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Need You Now

Chapter 109

Thank you for the comments on last night's chapter! So happy to hear that you guys are enjoying the Rick and Cassie (Rassie!) aspect of the story. There are a couple more chapters that are dedicated solely to the two of them coming up. :)




The Present: Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

Snuggled against Daryl’s side, Sam idly traced a fingertip over the planes of his chest and smiled with an almost giddy happiness. She could think of few things better than waking up in Daryl’s arms, making love to him as the sun woke up and painted the sky with vibrant oranges and violets, curling against his warm body and the feel of his arms wrapped around her body. In fact, it would have been absolutely perfect except for the fact that he, yet again, refused to open up to her and adamantly refused to talk about his life after they split.

Sam didn’t want his silence to bother her, but it did and she knew why. During the course of their brief relationship the first time around, the only time Daryl had refused to talk to her about what he was doing or who he was with was when everything had started falling apart between them and she wanted to do everything possible this time around to keep that from happening again. They had miraculously managed to find their way back in to one another’s lives again and she wanted to keep it that way.

For the past couple of weeks, she had approached the subject of his past by starting with the days after he had left Collins and she wondered if Daryl might open up a bit more if she worked her way backwards instead. She chewed on her bottom lip momentarily and decided it was worth a shot at least to try. "Have you known Rick long?"

"Just since the outbreak." Daryl replied, answering Sam's question, but not offering up any further information. His mind briefly flashed back to the early days of his relationship with Rick and a snort of laughter escaped at the thought. If anyone had told him that day that Rick Grimes would eventually become his best friend, his brother, he would have likely punched them in the nose for making such a ridiculous statement. The deputy and the criminal? That relationship would have never been able to flourish past an arrest before the outbreak. Now though, Daryl wondered if either of them would have survived this long without the other.

"Really?" Sam couldn't keep the shock out of her voice. "I wouldn't have thought so, not with how close y'all seem. I sure would have pegged him for being around you for longer than that. So, you've been with him and his group since the get go? From what I've heard from the supply groups, it's a pretty impressive achievement to keep a group of that size together without having a permanent place to stay. Always on the run? Never knowing where your next meal is?"

"It ain't been easy. Had a couple places to stay here and there. Maggie's farm, the prison up north of Atlanta. Did okay until we lost those." Daryl stared at the ceiling while running his fingers through Sam's long locks, loving the silky feeling of them slipping across his skin; something he hadn't realized he had missed as much until it was back in his life. "Lost a lot of people. Group we have now ain't the original ones. Only Rick and his family, Maggie and Glenn, Carol...everyone else we've picked up here and there."

"I heard it was really bad after the last place fell apart. The prison? Rick mentioned to Cassie that y'all got split up. I couldn't have done it. Running around in the woods? Scavenging for food? Nope, not me...no survival skills whatsoever. Your friend, Sasha, was right. If it weren't for everyone here making sure I was safe, I'd have bit the dust a long time ago." Sam readjusted her position, moving her legs around until she was comfortable again and the feeling of Daryl's leg hair brushing against her skin gave her chills. "It's a good thing you're group is so strong. Wouldn't have made it far with a bunch of people like me dragging you down."

"You're strong in your own way. You'd have made it." Daryl's voice was full of conviction. Hell, he'd kept weaker people alive after the outbreak, surely Sam could have survived out there. Look how far Beth had come since the first day she had come in to his life back on the farm. Back then, she was a weak little girl who wanted to give up after losing a handful of people. By the time she had met her death, she was one of the strongest women he had ever met. People grow, they change and hopefully they do both for the better. "Shit, if I'd have been stuck with Beth the way she was in the beginning, we'd have both been walker bait. We was on our own and she pulled her weight. You gotta adapt now, and people do that for the most part. Evolve. You could if you had to."

“You were with Beth? Just the two of you?” Sam asked timidly, her voice spoken softly enough to cover up the nervous tremors in her voice. She scrapped her teeth over her bottom lip while fidgeting with the edge of the sheet. His fingers stilled in her hair and she could feel his breath hitch in his chest, but the proverbial can was open and worms were starting to crawl out everywhere and there was nothing she could do to shove them back in to the container. “Were you two together? You know, like a couple?”

“No! God, she was just a kid, Sam.” Daryl growled, instantly aware of his mistake. He had opened his mouth about his past, granted it wasn't the part of his life he was ashamed of, but still...it wasn't anything he wanted to discuss with Sam. It was in the past, he was done with those days. Reverting back to his old tactics of avoiding conversations he didn't want to have, Daryl brushed Sam away and sat up on the bed; eyes surveying his surroundings in search of the clothes she had peeled off his body when they had returned home last night. Spying his pants over by the dresser, next to his boots, Daryl shoved off the mattress and took two long strides to grab them. He didn't see his shirt and vaguely recalled a button or two popping off of it when Sam had tugged it off of him downstairs. Stepping in to the pants, he pulled them up and forced himself to turn back to Sam while shoving his feet in to his boots.

Daryl fully expected to see Sam's eyes full of judgment like everyone else's had been after finding out that he and Beth had been thrown together after the prison fell. Instead, what he found was something he had not been prepared for. Jealously. Envy. Daryl’s irritation faltered ever so slightly at the sight of the tears shimmering in her luminous eyes as Sam clutched the pristine white sheet to her naked chest, while trying her best to appear less upset than she actually was. His hands unclenched, uncurled from the fists that had been balled up in anger and he shoved them through his hair with a sigh of frustration. “We weren’t anything like that. Not like what you’re thinking.”

“Eighteen and blonde? Wouldn’t have been the first time.” The words were out of her mouth before her brain realized what was going on. Eyes wide, she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, as though it was actually possible to cram the words back in to her mouth. Sam knew she had no right to be jealous of little Beth Greene, but damn it if she wasn’t. “Daryl, I’m sorry. That was out of line. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. I went through a lot of shit with Beth. She was a friend, a good friend, and I don’t got many of those. You don’t know nothing about my life, not a damn thing about nothing.” Daryl’s eyes flashed, anger and heartache projected out to Sam and pierced her heart.

“How could I know anything about you? Anything at all about what you’ve been through, Daryl?” Sam shrieked in response. She came to her knees, kneeling on the disheveled bed with only that solitary sheet covering her body that was still unclothed from making love to Daryl that morning. Body shaking, the tears she had been desperately clinging to finally spilled over and splashed on to her cheeks. “You won’t talk to me! How can I know if you won’t tell me a damned thing about you? What you’ve gone through? Where you’ve been? I’m not a mind reader, Daryl!” The silence was heavy in the air as they glared at one another. Sam’s chin trembled as she tried to reign in the emotions swirling around inside her body. Sniffling, she took a shaky breath and lowered her voice to add, “I just want to know you again.”

Daryl’s heart melted at the tremble of sadness in Sam’s voice and the fresh wave of tears that cascaded down her cheeks. His anger abated, he crossed the room and lowered himself back down on to the mattress next to Sam and gathered her into his arms. “Don’t cry.” He croaked out, his voice gravelly with choked up emotion. Pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head, he held on tight as she sniffled against his chest. “You know I can’t stand it when you do that.”

“I know.” Sam’s voice was muffled as she buried herself in Daryl’s embrace. She had always loathed how easily she cried, but had never been able to stop the flow of tears once they started. Sniffling once more, she reluctantly pulled away from him and hated the flicker of hurt she caught in his eyes. Raising a hand, she swiped it across her eyes and cheeks in a vain attempt to wipe away the remaining tears. She chewed on the inside of her cheek as the silence between them continued to grow. All she wanted was the answers Daryl clearly refused to give her. “I’m sorry for starting all this. I want to know you again, like I used to.”

“You know me, Sam. You’ve always known me.” Cutting his eyes away, trying to hide from the sorrow in her gaze, Daryl recalled the nights where they had lain in bed, tangled in one another’s arms talking about everything and yet, nothing at all. Back then, once he had realized his love for her, he had willingly shared everything about his past with Sam, but that was before he had allowed his life to become what he had always tried so hard to avoid. His brother. His father. He was ashamed of the Dixon blood that coursed through his veins, the lineage that had proved to be nothing but one asshole after the other.

“I knew you, Daryl. Past tense.” Sam whispered, her heart in her throat as he desperately tried to avoid her gaze. Reaching out, she laid one hand on top of his and squeezed it reassuringly. “I want to know you now. You know everything about me and the only thing I know about you is that Merle died. And, Rick had to tell me that much. That’s it. How is that fair to me?”

“Life ain’t fair, Sam. Thought you’d know that by now.” His reply was bitter and he hated himself for it, but the shame in his heart ran deeper than the loathing he held for himself at that particular moment. “Just drop it, okay? There ain’t nothing you need to know. I was just some asshole following a bigger asshole around for years.” The night he had said the same thing to Beth rushed through his memory and he felt a sting of tears in his eyes at the loss that still plagued his heart since her death. His failure had led to the world losing one of the brightest beacons of hope he had ever met and he doubted he would ever recover from that loss.

Sam watched helplessly as Daryl pulled his hand out from underneath hers and scrambled off the bed. As he stalked across the room in the direction of the ladder, Sam tugged the sheet tighter around her nude body and tried to extract herself from the bed; ungracefully lurching to one side when the sheet got trapped beneath her knee as she tried to scoot off the mattress. “Daryl! Don’t go. I said I was sorry. I won’t bring it up again.” Her breath hitched in her chest and she blinked rapidly against the familiar prickle of tears present in her eyes yet again. She had one foot on the floor, the other still tangled in the bedding enough to keep her bound to the mattress as he neared the ladder. Trembling, her lower lip quivered as one lone tear fell from her eyes, she whispered to him and hated the pleading tone in her voice. “Please don’t leave me.”

The tone of her voice halted his retreat. Turning, Daryl faced Sam and felt his heart clench at the sight before him. Tousled honey colored hair, tear stained cheeks and wide eyes that shimmered with unshed emotion, she stood before him and clutched the sheet to her chest, but it failed to cover her nude frame from his gaze; the curve of her breasts and the gentle swell of her hips peeked around the soft material. Feeling like a colossal shit, Daryl removed the foot from the top rung of the ladder and crossed the room in just a couple strides to stand before Sam.

"Done said I wasn't leaving you this time. I just...I just needed to go for now." Daryl offered up the explanation in lieu of an apology and gathered Sam in to his arms. He pressed his lips against the top of her head as she wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tightly.

"You were running from me and my questions and you know it." Sam's words were muffled against his chest and the tears on her face moistened his bare chest. She felt his chest rise as he sighed and hated herself for badgering him until the only choice he had to avoid it was by leaving, but Sam didn't understand his need to not tell her about his life for the past twelve years. She knew plenty of things that he had done before her and during their marriage and couldn't figure out why he didn't want to talk to her now like he had done once before. "I'll stop asking. You don't want to talk to me like we used to and I'm going to have to accept that, I guess. We're not going to get anywhere if we're fighting all the time anyway."

"Thank you." Daryl murmured, his lips still pressed against Sam's hair. "I won't keep nothing from you now, not like I did before. Anything from here on out I ain't got a problem talking to you about, Sam. But back then? With Merle. Don't want to talk about that no more. That ain't who I am now." He felt Sam nod her head in agreement, before following the motion up with a sniffle and he wondered if she was still crying. He pressed another kiss to her forehead and pulled back enough to stare down in to her eyes; which were mostly tear free for the moment. "I'm not leaving you, but it's almost lunch and Jacey's gonna be home soon, right? I need to clear out."

"You just make sure to come back to me tonight. That's all I need." Sam eased up on to her tip toes and placed a kiss on to Daryl's lips and tasted the saltiness from her tears. Stepping away from Daryl's embrace, the sheet that had once been covering her nude figure fell to the ground and left her naked as the day she was born. Not missing the flare of heat in Daryl's eyes, she gracefully dipped down and retrieved the sheet to cover herself with and motioned for him to leave. "Calm your jets, mister. We don't have time for that!"

She chuckled at the look of disappointment on Daryl's face as he turned away and headed back to the ladder. As his he disappeared from sight, Sam started getting dressed for lunch and made a mental note to have Cassie procure another box of condoms from the supply store. At the rate they were going, she and Daryl were going to have to raid a fully stocked condom factory before long.

Notes

Comments

@aphishinthec


Wow! Thank you so much. Glad you enjoyed it again. :)

Serenity Serenity
12/1/16

I binge read this too over thanksgiving weekend and literally could not put it down. I was a constant reader when the updates were regular, but sadly am the worst at remembering to review. Excellent story to binge read!!

aphishinthec aphishinthec
12/1/16

@Tripper


Squee! Glad you liked it just as much the second time around. :)

Serenity Serenity
11/28/16

So, I may have just gorged myself on this story and read it all over again in a few days. This is one of my very favourite stories of all time. So freakin' good. Thanks again for this wicked story!

Tripper Tripper
11/25/16

@Lunabelle4


Thank you so much!

Serenity Serenity
11/14/16