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Endure

Wayne's Impact


“I don’t think so, Daryl.” I said as I rolled over to look at the man beside me. He was still laying on his back, but his eyes were staring up at the ceiling now, the firelight flickering on his face and in his hair. “I don’t know who you were before, but I see you now and you’re strong.”

“Today I almost wasn’t.” He responded quietly. "I could have taken that guy out like it was nothin'. Nobody had to die."

For several moments, I reflected on my own behavior from this afternoon. I watched as someone took the life of my best friend and my survival companion. I let someone murder the man that had been with me since the turn. The same man that I had gone through every devastating encounter and astounding accomplishment with. I let him die. Just like I had let Kevin and Ben and Nikki and Kaylee die. I could have done more for my people, but instead I sat back and guarded my own interests while they were brutalized by the world around me.

Since the turn, I had been so adamant about accomplishing what I set out to do. Up until that point, I had assumed that this desire was my weakest attribute, but when I really delved into why I didn't lunge for the man with the rope around my friends neck, the only thing I could conclude was that I was scared. I was a coward and I faltered.

Daryl sighed slightly and I looked up at him. He was aggressively biting his nails and I could tell that his mind was going a mile a minute as if he was mulling over something in depth. My heart ached for him. I knew that he partially felt responsible for what had happened to Wayne, but that was bullshit. I had been the weak one from the start. I paused too long.

“Stop.” I demanded, as I took his hand in mine, clutching on. “Maybe I am bad for you, Daryl Dixon.”

“Probably.” He chuckled a little. “But so are walkers and all this damn snow. I’m fucking freezing.”

“You want me to warm you up?” I asked, coyly.

His response was a pair of narrowed eyes and a sarcastic look that shot from me to the loft upstairs and back. He did, however, turn over to face me, using his arm as a headrest. He then reached over and laced his fingers into mine and I scooted over to close the gap between us. We did not kiss. We did not touch. We simply closed our eyes and fell asleep as deeply as we could.

***********

I woke up early, before the others and went outside to pay my final respects to Wayne. It was quiet. The snow was still falling swiftly around me, but the sun had risen enough to see the tree line around me. I scanned and scoured the area around the cabin to make sure that I was alone and that there were no tracks. After a fairly in depth search, I went to Wayne's side.

Daryl had moved his body to the edge of the patio that sat outside the door. He had covered him in a saddle blanket from inside the cabin. A thick layer of snow covered it up so that the print was barely visible. I dusted it off with my hand and knelt to my knees over his body, taking his cold hands in mine.

The first day that I had met Wayne I had not known what to make of him. He was tall and built, but his spoke so softly. He was effeminate and carried himself in such a way that I had worried about his strength, but he had proven me wrong. He shattered my ignorance with his ability to adapt to the changes in the world around him. He had maintained a resilience to the environment even in his times of tragedy. He even managed to continue to see the good in me, even when I had made an ass out of myself. It was in that moment, reminiscing on our time together, that I realized how much I had loved him. He was my family. He was my brother.

“I’m sorry, Wayne. When I said I understood before, I lied. I didn’t. I just agreed to appease you, but now I understand why you were so angry with me. All that time we spent out there, I thought I was the strong one, keeping y’all safe, but I wasn’t. It was you and Ben and Kaylee. I didn’t do a damn thing. You were the strong ones. I don’t know why I made it and you all are gone. Maybe it’s my burden to bear. Maybe it’s just another thing that I have to endure, but I will. You were right about Daryl, too. He’s going to be the reason I change. I have to. Jack won’t be impacted by what I do in the present, only if we find him. But Daryl he’s here now. And the rest of them, too. I have to step it up. I should have before. I’m so sorry, Wayne.”

I let a few moments of silence pass and then I was finished. I had concluded my confession and was ready to take on whatever the world was going to throw at me. I understood the severity of our situation and the importance of holding it together. As Daryl watched the events that unfolded in front of us yesterday, I saw that he looked to me before an action was taken. I choked and he faltered and then Wayne died. That couldn't happen again.

I replaced Wayne’s hands on his chest and covered him back up with the blanket. There was a pile of wood near the front door. I grabbed two of the driest pieces and opened the door to the cabin, avoiding looking down at my friend’s body. There wasn't a reason to do so anymore. That era was over.

The room was a bit dark but I could see Daryl’s feet sticking out from behind the couch, indicating that he was still asleep on the floor where he had been. I walked over and knelt between him and the fire, putting the logs down near the flames to dry a little from the heat. Suddenly, a soft coughing sound echoed through the room.

"I don't feel so good." Toby said. I looked up just in time to see the small figure tumble down the steps from the loft.


Notes

Comments

Holy moly!! This was so great!! Thank you!!

JetCmoon JetCmoon
3/8/17

Thank you so much for the updated chapter!! It was awesome!!!

JetCmoon JetCmoon
2/20/17

@GeezLouise
Absolutely!! I check for updates daily!! LOL As I said to another great writer, I am faithful to the writers who put their heart and imagination into their stories so I am not going anywhere!! :)

JetCmoon JetCmoon
2/1/17

@GeezLouise
Of course I will! :D

A Lady A Lady
2/1/17

@JetCmoon

Thanks!!

@A Lady
I am so glad you enjoyed it!! Stay tuned.

GeezLouise GeezLouise
2/1/17