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Solace

Chapter 38

Rick shadowed Lindsey up the stairs and into their bedroom. He slowly closed the door, trying to buy some time. He’d had the whole drive to think of what to say, and now, he wasn’t sure where to start. Lindsey lingered on the other side of the room, her back to him with her arms wrapped around her torso. Rick cleared his throat and waited for her to turn around. When she did, her face appeared calm and slightly reserved. He wasn’t fooled by her façade, though – he knew her too well.

Rick took the initiative and spoke first. “I’m so sorry that I left without talking to you about what happened last night. I was so preoccupied with the run, I didn’t even realize it until I was on my way back. I know that’s no excuse, but I wanted you to know that I wasn’t avoiding this discussion,” he said, attempting to read the calculating look in her eyes. “With that being said, have you given any thought to what we should do now?”

Lindsey glanced at the floor, hesitation confining her movements. She seemed to break through it and twisted around to open the drawer behind her, extracting a crumpled, white prescription bag. While avoiding his gaze, she placed the bag in his hands. The strangling sensation of anxiety gripped him as he unrolled the paper container. He lifted the bottom of the bag and dumped the contents into his upturned palm, revealing the opened blister pack of a morning after pill.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. “Ohhh, Lindsey,” he breathed, collapsing to sit on the bed and burying his face in his hand.

“I had to. There was no other option,” Lindsey stated, a quiver in her voice.

Rick looked up, his gaze radiating of anger. “I don’t know if I can go through this again,” he muttered as he clutched the empty packet.

“Don’t you dare get mad at me. You’re just as much at fault in this as I am!” Lindsey accused, her eyes brimming with tears. “I didn’t want this either, Rick! I’m thirty years old. All I’ve ever wanted was to be a mother. I want to have your baby. I want to live in a world where it’s okay to want that!” Lindsey groaned. “God, how stupid do I sound right now? Am I even making any sense?”

His anger ebbed as he listened to her confessions and saw that she was crumbling in the process. Swiftly, he moved from the bed and pulled her into his arms, allowing her to cry onto his shoulder.

“I just don’t understand. Why didn’t you wait for me? We could have made this decision together,” Rick stressed as he rubbed her back.

What decision? Like I said, there was no other option! I’m sorry, Rick.” Lindsey looked into his eyes, and he felt his throat constrict at the raw agony in her gaze.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put you in this position,” he whispered, wiping the moisture from her cheeks with his thumb.

“Well, it took the two of us,” she quipped through her tears.

Rick cocked his head in agreement. His mind began to wander, thinking of Judith and her unknown fate. He thought about Lori and how Maggie had been forced to cut her open during the emergency C-section. Hershel was dead, as was Bob, so they had no doctor. The odds were entirely against them. “As much as it pains me to say this, I think you did the right thing, Lindsey.”

She stepped out of his embrace, and as she walked into the bathroom, said, “I don’t know what to think anymore.”

*~*~*

Lindsey avoided her reflection in the mirror above the sink – she didn’t want to look at herself right now. The smooth porcelain was cool under her hands as she leaned over, letting her tears fall into the bowl. With a sniffle, she watched them creep down the sides and disappear down the drain. There was a clicking noise outside of the bathroom, and she realized that Rick had left their bedroom. The thud of his boots was distinct as he walked down the creaky staircase.

Ever since Lindsey took that pill, she’d been having difficulty figuring out her purpose in this life. Never before would she have made that choice. She’d been happily pregnant once, but the baby was taken from her and Jared, leaving them devastated. This morning she had been given maybe another opportunity to find that happiness, but instead, she had put a stop to it herself. She knew she made the right choice – it didn’t mean she liked it, though.

After wallowing in self-pity for a few more minutes, Lindsey collected herself and made her way downstairs. She felt bad that she’d just left Rick like she had. She wanted him to know that she didn’t blame him for anything, that she would be okay. When she stepped outside to help unload the supplies from the truck, she made it her first priority to find him. The light of day was waning, but she was still able to spot him as he left the shed located diagonally from the house.

With a sharp exhale, she crossed the space between them. Rick saw her approaching and a look of uneasiness flooded his features. Lindsey offered him a warm smile, reaching out to touch his arm. She lightly stroked the rough material of his jacket as she gazed into his stormy, blue eyes. Upon contact, they seemed to clear and soften.

“I love you. We’re gonna be okay,” Lindsey whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

Rick slowly opened his eyes as she pulled away and gave her a single nod. “I love you, too.”

Feeling like things between them were resolved for now, Lindsey got to work. She lifted a heavy tray piled with ammo and started toward the shed. As she went inside, Dean was just turning to leave. He saw her with the tray and instantly wrenched it from her grasp.

“Should you really be lifting things?” he hissed, dropping the tray onto a stack beside them.

Lindsey’s spine stiffened as Michonne directed a suspicious glance their way. Dean didn’t seem to care that she was there, but the woman left, undoubtedly picking up on the tense vibes.

“That’s none of your concern, Dean,” Lindsey threatened in a low voice.

“I’m not going to--”

“I took care of it,” she said simply, cutting him off.

Dean stared, trying to make sense of what she was telling him. Finally, it dawned on him. “The trip to the pharmacy…that’s what it was about.” He sighed and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “It was for the best, Lindsey.”

With almost a growl, she shrugged off his hand. “Just stop, alright?

“Hey, is everything okay in here?” Rick asked from the doorway, looking between the two with discontent.

Lindsey was breathing heavily through her nose, all of her concentration on Dean. Her eyes challenged him to say something to Rick. If he did, he’d surely regret it, because if Rick didn’t tear him apart, she would.

“Just peachy,” Dean spat, and brushed by Lindsey, not tearing his eyes from her gaze until he had completely passed her.

Rick watched him go and then looked to her. “What the hell is his problem?”

Faintly, Lindsey rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I have no idea. He’s just in one of his moods,” she said, unwilling to admit to him that she’d shared her predicament with Dean.

“Maybe he’s still upset about Bob,” Rick offered, though, she wasn’t entirely sure he believed it himself.

“Maybe.”

Lindsey was fed up with Dean’s behavior. It was obvious that the guy cared about her, but he sure had a funny way of showing it. If they had one more exchange of this nature, she vowed that she would put a stop to all of it – no matter what it took.

*~*~*

At the end of the night, Lindsey wound up in her favorite place – in Rick’s arms. After everything they had experienced in the past few days, she considered them fortunate to still be together like this. She snuggled closer and let her worries melt away – the prison, Judith, the ‘mistake’, the pharmacy, Dean. Rick’s chest hair tickled under her cheek and she drew in his musky scent as he softly caressed a hand over her hair. The only noises that could be heard were their quiet breathing and the settling of the farmhouse.

“Do you think we’ll ever find a way out of this mess?” Lindsey whispered, breaching the silence around them.

“Do you want my honest opinion?” Rick asked. His deep voice reverberated under her ear, making it sound louder than it actually was.

Lindsey let out a short, breathy laugh. “Probably not…”

Rick cracked a smile, but it faded as he decided on an answer. “I doubt we’ll see it in our lifetime, if it does ever happen. If the CDC couldn’t come up with a cure, then I’m not feeling too confident in the human race coming out of this on top. Most of the people that have survived up to this point are not the ones you’d want in charge to restore order, if they’re even capable of that.” He paused. “Actually, I’m not sure I’d want to go back to my old life.”

Lindsey glanced up at him with curiosity. “What do you mean?”

“Well…just imagine that a cure is found, order is restored, and you go back to your job teaching kids English. Do you think you could do your job as the person you are now? Like with all the junk in your head – things you’ve seen, things you’ve had to do…” Rick murmured. “We’d all be so damaged, like war torn soldiers, but not quite the same.”

Lindsey couldn’t have agreed with him more. In no way was she the same person from a year ago. After the shit she’d endured just to survive, it’d be impossible to go back to normal. Working for her paycheck, using a computer – it would seem pointless, like a waste of time.

“I’ve never really thought about it like that, but you’re right. Things would certainly never be like how they were before,” she said.

Rick was quiet again, and she wondered what he was thinking. All of the sudden, he moved onto his side, displacing her onto her back. She was about to ask him what he was doing, until his large hand splayed across her belly. The simple action caused her breath to catch and butterflies to go wild in her stomach. She searched his gaze as he gave her the most affectionate look she’d ever seen on his face.

“But if we do make it out of this, I want you to know that I’d love to have a child with you.”

Lindsey drew her lips inward, pressing her mouth into a tight line as she fought back happy tears. She’d already cried enough for one day, and even if they were happy, she didn’t want them to impede on this perfect moment. Lovingly, she curved a hand around his neck, threading her fingers into the wavy strands that covered the back. Rick tipped his head to the side, savoring her touch. She was sure that he could see how much that statement meant to her.

After pouring all of her emotions into one soul-rendering kiss, she nuzzled her nose against his and said softly, “Thank you.”

Notes

A/N: Hope you don't mind the frequent updates. I have quite a few chapters ready to go so I'm just pacing myself. Thank you for your continued interest and comments! :)

Comments

@Corall
Aw thank you so much!! :D

bluecrush611 bluecrush611
5/18/16

I just finished reading this story :) and its the most amazing story ever :D

Corall Corall
5/17/16

@Kandy
No worries. I actually used Paint, haha. I just figured out what size the banner needed to be (by trial and error) and then cut the image down until it fit.

bluecrush611 bluecrush611
4/13/16

@bluecrush611

Also, Another Annoying Question. Where did you make that Banner of Lauren And Andrew? I need to get a good Banner place thingy and i need advice xD

Mother Dick Mother Dick
4/12/16

@Walker Witch
Thank you so much for the kind words and for following along!

@eventualprocrastination
Thanks for all of your comments! I actually just published a book, so that's the direction I'm taking for now, but who knows. Maybe I'll post something here and there. :)

bluecrush611 bluecrush611
4/10/16