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My Lil' AssKicker

Tired of Holding It In

BETH’S POV

I didn’t know where I was walking.
What was the point anymore? The little girl that was practically my child was dying. And I was dying right along with her. I looked down at my bare feet trudging through the fresh blanket of white snow, unconcerned.
I remembered how I felt back at the farm, when I snuck a knife into my room, and Lori stopped me. Or in the bathroom, and Maggie stopped me too… after a while, I was glad they saved me. But now, I was starting to feel the same emotions I did at my lowest moments. Despair, anguish, hopelessness, and the dreadful feeling of giving up.
All it took was one pull on a trigger, one slice, and it could be over so fast. Why did everyone think it was so terrible? Everyone else on the planet was dead anyway. I’d rather die on my own terms then being scared, and under the chomping jaws of the dead.
My surroundings were blurred by tears. Hot, sticky liquid rolled down my face, and I let myself sob. I was tired of holding it in.
A feeling of extreme weakness overtook my body, and I was forced to throw my weight on a rough tree.
I felt so terribly alone. The one little person who looked up to me for guidance and for a friend was gone. Everyone else considered me the weak one. And I was beginning to agree.
Judy looked up to me like a mother. I knew it, everyone else knew it. She even called me mom once, just to taste how the word felt on her tongue. It was so foreign to her, but the word held comfort.
“Beth?”
I whipped around, and glared at the figure through the tears. Based on the slouchy way he walked, and the gruffness in his voice, I knew it was Carl.
“Go away, Carl.” I sniffed, but my feelings said otherwise. I wanted to throw my arms around him and hug him until I felt all better, but things between us had been different lately. I missed how close we used to be.
He merely shook his head, and stepped closer. “Beth, are you okay?” His words were so soft and sympathetic I barely recognized him. The soft voice was normally buried under a protective wall deep inside Carl.
“I haven’t been for a long time.” I sighed.
A warm arm was wrapped around me, and I leaned into it. “Everything’s gonna be okay.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.
I slid my hand into his, a dangerous move. “Thank you.”
We sat on the ground for a long time. He traced little circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. I listened to his breathing, and looked at how much bigger his feet were than mine.
“Are you getting like that again?” Carl blurted suddenly.
I looked up at him through his dark hair, which hung over his stunning blue eyes. His pupils dilated so much, the blue was almost taken over by black. “Huh?”
He grunted, embarrassed. “I mean… I remember at the farm, when you got really sad. Everyone was so worried about you, and what you would do with yourself. So was I.”
Leaning a little farther away from him by straightening me spine, I built up a protective wall. “I’m a different person now, though.”
He smirked. “We all like to say that. I think we’re all the same.”
“You’re very different from the scared little boy that everyone was always losing track of.” I chuckled. I remembered how everyone said that because I was the first person he saw when he woke up, after being shot by Otis, that he imprinted on me. Like baby animals did with their mamas.
“Well, I was only twelve. Of course I’m different now.” He said, puffing out his chest a little and lowering his voice.
I crossed my arms. “Well then, why haven’t I changed?”
Carl looked down on me. “Because you’re the strongest.” I snorted, but he raised his eyebrows. “I’m serious. No one is built for a world like this, so everyone needs to change to be strong. But you were strong already, like you were built for lasting.”
My heart fluttered at his kind words. “Thank you.” I leaned my head on his shoulder, and he scooted closer to me.
I closed my eyes, and listened to the sounds around me. The rhythmic breathing of Carl, the song of a happy bird somewhere in the distance, the breeze… I felt my troubles melt like the snow Carl and I sat on.
After an enjoyable few minutes, I flicked my eyes open. I caught Carl staring into them, and he quickly looked away. I looked to my bare feet, half buried in the snow.
“Do you really think I’m strong?” I asked, purely to break the silence.
He folded his lips in. “Of corse.”
Crossing my arms, I shifted more of my weight onto him. “I just… I always saw myself as the weakest. Like I held everyone back.”
Looking genuinely offended by my words, his face wore a light scowl. “You never held me back. Hell, you saw the way I’d follow you around at the prison!”
I laughed at the warm memory. “You were so cute.” I felt a smirk spread my lips wide. “What ever happened?”
Carl laughed and lightly punched my shoulder. “What are you talking about, I could be a model!”
I smiled. “Yeah, okay.” I said sarcastically, and closed my eyes with pleasure, smiling.
Without a warning, I could feel Carl shift from under my arm. I opened my eyes, and he was right over me, looking into my eyes.
He looked up at me for a moment, then leaned in and pressed his warm lips to mine. I felt his hand slip behind my head. My eyes widened in surprise as shivers ran races down my spine. What the literal hell, Carl?!
I pulled back quickly. That was so wrong. What about Chelsea? “No, Carl.” I breathed.
Carl nearly leaped backward into the snow. “Sorry.” He grunted.
I sheepishly folded my hair behind my ear, a nervous habit of mine. I wanted to say it was okay, that nothing was wrong, but that would be a lie.
He stood up, and rubbed the back of his neck furiously. “I’m sorry.” Refusing to meet my eyes, he stood up and took long strides away, deeper into the darkening forest. I listened to the leaves crunch under his boots as I collected my thoughts. “Shit.” I heard him hiss in the distance. He got really far away.
I took a long, cold sigh, and felt the freezing winter air fill my warm lungs. A sudden discomfort made my feet shriek in pain. I forgot I wasn’t wearing shoes.
“Beth!”
I turned to face the voice. It was Daryl. And damn did he look pissed. “Hey.” I meekly waved my hand in the air.
“The fuck, Beth?! I been worried sick ‘bout you! The whole camps lookin!”
I winced as he raised his hand, but it was only to sling his crossbow across his back. I shrugged. “Wanted to take a walk.”
He looked unamused. “Take a walk my ass. Git back to the camp.” His expression softened. But not for long, because his gaze lingered to my bare feet, and his glare returned twice as dangerous. “Shit, Beth! Where are your shoes?”
Before I could respond, he put one arm behind my shoulders, the other behind my knees, and lifted me up like a sack of flour.
“What kind of crazy shit are you on?” He grumbled as we rushed up the hill.
I held myself closer to him. “I just wanted to go for a walk.”
When we reached the camp, it was in a chaos. People were running back and forth, checking cabins and under things. I struggled to make Daryl set me down, but he held tight to me like a fussy baby.
“What’s going on?” Daryl asked Glenn as he passed.
Glenn looked scared. “You’re not gonna like it.”

Notes

Comments

You guys I can't log into this account anymore!!! Google is no longer supported on this site I can't get in D:

But my bestie Mavis is letting me have her account since she doesn't really use it anymore..

I won't be continuing this story. I loved it but I don't know how many of you are going to find me anymore. So I'm starting a new story that I love even more! It's the favorite story of mine that I've ever written, so go check it out! It's called dropping Petals. I'll link it so everyone can find it.

http://www.walkingdeadfanfiction.com/Story/74995/Dropping-Petals/

Enjoy!! Sorry for the inconvenience.

Mavis Mavis
6/16/15

LOVE IT!! So great keep it up!

AnnaDixonluvs AnnaDixonluvs
4/24/15

Rick was pissed off bad. Everyone was hurt

FatMac FatMac
1/7/15

YES! I CRIED SO MUCH AT THAT EPISODE! UHHH I wanna read what Carl does and what state Judith is in! Ahh, update!!!

thewalkerinme thewalkerinme
12/20/14

Haha you guys are lovely!! Thank you so much for commenting!!!!



@thewalkerinme



@The Comicbook Cid



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Elizabeth Elizabeth
12/20/14