Wasn't Born an Angel
Chapter 49: Just a Boy and a Girl
~Author’s Note: Hey Guys! I am so excited to finally be updating “Wasn’t Born an Angel” and bringing this chapter to you! I know it has been a long time coming, so I am so grateful to any of you who come back to read. I also have to say that I was very excited to have had my Bethyl fics nominated for the recent Moonshine Awards (for 2016 fics) conducted by the Ultimatebethylficlist on Tumblr. My fics were only eligible for two categories, and were nominated in those categories: “It Only Hurts When I Breathe” was nominated in the Best Classic category and “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” and “Wasn’t Born an Angel” were nominated in the Best Work In Progress category. Needless to say, I was humbled and awed to have all of my nominated works place in their categories. “It Only Hurts When I Breathe” was awarded second place in the Best Classic category and “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” and “Wasn’t Born an Angel” won first and second place respectively in the Best Work In Progress category. I don’t even know how to comprehend this...and I want to thank any of my readers who knew about this contest and voted for me. It is such an honor having something in my life I love so much recognized like this. It is an honor beyond this contest to have all of you guys who read my fics, love Beth and Daryl and their journey I have written, and support me in this creative outlet I need so much in my life. I love you all. It is so amazing that there is still such a need for Bethyl fanfic...people who want to read these stories...not just mine, but Bethyl fic in general by all the other wonderful authors out there who dedicate their time to keeping these beautiful characters alive and giving them the lives they so desperately deserved! I know as a writer, I have left a little piece of my heart behind in all three of these fics and I know it is the same for the other authors out there as well.
About this chapter and going forward for a bit-I am super excited that for the first time in the history of my fics that I actually have a holiday appropriate chapter (Happy Valentine’s Day 2017 Everyone!). This is a soft, sweet chapter with more to come. I am planning on updating with the next chapter (Chapter 50!!!) of “Wasn’t Born An Angel” before I have a new update of “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” because you guys deserve it after the last wait. I am well into the chapter, so I hope it isn’t going to take me a long time to complete it. I really hope that you do enjoy this little bit of sweetness and more sweetness to come, understanding that Beth and Daryl aren’t just on a journey to their new home and life, they are on a journey of intimacy and discovery with each other...a journey that is not going to be rushed...hoping you all can appreciate and enjoy that. Happy reading! Small warning...there is some sensuality in this chapter.
Oh...and I think I mentioned this in my last update of “I Will Follow...” but never really had the chance to mention it here. I am not a big user of Tumblr, but sometimes I do post updates about my fics...when to expect a new chapter etc. on Tumblr. It is really the only way that I know how to reach my readers, especially if it has been a long time since I posted. If you want to follow me for those reasons, I am boltthrutheheart on Tumblr. Once again, thank you guys so much for everything!~
And he wanted her...
...wanted to touch her...
No denying that at all...not now, huffing out a heavy breath and inhaling the cool air, trying to breath again, fingers clenching the dirty mattress on each side of her...in her space. Bethhad fallen back, sitting on her heels when he lunged at her, grasping his shoulder to keep her balance now that he freed her. On his knees, he might as well have been begging...for what...begging for forgiveness, strength to be a good man...maybe for Beth to just do or say anything...
Daryl couldn’t remember the kiss...but that impulse that stole his senses and replaced ‘em with something entirely different...it was still dangerously strong...aggressive...coursing through his veins like it was the one thing keeping him alive. And the taste of her mouth still intoxicated him. Never been one for drugs...saw what they did to the people around him and what those people did to him...but Daryl sure in the hell had his own addiction now...Beth.
Beth...the woman who both grounded him and made him come unhinged. Seeing her...chest heaving, frantic for breath, all wide-eyed and shocked, looking at him, the reason she was having to hold on for dear life. What did those huge, pale blue eyes see in him?
Ashamed...Daryl broke from her gaze. He just attacked her, sucking her breath away, no better than a fucking animal. And all this aggression after a beautiful moment of innocent intimacy...the reassurance Beth gave him about who he was...what he was to her...and this is what he did?
Was he trying to prove her wrong...sabotage the most purely good thing he ever had in his life? What in the hell was he doin’ to Beth...the fragile creature whose demons were so real to her that she lost her reality. And the monster who broke her...forcing her to fight...almost killing herself to keep what was hers...to keep herself...that had been all too real. How was he any better?
Because I ain’t him.
I ain’t him...Daryl told Beth that once, now he just had to remind himself. He knew it...believed it...even in his darkest moments.
Beth’s quiet, breathy giggle...once her breath returned...caught him, lifting his eyes and his spirits. She was all smiles, Daryl suddenly flushed with incomprehensible self-consciousness...going abashed...shaking his head and hmmphing...realizing...
He was her reality...just like he needed to be. Beth was just startled by his forwardness...his unexpected surge of passion. She was young, somewhere between being a girl and a woman. A woman in all the ways that mattered...a strong woman...sadly faced more in her short life than anyone ever should. But with a man...with him...she had no idea. And that was okay. Daryl realized they were the same. He grew up too quick...forced to be a man in an unforgiving life that was merciless to him before the world turned on everyone else. He was a man far before he should’ve been, but with Beth...it was different with Beth.
The world was brutal...devastating to her...but he never was. He never broke her; he was her protector...
But she was so much more than just a thing that needed his protection. She was hisgirl. In these still moments, staring at her...the lantern light barely catching the glint in her eyes...it was there...a desire for him that burned deep. That part of him that was always so full of doubt, so consumed by self-loathing and a perpetual sense of worthlessness that had been beaten into him by years under his father’s lash tried to deny it...but he wasn’t stupid. Knew what he saw. They were both broken...probably always would be, but she was more than just something that was broken. By no means was that the sum of who Beth was...a sum of her scars, traumas, and tragedies. Daryl needed to stop treating her like a victim...start treating her like a woman.His woman. And it was okay for him to want her...Beth deserved to be wanted. A protector...that may have been the essence of who he was...but eventhough Daryl knew he was of an unpredictable and wild nature, he didn’t need to protect Beth from himself.
And he deserved to touch her...
The world shifted...got horizontal pretty quick...not even thinking anything...not thinking at all...Beth tugging at his shirt. Damned thing too tight to pull off over his head, Daryl fumblingone-handed with the buttons, braced with palm and elbow sinking into the mattress beside her. Beth’s hands joined the mix now too. Clumsy fingers battling with buttons, desperate to get where they were going so then they could take things nice and slow like they both deserved.
“I got it...” Daryl was determined to handle the situation with his own fucking shirt, but frustration was getting the better of him...all thumbs now. If she got in his way, he might accidentally snap one of those delicate little fingers.
“Let me.” Ever the one who was able to still him, Daryl withdrew his hand, watched Beth become slow and diligent, getting the job done quicker than both of them frantic together could’ve ever accomplished.
A rite of passage...somehow that’s what it was...what it felt like when Daryl took her breath. Surprising her with an all consuming kiss...wild spirit and unbridled passion, something Beth could only really remember once upon her lips...the night they fought for their lives...the night Gareth and his cannibals were...ceased to exist and she and Daryl were reunited again...against all odds. But this was different. Serious, but not life or death serious; serious, but only serious in and of itself...serious because it was a kiss, not because of what drove it or where it was going...what it would lead to. So much time fighting to survive that living was a luxury...learning how to live...how to love...well, all those things seemed like an afterthought. If you were lucky enough to be breathing, you lived...it didn’t seem like there was time for all the small things in between. Like the prom...and graduation, events that marked the passage from child to adult...fun things...silliness, mistakes that could be made and forgotten or looked upon years later with embarrassment but fond memories. Now mistakes and children’s games got you killed. Rites of passage existed, but they were different...they became more primitive. First walker kill. First human kill... But Beth didn’t want to think about that now...those rites of passage. She’d marked all of those, learning the hard truth that hit like a freight train...you grew up quick or you died.
Well, she’d somehow managed to have her first drink and not be torn to pieces by walkers for that act of stupidity, that normal rite of passage, but Daryl played a large part in that...keeping her safe...never letting her wander too far without being close behind. But now...tonight...right now, it suddenly wasn’t about the destination. It wasn’t about being grown up and knowing everything. They were in a place in between. They weren’t in the funeral parlor where Daryl would’ve made a life with her before...a home that was bright and beautiful and so mature. They hadn’t made it to the place they were going to call their home...the place where their life would play out, where they would put down roots, where they would make love, live life...maybe make life together. No...they were in a dark garage in the back of a pickup truck, making out. She was making out with Daryl Dixon...surrounded by grease and wrenches and wrecked cars. It felt like they didn’t belong here...at least she didn’t...and at any moment, the fluorescent drop lights would flip on, blinding them. The man, Wes, who owned this mechanic shop would walk in, catch them in a compromising situation, he would call the cops, or even worse...Daddy. Daddy would find out, and it would be the end of her world. These things were all impossible now...those threats didn’t exist, Daddy would love Daryl and be happy that she was safe with a good man, but that didn’t mean those worries weren’t what were running through Beth’s head. It all felt so very risky...but that’s what made it all so very right.
He laughed at her, actually chuckled out loud after the angst of that kiss, and Daryl, holding himself at arms length, pffted when she shushed him for pulling her boots off, tossing them off the bed of the truck, heels thudding against the cracked concrete floor. Not at first...he didn’t laugh at first when her urgent shhh...fled her lips, Beth being so ridiculously lost in the moment...until he comprehended that it wasn’t about real fear...walkers...it was about finally being in a place where she forgot those fears and got to be a girl again. Just a girl with a boy...Daryl looming over her, reassuring her they were alone and she was safe, Beth not actually hearing his words...watching his chest rise and fall...slow and deep, but heavy...so near she could feel his warmth...and his anxiety. That was ridiculous too...Daryl was no boy, but gone was the man who’s touch she begged for back in the crisp, whitewashed bedroom at the funeral parlor...the man whose wild instincts, lost in a moment, threatened to consume her...was too much...to hard for her to handle.
Was it that realization...that implicit promise he made her...that they were absolutely alone in the world...that there was nothing to fear...that made Daryl so unsure...so childlike in nature now? Because he had everything and nothing to lose? Vulnerable not because of outside threats but vulnerable because he didn’t have to protect her from anything...there was nothing to stop this moment...
He tried to hide it...tried to steady himself. Beth could sense it in the stiffness of his fingers as they reached out to her...touched her, but despite his efforts, she felt his hands trembling like he’d never touched a woman before...if her body even qualified as a woman’s. Closing her eyes as those unpracticed fingers trailed down her neck...feeling her own pulse quickening in her veins...wishing she could...just needed to open her eyes...to see him...because this wasn’t just about feeling. It was about Daryl too...the man who was making her feel.
Seeing...seeing those trembling hands in the faint light...his gentle, intent eyes begging her to see him...
A different man...a different Daryl than had ever touched her before...though their touches had been rare. Innocent in his own way...touching her to learn her. Not a man just touching a woman to get somewhere quick...not just giving her what she thought she wanted...like she’d pleaded for before...this was her Daryl...
...now he was worshipping her...
And in his touch, he spoke the words his tongue couldn’t manage...I have no idea what I’m doin’...Beth could hear it in her mind even though he made no sound...hear those words in his soft country drawl.
...but he was willing to try...
He didn’t know her body. He may know her scars...both inside and out, depths of her that no other could ever conceive, descending into her soul. He may have seen her stripped nearly naked, beaten, bloody, broken, and so very vulnerable...but he didn’t know her body. He didn’t know how or where to touch her; Beth knew little enough of that about herself. But discovering with him, gasping and shivering when unknown pleasures coursed through her, touching her to the core...sent her skin to rippling under his fingertips...Daryl didn’t speak, didn’t make a noise like he was holding his breath...waiting to fail. But he didn’t stop. Beth didn’t have to think...her body gave and responded to his caresses, his touch giving part of himself to her and bringing her to life. No thoughts except a budding sense of euphoria...trying to comprehend the inexplicable...absorb the simple ecstasy of being lavished by this man who loved her...the calloused pads of his fingers so contradictorily soft, grazing every sensitive spot she didn’t even know she had. Tracing her shoulders...down her arms, the gentle slopes and curves of her that stood in stark contrast to his bulges and cut muscle, Daryl seemed entranced by her mere existence.
Pants after boots though much had come between. Anxiety...the good and the bad...filled her tummy, his fingers warm on her skin going for the button of her low slung jeans. Deft fingers now, not fumbling like they had with his own shirt in their urgency...but focused...even he focused, looking to the task at hand and not at her. But he smiled...maybe he didn’t even know...he smiled to himself, hand traveling away from the undone button, grazing over to caress her hipbone where it peeked out of her waistband. Her hips lifted instinctively for Daryl...to aid Daryl in ridding her of the worndenim, sliding over flesh made more responsive by Daryl’s attentions. The only hitch...her toes catching in the ripped-out kneesof her blue jeans, Beth feeling her own soft smile at the lack of perfection...the normalcy of it all.
Massive hands...man’s hands...Daryl’s hands grasping...overwhelming but now curling around and grazing up her naked legs...legs she wished were silken and smooth, but there was nothing to be done about it ...a frivolous wish. She didn’t have the capacity to be self-conscious, and Daryl didn’t even seem to notice or care. Gripping her hips full and possessive...this was how it should feel to be touched by Daryl...feeling both his power and his love...squeezing...eliciting a gasp before Beth bit into her lip to stop anything more from escaping...because...she didn’t even know why. Maybe it was because she was still shy of it all...wanting it, but scared of the rush of things she’d never felt. He didn’t smile...he didn’t grin...not now...there was something more intense...more sensual in his steely gaze...more needy as he pulled her hips from the bed. Like he wanted to kiss her somewhere...but he didn’t. He didn’t even move to take the rest of her clothes off.
Almost naked...but not...just bra and panties. In this case it might as well have been the same as fully clothed to him...because everything that was covered...that had to be what Daryl wanted to see...what he wanted to touch. But he didn’t...not yet at least...denying himself what she was so willing to offer...this man with the self-control of a saint, just looking her over. Then lips...lips replaced rough hewn hands on tilted hips...kissing...low below her belly button. Not low enough to make her nervous but still leaving Beth blushing...knowing his mouth was pressed to skin just above her panties...panties Beth knew were soaked with desire down below....feeling bright and flushed even though she knew Daryl had no way of knowing just how much shewanted him....did he? And she did want him. Daryl’s scratchy chin rested on her abdomen...starkly contrasting the smooth sensitivity of her skin...looking up at her, she was still flushed, still blushed. He wasn’t being cocky, but he did gain a measure of confidence, whether in practice...in actually exploring her...the nervousness subsided, or if her responses...the way she naturally gave to him bolstered his confidence...gave him that assurance he needed.
Kisses full and wet marked his path up her body, moving beside her...his presence felt in all ways...kisses not demanding, just unapologetic. Not knowing what to do, Beth just did nothing...enjoyed...let Daryl do for her. God...his hands were so big...slipping under sparse material, cupping her tiny breast and freeing it...Beth aching for his lips there where his calloused thumb grazed over her...nipple hardening...Beth’s hold on her calm threatening to shatter. But leaning in so close that Beth felt his body hovering just above her...could feel the heat radiating off him...anticipating his lips...he didn’t take her in his mouth, sucking at her like she expected...wanted. Instead, he lavished the sensitive flesh under her breast with whisper soft,oh sohesitant kisses...just lips...leaving her writhing and wanting...digging desperate fingers into his unruly mane, some of it long enough that its ends reached to tickle her chest.
“Beautiful...” The whispered warmth of his words felt more than heard, Daryl pulling back, still so close but far enough away, propped up on his arm beside her, that they could see each other in the dim light cast by the halogen camping lantern.
She could barely see him, but she could see his face...see the love there...and in their world she didn’t need or want anything else. Going a little self-conscious....not even knowing how Daryl could see what he called beautiful among the shadows...there was little enough there as it was...but realizing all that mattered was love. That was their truth.
...nimble fingers now traveling down her side, languorous...feeling like they were going nowhere, having no intended destination...it should have tickled, but Beth needed...savored his touch...
A quiet moment, every portion of Daryl focused on her...
“You’re smilin’...” There was a silent joy in his rusty voice.
Beth hadn’t noticed...so consumed...but of course...why wouldn’t she smile? In him, she had everything...but Daryl’s words sounded like the most astonishing revelation.
“Shhh...” Instinct seized Daryl’s heart at Beth’s frantic shushing after he pulled her boots off and chucked ‘em over bed of the truck, the worn heels clapping on the grey garage floor...almost grabbed for his bow to fight off whatever was coming...whatever she feared...‘til he realized...
She wasn’t afraid of walkers that were out to tear them to pieces or people who wanted to kill them and take what they had...or worse. It wasn’t about her living nightmares either. Beth, so lost in them...in him...wasn’t thinking about none of that...wasn’t thinking about nothing except being in the back of a truck with him, maybe feeling for this brief moment that she lived in a normal world where they had to sneak around ‘cause he was the bad boy and she was afraid of getting caught. That fear was so...beautiful. It made him feel like he could give her that...that kind of life...where she could forget where they were.Or better yet...made him feel like they found that place...were almost there...where they were gonna be safe and that was their life...could hide from the world and not have to fight so hard. Her beautiful fear...
Daryl stopped and realized just how much he thought his life was beautiful since Beth...
“Hmmph.” He couldn’t help chuckling a little. “Shush what?”
Inching closer...close enough to shield her from the world even though there wasn’t anything he needed to protect her from, he would give it to her anyway.
“Ain’t no one...nothin’ here but you and me.”
You and me. That’s how they started, how it always should’ve been, all they needed...and that’s exactly where they were right now. Breathing her in as she breathed out a sigh of relief, like his word...his presence was all that was necessary to calm her worries, even as simply as a man calmed a woman’s fears in a place and time not consumed by death...not like he’d ever done that before. And she was his breath of life...but he was so very afraid to breathe...to live in this way...to make a move...the wrong move and ruin everything.
I’ve done a lot of things...
Told Beth that over their game of I’ve Never...the truth. Very few of those things he’d ever done were right...that’s what he’d been confessing to her. Didn’t wanna fuck it all up now, but he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to touch her.
That porcelain skin...he could barely see her but he could see enough...going in to cup her slender neck, suddenly stiff fingers tangling in the mass of her blonde waves that were silky even when they were mussed. Trailing down that smooth pillar...feeling Beth expel another breath, her icy blue eyes closing, tilting her head back, baring more of her body to him.
Dammit...his hands were shaking, and there wasn’t nothin’ he could do about it...tried to focus...tried to calm himself, but it wasn’t working. He could draw her in, take her with a kiss...hide the tremble in his touch where sheer will was failing him by embracing her...stilling himself by holding her tight, but that’s not what he wanted...not how he wanted it. Didn’t even wanna kiss her...not yet. He wanted to feel her even though this...all this should be about Beth...every touch, caress...
Pfft...like he was actually capable of caressing her, a concept still so foreign in his mind...
...every exquisite moment leading to his lips on her...everything...should be about her. That’s what she’d done for him...before they left the funeral parlor.
But fuck it all...he was too much of an instinctual creature for this not to be about him too.
No...that was wrong...he’d never been like this before...never felt and experienced so deeply...down to the core of who he was...who he should be, and he barely even had his hands on her. It was about them because with Beth, Daryl...what he used to be...faded away. Because of her. With her. For her. He became hers a long time ago...and in becoming hers, he became something better. That’s what she gave him, and that’s what he needed to give her...knowing that for Beth, it would never be about pleasure for pleasure’s sake. It was about giving, transformation, their bond. In order to do things right by her, he needed to let her feel him...the man he was, and just how much he needed her...even if that meant his hands were shaking...meant she he felt his hands trembling as they grazed over her skin.
Was she really as calm as she seemed...so still...not still like she was scared, but still in nature, her already warmskin heating even more at his touch, little muscles rippling under his fingertips. She’d always been so little, but there was strength to her. And in their journey, she was growing stronger again. For him, it was her love, her reassurance, her complete and absolute devotion to and faith in him every step that nourished Daryl. Her fight...her willingness to fight him, for him...fight the world with him so she could stand beside him and he wouldn’t be alone...that made Daryl know a life...their life...a future was possible. She was strong for them.
From neck to navel, Daryl allowed his hand to travel the line of her form...the slight valley between the small mounds of her breasts, between her ribs...a cage that held such a fierce and loving heart...a heart that refused to give up on him or herself, down the smooth curve and dip of her tummy, the reach of his hand spanningthe distance between her hips. With nymph-likegrace, Beth’s body arched to him...arched where his hand journeyed...herself making his touch more intense...more possessive...her choice and doing. She gave, and he allowed himself to take what was offered.
Trembling hands finally steadied, not because he had any idea what in the hell he was doin’, but because...maybe because he was learning. Button undone...almost as undone as he was, taking full advantage of slipping her jeans off...fingers sinking into the firm roundness of her ass, thumbs dipping into the enticing hollow of her hips. Shimmying her pants off, Beth wiggled a little to help him along...but he was in absolutely no fucking hurry...was gonna savor every moment, every bit of her. Peeling back her socks that didn’t have any particular color or pattern anymore, tossing them aside just as he had her boots, Daryl marveled at her perfect feet...her tiny little toes...taking the measure of her foot with his hand. So dainty...so delicate...silky and soft, not worn or cracked or calloused like his by the unforgiving wasteland on which she trod every day. It was as if she hovered like a small songbird, her feet never actually touching the ground.
Her giggle broke his reverie, feeling the small tremors of her laugh course through her body as his fingers trailed over the soft arch of her foot, toes curling...she was ticklish. That simple realization brought joy to his heart, and her giggle...he felt his own laughter building in his gut. It never escaped, but it was there, and he could even sense it burning behind his eyes. Joy. Not many moments Daryl could recall in his life had been filled with joy until Beth...
Those legs...Beth’s bare legs called to him...something deep inside that wanted to nestle himself in the warm valley between her thighs...
...have those long, shapely legs...longer legs than her diminutive stature had any right to possess...wrapped snug around him.
He could lose himself in Beth and be a happy man until the day he died. But no...not yet...there were other pleasures to be explored before that and death.
Beth’s skin smelled impossibly clean and fresh, like the first spring morning when you could almost taste the sunshine...so addictive...
And planting his lips to her firm thigh, then low on her tummy...lower still just above the waist of her panties...there was something more. Beth...the scent of her...the scent of her desire, that heat, rich and warm and intoxicating...the knowledge that his touch was far for unwanted...that she wanted him incited something instinctual andgnawing, something he was strong enough to keep at bay, but it was there. Before making another move...before going north when he wanted to go south...lifting his eyes up, he caught her gaze...so shy, but expectant, probably not knowing what she expected, but woman enough that she wanted something from him...expectations he was hoping he could meet.
Kisses...just kisses up her body when he wanted to suck at her skin, taste her, mark her...he restrained himself, but kissed her full and possessive...never one to do anything half-ass. Beth’s little tummy trembled under his mouth, gasping...short, quick, shallow breaths ashe dragged his chin up the silken surface beneath. Not enough to scuff her with his beard but enough to arouse her senses, let her feel she was with a man...not letting on the unsure knot of anxiety he was feeling inside.
“Just don’t shave, okay? You look like a baby without a beard.” That picture...wasn’t good at growing a beard back then...still wasn’t...but he was gonna use what he had.
Stopping, looking up at her, eyes panning up and over the plains of her form. Hmmph...had he ever been a baby...ever looked like a baby? Had such a hard life, wasn’t complaining ‘cause it made him capable of surviving now. Just a few hours ago...Beth with that picture in her hand, sitting up on that counter...there was a clear line...a definition between what he was then and who he was standing before her. He’d been a punk ass kid back then, but there was no doubting the Daryl she saw was a man. Now he was trying to shake away the fact that he felt like a nervous kid in the back of a truck with his first girl. Part of Daryl wished she was his first girl. Maybe she was...she was the one who mattered.
Moving up beside Beth, further away but he was still very much with her, Daryl was not the stealthy predator and she his prey, but on equal ground with her...both unknowing...both unpracticed...he maybe even more unsure than her because there was such a quiet confidence about Beth. Settled beside her, he saw the now steady rise and fall of her chest was only interrupted by small, wavering breaths. The peaks of her perfect, firm tits called to him...the anxiousness for a part of her he had yet to adore...gently cupping a small swell that fit his hand just right, caressing before he brushed back the shabby material that concealed her. Tiny nipple stiffening...Daryl more in tune to her actions and reactions than anything else in his entire life...hoping that his hands, calloused and broken, weren’t too rough on her. But they’d been broken and bloodied so she...they would have a chance at this...life. Despite his anxieties, she didn’t complain, she didn’t shy from him...she offered herself as a willing sacrifice to his love among the melody of her soft, breathy gasps of longing. He was longing too...longing to taste her breast, flick that small, pale pink nipple with his tongue, taking her full in his mouth...feel her writhe and draw him down to her, but instead Daryl focused his attentions on the quivering skinbeneath, kissing as much ragged lace as he was of bare Beth, but something in him wanted to leave her a little wanting...wanting more of him.
Remembering something...such an endearing and unassuming moment with Beth...this perfect creature...sitting by that fire the night he eventually bore his own scars and soul to her, a night that started out so beautifully...so gently with so much promise. Fire so often meant survival, but bathed in those flames...in that firelight...Daryl saw love and passion and hope and faith all embodied in her...he saw his life, not his survival. He saw his future in those flames. And she’d touched him...not just on the inside...
Beth continued her exploration, pressing into the dent where his shoulder met his collarbone, her fingers skimming over his wife-beater and down the line of his chest. It was the point where Daryl got all insecure, knowing he wasn't built as good as some guys, wasn't as strong as Beth deserved.
"Don't got nothin' there to feel."
She withdrew her hand, not at all what he wanted. He'd just been rambling outta nerves. Her eyes met his for a split second, looking away before he could even catch 'em.
"Me neither."Beth turned her face away, shy, embarrassed by what she said, and that's when Daryl realized she was talking about her small breasts.
He almost looked down at them, forced himself not to, hated himself for that inclination. Beth was being all self-conscious. It wasn't a fucking invitation to go staring. Daryl reached out, lifting her chin, forcing her to look at him instead of away.
Beth went to say something, but he wasn't gonna let her speak or refute what he said...read her parted lips as invitation to kiss her, and she didn't deny him...
And now Daryl wouldn’t hold his tongue either...would praise her and tell it true, even if she deserved more than he could ever convey.
“Beautiful...” Uttering that word against her...didn’t even know if it was loud enough for Beth to hear...but it was meant for her.
Time didn’t often stand still in their world. You were either running towards death or running from death, hoping to survive...live a little lifein between. But with Beth, looking down on her, there was quiet in his soul and stillness in his heart. He thought ‘bout all those pictures she found of him...insisted on keeping...wished he had a camera to capture her radiance now...the low light barely catching the soft angles of her angelic face. Wanted one, but didn’t need a picture. As long as he lived, her image would be imprinted in his mind...this moment of perfection.
“What...?” Her voice...there was always such music in itwhen she was happy.
“You’re smilin’.” Feeling embarrassed for stating the obvious, but Beth didn’t let him beat himself up over it, slim fingers threading through his hair and drawing him into a kiss...
Nothing deep, Beth just kissing him soft and sweet, short kisses with barely a taste of her tongue. Daryl hadn’t noticed...really hadn’t been paying attention to where his hands were going...just adoring her body...worshiping her...until he met the edge of her panties, a border he needed to stop and consider before he breeched it. Testing the waters...cupping her sweet little mound in his hand then tracing her cleft through the lace, material soaked and steaming...Daryl knew beneath she was dripping with desire. Drawing up that soaked slit, Beth gasped, started to clench her thighs...stopped herself, but it still stopped Daryl in his tracks...remembering the last time he tried to touch her...she’d begged him...but he hadn’t done it right...remembering what happened...Beth panicking then.
Truth was, he knew exactly what he wanted to do...he just had no idea how to go about it with Beth...how to touch her...
Moving his hand away from her...too hesitant to go any further...finding a place to rest it on her hip, her palm cupped his cheek, caressing his face far more lovingly than anyone besides her ever touched him...more loving than he deserved. Why wasn’t he capable of touching her like she touched him?
This was Beth...he’d opened up to her more than anyone else...‘bout everything. Still didn’t mean he wasn’t self-conscious about things he didn’t know how to do...
But opening up to Beth at every turn had led to such intimacy...not physical intimacy...more intimate than that. And that intimacy had led Daryl to open up even more...wanting to share things with her...share himself with her even if it was hard. And that’s how it should be for two people...lovers. But they weren’t lovers yet...were somehow more than that...they were soul-mates.Beth wouldn’t judge...she would never call him on being afraid. Not in this. He didn’t know what to do, and that was okay.
“You gotta show me...” Nerves wracking Daryl’s core...awkward at his lack of ability...grit and gravel in his voice almost drowning outhis words.
He was beyond asking for permission, but he needed guidance.
Beth just looked up at him all wide-eyed...questioning.
He just had to man up and say it, no matter how much is scared him.
“You gotta show me how to touch you.”