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What Future is There?

Chapter 17

"Damn it!" Michonne growled. She kicked the dresser in front of her.

"You goin' through somethin' there, 'Chonne?" Daryl asked tying his boots.

"I can't get my damn pants buttoned." Michonne snapped back at him. Daryl laughed a little and regretted it from the facial expression she gave him. It had been two weeks since she'd found out, and it still didn't seem real to her. A part of her kept trying to deny it, but there was no denying it. If Hershel was correct, she was about twelve weeks. Her morning sickness was starting to fade into only a minor nuisance that arose from to time, and she'd been forcing herself into her clothes. Today her pants had apparently reached their limit because she absolutely could not force the two sides to meet, less likely actually button. She sighed again.

"Why don't you just wear bigger pants?" Daryl asked. Michonne stopped fidgeting with the button.

"This is my biggest pair…I can't exactly run down to the mall and pick up some more right now." Michonne said. She pulled on a shirt and signed again. "Nothing fits right now that I got fat."

Daryl reached over and pulled her to where he was sitting. He gently kissed her on the stomach, just at the point where her pants wouldn't button.

"You didn't get fat, 'Chonne. You're just a little fluffier than you were…and I like it." Daryl said. Michonne sighed again. "Just leave the pants unbuttoned, that's what Lori did most of the time."

"None of my shirts are long enough to cover it." Michonne said. Now it was Daryl's turn to sigh. He got up, dug through his drawer in the dresser, and handed her one of his winter shirts.

"Really, Daryl?" Michonne said taking the shirt reluctantly. "It's red plaid. That's really more a you look."

"Tell me, Michonne, what are all the trendy pregnant women wearing these days?" Daryl asked. "Listen, wear the shirt, don't wear the shirt, I don't care. I'm going to check the parameters. I need a little fresh air." Daryl kissed Michonne on the forehead and left her standing there holding the shirt.

Hershel had told him not to take it to heart. He'd said that she probably didn't even make sense to herself half the time right now. It was just hormones. Daryl tried to remember that, but she'd become so emotional that sometimes it drove him crazy. She cried, but she wouldn't tell him why…sometimes she was so horny that he thought she was going to attack him and other times she didn't want him to touch her…and she got irritated over the dumbest shit ever. Her clothes didn't fit. Daryl knew he wasn't an expert on these things, but he had kind of thought that was an expectation when you were pregnant. In any case, he was tired of being in the prison, so a walk was just what he needed.

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Michonne shuffled into the living area where Carol, Maggie, Rachel, and Brenda were filling up supply boxes for everyone out of several bags in the middle of the room. She stood there a minute, watching them and trying to decide if she felt like helping or if she'd rather see if someone wanted to be relieved from watch. Neither was an appealing option, but there wasn't anything else to do right now.

"Hello, sunshine." Carol said when she noticed Michonne. Rachel and Maggie smiled. Brenda looked a little worried. Michonne knew that Brenda was a little afraid of her, and right now she was fine with that being the case. Finally she decided to join them sat down in the circle to start passing things out to the various labeled boxes.

"Michonne, don't take this the wrong way, but you look…" Maggie started.

"Like Paul Bunyan?" Michonne finished for her.

"Well…that too. I was going to say awkward." Maggie said, chunking a tube of toothpaste into the box next to Michonne.

"It's Daryl's shirt, and it doesn't fit…nothing fits." Michonne said.

"We've got a ton of boxes of random clothes in the storage room." Carol said. "I'll go in there later and see if I can't find you some stuff. It might not be great, but at least there's got to be something that will fit." Carol said. Michonne shook her head and continued packing boxes.

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Daryl had walked about five laps around the entire parameter of the fence. He wasn't even pretending to be checking the fence anymore, he was just walking. It felt good to stretch his legs and the exercise was keeping him from noticing the cold. He didn't know how long it had been since he'd been outside for more than the few minutes it took to do the tasks of their daily mundane routines.

Daryl wasn't surprised when he saw Rick coming toward him. Rick was also a fan of walks around the parameter when the sitting still and the stale air was killing him.

"All quiet?" Rick called out as he got closer.

"All quiet." Daryl said.

That's the good and bad of life now. Daryl thought. While quiet meant that you had a better chance of surviving to see another day, quiet also meant that you were going to be bored. Maggie and Glenn had been thrilled after one of their final trips to town before they holed up for winter. They'd brought back everything they could find, but what they were most excited about was that they had taken time to steal every board game, book, and other random toy that they could find. Literally any entertainment was better than none.

Rick caught up to Daryl and fell into step with him. Daryl could tell that Rick wanted to talk to him about something, but he was holding back. Rick had a way of doing that. He'd start like he was going to speak and then stop.

"What's up, man?" Daryl finally asked.

"Daryl, it's this whole thing you've got going on with Michonne…" Rick said.

"What do you mean "thing"?" Daryl asked. He didn't exactly like Rick's tone of voice. It reminded him a little of the tone of voice his mother had used on him as a child the time he brought the puppy home. His father had gotten pissed about that one, and the puppy had disappeared.

"Well, I mean when you first started this, I thought that it was a good thing for you. I know how it can get. We all need a little stress relief at the end of the day…but now I'm not so sure." Rick said.

"Stress relief? You think I'm with 'Chonne to get off?" Daryl couldn't believe that Rick would think that.

"Look, Daryl, I'm not trying to judge you or her, but it's just that this is a bad situation, and I'm concerned about you. I just want to make sure you're not making any bad choices here." Rick said. Daryl walked along quietly, sometimes glancing in Rick's direction, but most of the time looking at the ground. "Look, Daryl, I depend on you. The group depends on you. The only way that we've made it this far is by depending on each other."

"Don't look to me like nothin's changed." Daryl said.

"So it hasn't changed?" Rick asked.

"What's changed, Rick?" Daryl asked. Rick was a man that constantly surprised Daryl. Rick had changed after Shane died, and it wasn't for the better. Rick had changed even more after they lost Lori, and ever since the Governor had reared his ugly head, Rick was sometimes a little hard to figure out. Daryl had thought Rachel would be good for Rick, but not much had changed there. Daryl decided maybe it was Rick who had found someone that he could use for "stress relief".

"You mean that I can still count on you?" Rick asked.

"Well, yeah." Daryl said.

"The Governor's still out there and we're going to see a lot more trouble out of him. Eventually we're going to have to leave the prison and we don't know what we're going to run into out there. I need to know that your loyalties haven't changed. That's a bad thing to find out in the middle of something." Rick stopped walking and Daryl stopped beside him.

"My loyalties are to the group, and 'Chonne is part of the group now." Daryl said.

"Look, Daryl, I know she's part of the group now…but she's not predictable. All I really know about her is that none of this shit would have happened if she'd never come here." Rick said. "How do I know she's not just going to up and leave once we get the Governor off her back and that you're not going to go trotting off after her?"

"She wouldn't do that. She ain't gonna leave unless you make her leave." Daryl said. "If it hadn't been for 'Chonne, Andrea wouldn't have lived as long as she did. The Governor's a fuckin' lunatic who'd have found us eventually anyway, and he'd have wanted to kill us for some other stupid reason I'm sure."

"I'm just saying that right now she's just a drain on us. She's one of the weakest links, and if it comes down to a fight I wouldn't want you doing anything stupid. You know as well as I do it's every man for himself." Rick said.

"She's not no fuckin' weak link, she's pregnant with my kid!" Daryl said. "Is that how you feel about Lil' Asskicker? She's just a weak link that you don't need to worry about?"

Daryl was sorry he brought it up. It was no secret that Rick doubted the baby was even his and he wasn't overly fond of her. He had essentially given the child over completely to the group. Daryl couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Rick even hold her.

"I'm just saying that I don't want you to do anything stupid if it comes down to it." Rick said.

Daryl didn't really know if he loved Michonne, because he wasn't sure that he knew what love was. What he did know is that she was the most important thing in the world to him. She mattered above everything else. He knew that for him, winning one of her smiles was the greatest feeling that he'd ever experienced, and that was just for a smile. He knew what Rick was insinuating, but he also knew beyond a shadow of a doubt if someone told him that they were going to kill one of them, Daryl would tell them that he was ready to die in a minute because he didn't want to live in a world without Michonne. For a minute, Daryl wondered if that's how Rick had felt about Lori. If that was how Rick had felt about her, Daryl thought he could forgive him a little for having become so doubtful of everyone, and so callous to the losses they suffered since her death. He'd even been passive to Carl. Daryl hoped he'd never have to face losing Michonne, but if he did, he wasn't sure what kind of person he would become. Maybe he'd become like Rick, or maybe he'd become as crazy as the Governor…but he knew he wouldn't care about anything in the world anymore.

"Rick, if you're asking if I'd risk my life for her, I would." Daryl said. Rick looked at him. He shook his head and sighed.

"You'd be better off without that in your life." Rick said. He walked off before Daryl could say anything and Daryl went in the other direction, pissed off that Rick couldn't seem to understand what Michonne meant to him.

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Carol brought a bag of clothes to Michonne's cell.

"I didn't know what would fit, but I brought a little of everything. We didn't have any maternity clothes, but I did bring some larger sizes that we might can make work. Beth can sew pretty well, so we might even make some things you like." Carol said, holding out the bag. Michonne took it and thanked her.

Carol sat on the bed while Michonne looked through the bag.

"You didn't seem the kind that liked dresses, so I didn't put any of those in there." Carol said.

"They aren't very practical." Michonne said.

"Not when you're killing Walkers, but you're not going to be doing that for a while." Carol said. Michonne didn't respond. "I know you're not thrilled about this, but it's going to work out fine. We'll make the best of it."

"The glass is always half full?" Michonne asked.

"It doesn't matter if it's half full or half empty. If you're thirsty, you drink it. That's how life goes these days." Carol said.

Michonne nodded.

"The world isn't a safe place for babies anymore." Michonne said after a moment.

"The world isn't a safe place for any of us anymore. We just do the best we can." Carol said.

Carol wanted to know more about Michonne. Over the past couple of weeks, Michonne had only slightly opened up to her a little, softening her expression at times. Carol could understand that Michonne wouldn't be happy with her current situation. She seemed like the kind of person that didn't want to need anyone, and this pregnancy did make her need more from others than she wanted to accept. Carol also knew, from her comment, that Michonne had been a mother once, and if Carol's intuition was correct, she thought Michonne would probably be worried about what was going to happen here. She didn't know how Michonne's child had died, but because she had arrived at the prison injured and childless, Carol was certain that it had. She had lost a child too, and knew that to a mother, losing a child was life changing. Carol had coped by taking on the group as her child, and now Michonne in particular. Carol was grateful that Michonne accepted her mothering, and seemed to appreciate it, no matter how little she might call attention to it. She also understood that Michonne had coped by trying to make herself impenetrable. She was probably very afraid that she would love this child, and she would lose it. Carol couldn't guarantee her that it wouldn't happen, but she could at least offer to be there for her if it did.

"Yeah…" Michonne said. "The best we can."

Carol stood up. "When you're ready, come to the kitchen. I'll make you some warm milk and honey. It'll help you with your baby blues."

​Michonne nodded, watching as Carol left the cell. She went back to sorting the clothes by size.

Comments

Just discovered your story and love it so far. Always thought Daryl and Michonne would make a good couple!

Grimesgirl63 Grimesgirl63
1/28/18

Really great story!

cemmia cemmia
7/18/14
I love it! start writing again!!!
neentje neentje
8/6/13
I love your story. Keep up the good work
SVJohnson21 SVJohnson21
6/23/13
This is very well writen and I enjoy reading it.
Thewalkingdixon Thewalkingdixon
5/27/13