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Need You Now

Chapter 126

Thanks for the reviews!!! I appreciate them greatly!


Saturday, April 28th, 2012


At the Collins residence, Cassie sat with Rick on the back porch and watched the sun slowly fade from the sky while they waited for their friends to show up. The rest of the Collins family was inside, the men lounging around the living room while the woman gathered in the kitchen and picked at the food that only the children had managed to take time and eat so far. Feeling like the outsiders that they were, Cassie and Rick took the time to simply relax and enjoy the unusual alone time. The sound of the wooden blinds slapping against the patio door as someone came outside startled Cassie and she turned around to find Josh Collins stepping on to the back porch to join them with a bottle full of amber liquid in his hand. Of course, she had forgotten how the Collins family liked to commiserate after the death in the family. Or, any event that gave them a reason to break out the whiskey. Not that they were alcoholics, far from it actually, but they did enjoy a drink or three to loosen up in a stressful situation.

"No, thanks. I don't drink." Cassie waved off Josh’s offering. The amber liquid sloshed slightly in the formal crystal glass when he sat it down on the table in front of them in case she changed her mind and sauntered to the end of the pond like pool to be alone for a moment. The sight of the whiskey caused Cassie’s mouth to water and her stomach to churn at the same time. She tore her gaze from the glass that called her name and looked at Rick, not at all surprised to see question marks in his eyes. Laughing bitterly, she said, "Of course, you've heard the stories. It is still a small town full of gossipers that don’t have anything else better to do with their time. Let's just change that to I don't drink anymore."

"I have heard a few stories here and there." Rick said slowly, peering over the edge of his own glass at the woman next to him as he took a sip of the fiery liquid. He cringed at the taste, but enjoyed the warmth of it burning its way to his stomach. "But, as a rule I try to ignore rumors."

"Well, whatever you heard I'm sure it's the truth, maybe embellished some here and there to make it more interesting and all." Cassie lowered her gaze to the glass once more and hated that she had to struggle against the temptation that lay just within her reach. "I used to drink. A lot. Like, to the point of blacking out, three or four times a week. Sometimes more, depending on the week. I let it control me, but for a long time I stupidly thought I had it under control."

"But, you quit. Takes a lot of willpower to do that. You should be proud of yourself." Rick added the last part because he had seen a lot of people let alcohol destroy their lives, even falling off the wagon many times in their quest to break free from it, which from what he saw, Cassie hadn't let happen. Since he could see the struggle in her eyes, Rick leaned forward to pick up the glass with the intent to take it elsewhere, but was stopped by the feel of her hand on his.

"It's okay, I can be around it and not turn in to some raving lunatic who has to drink all the alcohol." Cassie punctuated her words with a smile and tried to ignore the gnawing demand that raged with in her and desperately wanted to prove her conviction wrong. "I can resist its naughty charm, I promise. I've been doing so for twelve years now."

"What made you quit, if you don't mind me asking?" Rick asked as he sat his glass down on the table next to the one he had brought out for her. The two large sized sips he had taken were already working their magic on him, proving that he had become a lightweight since the outbreak. He was curious as to what caused her to go on the straight and narrow, but the look in Cassie's eyes darkened enough to have him regretting his question. "Never mind, it's none of my business."

"No, it's okay, really. I, um...I just haven't ever told anyone why I stopped. Not even Sam. I mean, she’s asked, but I could never bring myself to tell her the truth." Cassie bit her lip as she met Rick's eyes once more and took a deep breath. "Surprising, I know. We tell each other pretty much everything, but I couldn't tell her this. I didn't want her to know what I did." Cassie waved her hand in Rick's direction when he interrupted her, telling her once again that the story she was about to tell wasn't any of his business. "Shush. Maybe it's time I tell someone? Maybe...maybe you should know before we...well, you know? Get too serious?"

"Tell me or not, but whatever you did isn't going to change how I feel about you." Rick reached out and took Cassie's hand in his and nodded at her to continue.

"The night that Sam had her wreck, well...no one could find Daryl for hours afterwards. He was her emergency contact, but he wasn't home, so Sam laid in that hospital for hours by herself until Lindy came on duty and realized what had happened." Cassie paused and closed her eyes, hating the images that flickered through her mind at just the mention of the night in question. And that’s just what they were, flickers, because to this day she couldn’t remember everything that had happened that night. "He wasn't the only one on her forms. I was listed as her second contact, because at the time she went to the doctor the first time she wasn't speaking to her family. But, they couldn't get hold of me either. They couldn't find me because I was drunk, passed out in some strangers bed, three sheets to the wind and completely unable to help anyone...even myself.

"By the time I got home later that afternoon, because that's how long it took me to sober up enough to drive, my machine was full of messages from the hospital...from Lindy, from Sam's parents once they found out." Cassie gulped in a deep breath in hopes that the tears in her eyes would disappear, but failed and ended up sobbing loudly as the first wave of tears spilled over her thick lashes. "I didn't even go to the hospital. I didn't even call her. I just crawled in bed and passed out again, because I was still drunk...even though I drove home from some random guy's house. After that, I stopped drinking. I mean, what if I'd been like that guy that hit Sam? What if I'd caused a wreck that killed some woman's baby? I was no better than the man that hit Sam and I couldn't look her in the face and have her know why I wasn't there for her."

"Come here." Rick wrapped his arms around Cassie and pulled her against him while she cried. His lips were pressed against her hair when he spoke, "You made a mistake, one that thankfully didn't get anyone hurt, and it caused you to change something that needed fixing. Not a single piece of that story makes me think any less of you and I know Sam wouldn’t feel any different. I understand why you wouldn’t want to tell her, but it might make you feel better to tell her. Get it off your conscience?”

“No, no, and no.” Cassie said forcefully as she pulled back from Rick and wiped at the tears on her face. She rarely cried and hated it when the tears happened from time to time, but not as much as she despised someone seeing her do so. When she gathered herself to a modicum of composure, she offered Rick a smile, a weak one, but a smile nonetheless. “Thank you for letting me spill my guts and blubber all over you.”

“You’re welcome.” Rick stared at Cassie for a moment before reaching out to brush away several strands of dark hair that were plastered to the drying tears on her cheek. Sitting next to him was this woman that was impetuous and loud, overly opinionated with a colorful and questionable past. But, all he saw was her beauty, her kindness, and how fiercely protective and loyal to the few people she loved. As she sat there showing him her weakness and opening her heart to him, Rick realized that even though she was nearly the opposite of everything he thought he’d wanted in a woman, she was exactly what he needed.

“I know Sam wouldn’t judge me, I know that…I just, I can’t take the chance that she might and cut me loose, which honestly wouldn’t happen…like less than a one percent chance that would ever happen, but I’m too scared to even risk it. She’s all that I have now, she’s all I’ve had for a long time really, and I can’t not have Sam in my life, so I will continue to let the guilt eat me up inside and keep that off of her, you know?” Cassie blurted out suddenly, after a few moments of what felt like awkward silence to her.

“You’ve never really talked about your family.” Rick’s statement was meant to be a question, but he didn’t know how to phrase it without feeling uncomfortable. Were her parents dead? Did they make it to the turn or did they go before then? What about siblings? Aunts? Uncles? All Cassie had offered up before now was that Sam and Jacey were her only family.

“Family? Yeah, I wouldn’t put it that way exactly. I wasn’t ever close to my parents, more like a disappointment that they dealt with. Basically, once I got old enough to take care of myself, they left me to my own devices and only surfaced to yell at me whenever I got in trouble.” Cassie’s line of sight landed on the two glasses of whiskey and she wished for a moment that she had let Rick relocate them to a place that wasn’t near her and the temptation that was eating her up inside. “My parents were older when they had me, like Sam’s parents were, except I was their only kid. Never got to meet my grandparents and both of my parents were only children, too. Um, my mother died three days after my twenty-first birthday, had a heart attack at work. After that, my dad worked himself to death and bit the dust a little over two years later.”

Despite years as a police officer and seeing countless sets of deadbeat parents, Rick still couldn’t wrap his brain around having a child and neglecting them. And yes, even though a parent provided their child with food, shelter and clothing, it was still considered neglect in his mind if they didn’t also provide love and security as well. He struggled to provide the first set of requirements for his children after the outbreak, but he’d be damned if he wouldn’t do his best to make sure they were safe and that he loved them with all of his heart. Realizing the pause in the conversation had gone on far too long after Cassie’s explanation, Rick finally managed to say something. “I can see why you wouldn’t want to talk about them then.”

“I had Sam at least. She’s my family, her and Jacey. Just because we don’t share DNA doesn’t mean we aren’t family.” Cassie smiled that time, an honest to goodness smile that lacked anything remotely resembling sadness. At some point during their talk, they had reached for one another and were now holding hands. She didn’t know who initiated it, she was just glad one of them had. “Back when I thought I’d lost her was when everything in my life came in to focus for me. I’d just been loafing about, barely passing classes, and spending as much time as I could inside of a bottle. It’s sad that it sometimes takes almost losing someone you love to make you reevaluate your life.”

“So, it was close then…losing Sam? I know she was in a wreck and lost their baby, but Daryl hasn’t said much else.” Curiosity was the nature of the beast in law enforcement, but he hadn’t wanted to stir up trouble with Daryl by asking about what happened. He knew his friend well enough to know that if Daryl wanted to talk about something he would, otherwise there was no point in asking.

“Not from the wreck, no. I mean, I guess it could have been life threatening, from the blood loss and all, but she made it out with just some broken bones and staples. It was after the wreck, she wasn’t the same…not that she was expected to be after losing Emily, but it was pretty bad for a while. She was in a real dark place for a long time.” Cassie shifted in her seat and turned to face Rick a bit better. The sun was nearly gone, only the tip of its rays shone over the edge of the neighborhood now. They would have to light some candles soon if the moon wasn’t strong enough to provide faint light. “The depression was bad, it’s what drove her and Daryl apart in the end. She couldn’t let herself be happy again and he couldn’t live with her not being there anymore, emotionally that is. Up until then, Sam’s life was perfect. Utterly perfect. She’d never had to learn to deal with things when they went wrong, because they never did…not for her, not until she and Daryl ended up together. In the span of six months she got pregnant, got married to Daryl, lost the support of most of her family and lost her baby. It was too much for her to handle.”

“Losing a child is hard enough without blaming yourself for it.” While he didn’t know the effects first hand, Rick could only imagine the disastrous effects the death of a child could have on the parents. Hell, he and Lori had barely been able to keep their marriage together with just the day to day stresses of life, much less anything as horrifying as burying Carl.

“You say that like you’ve experienced it.” Cassie’s voice softened as she probed gently into a sensitive subject. “You and Lori, did ya’ll lose….uh, I…you know, never mind. Too personal.”

“No, we didn’t. Just Carl and Judith.” Although, if he was honest with himself he knew that biologically the chances of Judith actually being his baby girl were slim to none, but in his heart she was nothing but his daughter. “No, Lori and I fell apart without anything else stepping in and helping us. Just the risk of marrying a police officer, high divorce rates.”

Cassie wanted to ask more about his wife, but the sound of doors opening and the sudden raised chatter of several people talking at once interrupted her. She glanced over her shoulder and found that the house was now glowing from the lanterns and candles that had been lit since night had fallen and in the golden glow, she could see the unmistakable form of Sam and Daryl. “They’re here.”

Knowing that the rest of their conversation would have to be put on hold for the time being so that Cassie could check on Sam, Rick stood and offered her his other hand to help her to her feet. “Come on, I know you’re dying to check on them.”

“Guess the cat is officially out of the bag regarding their couple status, huh?” Cassie smiled, happy to have a bright spot on the otherwise dreary day. She peered through the pane of the French door to where Sam was standing next to Daryl and saw that his arm was draped over her shoulders. Jacey was nowhere to been seen, but the sounds of childlike laughter could be heard from the front yard; further proof that children were resilient and recovered from death a lot faster than adults.

She entered the house when Rick held open the door for her, but paused long enough to say, “Sam’s in good hands, but I want to check on her anyway. But, I could maybe make it a quick checking on if maybe you wanted to head out of here earlier than intended?”

“She’s definitely in good hands. Doesn’t look like Daryl’s letting too many people get close to her.” Rick chuckled at Daryl’s overprotective nature, which was a sight to see since he rarely let anyone close enough to experience it. “So, I’d say we’re safe to head out early.” Butterflies erupted in his stomach at the implications behind the leaving early statement and he knew why. Despite spending nearly every night together for nearly two months, one week of which they had spent the night literally together at his house, they had yet to progress past second base…or what he considered it to be, but he’d never been fully up to date as to what which base meant. Either way, he and Cassie had experienced some electrifying kisses and some junior high level groping, but none of which had led to anything else as of yet. While the notion of finally having sex with someone that wasn’t his wife was mildly terrifying to Rick, he was pretty sure that he and Cassie both realized that tonight was going to be the night they took that terrifying leap together.

Notes

Yeah, so I noticed that I have two chapter 126's. Which means, the story is 141 chapters in reality. Sigh. You guys have no idea how many times I mislabeled the chapters on this story and thought I finally had it right, but apparently not. So, you guys get an extra chapter and my OCD-ness gets punished with an odd number on the end chapter. LOL

I am looking at posting Chapter 127 (the 2nd chapter 126) in the morning before I leave work if all goes well...just have to relabel all my chapters from here on out.


Comments

@aphishinthec


Wow! Thank you so much. Glad you enjoyed it again. :)

Serenity Serenity
12/1/16

I binge read this too over thanksgiving weekend and literally could not put it down. I was a constant reader when the updates were regular, but sadly am the worst at remembering to review. Excellent story to binge read!!

aphishinthec aphishinthec
12/1/16

@Tripper


Squee! Glad you liked it just as much the second time around. :)

Serenity Serenity
11/28/16

So, I may have just gorged myself on this story and read it all over again in a few days. This is one of my very favourite stories of all time. So freakin' good. Thanks again for this wicked story!

Tripper Tripper
11/25/16

@Lunabelle4


Thank you so much!

Serenity Serenity
11/14/16