Harley & Daryl
No Man is an Island
Daryl examined the "Zombie Island" flyer it was crude drawing of the McDonald's and had a dashed line leading into the wood just South of them. He also noticed a hasty scrawling of two stick figures sexing in the corner. "This has to be trap!" Daryl offered
"Could be, but a wise man once said ' You have to take a number if you want to fuck the hog'" Harley casually replied as he removed the sweet blue-arctic camouflage from his motorcycle and stuffed it in a saddlebag
Daryl paused and then spoke in a very serious tone " Harley, I just want you to know whatever happens on Zombie Island, I just need to tell you that I..."
Harley interrupted him quickly "Don't go getting all sappy on me scruff-jaw, we're gonna be just fine, shit, ain't nothin' can beat us as long as we stick together" Harley was looking at Rhodes as he said that but Daryl desperately hoped Harley meant Rhodes and himself.
Harley took a backpack out of the other saddlebag on his motorcycle, it wasn't any ordinary backpack it was a really fucking cool one! It had like 12 zippers on it and a bunch of secret pockets to hide stuff in and it had a giant marijuana leaf with the words "Smoke it Deep, Smoke it Hard" embroidered underneath
"Come on Daryl, let's rock!" Harley yelled as he strapped on his backpack and started his bike up
Daryl practically skipped his way over to the motorcycle and embraced Harley strong shoulders(they were like fucking hard like folded steel). Right before they peeled out of the parking lot Harley handed a small package to Rhodes who then went flying southward.
It was a long ride through the woodland to reach Zombie Island, it was extra difficult because they were on a motorcycle and even more difficult because Harley was maintaining a boss wheelie the WHOLE time. Daryl had tears running down his face from the emotion of the situation. Harley had been as motionless as statue the entire time except for when the alarm clock on his backpack struck 4:20AM and he expertly smoked the fattest spliff in under a minute.
Around 9:00AM they came upon their destination, the dense woods let out into a clearing where a large pond existed and in the middle a small island that consisted of dark grey rock and wisps of what looked like black weeds or grass.
Harley cut his engine off and surveyed the area. "It isn't exactly my idea of a vacation spot" Harley quipped
Daryl giggled and gently kissed Harley's shoulder
"So you got my invitation?!" a voice boomed from the island
"ah fuck, not you again!" Harley answered back
"Perceptive as ever old friend! that's right it is I Zomkong The Hong Zombie your parlor tricks can't save you now, what you did to me in that McDonald's was deplorable, what ever happened to good customer service?"
"Your army is destroyed and you know you're no match for Harley ,Zomkong, so why not just give up and go...enjoy your...non life?!" Daryl screamed
"Your toyboy has a point, I am no match for you Harley... I never was. However, you know as well I do that you can't fuck the hog without first taking a number!" Zomkong shouted as he pulled a large war horn that was made out of old surge cans
"Listen up scruff, I need you to take my motorcycle and ride around to the other side of the pond, once you get there I need you to light a signal bong-fire" Harley whispered to Daryl
Zomkong blew his surge war horn a low hum was emitted and the pond began to stir
"what about you!? What's a bong fire?!" Daryl asked frantically
" I can take care of myself, you'll know what to do when the time comes" Harley calmly said as he removed his backpack and thrust in Daryl's arms
Harley backflipped off the motorcycle and began doing stretches
Daryl turned his attention back to Zomkong and much to his horror he saw Zomkong was no longer standing on an island but on the head of a crazy fucking big zombie, like, the biggest fucking zombie there has ever been anywhere ever it was at least 20 feet tall and must have weighed 12 tons
Zomkong began to laugh hysterically and said “ I’d say you’ve finally met your match old friend!”
Harley looked as unshaken as ever as he sized up his new opponent he yawned and continued to stretch his calf muscles
Conversely, Daryl was a fucking mess, he was sweating profusely and mentally willing himself not to piss his jeans Daryl knew Harley was counting on him to get that bong fire lit and that there wasn’t much time to do it. Daryl strapped the backpack on and fired up the motorcycle while constantly muttering the phrase “don’t piss yourself” as pseudo Buddhist power chant
Daryl took off skirting the edge of the water on his way to the opposite side to flank the mega-zombie
The hulking zombie seemed to become enraged at the sound of the motorcycle and began to lumber toward Daryl
Harley quickly pulled a dozen ninja stars from his karate vest pockets and launched them with lightning speed ten of the shuriken hit the mega-zombie in the dick the other two hit Zomkong the Hong Kong Zombie in both of his eyes!
“Rarrghhh” The Huge Zombie raged swatting at the direction the ninja stars came from while Zomkong screamed “I’m blind you fucking asshole!”
“It’s a shame you went zombie before I could train you in blind fighting Zomkong!” Harley Jeered
Daryl was thankful the distraction worked, the massive zombie was now fully employed with removing the karate stars from its no-zone while Zomkong was shouting foul things and issuing empty threats
Daryl was just about at the other side of the pond now and he slid the motorcycle down on its side and unslung the pack from his shoulders and unzipped the main compartment to go about building a signal bong fire. Inside the backpack were 3 G.I. Joe action figures, a glass bong that was ensconced in the grasp of a stone carving of a dragon, 20 pounds of the dankest nugs, a Where’s Waldo book, and a lighter.
The Mega Zombie had given up on getting all the stars out of his dick at this point and was now ambling towards Daryl despite Harley trying to draw his attention again
“Hurry up Daryl! He is coming your way and I’m out of ninja projectiles!” Harley bellowed across the pond
Daryl had no idea how to correctly construct a bong fire so he hastily stuffed all of the weed he could fit into the glass bong chamber along with the action figures and flicked the wheel on the lighter *click* *click* Daryl was now pissing himself harder than he had ever done before the lighter wasn’t working he was only getting sparks
Harley watched in suspense as Daryl was failing his only job on this mission and eventually sighed.
Harley focused his chi and grabbed a branch from the ground and took off sprinting ultra fast, so fast that he was running across the surface of the water on the pond! Harley reached Daryl amazingly fast, he then broke the branch he was holding in half and rubbed the two sticks together and produced a flame, noticing the G.I. Joe figures stuffed inside the bong he said “Looks like this will be our last outing together boys” he touched the flame to the dank nugs protruding from the bong and watched them begin to smolder and smoke
“Pick up that bike and get the hell out of here Daryl! This place is about to blow” Harley mentioned to the quivering Daryl
The massive zombie was now standing above the two men readying to strike
“wha, how, why?” Daryl said puzzled
Rhodes was circling the area when he smelled his signal, I’d know that smell anywhere the bird thought as he changed course flying towards the familiar scent
*THUD* Harley had successfully parried the mega zombie’s first strike and directed it into the ground where it left a large gouge in the earth
Harley picked up Daryl forcefully and threw him towards the motorcycle “Go now!” Harley yelled
Rhodes came swooping in as Daryl picked up the motorcycle and began riding away while weeping heavily
“Not a moment too soon” Harley said as Rhodes landed on top of the Huge Zombie’s head
The humungous zombie was readying a devastating double handed hammer blow to crush Harley
Harley grasped the smoldering dragon bong and ripped the shit out of it he toked that shit so fucking hard and held it in so hard that his ears and nostrils began to bleed
Just as the monstrous zombie was about to deliver a haymaker smash Rhodes took off suddenly leaving only a package behind sitting on the Mega Zombie’s head
Harley exhaled a blast of the illest fire/weed smoke ever seen The Mega Zombie and Zomkong both got instantly baked ,both literally and figuratively
“Oh fuck, I’m high as shit right now” Zomkong blissfully exclaimed
“Not as high as you’re about to be” Harley said as he collapsed in exhaustion
“what?” Zomkong laughed
The package on the Mega Zombie’s head exploded at that very moment sending chunks of the Mega Zombie’s head all over the place like candy from a busted piñata Zomkong went fucking flying for like miles into the atmosphere