Dead Men Walking
Well, I had this idea during class yesterday.
You're either going to like it or hate it.
I'm hoping you like it!
Things were different.
I was different.
I saw things differently.
I saw people differently.
I felt things differently.
No matter what I do or say, I can’t shake this weird feeling.
Something is different.
I walked through the camp checking out the different tents during the night. Everyone was tucked inside his or her tent fast asleep and I was still wide-awake. Daryl had fallen asleep hours ago and I couldn’t stand to listen to his heavy breathing any longer. That’s part of this difference I’ve been feeling – things are annoying me. I’ve never been the aggravated type. It takes a lot to make me even show the slightest bit of annoyance yet I’m constantly feeling like I might snap.
I don’t want to snap and burn down the farm, but I feel like I need to get away from everyone and everything for a bit. I want time alone. Even away from Daryl.
I can’t understand this feeling.
I know that I have a right to be mad at Daryl. It’s been a month since he promised me we would leave this goddamn place.
“Another week and I promise we’re gone. I just haven’t found a place yet.”
Is he even looking? I doubt it.
He loves the people here and feels close to them in some weird family way. Personally, I think we need to be a family before we add in several strangers.
I tiptoed around tents to the outer edge of the farm. It was a quiet night – the stars were brightly lit against the dark sky. Not a cloud in sight. I leaned against the fence and stared up at the sky. Would things ever be the same again? Would I actually get what I want for once?
I knew the answer to that question. No. I won’t get what I want because he doesn’t want to leave this place. And no matter what I want, we’re still going to do what he says. I could try running and starting a life on my own but he’ll chase me and we’ll end up here again. I’m trapped like an animal in a cage.
I heard someone walking up behind me. Heavy footsteps, soft breathing – human. My instincts had gotten sharper. I was able to listen to the warning signs now. Daryl taught me to stay alert and listen for the signs. Yeah, like I’ll ever be on my own long enough to get in trouble.
His voice asked leaning against the fence beside me.
I looked over and sighed.
I shook my head and went back to staring up at the sky.
It was a long time before Rick spoke again. It was awkward almost. He and I had barely spoken before now. We were always careful to stay out of each other’s way. I knew he was responsible for a lot of things that happened since they joined our group. I didn’t dislike him. I just didn’t want to be best friends.
“Is everything okay?”
He asked looking over at me.
“As okay as it can be during the zombie apocalypse.”
I answered without really caring to pay attention to him. I saw him smile and nod.
“We used to joke about zombies. Lori would never let Carl play the violent video games or watch R rated movies because they were too suggestive and bloody. It’s kind of ironic now that he’s living it.”
“Yeah. My parents never let my little sister go near anything violent. Of course that didn’t stop her. She used to sneak into the R rated movies with me.”
I smiled remembering the days when all we had to worry about was whether or not our parents would catch us. It was less complicated then. It was a beautiful world then. I miss it more and more each day. I miss the small things like lying in the grass with Cassie.
I turned to look at Rick and felt a strange dizzy feeling. I closed my eyes tight and tried to make the world stop spinning so fast.
Before I could help it, I was leaning over the fence puking up the contents of my stomach.
“Are you okay?”
Rick asked taking a step away from me.
I just nodded and tried to keep myself from vomiting again.
“Stay here, okay? I’m gonna go get you water.”
I couldn’t have left if I wanted to. I felt weaker than I had before. I was suddenly feeling like I wanted to do nothing except vomit.
I had been feeling this way for the past few days.
I was awake all night, sleeping most of the day. I was nauseous a lot and often had to squeeze my eyes shut and pretend the world wasn’t spinning at 100mph. I was having intense mood swings and really just wanted to be left alone most of the time.
My heart started racing and I felt the sweat bead up on my forehead.
I’m sure if I could have seen my face, it would have been paler than a corpse.
Rick came back with a bottle of water shortly after I realized what was wrong.
He asked handing me the water.
I made no effort to take the bottle from him. I just stood there staring at him. I felt the tears stinging my eyes, spilling over before I could stop them.
“Kaydence? What’s wrong?”
He asked in that official policeman voice he uses when he’s uncomfortable.
I didn’t say anything at first. I needed to get my mind straight before I could speak. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions but I was almost positive I knew what was wrong.
I was right.
Something is different.
I am different.
Rick half shouted putting his hand on my shoulder.
“Is everything okay?”
He asked cautiously.
“Just get Daryl, please.”
Rick nodded and turned to walk away.
I sat down on the ground and put my head in my hands. How in the hell can this be happening?
Please not now.
I’m not ready for this.
I put my hand on my stomach and knew I was right.
I saw Daryl stomping across the farm and my heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest. He was still half asleep and mumbling something to Rick.
It’s going to be fine.
I told myself. I needed to control my breathing or else I was going to pass out before Daryl even got here.
I closed my eyes and tried to stop the tears.
Daryl asked, his voice still hoarse from sleep.
“We need to talk.”
I whispered looking up at him.
“I’ll be in my tent if you need anything.”
Rick said smiling at me.
I tried to smile back but nothing happened. I just nodded and stood up.
“What is so important?”
Daryl asked a little irritated that I woke up him so suddenly.
I started but the words caught in my throat and I just stared at him.
He asked becoming concerned with my silence.
I took a deep breath and tried to make the words come out but I couldn’t. I just started crying.
Daryl walked up and put his arms around me, pulling me into him.
“What’s wrong, Kaydence?”
He asked seriously.
I shook my head and cried harder.
“Calm down. You’re starting to scare me.”
I took a deep breath and looked up at him.
“Daryl, I think I’m pregnant.”