passed either, but Beth was feeling the seconds acutely, trying to keep calm because there was no reason to be afraid...and because for whatever reason, Daryl was in such a place of ill-ease. She needed to be calm for him. If he would just sit down...if he would just sit on the bed with her...hold her...let her hold him, everything would be right...for both of them. She could still his turbulent heart, and they could protect each other.

Still, even with Daryl guarding her, she flinched when the door pushed open. Daryl took an immediate defensive stance, and the doctor froze like a startled animal even as the words came out of his mouth...

"Good morning, I'm Dr. Darden..." and trailed off just as quickly... "No..."

The man tried to be firm, but there was a break in his voice as he backed towards the door while holding up a hand as if he was trying to ward them off. Beth's eyes shifted to Daryl, not understanding, but where the doctor was fearful, Daryl was solid jawed, biting back anger so hard it looked like his face was about to crack under the tension...feral. She knew exactly the thoughts that were going through Daryl's head.

I'm gonna put a bolt in you.

She just didn't know why.

Maybe Daryl didn't want to kill this man, but Daryl was on edge. She thought she was going to have to watch a man die by Daryl's hand today...Mad on the road. Mad dying was something Beth accepted from the beginning, thought it was going to be by Rick's doing. Daryl was on edge then...reactive, protective, instinctual, but this hate, this dynamic...whatever was happening between Daryl and this doctor had nothing to do with her. It was something else entirely.

"You even think 'bout running and not helping her, I'll put a bolt in you..." There it was...pure Daryl. "...just make it hurt so you can still do your job..."

There was bad blood there, and through her frayed nerves Beth couldn't comprehend why.

"Can make good on it now...nobody'sstripped me of my crossbow this time."

This time...stripped him of his crossbow...?

What did that mean?Beth was trying to think...but she could only really focus on the imminent things going on around her. The doctor's shifty, nervous eyes spoke his indecision, clearly trying to decide the best path for self-preservation. And Daryl...Daryl gave...knowing sometimes you caught more flies with honey than vinegar.

"Help her," Daryl managed through gritted teeth when the doctor still made no move forward.

Daryl's pride and anger were pitted against need. Beth knew he was never a man to plead, but in his words, in the way he forced his body to relax...forced his aggressive stance to loosen, he was saying it...asking it. Please. Daryl was pleading in every way he could, for her sake, without actually saying it. His last offering...his last concession...Beth watched Daryl pulling his bow from across his back, setting it in one of the empty chairs against the wall. He was a dangerous creature. Beth always knew that. These people here apparently did too. They weren't smart though, especially not this one who seemed comforted in the fact that Daryl just laid his bow aside...all the other scenarios running through Beth's head. Daryl's bow was still within his reach. Daryl had his knife, and in close quarters, he was deadlier with it than his crossbow. Even without his knife he would've been lethal...he still had his hands and would rip someone to pieces. But setting aside his crossbow was gesture enough.

"I'm Dr. Darden." He repeated, much less cheery in his introductions now. Much more hesitant, the stranger made his approach, and Beth felt herself instinctively shying away. "Why don't you come here, sit at the edge of the bed so I can have a look."

He finally coaxed her out of her tight little ball in the center of the bed, and only because she could see Daryl's eyes pleading with her.

"What's your name, sweetheart," he asked, maybe not caring but trying to put her at ease now.

It had been a long time since someone didn't know her name...until today...last night...and Rick...Rick answered for her last time.

"Beth. Beth Dixon." It was a proud name. It was hers.

"Your wife." It wasn't a question; it was a realization, an edge of disbelief in his voice, the doctor risking a glance at Daryl.

"Mmm-hmm." Daryl was close beside her now, as calm as he was going to be. Beth needed that calm.

_______________________________________________

Stripping down, stripping bare...it was hard for Beth...harder than she could imagine, and not because of the stranger. He was a doctor. But because of Daryl, the one person it shouldn't feel awkward to take her clothes off in front of. She felt so vulnerable...just in her tattered bra and panties, there was no hiding anything. There was no hiding herself. And she knew what Daryl saw...was seeing...heard him suck in a swift breath. She couldn't look at him even though he was right in front of her now...right beside this Dr. Darden...invading his space, close enough that he was making the man nervous despite the fact Daryl made the implicit promise not to kill him by setting his crossbow aside. Daryl was seeing her scratched and bruised...but he saw that already. Now he saw the truth of it all. She had nowhere to hide like she had hidden from Rick and Carl under the protection of Daryl's poncho. He saw her and saw that she had been starving. Beth was much better than she had been at her worst...but better wasn't good; it just wasn't dying. She couldn't see herself, but she could feel...ribby...boney...somehow going so quickly from a place of being well fed by Daryl to having nothing. Skin on bone...there was a constant tightness, feeling like she was being rubbed raw from the inside. And Beth knew Daryl wasn't just seeing her...her condition...he was contemplating her as the evidence of what he perceived as his failure. Finally looking up to him, she could see that etched as plain as day across his face, eyes clenched tight, shaking his head to himself like he was trying to shake the image of her away...watched his lips twitch...that self loathing.

She couldn't stand it. She was alive. He was alive. There was no failure. Only hope. Only chances. Only a future they hadn't had a few hours before. Reaching out, trying to reach out to him but just falling short, Beth was only able to barely brush her fingertips over the top of his hand when what she really wanted was to hold it...lace her fingers between his. He wouldn't give though...wouldn't reach back. Guilt. Too consumed. His guilt would kill them both.

Just look at me. See me. See I love you...Take my hand...

It was no use. He wouldn't, and she couldn't say those things here and now. Daryl wasn't in the right headspace to hear it...might reject it even more.

"Vitals look good. Lungs are clear. Heart rate is a little elevated, but considering..."

Beth barely noticed the little light shined in her eyes, the cold metal of the stethoscope pressed to her chest then back. She noticed a little more...felt the sting of the iodine on her knees...wounds busted open again when she tumbled out of the Hummer to try to get to Daryl. Her hand though, Beth winced and Daryl took even more notice, standing over her like a wolf about to maul Dr. Darden for hurting her, his attention split between the two of them when the doctorwent to cut away the makeshift bandage...the cuff of Rick's shirt sleeve that wrapped her palm tight. That wound apparently busted open when she fell too, Beth remembering it now, smacking her palms against the blacktop when the radio went flying. The pain and blood didn't matter then...just needing to get the radio back...get Daryl to listen...hear her, but now...

The blood had dried, and even gingerly pulling away the bandage, the scab was ripping off and peeling back...Beth trying to be strong, not wanting Daryl to see her cry, wincing and gritting her teeth. Daryl winced with her, laying a warm hand on her back, giving her the comfort of his steady presence, moving past whatever had been preventing him from taking her hand when she offered him comfort and assurance. It was Daryl though, and now it was about what she needed, not him...and he was always willing to give.

Irrigated with some soothing cool water, patted dry with a soft cloth, a clean, bloody welt spanning the width of her palm was revealed..."Make a fist for me."

Beth complied.

"Flex your fingers. Good. Spread your hand." Simple instructions. Beth could follow those simple instructions even though her hand was sore and stiff.

The doctor was checking for nerve damage and dexterity. The wound had been bad. She was lucky, Beth knew, and she knew she was going to be fine. Rick made sure of that, so vigilant about keeping her wound clean even though they had no medicine or antibiotics, making her work her hand to keep it flexible even when it hurt so bad she wanted to scream and she just didn't see the point except maybe that she needed to keep the use of her hand, even her left, to be able to fight...help keep the kids alive. The continued touching and poking made the soreness and sting of the freshly opened wound worse...so much more painful than right when she sliced her hand open. Clean, straight cuts always hurt the least when they happened but seemed to hurt all the more after time...healing slower than jagged wounds.

"How did it happen?" Was the doctor really concerned, or was he just trying to keep her mind off the unpleasantness of the burning ointment he was spreading across her palm and rubbing in deep?

"Ssss..." Beth hissed, trying to hold it back, feeling the pressure of Daryl's hand on her increase hearing her discomfort. He wasn't handling her pain well. "I...I just slipped up...cut myself..."

She was still finding it difficult to form words, especially with people she didn't know. And she wasn't ready to talk about everything that happened...not ready to share it with Daryl. She needed time to heal, and Beth didn't know if he could handle the realities she faced on her own. It would just pile on more guilt for him, and that wasn't how he should be feeling in the first place. More than anything, Beth just wanted...needed things to go back to normal.

"The wound seems to be healing clean. There is surprisingly no infection which is more than a miracle with these filthy rags covering it." He tossed Rick's sleeve cuff disdainfully in the bio-waste bin.

It was the only bandage she had; Beth had been grateful for it. Did this man...this doctor...not know what it was like to have nothing?

"You don't seem to have lost any nerve or muscle function, but it is going to take a while to heal. I don't need to tell you, you required sutures, but it's too late now. It’s a shame you couldn't stitch yourself back together."

Beth tilted her head, trying to comprehend what he was saying; it was a strange thing to say.

"I've seen your sutures...your work...on your husband," he said, nodding towards Daryl. "Some of the most beautiful suturing I've ever seen...delicate, talented hands."

He was looking down at her hands, not just wrapping her wound in sterile gauze, but admiring. Beth would've been self-conscious if it hadn't hit her...if his words hadn't made her remember Daryl's injury...the wound to his side that still hadn't been totally healed before...before they lost everything. The last day...the last day they were in their home together, Beth took the stitches out of his forehead, but Daryl wouldn't even let her touch his side. He said he was fine, just not ready. She should have known he wasn't fine; he never meant it when he said it.

Shifting her concern to Daryl, he just shook his head, giving her absolutely nothing. Maybe Dr. Darden just saw when Daryl came in with the rest of the group...was checked over having come in from the wild. Or maybe he even took the stitches out. That was the only thing that really made sense because somehow he knew her work...and knew Daryl, and Daryl told him that she had been the one who sewed him back together. But...with the doctor's initial reaction to Daryl standing in the hospital room with her...and Daryl's aggression...the bad blood about to boil over...it had to be more. Questioning Daryl again with her eyes, not words, got her nothing more than a stone solid face of concentration on her...then a quick look away that was pure avoidance. Whatever it was, it wasn't right now, so it would wait for later. Daryl wasn't willing to budge. She hated that she knew he was lying to her...well, maybe not lying, but withholding something she deserved to know.

...nobody'sstripped me of my crossbow this time...

There was something much more there.

_______________________________________________

"Despite..."

Daryl heard everything Darden...the asshole who'd never been out there since the shit hit the fan...said after despite...

"...your exposure to the elements, lack of antibiotics and sterile wound dressing, and severe malnutrition..."

He heard all of those things, all of his failures and what he should've been protecting her from or providing for her...but the only thing he could focus on...

"...your prognosis looks good."

That meant she was gonna live...she was gonna be just fine. There was no huge sigh of relief because, in his book, Beth was still in bad shape. Daryl kept stern and solid. He wasn't gonna break in front of this prick, even if he felt the world had given him a reprieve in regards to Beth. If he did, Daryl would be risking opening the floodgates to everything else...arms crossed tightly over his chest as if that would hold it all inside. If there was ever gonna be another moment that he broke, it would be with Beth, alone...and not while she was still so vulnerable and broken herself...needed him to be strong.

"I don't anticipate any complications. With a strong course of antibiotics, food, sufficient rest, and a lot of TLC from your family, I see a full recovery."

TLC...TLC wasn't gonna be coming from her family, it was gonna be coming from him. He was gonna be the one taking care of her...wasn't gonna let her out of his sight. Turning to him, Dr. Darden caught Daryl off guard.

"Why don't you let me take a look at that?" Doctor was looking down at Daryl's shredded pants leg, bloodied a little now, skin chewed up from skidding across the pavement when he laid his bike on top himself. He couldn't even feel it though.

"I'm fine." Daryl spat, cursing to himself, not 'cause Darden saw him hurt...thought he needed help. Hell, the doctor had seen him at his weakest, sitting on Death's doorstep. No, that wasn't it at all. It was that he was drawing Beth's attention to something wrong with him when all she needed to be worried about was getting herself better.

She looked down at his leg now too, then up at him all doe eyed and worried.

"Daryl..." Pleading with him like he was mortally wounded.

"It's just road rash. I'll be fine." Daryl tried to soften for her, but it still came out rough...not really doing nothin' to abate her distress. "Leave the iodine. I'll clean it up in a bit."

Daryl directed that at Darden, but it was for Beth. It was the best he could do, the promise to look after himself. The doctor left without any further fanfare, promising only that someone would be around shortly with meds for Beth, pulling the door closed behind him. Alone. They were finally completely alone. No one but them anywhere near. No danger. Just them.

"Daryl, let me see..." Beth was going into her insistence again, going on about the road rash.

"No." Stern, but not unkind, just looking her over.

He was left to care for her, not the other way around, and that is exactly what he intended to do. But looking at her, trying to figure out just what that was, watching Beth's arms cross self-consciously over her emaciated little body...she didn't have enough arms to cover all the bones looking like they were about to cut through her pale skin...so much paler than she ever was before. It hurt his heart...actually hurt. This wasn't her shame...it was his. This was on him.

"Here." All he could do was give her shelter, grabbing the crisp, blue and white polka dot hospital gown from the chair beside the bed, helping her slip into it so she could hide herself.

Picking up her delicate little hand in his, ever so gently...the one wrapped in tight, white bandages, Daryl panicked...not seeing it. It was her left hand...and her wedding ring, those wings that wrapped so gracefully around her slender finger, wasn’t there. It was his worst fear in getting her back realized; she was back, but she wasn't his...her ring was gone. Caught in his own nightmare, heart hitting the floor and shattering, he didn't realize his fingers traced that blank spanse of skin where the cool metal should've been. But she did...she noticed.

"I...I'm...I'm sorry..." Beth struggled with the words, withdrawing her hand.

Daryl heard the tears in her ragged little voice. She shouldn't apologize. She shouldn't have to explain, but he looked away...he couldn't look at her, just shaking his head no...

"I had to...I told myself I wouldn't ever...take it off...that I couldn't...but...I...I almost lost it." Daryl didn't get it, her broken words...what she was trying to say amidst the flood her tears. "If I lost it...I would lose you..."

He didn't understand 'til he saw her hand in her lap, fingers nervously twisting the ring around her forefinger...her wedding ring that had been hidden under the edge of the gauze. It wasn't on the right finger anymore, but it was still there...and she felt its meaning enough that she was breaking over it. Cupping her gaunt face in his hands, trying to be gentle...he hadn't been gentle for such a long time...Daryl brushed her tears away with his thumbs. Glad she leaned into his hand...her eyes downcast, Daryl quickly swiped away a hot tear burning down his cheek, angry at himself, hoping she didn't she him crying 'cause of what he saw in her. Just make her more self-conscious.

Fuck it all anyway. She was sitting there, apologizing for having to move her wedding ring...Daryl understanding why was the painful part...that part that ripped his gut to shreds...'cause she was starving...beautiful, slender fingers boney now, wasting away to nothin'. The only way she could hold onto that symbol of their life...that memory of their vows...was to move it, but she held on. She refused to give up. She refused to forget even when she thought he was dead. Beth was the strongest of them all.And she was apologizing. Ashamed. He was so ashamed. Ashamed of every doubt he had.

"It ain't on you, Beth...it's on me..." He was a dick for doubting, for feeling sorry for himself, for even thinking for an instant that her vow, her word, her promises before and after they were married meant any less to her than his did to him. "I'm sorry...I..."

"I love you, Daryl."

Nothin' else came out of his mouth...head bowed...he couldn't move...breathing stopped. He needed it. He needed to hear those words. He never forgot what her melodic voice sounded like when she said it, never forgot what it did to his heart...never forgot the worth it made him feel to be loved by Beth. But he did forget what feeling like he deserved her love felt like. He didn't deserve her love now...could never love himself...but...

"I love you..." This time her voice was a plea.

How could three little words...I love you...heal a soul? How could the meeting of lips drown out every sorrow...all doubt and fear...overcome the self-hatred he harbored in his heart? Because they were her lips on his mouth, and her truth...I love you...that he tasted so sweetly on them. Daryl kissed her. He was the one who leaned in, the one who took that sweet offering...I love you...from her mouth ‘cause his own words, the things she deserved to hear, where locked up in his chest. No more sadness...there was no more crying...not with this kiss, the salty taste of tears no longer stained her lips...not like when they fell to pieces on that road where he held her in his arms for the first time since he lost her. Now Beth’s lips were sugared with promises. He needed it, and he needed her, no longer able to question that love or waste a precious second of life...a life lived to its fullest.

Luring him into her embrace, her tongue shy and sweet, dancing with his and yielding to him...a dance he felt like he’d forgotten, a dance at which she’d always been so much more graceful...a dance Beth taught him. Fragile...she looked...felt so fragile, but she fought him to give her more...made him fight himself. Little hand behind his neck, pulling herself up and trying to drag him down, trying to draw him deeper into her mouth, arm wrapped around him...trying to force his body closer...closer to her...to the bed. Her foot hooked behind his knee so he couldn't escape...but God, he didn't want to, didn't even try.

Daryl gripped the edge of the bed tight, palm pressed down firm against the mattress to fight her...fight himself, maintaining the distance he needed between. He wasn't gonna hurt her or lose himself. But he skimmed his fingers up her spine...Beth pulling back, gasping against his lips. Spanning her back, Daryl supported her with his strength, allowing her to still put up her fight...get as close as he would let her. He said yes, and he said no, self-restraint pitted against weakness...need. He held himself back, a distance Beth couldn’t close between him and the bed...couldn’t pull him near enough to unite their bodies...couldn’t match his strength, but he let her fight...let her try. Tiny shudders of her breath in his mouth gave away that she wasn't unaffected by the effort, but she fought with more wild spirit and strength than he thought she had left in her tiny, world abused body. He needed that fight...he needed her to want him. He would give himself to her, let himself be owned and kissed and loved until she exhausted herself. It wasn't good for her...but his lips...his heart couldn’t deny.

In kissing Beth, in all the times before, there had been so many vast and varied emotions...confusion, anxiety, self-consciousness, doubt, lust, comfort and grief, passion, and above all...love, but this...this kiss was life. Life and all its precious promises...

Life...promises...possibilities, pulling away from Beth, looking at her with every hope he had...she was everything. Seeing everything...Daryl gave, allowed Beth to draw him into her...he was stepping closer anyway, reaching for her, encompassing her, drawing Beth up into him. Nuzzling her neck...his words were finally freed...raspy and shaken, but freed...

“I love you.”

Notes

Comments

@Smokey85
Awww...thank you so much for coming back to read! You are amazing. I truly appreciate it!

Aireabella Aireabella
3/30/19

I am so happy you are back! I love your stories and always look forward to your updates! Thank you for sharing your work :)

Smokey85 Smokey85
3/26/19

@McDrogoInaNewWorld
So glad that you enjoyed it! It always makes my day when I can make people happy by doing what I love! Thank you so much!

Aireabella Aireabella
6/14/18

Yay!!! Another great chapter on the books, can’t wait to see what happens next!!

@blesdirishangel
Thank you so much for coming back to my fic and for your comment! I am glad that you love the update. You are amazing!

Aireabella Aireabella
6/7/18