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Solace

Chapter 68

Stunned silence cloaked the shattered group of survivors, no one saying a word as the truck wound its way back to the main road. The remaining walkers continued to pursue the vehicle but couldn’t keep up with it. As the truck veered back onto its previous route, it quickly picked up speed, travelling further south. Rick knew they would have to find an alternate road, but frankly, he didn’t care right now. From where he sat helplessly among the bags of supplies, his sad gaze drifted over to Lindsey. She looked past Michonne with red eyes and they simply exchanged a devastated glance. Rick rested his head in his dirty hands, overcome with remorse.

So this was the cost...

Lindsey’s warning at the farm about losing people was coming true, blow by blow. Yesterday they lost Carol – today, Tyreese. Who would it be tomorrow? Lindsey? His children? He couldn’t even begin to fathom the idea of it. His son had already been bitten by a fucking quisling, and then all three of them escaped serious injury in a car accident. He could drive them to the ends of the earth in search of a safe haven, but for what purpose if he lost them all along the way? At that point he might as well just stick a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger.

Rick lifted his head, blindly taking in the carnage before him. Everyone was covered in a copious amount of mud and gore, their weapons forgotten by the wayside. He tried not to look at Michonne, but he’d never seen her like this – emotionally exposed and falling to pieces. He considered her and Daryl their two strongest group members, maybe not physically, but mentally. They were reserved with their emotions, rarely showing weakness. But this challenging journey was pushing each and every one of them to their limits – and beyond.

Abraham released his hold on the truck’s frame and knocked on the small rear window where the back of Maggie’s head was visible.

“Pull in here!” he instructed to Rosita.

A tall, white steeple rose above them, and all but Michonne and Lindsey stood as the truck came to a stop. Abraham lowered the tailgate, jumping down onto the paved ground below. The other men followed, except for Rick. He remained by the two women, feeling hesitant about what his next move should be. He nervously grasped the rifle strap that ran across his chest and glanced at Daryl and Glenn, who were looking on with the same expression. While he felt equipped to handle Lindsey whenever she was upset, he never considered himself good in situations of loss – but in all honesty, who did?

Lindsey slowly dropped her arms away from Michonne and moved back slightly, giving the woman a little space. Rick sighed and began to scooch down next to Michonne, but she abruptly pushed herself up, sheathed her katana, and leapt off the end of the truck. She stalked off toward the woods, ignoring all the curious and concerned bystanders.

Rick heard Lindsey exhale heavily and he returned his gaze to her tired face. She lowered her eyes to the filthy truck bed and wiped away the remaining tears, creating obscure smudges in the wet dirt on her cheeks. When she looked back up at Rick, she shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. Her mouth opened and shut, signifying that she was truly speechless. Rick came down onto his knees and wrapped his arms around her. She nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck as he affectionately rubbed her back. He could feel her warm, uneven breaths against his skin.

As she was pulling away, he dropped a kiss on the top of her head. Lindsey’s dark eyes sparkled with lingering tears.

“What do we do now?” she whispered, her voice strained and barely audible.

Rick glanced at the others, who were still waiting nearby. His children and Maggie were there now, and it only took him a moment to realize that they were all looking to him for the same answer. They needed to hear from their leader what to do next. Well, they would be sorely disappointed, because he had no fucking clue where to go from here.

He searched Lindsey’s lost gaze and said just loud enough for her to hear, “I don’t know.”


The whole group, minus Michonne, ascended the steps of the derelict church. It was located fairly close to the road, with their truck parked in a short loop out front. The left side of the church was edged by a thick forest, while the right side was open to a medium-sized parking lot. All the windows of the church were boarded up and Rick wasn’t that surprised when they found a padlock on the double doors. Abraham promptly cut the chain with a bolt cutter, and Rick paused for Daryl to take his stance. When Daryl had his crossbow raised, he nodded to Rick, and Rick opened the door. He entered behind Daryl, shining a flashlight over the dark, musty interior. They were in a cramped entryway that contained two wooden benches, one on each side, and a half-moon table covered in an assortment of programs. Dust particles floated in the beam of light as it touched upon every shadowy corner of the room.

The two men, along with Abraham and Rosita, progressed into the chapel itself. Ten or so rows of pews skirted the center aisle and a crucified Jesus hung from the back wall. It reminded Rick of the church they’d stopped at while searching for Sophia. He wouldn’t be asking Him for a sign today – because the last time went over so well.

“Clear,” Abraham said from one corner of the room.

“Clear,” Rosita repeated from the opposite side.

“Don’t think anyone’s been here for a long time,” Daryl stated as he swiped a hand over the back of a dusty pew, and then rubbed his fingers together to remove the silt-like residue.

Rick surveyed their surroundings. “I think we should stay here tonight. The covered windows will allow us to have light but keep it contained. We can sleep in the pews. One person can go up in the steeple to take watch. We need to do inventory and, well, sort things out.”

All three agreed and went to get the others.

Outside, Lindsey held Judith as Maggie and Glenn kept watch. Eugene dug around in the back of the truck, no doubt starting an assessment of their supply situation. Lindsey seemed to recall that their few boxes of food were stored in the Dodge. She really hoped she was wrong about that.

Carl fidgeted next to her and she knew it was only a matter of time before the boy asked about Tyreese. She didn’t have to wait long. He spoke the words only seconds after his dad disappeared into the church.

What happened back there? Where did Michonne go? And where’s Tyreese? Did he…?” he trailed off with a look of apprehension.

Lindsey swallowed hard and tried to find some comfort by admiring Judith’s sweet face. “We didn’t have time to get the other truck. All of us made it into the back, but Tyreese, he…he didn’t.”

She watched Carl absorb the news. The boy’s young face became sad, his mouth turning into a slight frown. He appeared to be holding back his own tears, which didn’t help to quell her own.

“And what about Michonne?” Carl asked as he glanced at the adjacent woods, where there was still no sign of the missing woman.

“You probably know that she and Ty were together,” Lindsey managed to say. “She’s upset and needs some time alone.”

Carl was quiet as his expression changed, and Lindsey knew from it that there was a question coming. “Why is it that everyone wants to be alone after someone dies? You’d think they would want to be with the other people that are still alive,” he mused, openly perplexed about the whole thing.

Lindsey thought about his statement. The kid had a point – yesterday with Daryl losing Carol, at the farm when Rick thought Judith was dead, after Lindsey saw her husband as a walker – the list went on.

When she decided on an answer, she said, “I think that we’re all at our weakest in those moments of loss. We were raised in a society where you’re not allowed to show weakness, where grieving out in the open isn’t widely accepted. We’re expected to be strong, ya know? Suck it up, slap a Band-Aid on it, and put on your big girl panties.” Carl snorted at the last one. “We go off to be alone so no one can see us break down. In those moments, we’re not really like ourselves. It’s not pretty – we let down all the walls and lose the filters. It’s…just what we do.”

Carl nodded quietly in understanding as his father and the others emerged from the church’s double doors. Rick ambled down the steps, his demeanor and filthy appearance suggesting that the day was weighing heavily on him. Lindsey could see just how tired he was when he approached them; the lines in his face seemed deeper and his eyes were absent of their usual spark. However, when he saw Judith, a brightness hinted at his features.

Lindsey allowed a soft smile to cross her lips as Rick caressed a tender hand over the little girl’s wispy hair. When he met Lindsey’s gaze, she asked, “So what’s the plan?”

Rick sighed and rested his hands on his gun belt. “We’re stayin’ here tonight. Need some time to regroup.”

As Lindsey agreed, Rosita walked by with a hunting rifle. “Hey, Rick. I found a way up to the steeple. I’ll take first watch.”

“Sounds good,” he responded. The exchange was all business, and Lindsey was happy to see the woman still respectfully keeping her distance.

Before they could continue talking, Abraham and Eugene moved toward Rick with a troubled look on both of their faces. “We have a bit of a problem,” the sergeant said from under his impressive mustache.

Rick rubbed a hand over his scratchy cheek. Lindsey could tell he didn’t want to hear it, but the other man carried on anyway.

“All of our food was in the other truck.”
Abraham’s words came crashing down onto Rick, adding yet another weight to his incredibly tense shoulders. He blew out a breath and scanned the length of road in front of the church. “Carl and I will search that yellow house across the street. Glenn, would you and Maggie check out the rest of the church? There’s gotta be some kind of refreshment cabinet in there. Other than that, where are we with supplies?” he directed toward Eugene.

“It appears that we have all our personal belongings and sleeping bags, most of our guns and ammunition, and half of our fuel supply. The other truck had mostly camping gear and the rest of the fuel. Oh, and our food.”

Yeah, I got that, Rick wanted to snap. It wasn’t Eugene’s fault, but knowing that their volume of fuel just got cut in half did not improve his mood in the least. They had priorities to focus on though – food, water, and shelter – the last already having been established.

“Daryl, why don’t you go out back and see if there’s a hand pump for the well?” Rick suggested, and got a nod from the other man.

“Eugene and I will start bringin’ in what we can use tonight,” Abraham cut in, prohibiting Rick from giving him any direct orders. It didn’t bother Rick, though – so long as everyone had a job to do and did it willingly.

When the group began to disperse, Lindsey said to Rick, “I’ll take Judith inside – get her changed and fed.”

He suddenly remembered that his daughter’s formula, clothes, and extra diapers had been stored in a separate bag in Abraham’s truck.

Thank goodness for small miracles.

The man gave her an appreciative smile as he replied, “Thank you. Carl and I will be right along after we check out the house.”

Lindsey laid out a blanket on one of the pews and changed the infant’s wet diaper with practiced efficiency. She was becoming quite good at completing that particular task, even if it wasn’t one of her favorites. Next, she changed Judith out of her pink onesie and black leggings, and into polka-dot footed pajamas. It wasn’t bedtime yet, but Lindsey thought it best to have her changed just in case she fell asleep early.

Daryl came in a moment later with two large containers of water from the well. Lindsey poured some into a baby bottle – the only one they had left – and mixed in the proper amount of formula. Before Lindsey could sit down with Judith in one of the stiff pews, Daryl motioned for her to check out something in the corner.

“Over here,” he said, turning his back to her briefly.

When she reached the hunter, he stepped away, revealing a padded rocking chair that was most likely reserved for one of the elderly church-goers – but perfect for this very moment. Daryl adjusted the cushions a tad and then let Lindsey sit down. She began to rock Judith as the girl held the bottle to her tiny lips.

After Lindsey thanked him, Daryl said quietly, “I’m sorry ‘bout today…on the bike. I asked ya to come with me… It was selfish. I coulda gotten ya killed..."

“Stop,” Lindsey whispered, pain flashing in her brown eyes. “It was ultimately my choice and I wanted to go with you. You had to dump the bike, but you made sure that I was off it first. That was really admirable of you.” Daryl scoffed at her choice of words, but she just ignored him. “So don’t apologize to me. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“That’s a loada shit and you know it,” he said. Lindsey could plainly hear the anguish in his rough voice. “When we had to make that detour, she wanted to ride with me, but I didn’t think it would be safe. I pushed her away…an’ set her up to die.”

“You couldn’t have known,” Lindsey stated with a slight waver. Tears loomed, but she held them back. Giving in to her guilt, she finally admitted what had been on her mind for the past twenty-four hours. “You and I both know that shoulda been me. She offered to drive, but I said I would. I’m not supposed to be here, Daryl!” she hissed. “How many times can one person cheat death? It’s not fair--”

“I’ll tell you what’s not fair,” Daryl murmured. “Watching my man, Rick, lose his wife an’ try ta keep it together while raisin’ two kids in the damn apocalypse. I ain’t gonna watch him lose you, too. So fuck what’s ‘fair.’ Yer here for a reason, Linds. Quit questionin’ it.”

The man almost sounded mad, but she knew that it was in fact the opposite. He cared about her and Rick, and their future – perhaps more so than his own.

Now that’s admirable.

Daryl threw her one last look, which she could only describe as a combination between loving and fearful. It touched her deeply. Then he turned and sauntered out of the chapel. Candles lit nearby flickered as he moved past, illuminating the worn angel wings on his broad back.

Notes

A/N: I've been trying to upload this chapter everyday for a week. This website can be such a bear! I'm going to try to upload another chapter to makeup for it. Sorry for the wait! :(

Comments

@Corall
Aw thank you so much!! :D

bluecrush611 bluecrush611
5/18/16

I just finished reading this story :) and its the most amazing story ever :D

Corall Corall
5/17/16

@Kandy
No worries. I actually used Paint, haha. I just figured out what size the banner needed to be (by trial and error) and then cut the image down until it fit.

bluecrush611 bluecrush611
4/13/16

@bluecrush611

Also, Another Annoying Question. Where did you make that Banner of Lauren And Andrew? I need to get a good Banner place thingy and i need advice xD

Mother Dick Mother Dick
4/12/16

@Walker Witch
Thank you so much for the kind words and for following along!

@eventualprocrastination
Thanks for all of your comments! I actually just published a book, so that's the direction I'm taking for now, but who knows. Maybe I'll post something here and there. :)

bluecrush611 bluecrush611
4/10/16