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I'll Keep You Alive If You Show Me The Way

Chapter 50: Troubled Thoughts

Anna's breath swirled liked silver smoke. Every breath she took was sharp, the icicles in her lungs cutting like razers. Her teeth chattered as shivers ran down her spine like a cracked egg. It was the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere and she was looking for a stranger's kids.

"We'll find shelter and settle soon,"Finn said walking ahead of her.

She hugged her body with her bare arms. She had lost all of her jumpers over the months past. Finn turned his head over his shoulder when she didn't reply.

"Are you cold?" he asked. She nodded.

"Jeez, where are my manners? Here,"he said, taking off his green trench coat and holding out for her to take. "I have somethin' warm in my bag. Take it, kid."

Anna's numb fingers curled around the collar. She tugged it on, it nearly reached the ground on her. It was warm after Finn wearing it. She zipped it closed and thanked him.

"You're quite alright, kid. Just ask next time okay?"

She nodded, stuffing her hands into the pockets. She kept close to him, sure that she heard a rustle. Finn heard it too. He wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders. He raised his gun, pointing towards the bushes. Anna stared, straining her eyes. She heard a groan. She gagged at the rancid smell and buried her head in Finn's chest. She hated walkers. She hated violence. No matter how much she tried to get used to them both she couldn't. She did what she had to do but she still pitied what she had to put down. They once had lives, families, kids, friends, a cat or dog.

She felt Finn's hand on the back of her head.

"I don't wanna shoot,"Finn said pulling her a few steps back.

She heard the walker snarling."I'm gonna let go of you, kid. Close your eyes, I'll deal with it."

Anna nodded and covered her eyes, glad some one would end it instead of her. She heard a crunch and the growls died down. She felt herself shake and something hot dripped down her hands. She realised she was crying. She tried to stop, she didn't want to come across as weak.

"Hey. Hey, hey, hey, sweetheart there's no need to cry,"Finn said, frowning.

He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I'm tired,"she sobbed.

"We'll set up the tents soon."

"How are we suppose to keep on moving? I can't, I'm so tired. They keep showing up."

Finn could hear the panic rise in her voice.

"Kid, listen to me. I'm on you're side. We will find somewhere okay?"

"No we won't! We've spent days out here! Lookin' for your stupid children! We're not going to find them and we sure as hell ain't gonna find anywhere safe!" she spat.

She surprised herself at the harshness in her voice. Finn's hand dropped from her shoulder.


He started walking, not looking back at her. She squeezed her eyes shut, guilt seeping into her system.

"Finn!" she called jogging after him.

She caught up to him and latched on to his arm. He yanked it out of her grasp.

"Finn, I didn't mean it, I'm tired. I- we WILL find them I'm jus-"

"Those are my kids."

Finn's voice was dangerously low, she barely heard it over the breeze rustling the branches of the trees.

"They're all I have left."

"I know,"she replied quietly, looking at the dirt beneath her feet.

"Now, ya can go look for this safe haven, but I ain't quittin' 'til I find my son and my daughter."

He didn't turn to face her like he usually did. Anna knew she had crossed a line. She swallowed and shook her head.

"I wanna help you look. I know no place like that exists."

"You need to learn how to hope again, kid. It's all we've got."

She nodded still too ashamed to look at him.

"C'mon. Better get you rested up before ya snap."

They reached a clearing and Finn set his bag down. He pulled out a smaller bag that had the tent folded in it.

"Keep watch,"Finn instructed handing her his machete.

She took it and looked at it. In one second it flashed before her eyes, it felt like a lifetime. She swung it down through Finn's skull. A loud crunch reached her ears. His dark red blood dripped down this his forehead and down the back of his head through his hair. She smiled at how it glistened in the cold moonlight. She would take his supplies, she was quicker alone, no more looking for his stupid children. She tried to tug the machete out but it was wedged tight. Finn turned his head to face her.

"Go on."

She pulled.

"Kid? Go."

She shook herself out of her daze, looking down at him. No wound at the top of his skull, no blood on the machete. She stared wide eyed at him.

"Kid,"he said sternly.

She stepped back, frightened by what she saw. She nodded vigorously and turned her back to him, not catching him roll his eyes. She was shaking and not from the cold. She stared at the trees, what the hell was that? She heard the tap, tap, tap of a stone hitting off the metal poles. She turned to face him, the tent rising up. He glanced at her, giving her a small smile, which she returned.

"I am sorry,"she said walking over to him.

"It's fine, kid. You're tired. Besides, I'm too fond of ya to kick ya out."

She nodded and began to shrug off the jacket.

"Keep it. Told you I have another."

She nodded and he opened the tent for them to step into. Anna pulled out her sleeping bag, she placed it on the ground and slipped into it. She draped the coat over her and pulled her knees up to her chest. She continued to shiver.

"Are you warm enough?" Finn asked, yawning.

"Not really,"Anna whispered.

She felt something heavy fall around her waist. She held in her gasp, realising it was his arm. What was he? Fifty? He had kids! A wife! Her eyes widened, she was a complete virgin. Whoa, whoa, whoa Anna, slow down, she told herself. He's just trying to keeping you warm.

"How old are your kids?" she blurted.

"Eight and eleven. M'boy's the oldest."

She nodded. "They must be scared..."

"Probably, but you'd have to be mad not to."

"Yeah,"she mumbled.

He could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck.

"How old are you, kid?"


"Guess how old I am,"he said, she could hear the grin in his voice.

"Forty eight?"

"What? I really look THAT old?"

"No.. I dunno... How old are you?"

"Thirty three."

She cringed, she had been way off.

"You don't look seventeen."

"Really? How old?"


She scowled and turned to face him.

"I do not."

"You do. All scared and short."

"Scared and short?" she frowned.

He chuckled warmly.

"You're so easy to wind up, kid."

"Wish you'd stop callin' me that,"Anna sighed.

"What do you want me to call you then?" he laughed.

"My name. Anna."

"Okay Anna."


"Did you hear that?"

"David, stop, you're freakin' me out."

The bulldozer had "rolled itself" down a ditch and now it was wedged. They stayed in it for the night for shelter.

"Do you hear it?" David whispered.

Colin sat up.

"I do... Sounds like a banshee-"

"A what?"

"It's a... nevermind."

"It's a woman... A WOMAN! We're looking for one of those!"

Colin held back the remark on his tongue. He nodded and climbed out of the cabin.

"Where ya goin'?!" David hissed.

"Going to find her! She's crying, it could be her."

"Or it's a trick!"

"You're paranoid."

"Well, duh,"David whispered jumping down beside him.

He felt something grab his ankle. He looked down to see a female walker, with long stringy hair and half a face, crushed under the wheel. He squealed and yanked his ankle free from her grasp, tugging her arm out of her shoulder socket.

"OH JESUS! GET IT OFF ME!" he yelled shaking his leg.

Colin grabbed the arm and pulled, releasing him. David then turned and swung the axe down on her skull.

"Fuckin' bitch,"he hissed.

"You good?" Colin asked, raising his brow.

David wiped his brow and nodded. Colin started walking towards the sobs. They turned the corner of the road to find a woman sitting cross legged with her face in her hands.

"Careful, don't freak her out,"Colin whispered.

David nodded, falling behind him slightly. Colin cleared his throat loudly. The sobbing stopped, the woman looked up slowly. She let out a shaky sigh.

"Whatever you're going to do to me just do it quickly,"she said, her voice cracking.

She looked down at the road.

"We're not goin' to hurt you,"Colin said calmly.

Her shoulder jerked with a quick laugh.

"Is your name Sandra?" he asked.

She turned her head quickly and stared at them.


"We found your children. Luke and Eva?"

She clasped a hand to her mouth and stood up. She had her wispy brown hair tied tightly to the back of her head.

"Are they okay?"

"Yeah, they are. We were told there was a man? Where's he?"

"Tom? I don't know. We should leave before he gets back!" she said, she then held up car keys.

David and Colin looked at each other before following her. The car was hidden in the trees. They all got in and buckled up.

"Where are they?" she asked, from the backseat.

"In a prison."

"The one in these parts?Isn't that over run?"

"Beats me,"Colin shrugged.

They took off with great speed, the engine roaring loudly.


Rick Grimes was pacing.


That's all he ever did. Pace and worry, pace and worry.

It was early morning and it was cold. The chilly breeze nipped at any skin showing. He stopped and stood still, watching Hershel instruct some of the others on how to look after the crops. There was still no sign of them growing. He knew it was still too early but he needed some proof something, ANYTHING was happening. He'd just have to be patient. He didn't want to think about what they would do if they didn't grow. He already had the water problem to deal with.

His eyes scanned the chain link fence, watching the biters whack it with their broken and decaying arms. The links rattled constantly. He hoped the fence would hold. He didn't want to think about that either. He didn't want to think about anything really, but still the list of things to do, lists of things to worry about, all pouring into his mind one after another. He thought he had it all sorted out, food, water and security.

He rubbed his forehead, medicine. They barely had any. No matter how many runs they made they never had enough. Needles were getting scarce too.

Also they now had four dogs and a horse to look after. Michonne was even talking about getting another horse. He couldn't see how they would find another and if they did, where on earth would they keep it? Where would they get the tacking and the stuff to care for it. He scratched his jaw. He was sure if a horse died they would end up eating it, maybe even one of the dogs too. He shook his head. The animals were pets now. Sam kept an eye on the children, like they were sheep. He kept them away from the fences. Rick couldn't see how the younger pups would help. Maybe they would learn. The horses would come in handy when they ran out of fuel.

THAT was the other thing, he knew he had forgotten something.

He had realised he wasn't good at this. Too many people looked to him. Too many people depended on him. He didn't remember asking to be the leader, it was handed to him. He set down basic rules but even those were broken. No one cared that Daryl and Harleigh had just decided to stay out all night. They had him worried sick, they were the two best hunters. If something happened only Jay could hunt and he is far too old. He was jealous too, not 'cause Daryl spent the night with Harleigh but because they got to escape. They got away for the night. He was stuck here. If HE leaves people panic.

"Torturing yourself again, Rick?"

Michonne's voice made him jump. He looked at her.


"Got that look. You're overthinking again."

"Yeah well,"he said, turning back to Hershel and the others. "There's a lot to think about."

"You don't have to deal with it all on your own,"Michonne said, stepping beside him. "We're all doin' our best."

"I know that. But what if our best ain't good enough?"

"We deal with it,"she shrugged.

She stood with him for a moment, then decided to go and help out with the crops.

"We may need a scarecrow,"Hershel was saying glancing up at the sky.

"Get one of those guys,"Jay said, nodding at the fence.

He earned a few nervous laughs. Hershel didn't look too impressed.

"Any sign of this growin'?" Michonne asked.

Hershel looked up at her from the seat he was sitting on.

"We must be patient it's far too early."

"That means no!" one man said.

There were a few mumbled agreements.

"They don't just pop up over night you know,"Hershel said, trying not to lose his temper.

"Whatever old man."

"Old man is right,"he muttered struggling to his feet.

Michonne handed him his crutch, he thanked her.

"Jay keep an eye out here. I have to check on the others,"Hershel sighed, it fell to him to look after the sick.

He was teaching Carol and Maggie as much as he could but sometimes they just didn't know what to do.

"Michonne, find Carol and ask her to check on Harleigh, half of the cell block is sick, I won't have time."

Michonne nodded and hurried ahead of him to find Carol. She sat with the Beth and the children watching them play. Sam lay on the ground with some of the younger children patting him and tugging his ears. Thankfully, he was patient and didn't bite. Michonne delivered Hershel's message. Carol nodded and left Beth to care for the kids. Michonne decided to sit with her until Carol returned. Carol got one of the kits and found Rick, still over watching the crops.

"Hey,"she said quietly.

He turned to look at her and rolled up his sleeve, reaching his arm out.

"How is she?" he asked looking back out at the yard.

"Haven't seen her, sure she's fine,"Carol replied.

Rick nodded. Carol knew he worried about her, heck Rick worried about everyone and everything. She followed his gaze to the rattling fence but didn't dare say anything. If he knew that some of the others were starting to notice how weak the fences were getting it would just put more pressure on him to act. He didn't have to though, Harleigh, Glenn, Daryl and Tyreese were fixing up a perimeter around the fence. It was taking a long time, but they had no way of getting the right supplies. Rick barely noticed the needle pierce his skin. Carol then slapped a plaster on his arm.

"First aid kits,"Rick mumbled.

Carol placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him a worried look. He didn't acknowledge her, just continued to stare into space. She decided to leave him and find Harleigh, in the cell block. Carol bumped into Daryl. He took a step back.

"Watch y'elf,"he said gruffly.

Carol smiled a little. He edged around her and started walking away.

"Daryl?" she called after him.

He looked back over his shoulder at her.

"Check up on Rick will you?"

"Waddiya think I'm doin'?" Daryl mumbled, as if it was obvious.

Carol walked inside to where Harleigh sat at the table, struggling with a puzzle book.

"Aren't you lucky Glenn found them,"Carol joked as Harleigh looked up.

"No, I've never been so confused in my life."

Carol chuckled and sat down beside her.

"You're going to have to do this without Daryl today."

"Sorta gettin' used to it now,"she mumbled holding out her arm

. Carol found one of the punctures and inserted the needle into her skin.

"How is Rick?" Harleigh questioned.

"A lot on his mind."

"Daryl's worried about him..."

"Really? Thought he only worried about you,"Carol grinned, pressing the plunger down slowly with her thumb.

Harleigh shrugged her other shoulder.

"He cares a lot about you guys."

"I know,"Carol sighed.

She then grinned.

"So the other night. You gonna tell me what REALLY went on?"

She watched as Harleigh's cheeks turned to a rosy shade of pink.

"He says you guys should keep your noses out,"Harleigh said, laughing nervously.

"I bet he did!" Carol giggled, finishing up.

The door opened and Rick stuck his head in. The two women turned to face him.

"You might wanna come see this,"he said.

Harleigh frowned and stood up, following him outside. There were two men walking towards the gate. Daryl stood waiting for Rick and Harleigh, holding his crossbow. The three strolled down to the gate. Carl waited for them and then opened the gate.

"It's those guys we met after the fire,"Harleigh said, frowning.

"Where is she?!" Colin bellowed, striding up to them.

Daryl raised the crossbow quickly, just as Rick's hand went up to tell them to slow down.

"Where's who?"

"That BITCH!" Colin snarled.

He then picked up a large rock and lobbed it at a walker, knocking it off balance. David was limping behind him. Rick's hand flew to his gun, as did Carl's.

"We ain't gonna let you in."


Harleigh's hand shot to Rick's elbow. Rick glanced down at her hand catching her nod towards the walkers, their attention had turned to the loud voice. David wobbled, his legs buckled, then he collapsed. Colin let a flood of curse words spew out of his mouth.

"Is he bit? Wait! Harleigh!"

Harleigh ignored Rick's calls and helped Colin pull David off the ground. Daryl, Rick and Carl covered them as Colin and Harleigh dragged David in through the gates.

"Towards the prison, Colin,"Harleigh instructed.

The people down at the crops had stood up straight to see what the commotion was.

"Who are they?" Maggie asked.

"Some one get Nathan,"Harleigh said, as Glenn opened the door the door of the prison.

"Harleigh!" Rick yelled, following them in.

Carol stood up and pulled out a chair for them. Harleigh and Colin sat David down, his head rolling to the side.

"Oh god, he's dead. He's dead!" Colin was screaming.

"Sit down and shut up!" Harleigh spat, turning to Rick.

He pulled her away from the two men.

"What the hell was that? Ya can't be bringing strangers in!"

"He's hurt! You were gonna leave them both out there!"


"Don't argue with me, I know what you're like."

Rick scowled at her.

"You can't do that they could be a threat!"

"You're the one who went on about trusting them!"

Daryl and Carol watched as the two bickered, unsure of what to do.

"I didn't think they'd come back, ok?"

"You TOLD them where we were!"

"What if he's bit?"

"Who cares? I wasn't going to let him and Colin stand outside suffering! It's not right."

"You're not in charge here,"Rick snarled.

"Yeah? Well you can't seem to handle the pressure of it. Back off, I'll deal with this!"

The door opened and Nathan sheepishly stepped in. Daryl scowled and leaned against the wall, watching Rick glare at Harleigh. Rick finally nodded. Nathan jumped as Rick stormed past him and slammed the door after him.

"Take a look at this guy, Nate,"Harleigh sighed, obviously trying to calm herself down.

Nathan edged nervously into the room. One of the legs of David's jeans was completely drenched in blood.

"Anyone have a knife?" he asked.

Carol nodded and handed him a small pocket knife. Colin had his face in his hands, shaking. They didn't know if it was with rage or he was scared. Daryl watched as Harleigh placed her hand on Colin's shoulder.

"Nate's really good with kind of stuff and Hershel will be over a soon as he can,"she said to him.

Nathan gave her a small smile.

"Is she here?" Colin whispered, over the sound of fabric ripping.

"Is who here?"

"Sandra. Eva and Luke's mother."


"We fell asleep. I'm sorry, she took your gun, shot David, took all of our supplies. She ran off through the trees like a mad woman. We thought she'd come here so we drove... then the car broke down, we had a close call with walkers. Sorry for yellin' out there, I was pissed."

"It's okay."

"Thank you for takin' us in. Didn't mean for ye to get in trouble with...uh."


"Rick, right."

Harleigh shook her head. "He'll get over it."

David groaned and opened his eyes. He looked up at Harleigh.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven, sweet cheeks?" he said, with a lopsided grin.

Colin slapped a palm to his forehead, shaking his head as he dragged it down his face. David's head wobbled as he looked down at his leg.

"Who's blood is that?"

"It's yours,"Nathan replied.

David stared at him blankly then fainted. Daryl breathed a laugh, shaking his head. He caught Harleigh sending him a warning look before he could mutter "pussy" under his breath.

"What about the man? Their uncle?" Carol asked.

"He wasn't there, she wanted to leave before he showed up. Before you say she wasn't Sandra, she mentioned his name, Tom. SO, it was her."

"Maybe we should go and find her, she can't be far,"Harleigh suggested.

Carol shook her head, cutting a bandage for Nathan to put on David.

"Hell no. We tried that, 'n' some one got shot,"Daryl said.

"What about the kids?" Harleigh mumbled.

"They're being taken care of here. We'll deal with it if Sandra shows up,"Carol said, folding her arms.

"And she didn't say anything?" Harleigh asked, frowning.

Colin shook his head. The room went quiet. Daryl opened the door and he and Harleigh stepped outside. He looked at her, both of them frowning.

"What the fuck,"Harleigh whispered after a while.

Daryl chuckled at her.

"Rick is going to be so pissed at me,"she mumbled.

"Nah, he'll understand after he calms down,"Daryl shrugged.

"Did he say anything to you? Y'know before, when you left?"

Daryl paused and then shook his head.

"Started talkin' 'bou' all the stuff he needed to do, then he saw those two."

"I don't understand why she would just leave like that."

"Probably tha' David guy. He's a creep."

"He just hasn't had any in a while,"Harleigh shrugged.

"Well he ain't gettin' any 'round here. I don't wan' 'em 'round ya Leigh."

"He's not going to try anything."

"How'd y'know that? We don't know 'em."

"Do you think I should've left them outside too?" she asked quietly.

"Dunno Leigh. I see where y'comin' from but Rick's right too... Can't be lettin' strangers in."

"But their not, we know them-"

"We met 'em once."

"Yeah and they helped us."

"Leigh, they could be makin' this up."

"Why would they? David is shot... in the thigh! They've no supplies or weapons."

"Could'a hid 'em up the road a bit,"Daryl shrugged.

Harleigh shook her head, laughing a little.

"You and Rick need to learn to trust people. There are still good people left, Daryl."

"Maybe you gotta be more careful,"Daryl muttered.

"Are you guys fighting again?" a little voice asked.

Daryl and Harleigh glanced down to see Charlotte's wide brown eyes looking up at them.

"No, sweetheart, we're not,"Harleigh mumbled, inspecting her boots.

"Good I don't like it when you do."

"Do we figh' a lot?" Daryl asked, frowning.

"You're like brother and sister,"Charlotte grinned.

Daryl guessed she often heard him and Harleigh bickering.

"Is Carol inside?" the little girl asked, pushing the door open.

She gasped and covered her eyes. Daryl slammed the door shut. He knew she had seen all the blood.

"How about we go play on the swing, Char?" Harleigh suggested.

Charlotte dropped her hands and nodded. Daryl slipped his hand into Harleigh's and they followed Charlotte over to the tire. Daryl helped her up and gave her a gentle push. Harleigh folded her arms and watched them. Daryl caught her staring and him then swiftly looking away to the fence.

"Was that man bit, Daryl?" Charlotte asked.

"No,"Daryl replied.

"Harleigh was bit. She's okay,"she commented, giving Harleigh a wide grin.

Harleigh smiled back at her.

"He wasn't bit,"Daryl said.

"If he was would he be okay like Harleigh?"

"Probably not."

Harleigh whacked Daryl's shoulder.

"What?" Daryl asked, looking confused.

Harleigh just scowled at him.

"There you guys go again,"Charlotte sighed.

Daryl smirked, laughing a little at how wise she sounded. Harleigh let out a tired sigh and leaned her head against his shoulder. He wrapped one arm around her waist, continuing to push Charlotte. Charlotte suddenly jumped off, noticing Eva. She ran towards her waving her hands and shouting about a bloody leg. She then stopped as if she remembered something and ran back to Daryl and Harleigh.

"I've a loose tooth! Look!" she grinned, poking at her front teeth.

"Oh cool!" Harleigh laughed.

"Is the tooth fairy dead?"

"Uh..." Harleigh breathed, as Daryl tried not to laugh. "We'll see won't we?"

She nodded and ran back to Eva.

"Oh my god,"Harleigh muttered.

Daryl started laughing. She scowled at him before smirking as he continued to laugh.

"What do you say to that?" Harleigh whispered.


so guys, internet is fixed... updating faster hopefully ;D
thanks for all the comments you guys are the best x


I'm super sad because I've realized this may never get updated. It's legitimately the best story on this site

wolvesyroses wolvesyroses

Oh I really love this story. I hope it gets updated >< please update!

Gilyflower Gilyflower

This is the most amazing story ever on this site ever please update. Harleigh is amazing and you are a great writer.

reddeadwalker reddeadwalker

Amazing writing, as always.

SierraaDixon SierraaDixon

Holy crap please update!!! This is one of the best I've read in a long time!!!

elissa_mirinda elissa_mirinda