Never Trust Love
I Dont Need You
I was running through the forest, I had cuts on my arms and legs. I didn’t know where I was going and why, only knowing to run. The sky was black, and the trees looked dead. I came to a clearing where my camp was, everyone was slaughtered, blood everywhere. I looked in horror as I saw Lori and Carl on the ground with Lori’s hand holding Carl’s. I ran past them and saw dale with a knife through his skull up against the RV, Glenn next to him. I wanted to scream and opened my mouth to do so, but nothing came out. I needed to find Daryl. I ran towards Daryl’s tent, but it felt like I was getting farther away. Every step I took my feet got heaver, making me move slower. It felt like I was in quick sand then the tears started falling. My heart was pounding; I could hear it in my ears. I saw Daryl’s tent with blood on it, my heart stopped. I finally reached the tent but before I could get to close, I saw Daryl standing there.
“Daryl?” I asked as I started to walk towards him, afraid.
He didn’t say anything as I grew closer to him. When I was close enough to almost touch him, he fell to his knees as I noticed the blood on his body. I then noticed the man behind him, the same guy who had done those horrible things to me. I couldn’t move, all I saw was that man with the evil smile on his face. He pushed Daryl to the ground, pulling the knife out of his back and licking the blood off of it.
“Hey there, I found you sweet cheeks.” He said as he took a few steps towards me. I turned around as fast as my body would let me and started to run, all I heard was my heart ringing in my ears. The tears were flowing down my face as I saw the image of Daryl in my head. The tears were making it hard to see as I ran form the evil man behind me. I then hit the ground, as I felt pressure press on my back. I let out a gasp, feeling my lungs being crushed. I was then flipped over as he sat on top of me. The smile was plastered on his face, as he held the knife above me. I let out a scream as the knife entered my chest as he said “Mine”
I woke up breathing hard and looking around to find out where I was. I saw Daryl sleeping next to me, he looked so peaceful. I calmed down, knowing I was okay and safe. I looked down seeing that I was still naked. I blushed as I remembered last night, and then smiled. I laid back down, pulling the covers over my body, turning to lie on my side. As I turned Daryl turned with me; putting his arm over my body, pulling me closer to him. His smell filled my nose, the smell of oil, alcohol, and sweat. With him holding me I knew I was safe, and I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I fell back to sleep with his arm around me, hoping that another nightmare wouldn’t invade my dreams.
“Jess, wake up.” I heard as I groaned, pulling the blankets over my head. I didn’t want to get up; it felt like I had just fallen asleep.
“Damn it woman get up.” He said as he pulled the covers off of me.
I opened my eyes to see Daryl; he only had his pants on no shirt. I blushed as I noticed his perfectly sculptured body. He didn’t have too much muscles, just enough.
“I gotta go huntin, I’ll be back later before its dark.” He said as he picked up his shirt from the floor, putting it on. Its sleeves were ripped off, showing his arms.
“Okay.” I said.
I didn’t expect it but he leaned down and kissed me, a soft kiss; a kiss saying that he will be okay. I kissed back then watched as he walked out, leaving me to get dressed.
After I had gotten dressed and put my shoes on, I decided to go out and help out around the camp. I left the tent walking towards Lori, Carl, Sophia and Carol; they were sitting were the fire pit is. “Hello” I said with a friendly smile. “Is there anything I can do to help out around the camp, I feel kind of
bad. I haven’t done anything around here to carry my own weight.”
“Yeah, were going down to the lake in a bit to do some laundry, you can help us. You need to eat first so come sit down.” Lori said with a smile, gesturing me to sit next to her.
I sat down and ate a few apples and crackers, watching as Carol was teaching the kids some stuff. After we were done eating the kids ran off to play, knowing to stay close and were Dale could see them, as me and the other women went to the lake.
We sat at the lake talking and washing clothes.
“So what do you miss the most?” Carol asked Lori.
“I miss my ice cream.” She said with a sigh. “What about you Jessica?”
“I miss taking a nice long warm bath. And you Carol?” I asked as I finished a shirt then hanging it on the clothes line we had next to us.
“I miss my T.V” She said as she started to laugh.
We talked for a while longer; it was nice to have girl time. We talked about how our lives were before all this, what we missed most, and what we didn’t miss.
“So do you think that the house they found will actually work out?” Carol asked, to both of us.
“I’m not sure, I hope so.” I replied as I was looking at the last shirt I had to wash.
“I think it will work out good, we need a stable home.” Lori said hanging up a black, hole covered shirt. Once we finished we grabbed the clothes that were clean and began to walk back to camp.
When we got back to camp Rick and the other men in the camp were standing around each other talking, almost fighting. Lori ran over there saying something that I couldn’t hear. I put my basket of clothes down and wondered if I should go over there, and decided that I should. I walked over to the group as I heard Shane start to shout.
“It’s not safe; do you want to put us all in danger again? Do you want to kill us all?”
“It is safe, and it’s going to be winter in another month, we can’t stay here!” Rick said as he started to become angry, but held his composure.
“I think we should go and check it out, see if it’s safe.” I pitched in. Everyone looked at me for a second the Lori agreed with me.
“It’s a good idea, let’s send some people and see if it’s infested with walkers first.”
I looked at rick then looked over to my left when I felt someone touch my back, it was Daryl. He gave me a small smile, while his hand laid on my lower back. I slightly blushed as I remembered how if felt when his body was pressed up against mine.
“Okay then Daryl and Andrea will go check out the house.” Rick said.
I looked at Daryl; I could feel the jealousy build up inside me, but I didn’t let it show.
“Sure, I don’t mind.” Andrea said.
“Okay then its settled, you guys will leave in the morning.” Rick said as he walked toward Lori, putting his arm around her waist. Daryl removed his hand making the jealousy build up even more. I walked away going to a tree and lit a cigarette. I was trying to push away the feeling that I was having, I didn’t like them. I didn’t even want to get close to him, you can’t trust love. It either makes you weak or you get hurt.
“Why you go an take off like that for?” Daryl asked me, standing in front of me.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said not looking at him, but looking at the ground beneath our feet.
“Whatever” He said and walked away.
He wasn’t much for emotions, or showing that he cared. I stood there and decided that I didn’t care, I shouldn’t care. Yeah I had feelings for him and he has some for me, but I didn’t want to become weak. Something could happen any second or any day and I would be separated from everyone, then I would be weak. ‘No more feelings.’ I thought to myself as I put on a fake smile and walked back towards the group. I sat by the fire that was being made by Glenn, and decided to make small talk.
“So what’s for dinner?” I asked with a smile.
“Not sure, I think Carol is cooking.”
“Can I ask you something and you not tell anyone?” I asked looking at him while he made the fire.
“Sure?” He said not sure if he should or not. I knew he wasn’t good at keeping secrets, but that’s what I wanted.
“Do you have any alcohol? Or know where some is?”
“Um well, there’s some in the RV.”
“Thanks bud” I said with a smile and walked towards the RV.
When I reached the RV, no one was in site. I walked into the RV and looked in the shelf above the sink; I found it. I grabbed the half bottle of vodka and walked out of the RV after putting it in my pocket, and pulling my shirt down to cover it. I walked towards the river and sat down, the sun was setting; it gently reflected off the water. The trees covered the area, making it feel as though there was nowhere to run, like a wall. I opened the bottle of vodka and took a swig, feeling it burn my tongue as it filled my mouth. I looked at the water, the color reminding me of Daryl’s eyes. I pushed the thought out of my head as I tried not to think about him, taking another swig. After a few more swigs I began to feel the effects. I was giggling to myself at the thought of a walker falling in the water. Do they swim? The sun had set and it was dark. I decided that I should head back. I started towards the camp when something came up behind me and grabbed my arm, fear ran through me as I went to scream but a hand covered my mouth.
“Jessica stop, it’s me!” the voice said, it was Daryl.
I looked at him then giggled. “You scared me don’t do that!” I said but my words were slurred.
“Where the fuck have you been, you just up and leave not telling anyone? Glenn told me you asked for alcohol, and then you disappeared!” He was angry.
“Oh stop, I’m fine!”
“Yeah until a fucking walker grabs you!” He was holding me by my shoulders.
“Whatever, I can take care of myself I don’t need your help and I don’t need you to look after me like I’m a fucking child.” I said, looking away from him.
“Fine, take care of yourself then.” He said as he let go of me and walked off.
‘I don’t need him; I’m fine just by myself.’ I thought to myself as I walked back towards camp.
I got back to the camp then realized I had nowhere to sleep, Sophia and Carol had their own tent, and I knew that Daryl wouldn’t want me in his tent. I walked over to the fire and saw Glenn sitting by himself. I sat down next to him, the flames jumping off his face. Everyone else must have gone to sleep.
“Hey.” I said looking at the fire.
“Hi” was all he said.
We sat in silence for a minute, just enjoying the warmth of the fire.
“So do you have an extra blanket I could use?”
“Don’t you sleep in Daryl’s tent? He has blankets.” He said looking at me.
“I’m not staying in there, we got into a fight and well I need to be on my own.”
“Why don’t you just sleep in the RV with me and Dale? Just for tonight until you figure out what you want to do. You can’t just sleep outside alone.” He said.
I felt worthless, I didn’t have my own stuff; and I couldn’t even sleep in my own tent.
“Okay, if you don’t mind.” I said feeling sorry for myself.
“It’s no problem.” He said giving me a warm smile. “Have you eaten dinner yet?”
“No I’ve been kind of, well busy, but I’m not hungry.” I was lying, I was hungry but I didn’t want to eat.
“Come on then, let’s go get some sleep.”
We walked to the RV that was across the way. He opened the door for me and let me in, sitting at the table I handed him the bottle of vodka. He put it away then went to the back; I heard him shuffling with something then came back with a pillow and blanket and handed them to me.
“Thanks.” I said sheepishly.
“No problem, you can sleep on the couch.” He said gesturing toward the old brownish couch.
I walked over to it and set my pillow down and spread out my blanket. I sat down then looked at Glenn. “Thanks again, goodnight.”
“Good night Jessica.” He said as he walked towards the back of the RV again, I heard the springs of the bed groan as he laid down on them.
I looked at the white-yellow celling above me noticing the stains here and there. The RV was a nice sized one, not too old either. The couch was a brownish color and the chairs matched, it looked like it needed to have a good bath though. I turned on my side facing the door, trying to turn off my brain and get some sleep. I couldn’t, all I could think about was Daryl and the one good night sleep I had, regardless of the nightmare. He was next to me holding me, making me feel safer than I have for years.
‘I need to apologize’ I thought to myself. I had messed up; I got jealous and didn’t think about my actions and the alcohol didn’t help.
I decided that I would say sorry tomorrow, and let my eyes flutter shut as I slowly drifted off to sleep.