Wasn't Born an Angel
Chapter 50: The Mechanic
~Author’s Note: Here is chapter 50! I’ll start out by saying this is probably NSFW. While there is no sex, there is intimacy. Being an intimacy chapter, this is going to have both Daryl and Beth’s POV which is very much something I like to do for certain events...important to know what they are feeling and thinking, being in their heads, and there is probably a semi-stream of consciousness quality to it in many places. I know that not everyone likes dual POV’s, but it is kinda my thing in cases like this. Also, it is a rather long chapter. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter...and thank you so much for everyone who is reading 50 chapters later! I love you all. Now I am off to diligently work on the upcoming chapter of “I Will Follow...”~
This moment....so innocent...he left her panties on, but so erotic in the way he was teasing her...not intentionally, but teasing her with a soft hand, tracing the edge of the threadbare lace. Lace didn’t seem appropriate for the world anymore...their situation, but you took what you could get and were happy with what you had. And in some small way, it made Beth feel pretty...helped her forget the scars the darkness out there carved into her. And she wanted to be pretty for him. Her thoughts of what she wanted to be for him were stolen...only able to feel Daryl...in every way he was touching her but not actually touching her...the fabric still covering her preventing the intimacy of that skin to skin contact something in her needed so badly. Still, she couldn’t stop her body from shuddering when the lace under the pads of his fingers grazed over her sensitive nub peaking from between her soft folds. Intense...just a little rough in his attentions, but nothing she couldn’t handle. Exactly the right spot...gasping...thighs squeezing, trying to capture the delicious pressure. But nothing...nothing more...Daryl denying her.
There was something wrong...not with her...with Daryl. He was tracing small circles around her hipbone, keeping her senses alive and burning, but that look in his eyes, gnawing athis lip until he realized and stopped. Beth couldn’t comprehend what it was; she just knew that she had to assure him everything was alright...not just alright but right. Reaching out to him, she trailed the tips of her fingers down his stubbly cheek before resting her hand against it, giving the comfort she could. Daryl was nothing if not a complexcreature.
“You gotta show me...” Awkward words spilled from his mouth, that characteristic rust joined by a sweet innocence.
But she didn’t know what he wanted her to show him. She’d made no protest...expected...even wanted him to take her clothes off...all of them But he didn’t. He wouldn’t go further. How was this all so confusing? Daryl may have never loved before her...but he’d...done things...a lot of things...
...knew more than she did...
“You gotta show me how to touch you.”
It took a long moment for that to sink in. When it did,panic flooded Beth’s heart, freezing up...
He wanted to watch her touch herself...? She’d never done that alone...and he wanted her to show him...?
But maybe that wasn’t what he meant at all, his hand shifting from her hip where he was driving her to distraction, slow and hesitant to the center of her tummy as if not to spook her, just resting there, waiting...waiting to be shown. Her hand over his sliding finger to finger...there was no way Beth’s small hand could cover his...just as she couldn’t match his strength and power. But that’s why he needed her now, and that’s why he needed her in life. That softness to his strength, gentleness to his ability to kill, love when all he had ever experienced was hate. He needed her to be whole just like she needed him. Beth didn’t know what she was doing either, but she did know what she felt. And just as Daryl showed her...took her by the hand and taught her how he’d needed to be touched hard and vigorous, Beth would guide him...show him how to be her lover.
Legs fell to the side, parting for him, a little less nervous because she retained a measure of control. He was the uncertain one now, Daryl moving with her...at her pace. Perhaps Daryl’s one flaw in touching her when she begged him before they left their sanctuary at the funeral parlorwas his eagerness to please her, not knowing that sometimes less was more felt...what she needed. At least that’s what she thought she knew about herself.
“Soft...” Beth managed, allowing Daryl to part her, brushing up against the tiny spot that brought so much confused feeling to her tummy...so sensitive to the slightest contact.
“Mmm-hmm...” Daryl mumbled, paying heed to her.Dipping his head down, he planted a wet kiss at her throat where her pulse was racing when his words ceased. It felt uncoordinated...but warm and good, like he didn’t know what he was doing, but he was trying...kissing and touching...and all these things so unknown to them. “...like this?”
His attempt was gentle, but the intensity...too much friction made her pull back. And talking...it was just...so awkward...because she didn’t know...
“Yes...no...” She was just too messed up...couldn’t feel right...what she was supposed to.
“Here...let me...” He didn’t finish his thoughts...
...just did something so very right, trailing his thick middle finger down...not in her, but to where her arousal was building, warm and slick...Beth a little embarrassed by his intimate knowledge of just how drenched she was. Drawing her wetness up, circling that button, he coated her in her own desire, almost sending Beth into a place of abandon. A wave of shivers started in her very center radiating through the rest of her, all the way to the tips of her fingers and her toes, curling under her, digging deep into their makeshift bed in the back of a truck.
“Huhhh-uh...mmm...like that...” Breath coming short and sharp...Beth was holding on.
Daryl didn’t need her guidance anymore, but she needed to hold on to him, gripping a solid shoulder that was capable of bearing the weight of the world...biting back the urge to kiss him. She couldn’t take the chance of him stopping what he was doing to be with her and focus on a kiss...too selfish in her newly found need...fingers clawing into the dingy blue and once white striped mattress so she didn’t scratch him.
He was teasing her now in earnest, her body wracking but held still through sheer force of will when his touch...oh so tentative...became direct. It was all too much, but in the same turn...not enough...never enough...wanting more of him...wanting him. Even so, Beth involuntarily flinched away when his long, deft fingers traveled down, just barely pressing, attempting to slip inside of her. It wasn’t that she wasn’t ready. Every inch of her body crying out for him...the flood of wetness between her thighs, no one could ignore that...at least Daryl didn’t seem put off by it. And her heart needed this next small step of intimacy, but the newness of it all, that striking feeling of invasion...needing it...wanting it...but somehow still fighting it...still afraid.
Daryl pulled back but not away.
“Beth...just a little...” It was soft, his voice...not raspy now...not needy for himself...calm, and in his calmness soothing her.
Nodding her head but knowing Daryl somehow needed more assurance than that...
“Just one...” Afraid of too much of him at once...a rosy blush rising on her cheeks at her words...not used to it...doing it or talking about it
A quiet breath of acknowledgment from Daryl before he leaned down, gently catching her lips in an innocent embrace. A kiss had the power to distract her from her nerves, body looseningand giving, the unnatural tautness of anxiety giving way to allow Daryl’s finger to slide inside her without a fight. It was a strange and foreign feeling at first...something entirely outside of her control, Beth’s hips shifting...away from him or towards him, she couldn’t tell...until Daryl’s thumb grazed across her swollen jewel. Beth’s muscles contracted making his presence all the more acutely felt. Gently massaging there but not moving in her...barely in her at all...just as he promised...just a little, the most intimate part of Beth clenching knuckles gnarled by breaks and bone chips...a life of fighting...now trying to love. He didn’t linger in her long...didn’t explore her depths...barely stayed with her. It was nothing that she expected, but when was Daryl ever what the world expected of him? Even knowing Daryl...knowing his soul and knowing he was hers...so much of him was still a mystery. Maybe he was afraid...
I ain’t afraid of nothin’.
Beth smiled on the inside knowing just how untrue that was proving to be when it came to the things that were between them...matters of the heart and of the body.
“You okay...?” So hesitant.
He was afraid, not for himself...well, maybe a little for himself...but he was afraid for her. This was what she was built for though...this and more. He didn’t need to be afraid of touching her, not now that he was handling her as gently as he could be expected.
“Mmm-hmm...” Beth’s answer a sigh of pleasure.
What about her was so different than any other woman Daryl had ever had...except for the fact that she’d never...? It had to be him that was different...because he loved her...the reason he was so concerned.
He didn’t ask for her lips, instead the warmth of his mouth rested on the tender spot just above her collarbone. She wasn’t sure if it was a kiss or Daryl breathing in her very essence. His fingers focused solely on that place of pleasure...a soft rhythmic caress...steady...no longer shy or unsure...drawing out of her any capability to think or worry...contemplate...be anyone except herself, a girl with this man, how it was supposed to be. An unexpected tightness welled in her tummy. No, not her tummy...somewhere deeper...more intimate...a place untouched now full of flutters, a tension that was going to snap, and when it did, the world would never be the same. Threading her fingers through Daryl’s hair...he was such a beautiful man, not handsome, but rugged and sharply cut...masculine and...everything she ever wanted. She wished she could draw him closer...feel more of him...his solid weight on her...more than just his hands. Trying to deal with the myriad of sensations overtaking her, the world was humming around her. Tiny pulses of what felt like pure life reaching out from her very center...with each frantic heartbeat stretching further and further until her entire being was pulsating with pleasure...on the verge of ecstasy....until it wasn’t on the verge anymore...
In those beautiful moments everything faded away except the all encompassing bliss he brought her...something she had never known. The world became a brighter place, even in the darkest night. Throwing her head back where there was no pillow, not caring what stupid sounds passed her lips, Beth allowed herself to truly feel. When her eyes fluttered open, although there was a mildewed, pot-marked ceiling over her head hiding the night sky...far removed from the brilliant glow of the heavens...Beth saw stars.
Even as she tried to sink her teeth into her lip, her mouth refused...gaped open...a cry that would not be stifled escaped. She cried out Daryl’s name...or maybe just a jumble of letters followed by a desperate “Oh, God...”, not taking the Lord’s name in vain, but singing in praise of the joys of life that were still possible. She had to stop him...grasp his hand and still him, passion digging her fingers into the scarred skin at his knuckles. It was the point when the pleasure of his touch became too much...almost unpleasant...she was so sensitive.
Daryl didn’t need to be told twice; he didn’t need to be told at all, just cupping her with his massive palm, providing a comforting warmth and pressure as Beth finally started breathing normally again. No longer dizzy from the flashes of blinding ecstasy...actually seeing clearly...Beth felt the absence of Daryl’s touch when he removed his hand from her quivering body, bringing his fingers to his own lips and sucking her desire from them. Caught off-guard...embarrassed by Daryl’s brazen actions...not knowing if he really realized what he did...thought it out or just did it...redness totally conquered Beth’s already flushed face. All these realities were still so new to her that she didn’t know how to handle it with any sort of grace.
The keen eyes of that man softened on her and turned innocent...innocent eyes trapped in the body of one that was every inch a man...when she went awkward and shied from what he did. Catching her face before she had the chance to turn away, thumb gently stroking her cheek, Daryl caught her lips to dip his tongue deep, Beth tasting herself on his mouth.Over her...so much more of him present...but as her senses returned and the mind altering euphoria began to subside, Beth realized she felt empty. Not her soul, but her body...a body that had never actually been filled. But she ached for that...something instinctual and raw and alive in her needing that. Knowing that neither of them was in the place to fully consummate their love...and Beth, knowing what Daryl’s past had been like...wanted to share with him, savor, show him...just learn with him every small step of intimacy along the way. Despite those wants, Beth had to sate that gnawing impatience...needed to move into action...needed to do instead of just be...driven by something she couldn’t explain...perhaps just the intense urge to see Daryl come too.
A growl masked as a groan...either way, Daryl’s protest was heard...felt...the rumble in his chest where Beth planted her palm square at the center of him. He was immovable...until he wasn’t, like he snapped to the reality that she was pushing him away. But she wasn’t pushing him away...just wanted...needed something else. Sitting back on his lean, muscled haunches, Daryl’s hands spread at his side as if to placate her...apologize to her...show her he meant no harm. But quickly enough his sharp hunter’s eyes narrowed on her, watching her roll to her knees. The part of Daryl that was so perceptive...so good at reading people...Beth saw Daryl allow that part of himself to assessthe situation...allowed that truth to overcome the self-doubt that so often ruled him. He was learning to be with her. Touching him to the chest again, this time gently with just the tips of her fingers, she urged him further back, and he put up no resistance, going willingly until he had nowhere else to go, sitting propped up against the cab of the truck...waiting...looking like he was holding his breath. And the sparkle the light caught in his eye...Daryl Dixon gazed at her like he was being seduced...entranced...when Beth knew she had absolutely no powers of seduction.
Hands that had been spread in appeasement reached for hers now...Beth giving them over to be consumed by his, Daryl drawing her to him. He steadied her as she crossed his lap, sitting down on him, thighs spread by the solid pillars of his legs pressing deep into soft flesh...flesh still not hardened even by riding behind him on his motorcycle. Watching Daryl as carefully as he watched her...his eyes clenching closed, forehead crinkling almost in pain, Beth understanding and taking comfort and slight satisfaction in knowing it was because of her...because he needed her so badly, and that the coming pleasure that would ease the ache would be by her doing as well. Beth didn’t move to touch him...didn’t even move to free him from the confines of his pants. That wasn’t how this was going to go. She needed to feel him more intimately, wedged against her even if she didn’t get to experience all of him. Holding onto his shoulders,working into the sinewy tendon...his muscles were unnaturally taut and tense, unyielding. Settling herself, Daryl tried to adjust to her as well, his hands holding her still, not allowing her to move an inch once she was there, fingers digging into her bare hips.
Beth breathed through the quiet moment. Taking Daryl in...not inside her body, but feeling him, imagining what could be...what would be...his...him...impressive and imposing all in one, made her fluttery and nervous.It was enough to begin to sate the need inside, and more than enough to leave her feeling intimidated. That intimidationhad Beth all a mess...anxious about what was to come, but there was an odd beauty to it. She’d thought about it before, what it would be like to be with Daryl...when nothing, even her recovery or life was certain but she wanted to live. The intimidation she felt came both from how everyone perceived Daryl and her more physically intimate knowledge of Daryl’s body...not just his imposing, rugged nature, or his scars. But in knowing all that, the beauty came from the fact that Daryl loved her...he gentled for her. He became shy with her...awkward...and this man would never do anything to hurt her if he could help it. Intimidated...a little scared of being with him...but that wasn’t true fear. Beth knew fear taking on the flesh of a man...but Daryl, the man who earned the wings he wore...he banished the pain of her past in everything thing he did, everything he was, and the way he was with her. Was there anything as sublimely perfect as a rough man...a warrior...who could be so tenderto the woman he loved? Daryl was perfection made flesh, and to be the woman who had the privilege of knowing Daryl like that, body and soul...it was an honor...and it felt right. Life wasn’t a fairytale...she didn’t expect that out of Daryl...but he was beautiful. It would be beautiful.
Harsh...that rigid zipper under the fly of his jeans rubbed rough against Beth through her panties pushed hard to her by Daryl’s straining erection when he shifted beneath her. But sheknew he was uncomfortable too...still saw it etched on his face. In her naivety, she never knew before that men experienced such discomfort, wishing he would let her move so she could ease it. Having only her thoughts, Beth was grateful for the very solid barrierhis pants provided knowing Daryl had the control of a saint, but not entirely trusting herself if she was caught in the moment. And she didn’t want either of them to have any regrets, not about being with each other, but about when and where and how it happened especially Daryl with all the conflicting feelings he’d been having on their journey. Panties wouldn’t be any protection at all, and naked at this point would be far too dangerous for both of them.
When he was settled enough to look at her, Daryl’s bright blue eyes were alive with fire. He was at least adjusted enough...as adjusted as he was going to be to control what he was feeling, whatever reason he stopped her gone. Fingers dug deeper into her hips, not to steady her, but drawing her body forward, Beth gasping...dragged up against him...neither of them really getting to feel each other but feeling enough. The unexpected friction was almost brutal on Beth where the sensitivity of her pleasure still lingered, but she wanted to feel it...she felt it...a need...their need...his need...did it really matter whose? She was left far too tender to want anything more for herself, but this wasn’t just about her or him...it was a together thing and...she wanted to bring Daryl relief and release...pleasure that he so desperately deserved. The way his eyes widened...pleading with her...
What in the hell was she doing...she had no idea...barely rocking on him, Daryl guiding her hips...her movements...biting at his own lips. Whatever it was, for Beth it just started to come natural...
And she did show him...took his hand and showed him the beauty and softness of her just like the first time she took his hand...showed him there was beauty and hope in the world...the possibility of love. Then and now...confused and shy of what he’d never had like this. But he gave to her because she knew...if Beth knew anything...it was love. A quick learner, always had to be to survive...it didn’t take long for Beth to withdraw her hand, relax, and enjoy...allow herself to be both lost and found. Daryl was amazed at just how gentle a touch she needed, barely caressing her little bud that bloomed when he grazed across it as carefully as he might brush a stray lash from his eye. The way she wiggled and squirmed, he imagined the delicious tension that must be spreading through her body...he’d been there before...knowing what that overwhelming flood felt like and how much sweeter it had actually been when it was Beth bringing him to his pleasure. It had never been sweet with someone before her. Daryl wanted to prolong it for her...didn’t want the sweetness come and gone so quick. He wanted to leave her with something she deserved...might not have any idea what he was doin’, but he did know to rush would spoil everything. Dipping into her welcome warmth, Beth went tense, shying away from him, enough to stop Daryl in his tracks but not enough to stop his intent. She wasn’t pulling away from him...just a little scared, but he was scared too.
“Beth...just a little...” Pushing his fear aside, resolved not to let her see it.
Daryl wasn’t trying to push her into something she didn’t want or wasn’t ready for; he just needed to give her a gentle nudge...show a little bit of confidence himself. He couldn’t let things move one step forward and two steps back. They both needed this. Daryl wanted to feel her...prepare himself for what he was getting into,and Beth needed to get a taste of what it was like.
“Just one...” Beth’s quavering voice made his heart catch in his chest, but he nodded his head in assent before he offered a kiss to ease her apprehension...his too.
She did ease, Daryl marveling at the power wielded by softness and intimacy, knowing that his lips would be sore and aching after this night...kissing so much still new to him...a soreness he would savor. There was no denying once her fears subsidedand she opened to himthat Beth was wet and willing, but he understood now, just trying to slip inside her, her initial resistance, whether out of fear or discomfort. Either one, he could feel why Beth was hesitant...having misjudged her...or just didn’t know since he’d had no experience with this kind of...well...inexperience. Beth’s plea of just one...just one was so snug...almost too tight a fit. She relaxed, gave to him, and Daryl actually trusting himself wasn’t just tryin’...he was gentle...so careful with her. Even though she wasn’t resisting, there was a natural resistance...but her center...so hot...so slick...Daryl wanted her...it...wanted more. But it...she scared the shit outta him. He didn’t wanna break her...didn’t wanna hurt her. How was it that one fragile little wisp of a girl could scare him so much? Maybe it was normal. Maybe because beautiful, delicate things weren’t made for men like him...but Beth was.
Daryl didn’t linger long in her, didn’t delve into her warm depths, didn’t finger her much at all...nothing like he’d intended. Yeah, he was afraid after feeling her...afraid of too much too soon. Instead, he returned his undivided attentions to her clit...that glistening pink pearl he couldn’t see but responded and bloomed at his caress. This first real experience for her should be just about her anyway...about her pleasure, striking any discomfort or fear of pain from her thoughts. He didn’t need anything more from Beth than to bring her a measure of the comfort and pleasure that she brought to him by just being alive...being beside him. Her little breasts beginning to heave under the building tension in shuddering gasps were like the breath of life tohis soul. Seeing her muscles and tendons begin to flinch and quiver under her translucent skin in the lowlight...a fine sheen of sweat, even in the cool, making the surface glisten.
“Daryl...oh, God...” Taken aback by the angelic voice...that most beautiful blasphemy from between her parted lips...
No one had ever uttered his name in passion before...didn’t even know if any of ‘em even knew his name. None of that mattered anymore, but Beth did...they did.
Grabbing him...clasping his hand in desperation, not stopping him from touching her but asking him not to move, Beth still arched to him, body quaking in the throes of bliss.Daryl felt the momentous tension in Beth breaking, melting away from her center, dissipating from her body and bones...her fine and delicate limbs...her lithe form going limp on the mattress. Finally taking his hand away from her was hard, his whole body fighting against him, but he needed to let Beth be...let her breathe. It was reward enough just to be beside her...and to taste her, licking her warm honey from his coated fingers...getting a taste of her sweetness one way or another. But somehow his actions...something that came so naturally for him, not even really thinking about what he was doing, ruined her comedown for her. Those eyes fixated on him ‘til she realized and his gaze caught hers...Beth’s breaking away in embarrassment...shame? There was no shame here...in what they did...no one left in the world to judge them, and even if there was, they’d have no right to, would they?
Daryl had always felt shame and self-loathing after if he’d felt anything besides hollowness. But not this time, not with Beth, and she wasn’t gonna neither. He wasn’t gonna let her look away from it...them...balming the anxiety he imagined was filling her tummy over this one little thing with his lips. Knowing first hand that shame came easy after...he wasn’t gonna let it happen to Beth.He wanted to share himself...the most intimate parts with her. He wanted her to share herself too with no reservation...wanted to kiss her...take her breath away...like some damn romance novel. And surprisingly, these things with Beth...it felt like he could. Felt natural.
Other things were coming all too natural too. His knee pressed between her soft thighs she’d drawn back together not to block him but to savor the last tiny tendrils of her orgasm spiraling inside...at least that’s what he hoped...parting those legs again. He wasn’t going too far. He wasn’t being too aggressive.Didn’t even really know what he wanted...expected from her...just needed to get closer. At first, her hand placed at the center of his chest where he could feel the heavy thump of his heart pounding against the pressure of her palm, fighting to burst free even if that meant his death...thought she was just touching him where it mattered most. No...he realized she was pushing him back...away. He was almost ready to apologize...but...why was this all so fucking complicated? Felt like a kid who had no idea what in the hell was going on.
Dammit, Dixon...look at her. See her...
He was good at this...good at reading people...even good at reading Beth as much as he might try to deny it. No more second guessing himself.
That girl...it wasn’t just him who wanted more from Beth but Beth who wanted more from him.
Truth was...she was far from done with him...
Stray wisps of hair falling in her face...Beth wasn’t going to take her hands off Daryl and break their connection to swipe them out of her eyes, so she saw Daryl much like she imagined he saw the world...just letting them tickle her forehead. It was different than holding him in her hands, stroking him...pleasing him...she wasn’t even touching him...but it was so much more. It wasn’t really passion...certainly not lust...it was giving, not taking. And it was so much closer to it...that ultimate act of love...than anything she had ever done. Yes, they’d been in this proximity before...a spirited burst of passion fueled by momentary anger, aggression, and just a little...a lot...of pent up sexual frustration from being so close to each other, alone, and never having gotten close to touching each other in that way. After the storm raged and the herd of walkers that followed it trapped them inside their last real sanctuary...another moment that could’ve been the end...they were ready to burst with emotional and physical energy. In her head, Beth was still thinking of everything in those vague, naïve terms, but now she more than knew what she was setting out to do...finish Daryl. Back then, she almost took Daryl to the ground beside those walker corpses after the storm, literally throwing herself at him, grinding against him almost to the brink of no return, pulling away at the last instant. Daryl had been so desperate, not wanting to turn her loose...but she broke their connection because she thought what she was doing was cruel. But the real cruelty was in her naivety...leaving Daryl alone like that...to deal with himself...because she thought he wouldn’t let her help him.
That was in the past. Here they were now, Beth possessing no such naivety, at least in where they were going...what Daryl would let her do. Now there was no attack, no anger, no aggression. They weren’t all fired up, oozing with lust, but there was an undeniable fire burning deep and a beauty to the soft intimacy of it all. In the slowness...having control of the moment, she was able to shed every self-consciousness, any fear that she was doing something wrong. She was afforded the luxury of feeling Daryl, focusing on him...feeling his erection pressed close, twitching beneath her...adjusting to the unknown without having to be nervous. And she could enjoy too...Daryl’s hands spanning her back...warm and strong in his touch, drawing her down. Beth’s body arched to him...her slight rise and fall in his lap bringing his hot breath to her chest, breasts so close to his lips...quivering in the slightest.
Lips...how could she forget about his lips...Beth offering her mouth, gently sucking at his full, lower lip before she pulled away, giving Daryl the intimacy of a kiss...intimacy that she knew had never been a part of his life before her; he’d never allowed it. She felt nothing but beauty in him and his insatiable need for closeness, embracing her so near that she could barely sway her hips...but he joined in her rhythm too...more frantic and primal than Beth’s smooth cadence. She could feel it...sense it...everything building in Daryl...his...even harder...was that possible?
In the end, Daryl didn’t hold back...not in his release or himself...who he was with her. His gasps and moans and whimpers at her neck where she nestled his head...there was nothing strong about them...no growling fierce animal, no pretense to what he was feeling...letting go like he let go with her outside the moonshine shack. Beth wanted to be this woman for Daryl always...to see...have him like this. But anyone who would judge Daryl’s emotional capacity as weakness were damned fools. His love made him far more lethal.
Beth fought to breathe a little, caught in the vice of his arms forcing her still while he...finished...the only time Daryl’s touch had turned truly rough upon her. An ache inside reminded her that there were still things healing, but she bore it...a reminder they were alive and everything they had fought and survived to get here. Holding him tight too, Beth laid her lips upon his sweat damp hair, inhaling a calm breath of him, feeling the warmth of his spent seed seeping through his jeans and reaching her thigh. So wild and fierce...protective...this man of hers, but now it was Beth who embraced him...comforted him...engulfed him with her love and protection.
His eyes were tired and alive, soft and sharp, innocent and satisfied...all those things at once when they finally came to rest on her after. But it wasn’t his eyes that spoke to her like they so often did...it was his lips, but they didn’t speak in words. The slightest tremble upon them...swollen and broken by his own doing...warm. Beth knew they would be so warm, and he wouldn’t just welcome her kiss...he needed her kiss. It wasn’t a kiss to consume or devour...it was a kiss to affirm life. Not to take breath away, but to give it. Not to steal away the demons of the past because that was who they were, but instill the promise of hope...
“Daryl...?” Beth’s concerned call preceded the clacking of her boot heels to the bathroom.
Despite the ruckus...no way she didn’t hear that...she stopped at that rickety door...didn’t try to barge in. Whether it was her respect for his privacy...decorum that wasn’t afforded much while they were on the road, or the fact that her morning trip to the bathroom left her looking a little green around the gills and the bathroom wasn’t all that different from the way he remembered it the last time he saw it...from before, she paused. Poor Beth...being subjected to a bathroom that had never been geared to the fairer sex, but it was better for her than going outside with really no cover to pee behind. And for him it was an issue of respect for this place and Wes, remembering his first night here, Wes telling him not to go pissing in the corners. His own thoughts of the past quickly washed away, thinking about Beth and her disgust even though she tried to hide it...couldn’t help worrying that the magic of their night was ruined by the ugliness of reality in the light of day. There was no way that her little mechanic fantasy of him wasn’t tarnished even if a bit of dirt and grease were part of the appeal for her. This was a different kind of ugly.
“It’s fine...I’m fine.” It wasn’t enough of an answer. He could still senseher hovering outside the door waiting for a better explanation...an actual explanation. “Damn rat...size of Texas. Couldn’t waste breaking a bolt on the concrete.”
That was pretty good...explained away the ear shattering pounding that drew her to him.
“I’m not eating a rat for breakfast.” All sassyin her reply.
“Hmmph...” Daryl could imagine Beth sauntering away slowly, the slight sway of her hips so characteristic of wearing cowboy boots...closing his eyes and letting himself savor the image of her before crouching down near the dimpled concrete floor...could almost feel the chill rising off of it.
He had to be thankfulthat Beth had a discerning palate...or at least that they had other food options ‘cause he would’ve been hard pressed to produce a bludgeoned rat for breakfast. Instead, he appraised the dented steel dispenser, eaten by the same cancer that devoured most everything else in this place...rust. The butt of his crossbow made short work of it...no real defenses to put up, dislodged from the wall, clattering to the floor, and more or less willingly spilling its contents at Daryl’s feet. Little round disks in black plastic wrappers. Taking a condom between his fingers, he couldn’t really say why he was hiding what he was doing from Beth. Perhaps there was still some awkwardness left in him or he didn’t want her to think he was being presumptuous, and this...well, it was his responsibility. He was man enough to know that. One thing about Wes, he tried to teach him how to be a man...tried to protect the guys who worked for him and any willing women that might cross their paths. Tried to teach ‘em the responsibility of being a man. Thinking on what old Wes always told him...
Don’t go knocking up a girl and fathering a family you can’t feed.
After last night...well, Daryl wasn’t pushing Beth. He’d be willing to wait for the time to be right...for her to be ready...as long as she needed. She certainly didn’t seem quite ready to go there yet, but she was enjoying the exploring of it all and merciful enough now or not so naïve as to leave him in agony but letting him come too. Hell, not just letting him come, bringing him there like he was realizing only she could. Not yet, but despite her inherent shyness and trepidation, she was being forward...
Reaching for her, taking her hands, fighting the urge to jerk her onto his lap, rub her up all nice and tight, he let Beth move on her own...the satisfaction that she wanted to control it seating itself deep within him. She wanted to do...she wanted him...a sense of warm confidence finding Daryl where before, if a woman tried to have him her way, there wouldn’t have just been anxiety in his gut; he wouldn’t have allowed it. But he could and would give to Beth. He could turn himself over to Beth’s gentle hands that wouldn’t do him wrong. He would trust her like he’d never trusted anyone before. And in Beth, there wasn’t just calm, there was a fierce determination she embodied...a determination to do something, Daryl not entirely sure what that something was gonna be, but he was in it with her ‘til the end.
“Huuhmm...” It was agony...it was relief...it was everything in between, Beth crossing him, ever so hesitantly straddling his lap.
Daryl actually became aware of his entire body...Beth’s fingers kneading into his shoulders, settling down against him, his tight muscles softening like butter in her hands...other tightness and tensions building...so fucking hard he thought his dick was gonna snap. He was both soothed and tortured by her presence. The fire he could still feel burning inside her...so warm on him that her heat was radiating even through his pants. So focused on Beth...so wrapped up in the glory and beauty that she was, trying to make all the moments for her, it wasn’t until she was sitting on top him that Daryl became aware the fact that he had a dick...a pressing need overcoming him. Capturing her hips, clutching her close and tight, Daryl couldn’t let her move, not even the tiniest shift of that beautiful, curvy ass...not yet. They’d been here before...Beth so very close on his lap, but then her intent had been only innocent. By the firelight, she intended to clean his gunshot wound, got closer to explore him...so very naïve in her lack of experience. That look on her face when she realized what she did to him...no way to hide his erection from her, he’d never forget that. Now Beth was just as innocent, but her intent was not...at least he hoped.
He had to shut his eyes...trying to get a hold of himself...didn’t want it over before it even started. Daryl wanted so many things...
...wanted Beth to free his cock from the cruel captivity of his jeans...swore moving the wrong way it felt like the metal teeth of his zipper were biting into him no different than the rusted claws of an hunter’s trap. Felt like they were gonna draw the fucking blood...
...wanted that nagging pain soothed by Beth taking him in her tiny, feminine hands that he knew would still be far too soft on him...too gentle...but he’d experienced so little gentle in his life...he wanted it...would make it worth it...
...wanted her to rise up, guide him to her, sinking down on him ever so slowly...welcoming him home in her warm depths. It made him nervous...the thought of someone else bein’ in control...but with Beth, maybe he wanted to be afraid...defenseless...
...wanted all those things but didn’t...not yet. Wanted to give Beth time. Wanted to learn Beth, as much as she would allow.
And until he was one-hundred percent sure he could control impulses and instinct, it was better there was a cage to control the monster in him. Glad Beth didn’t try to release it because he wouldn’t have been able to say no. That wasn’t him...not who he wanted to be.
But he needed something...
She started this...please God, let her finish it... He’d swallow his pride and beg her to bring him to the end if it came to that.
Hedidn’t mean to jerk her so hard...just so fucking needy...eliciting a shocked gasp from Beth, sucking air through her teeth...didn’t even consider how sensitive she still had to be.
So much for asking her nicely...begging her to finish it...
“Sorry...” He was sorry, but he couldn’t let her go...
Beth so endearingly wide-eyed...
Any momentary doubt Daryl may have had at that word quickly disappeared...those innocent angel eyes contradicted by an almost imperceptible wry grin touching the corners of her mouth. She wasn’t saying no, she was saying don’t apologize.
Thought she might need help, his hands on her hips not to steady or still her anymore, but to move her, guide her. But she didn’t need him at all, rocking against his groin slow and torturous. And he wanted it to last as long as it could, was willing to suffer...her perfect little movements so rhythmic...so captivating. It almost felt like everything building in him...the ache in his balls, dick pulsing where it was lodgedright up to her perfect pussy, what he wanted to do to her...it almost felt like that tainted the beauty of what Beth was doing to him...giving him...almost.
He didn’t need to take control, didn’t need to show that girl what to do...at least not in this. But he did need to feel more of her. Hands from her hips...palms sliding up her back...a back that was one side smooth, one side scarred...all part perfect...cupping her shoulder blades, trying to draw herin. Every nerve in him was alive and rippling where her hands traveled. With Beth, Daryl was more alive than he’d ever been. No longer needing to hold onto his shoulders if she even needed to in the first place...fingers free, she entwined them behind his neck...gentle pressure soothing the aches of surviving...tilting his head...slipping her tongue in his mouth. But just briefly, leaving him wanting but totally satisfied with just an unspoken promise. Daryl’s mouth was left gaping when she pulled back smiling softly down on him sensing his end was near.
She knew...felt his heaving chest...heavy breathing he wasn’t even trying or able to control. Wrapping her slender arms around his head, cradling him, Daryl buried his face in the silken waves of her pale gold ponytail. Holding him close, she couldn’t move on him much anymore, but that didn’t matter...he was too far gone. The slightest roll of her hips...grinding against his dick, Daryl matching her measured love a sweet melody could have played to with his own needy beat...sporadic...hoping Beth’s body wasn’t shattering at a brutality he couldn’t control. At least they weren’t actually...
He couldn’t think anymore, even if it was about Beth...worrying that she was okay...
His legs were starting to ache where Beth’s soft thighs were squeezing him...not ‘cause of her though...but from the requisite tension in him reaching its peak. Dick pounding the beat of his heart, fighting a battle to rip free from the rough denim...he came...the first surges unexpected, sending shock through his center...seizing his heart. Thought he had longer to go...to get there. Orgasm sorestrained...not in her welcoming depths but in the suffocating confines of his pants...it was a relief in the receding pressure, but more than anything, the physical ecstasy of release and the emotional joy of being connected with Beth. He had to still her again...stop her from moving...not by grabbing her hips this time, trying not being rough with her...at least not on purpose. Every intense or aggressive instinct except protecting her purged, he just hugged her close. Encompassing her so tight, Daryl left desperate, vulnerable...clinging to her in form and spirit...he didn’t know how she managed to keep breathing while his dick twitched through the last spasms, spilling all that was left.
She didn’t move a muscle; Beth understood...leaning down, kissing him ever so tenderly on the top of his head as he tried to catch his breath. It was over...it was done...but somehow it felt like it was just the beginning. It always felt like the beginning with her. Loosening her grip, Beth allowed him to look up at the thing he loved most in his life...the only thing...not shying from him or anything that happened...all the awkwardness they feltfaded away. Daryl tasted the iron tinge of blood on his lips...his chewing finally did ‘em in...aching, stinging, throbbing from the rush of blood to the surface engorging ‘em. His lips...they needed...he needed Beth’s tender loving care...
Her lips...they tasted so sweet she must be a sin...
Soon she was gonna need something much more than his patience. And if she wanted to, he didn’t know if he had the will or strength to say No...and why should he?
It was just that if he had the opportunity to protect her from the consequences...an unfortunate future she didn’t deserve...he was gonna. And it wasn’t that he would be fathering a family he couldn’t feed. Hell, he fit this time and place...couldn’t deny what Beth said ‘bout him being made for the world the way it was. He’d be able to provide for his own better than anyone else out there. But as much as Beth seemed to want him, it was that she didn’t need to be faced with carrying his get. Beth was a good girl. And he knew he sure in the hell wouldn’t have the power to protect her from that of his own volition...wouldn’t have the strength to pull out. He could barely breathe around her, and Daryl was far from practiced enough to rely on that...it had been very long time...and this was Beth.
What kind of delusion was he livin’ in? He’d never been with enough women to be practiced at nothin’. Saying he fucked a few was being generous. Beth deserved better...someone who knew more...had more experience...knew what he was doin’.
No. This was one thing Daryl wasn’t gonna beat himself up about. He could make her happy. He did make her happy...brought her joy she’d never felt before. He had nothin’ to be ashamed of in his limited experience. Maybe he was a better man for it...a better man for her. More worthy of her. It was beautiful...with her...
The distinct scent of the baby wipes he’d used to clean himself up brought him back to his more pressing thoughts, turning the condom over in his hand, looking for an expiration date he couldn’t find. Probably been worn away by time. Rolling the package between his fingers, brotherly advice Merle’d given him when he was younger crept into his mind.
If you’ve gotta think ‘bout the expiration date of that rubber in your wallet, you ain’t fucking enough...hell, you don’t deserve a dick. Go out and enjoy what life’s got to offer, baby brother!
That was the extent of Merle’s advice on the subject...always one to take his pleasure when and where he found it, most of the time with not so much as an afterthought about the consequences. Merle was lucky he still had a dick when he died after all the places he’d stuck it and as many times as he came down with the Clap after enjoying what life had to offer.
Well, he and Beth certainly didn’t have to worry about that bad end of the bargain. She was pure as glistening snow, and Daryl had always been sure never to leave any part of himself behind...sure in the hell never brought nothin’ back with him. But the other consequences...
Scooping up a handful of condoms and shoving them in his back pocket, the one opposite Beth’s journal he still carried...the embodiment of all her hopes and dreams...they were better than nothin’, expired or not. But Daryl couldn’t help thinking that future, for him at least, wouldn’t be much of a consequence at all...a family. Someday...if it was meant to be. Either way, Beth was his...all his hopes and dreams wrapped up in one tiny, perfect, fierce little package...she was the carrier of his future.
It was a rare moment when life gave you the opportunity to stop and take in something so beautiful...especially his life. ‘Specially that he could claim that something as his own and not be worried about someone smashing his face in ‘cause he was a Dixon looking at the likes of her, a Greene girl...the sweetest and most precious of the Greene girls.
“What...?” She caught him staring, didn’t question him defensively, more self-consciously, looking at him all doe-eyed.
He still didn’t get how a heavenly creature like her could ever have one self-conscious bone in her body. There she was, the shotgun he found across her back, adjusting the strap over her shoulder like he did with his bow so often just ‘cause he needed something to do with his hands...subconscious sometimes, sometimes an anxious habit, sometimes to quell his temper. Smiling for every possible reason in addition to the fact that, despite her ethereal nature, she looked like a certified badass...
“Nothin’...” He was content to keep his thoughts to himself, but Beth was gonna press him on it...could see it before she even opened her little mouth.
“It’s just...the shotgun...Hershel would’veapproved...been proud.” Somehow he knew mentioning Hershel like this was okay...wouldn’t make Beth upset.
And he was right, rewarded with a warm smile as they both had their own recollections of her dad, Daryl’s going back almost all the way to when he first met the man. That herd that consumed the farm...Hershel was willing to stand against ‘em all...
“You gonna take 'em all on?” Cynical, Daryl didn’t even have any idea how in the hell to fight ‘em all, and he was a fighter...certainly didn’t have faith in one old pacifist farmer who wanted to make a stand.
“We have guns. We have cars...”
Pfft! Like that was actually going to make a difference...“Are you serious?”
“This is my farm. I'll die here.” That tough som’bitch racked his damned shotgun like it was his war cry, his act of defiance...and like he was calling Daryl a coward for not being willing to fight.
“All right. It's as good a night as any.” It wasn’t quite home...it wasn’t his place, but who in the hell would he be if he wouldn’t fight while the old man made his stand like a hero? Hopping that porch railing, Daryl knew if Hershel was gonna stand, so was he...
And that man never stopped standing for who he was and what he believed in...even in the end...even when he was on his knees. Beth was the same.
Despite the smile, ever modest, Beth lowered her head and deflected his praise.
“Who else is supposed to carry it?” Practically, she was right. With his crossbow on the bike there was no room for a shotgun there. He couldn’t throw it over his shoulder with Beth holding onto him. But it was more than that in his head...more than practical...Beth’s question evolving and turning into Who else is supposed to carry on?...
He had an answer.
So many people underestimated her strength...didn’t give her the credit she deserved. She was strong. Her strength...that strength of nobility she carried with her...Hershel’s legacy had evolved into something deeper than that. Now it was something all her own.
You...Us...together they would carry on.
One last look at the Busted Knuckles sign...weather worn...being erased by time. Someday it wouldn’t exist anymore, or it would...the building would stand, but nobody would remember what it was called, its name forgotten in a dead world. A little twinge twisted in his heart. Not usually one for sentimental BS like this...but Beth, she accepted this part of him...didn’t just accept, but loved it for him. Part of him needed to remember it...remember it as she saw it...him.
It had taken little enough time for Daryl to gear up, ready to go...Beth too. But in that last second, he left Beth to tie down the saddlebags and her backpack to go back and take the time to lock up the garage and hide the key again. Anybody who came by and wanted in, all they had to do was bust in the glass, but this old place...it deserved respect from him. Then he stopped for that one last look at the sign.
“You know...some places you don’t have to let go...” Daryl heard her comin’, felt her stop beside him before she uttered a word.
If it wasn’t him and Beth...the profound connection they had...those words would’ve sounded like a direct contradiction to everything she’d instilled in him.
Places like this, you have to put it away...You have to, or it kills you...here.
But Beth got him...she understood him and all his fucked up complexities that he didn’t even understand sometimes.
“Some places we get to keep.” So sweet...so gentle with him.
Daryl couldn’t say how it happened...how their hands came together, entwining between them...just so natural now, be he nodded where there were no words, looking down at the gravel, accepting from her exactly what he needed to hear.
“You’re a mechanic, Daryl...” He wasn’t, not really...already told her that...but he was gonna hear her out. “You fix things...you always have.”
Glancing to Beth at his side, it was her head that was bowed now...couldn’t see her pale pale blue eyes, but it didn’t take much to figure out they were focused on the toe of her boot idly digging into the dusty drive to avoid whatever she was gonna say.
“No, Beth...you ain’t...” Daryl tried to insist even if he knew it wasn’t entirely true, but stopped...remembered...told her once he wasn’t a liar.
“I am...” there was such a quiet tone of acceptance in her voice. “But when I’m with you...I think you’re the only one who can fix me.”
Looking up at him, a soul that remained as untarnished as the day she was born shown through. She was right...about everything...he wanted her to be right. He would be her mechanic, and she would be his angel with a shotgun.