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We Were Born to Die.

Eighteen.

“I’m sorry.” I breathed, both of us seated on the dry grass, the tree causing a blur of shade, cooling me, my anger was also dissolving. “But...why?” I looked up at him, his eyes moving to stare out, away from me. His eyes ice blue, his face tanned, weary.

“I was just so mad, at Carol, at everyone for not doin’ enough...but,” He sighed, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck, “I were pissed at myself. I shoulda’ done more...and then,” He looked agitated, “To find out she was in the darn barn the whole time, 100 foot from where we were! Dead for days. If Rick had just brough’ her back, not left ‘er in the woods.”

He paused again, hands playing in the thick dust between the dying patches of grass, the silence stretched for a few minutes and I leant against the bark, huffing as it scratched my bag, forcing me to put the top back over my body.

“I shouldn’t a’ said that to Carol...I told her that. I wish I hadn’t, I feel like shit.” I sucked on my lower lip, a sincerity spreading over his features I hadn’t seen before. “You were right, what I was was wrong, disgusting...”

I suddenly felt the need to remove the guilt from his face, his blood. “People say things they don’t mean when they’re upset...and you did everything you could for Sophia, and you just released the pain in...”

“A stupid way.” He breathed, looking down as I moved, linking my hand with his, fingers interlocking. “I don’t even know why I said it.” He mused, face scrunched, pained. I swallowed deeply, tightening my grip on his hand.

“I’m sorry too.”
In a way I suddenly understood him, his reaction.
I was even trying to defend his actions to myself, and it was working.

His eyes met mine...he didn’t mean it, he hadn’t ever meant it, not even as the words left his mouth.
“I was a complete bitch to you.” I sighed, “I didn’t help at all, I just made it all worse.” He smirked slightly, it glimmered on his thin lips before his face dropped again at my words.

“I still think what you said was wrong but...I know I overreacted, I know Carol had forgiven you and I know you didn’t mean it...and...I’m sorry I lost it...”

I had my mouth open to continue when he moved quicker than I had expected, his lips pressing hard and short against mine, the speed of it making me breathless instantly, causing me to swallow deeply before I could finish my thought, could cringe.

“I can’t believe I hit you, and I made you bleed and...fuck I am so sorry that was...” He repeated the kiss, this time letting it linger, deepen. His hands digging slightly into my hips as we shuffled awkwardly until I was on his lap, even with me kneeling I was still little higher than him.

I pulled away eventually, smiling as he pushed some hair out of my face, the movement gentle, so unlike him but yet...so him.

“I fell off a fuckin’ cliff. And I shot myself. I can handle you.”
“How about I punch you again and we see.” I teased, his hands moving to circle my wrists as I went to pretend to strike him, “I could kick your ass pretty boy.” He moved, making me hit hard against the floor, the wind knocked from me leaving me wheezing pathetically.

“Good job Barbie,” I aimed a kick at him, his now over me, using his arms to stop from crushing me. I pulled a face, letting my head rest against the ground. “My hairs gunna be so rank.”

“Ain’t looking too good either way.” I scoffed, trying to kick him again, grinning as he winced.
“Actually, that reminds me, Hershel wants to check you over.” I batted my eyelashes, pushing softly against him until he sat up, pulling me up suddenly.

“Why does everything you do hurt me?” I whined, rubbing my now stinging shoulder.
“I didn’t do nuthin’.” He defended, lifting his hands in surrender and turning, beginning to walk, my feet speeding up so I could walk beside him, slipping the sunglasses from my hair to my nose.

“You’ve missed stuff being all reclusive you know.” He shot me a look.
“Oh yeah, like what? I was out catchin’ food, not sittin’ ‘round talking shit.”

“Beth’s awake but...she isn’t right.” I sighed, forcing my tone to brighten, “Randall’s okay, but Shane and Rick are planning to just ditch him somewhere, which is fucking ridiculous. Lori’s still pregnant, Shane is still mental and...”

“You keep away from Shane.” He said suddenly, cutting me off, “He ain’t right.”
“No shit.” I murmured, “He threatened Dale.”

“Don’t everyone want ta’ do that?” I hit his arm. We walked a few more minutes before he spoke again, “Why’d ya go to get Hershel tha’ other night?”

I glanced up at him, “Cause I wanted to help, and I couldn’t stand to be here after what happened.”
“It was dangerous, just cause you ain’t been talkin’ to me don’t mean Rick hasn’t he told me what happened. Ya’ll almost died.”

“And we didn’t.” I defended, “And we saved Randall’s life, it sweet and all but you don’t need to worry about me.” He snorted.

“You near fell down the cliff eight days ago.”

“And you did fall down it.” I bit back, he kept staring at me until I sighed, giving in, “Fine, I’ll try not to do anything else stupid alright?” He nodded.

“Good. Let’s try not to die yeah?”
“That’s always been the main aim.”

He paused.

“I thought shit was easier now.” I looked at him, confused, “Not with the Walkers and shit, but...it’s survival, I’m good at that, hunting, tracking, ya know? An’ it was right, me and Merle, then the group came along, dealing with fuckin’ idiots.” I smirked. “But then, lookin’ out for ‘em...being in a group fucks stuff up.”

“I don’t agree with that,” I answered, “There’s always strength in numbers, and I know you don’t need to rely on the numbers, but they need you or I’d be fucked by now and I’m sure everyone else would be too. You need friends, people, to survive, to keep sane...You can’t deal with all this alone. If something happens, its just you, you’re relying on yourself.”

“An’ that’s exactly how I liked it,” He countered, “Then you came and fucked it all up proper. Feelings, caring fucks it up.” I went to speak and he cut me off, “The minute I found out you had gone on that fuckin’ suicide mission to get Hershel back, right at that lil’ girl was dead and you come back with a fuckin’ hole in ya’ arm.”

“I told you not to worry.”

“You don’t make tha' easy.”
I lifted a brow, “What are you tryin’ to say? I should just sit around and do fuck all.” He smirked,
“What I’m saying is I was all good here, till you came along.”

I felt a flicker of lust mix with a flicker of annoyance. He scoffed at the confusion on my face, my sunglasses now in hand so I could properly looking at him. “How?” I nodded, both of us stopping, now in the middle of the field behind the barn.

“Cause,” He stopped, sighing, almost grimacing, looking up to the sky for an answer, “Cause I’m fuckin’ in love with you. And me thinkin’ you were gunna die made me realise that.”

I froze, trying unsuccessfully to stop myself gaping.
A part of me wanted to laugh, another to cry, another to run and another to say it back, say those ridiculous words.

He held my eye contact for too long, I didin’t dare break away, reject him. He rolled his eventually, although I saw a flash of pain, the dreaded rejection.

“Didn’t mean to break ya,” He joked, his voice sounding weird, “You don’t have ta’ say it back, just wanted ya’ to know, I’m a big boy.” He went to walk past me, his hand brushing my collar bone and shoulder.

I couldn’t just let him walk away without saying anything.
But, in an incredibly selfish way, I couldn’t say it.
Was it because I didn’t mean it? Because I did.
It was just three words.

I reacted with my body, stopping him, hitting my lips against his, my hands running down his chest, his circling around my waist as it deepened. Until my clothes were chucked aside his jeans again round his ankles, him sitting up, me straddling him , feeling him in me, his lips on me.

My body was responding but my mind was blurred, on him but elsewhere.
Did I love him?
_______________________________

That night, wrapped in Daryl’s arms I couldn’t sleep. What he admitted to me earlier had confused the hell out of me.
He hadn’t brought it up since then, acting as if he hadn’t made such a staggering statement, as if he hadn’t just lay his feelings out for me not to reply.
To distract him with sex.

I didn’t know what love meant to me anymore, with Naya it had taken me so long to break down barriers and tell her things, the same things I had told Daryl within a week of knowing him.

Was I more open with him just because of the situation we were in, or did it go much further than that?
I sighed, shuffling closer to him and smiling as his arm wrapped tighter around my waist, butterflies filled my stomach, and I groaned, flipping myself so I was on my back staring up at the top of the tent.
I could hear movement to my right and smiled, Rick and Lori were clearly having sex, things were much better between the two. It grew louder and I began to feel creepy.

Does Carl never hear them?

I hadn’t spoken to anyone about it, not even Glenn, although I told him stiffly I was staying in Daryl’s room. Even though he had muttered bashfully he was staying in Maggie’s.
“I’m sure Hershel loves that idea.” I teased, shoving a few things into my bag.
“He doesn’t know.”

“You’re sneaking in and out?” I snorted, “How high-school.” He pulled a face.

“I don’t even want to hear about what you get up to tonight.”
________________________

I moved again, the heat was overbearing, humid. As much as I loved that Daryl was suddenly cute, touchy I was too warm, his body a radiator I couldn’t escape from.

I had tried to convince him to move the tent back, even getting to the point of removing stuff from his tent but I had railed. Instead I had managed to get him to eat dinner with everyone to at least be social, Carol shooting me a soft smile, her eyes hovering on him.

She cared a lot for him, and as long as it was in a non-romantic way this was encouraged by me, he needed to be more open, in the group.

I almost snorted, I’m jealous, I realised, biting on my lip.
Jealous of someone who I knew would never do that, there was no chance of that.
I was stupid.

Daryl moved, his arm un-snaking from me, him now on his back. I copied his movement, watching him sleep, hair that was growing unruly as with us all was over his eye and I leant over and brushed it back.

I realised something else.
I was watching him sleep.
I was Edward fucking Cullen.

I made myself turn, staring at the outline of his things thrown around on the floor, willing myself to stop, to stop freaking out.

But, I’d already come to a conclusion. It all clicked.

In the last couple of minutes I’d had butterflies, simply from the way his arm leant over me, I’d admired him sleeping and I’d been jealous.

And I ached for him in a more primal way.
I sighed, again conflicted by the news that must have been so obvious it was written all over me.

I am in love with Daryl Dixon.

Notes

Thanks for all the high ratings!

Hope you enjoy

much love x

Comments

Grrr >< have to update lol Got to know what happens next!

Gilyflower Gilyflower
3/29/15

Oh my God, those feels

ParisPaxadox ParisPaxadox
1/14/14
Looking forward to the next chapter :)
TSWilts TSWilts
11/20/13
I love it :-) :-) :-)
Ceeekes Ceeekes
11/4/13
@KetzLove
Thankyouuu...and there are many far more naughty Norman Reedus stories out there ;) haha. And yeah, J.K is my queen (excluding the one true queen Dame Maggie Smith) Glad you're enjoying the story!