Sleepless, restless, useless, helpless, hopeless... just less
Day three alone. I don't know if I'm doing so great. I found water to last me quite some time. But food on the other hand..not so much. The cans didn't last long and now I'm all out. But I'm just so fricking tired. I sleep pretty much all the time and I'm still tired. I think it's because of this pregnancy. I haven't ever been this tired. Everytime I sleep I wake up crying. I don't know what I'm crying about. I don't remember the dream after I wake up. It could be something horrible or just nothing at all. It's weird how silent it is. Now when I'm alone it seem so loud. I'm constantly thinking about it.
It's day seven, still alone. This has turned to be pretty calm neigborhood. Not too many dead ones roming around. I found a bike. It has been very useful. Easier and faster to get place to place. I rated all the stores here. I found vitamins for me. I think they're good. Next I'm gonna go thru all the houses. I found a shotgun in the library. Little bit strange place to keep a shotgun if you ask me. I took it with me. There wasn't any ammo. Must've kept the in his/hers pocket. Or maybe it was just to scare people. I also took some books. Someting about pregnancy and some light read. I haven't started any of them. All my ''free time'' goes by sleeping. It's been weird being alone. There is no one to talk to. So I talk to myself when I'm awake. It's been a week sence I saw Daryl. It feels more like months. I started to count days. I haven't done that before. It's been living day by day. But I don't think it too serious.
Day 15 and I'm still here. My stomach has grown. And it feels weirdly hard and soft at the same time. It's kind of freaking me out. This newly grown stomach has it's downside. I can't lean on it and that is making the climing troublesome.I haven't figured out how to open the iron gate yet. It must've been electorinic. Then there is nothing I can do about it. I rub m eyes. I think it's time to go to sleep again.
It's been days sence I left Raya. I haven't have a chance to go there. Rick isn't doing so great. The baby is ok. She's a little heart breaker. All the ladys are mushy around her. I'm not surprised. She is a cute little thing. I needed to get out for a while. Little trip to get some food is always nesessery. And I'm gonna get my bike back at this trip. It's just long way to walk. But it's gonna be worth it. I have gas for it.
I open the garage door and there she is. Just the way I left it. I pour the gas and clime on. Then I feel a gun barrel on my head.
’’I hope yer not thinking riding my bike’’, he says. I know that voice. Slowly I turn.
’’Well shit, cut that mop off. It makes ya look like a girl’’, he says to me.
’’Raya’’, I hear Daryl yell my name. I get up from the bed. I missed him. I almost can stay up cause I try to be so fast. From the stares I see him. And I see someone else too. He sees me too.
’’You serious?’’, he asks and turns to look Daryl.
’’Shut up’’, Daryl says to the man over his shoulder.
’’Daryl?’’, I ask for him to explane what’s going on. He steps near me.
’’Ya okay?’’, he asks and steers me to kitchen.
’’I’m fine.’’, I tell him and ask, ’’Daryl, what’s going on? Who is he?’’ I hear low whisle.
’’Little brother ya’ve been busy’’, the other guy says grinning like cherise cat. I turn to look at the man. He is dirty, like really dirty.
’’That’s your brother’’, I ask Daryl. He found him. My eyes find his hacked off hand. There is blade now. I don’t know if it’s a improvment or not.
’’Yes ma´am’’, the brother asnwers.
’’So, when is the bundle of joy coming?’’, he asks me. I turn to look at him and notice him staring my belly. I cover it with my hand. Even though I know my little hands can’t hide the bump.
’’Just so you know it’s non of your business’’, I tell him.
’’Merle’’, Daryl says warning. Merle lifts his hands up and backs away. When he is out of the kitchen I look back to Daryl.
’’Daryl?’’, I ask.
’’I need him to stay here’’, he tells me.
’’Why?’’, I ask. He looks down to me.
’’He can’t come to prison’’, he says.
’’Why?’’, I ask again.
’’They’ll kick him out’’, he says, ’’He is not welcome there.’’ I take a deep breath.
’’Okay’’, I say. I know he needs his brother back. Then he does something I thought I didn't need. He hugs me. Like a real hug. And it feels so amazing. I missed him so bad. I push my face to his chest ’cause I feel the tears fall down. He pulls back and I wipe my face. He looks me baffled.
’’I know. I’m sorry. All these hormones make me cry all the time’’, I say and wipe the remaining wetness from my face. He looks little amused.
’’Wipe that smirk off your face. Let’s go tell your brother the good news’’, I tell him. We walk to the living room and his brother is killing the sofa.
’’What the hell are you doing?’’, I yell. He lifts his head.
’’Non of your business’’, he yells back.
’’You just killed my sofa. Why?’’, I yell. He shrugs. I turn to look at Daryl. This is going to be fun!
Sorry. Life goes on..and I had so little time to write but now I try more. Storyline is clear in my head..so just buckle up, here I come… Subscribe please!