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Need You Now

Chapter 32

The present: Thursday, March 8th, 2012

High in the sky, the afternoon sun beat down on Daryl with its golden rays as he sat atop a picnic table outside of Collins High School and smoked yet another one of the stale cigarettes out of the half pack he’d located in an empty home on the edge of town. Overhead, the sky was a brilliant robin’s egg blue and scattered with little puffs of cotton candy clouds and from just one look it appeared to be a beautiful spring day, but there was a chill in the air strong enough to remind the world that winter had not yet made its departure. Squinting against the brightness of the sun, Daryl fiddled with the cigarette, rolling it between two fingers, as he enjoyed the sight of Sam teaching music class just inside the row of partially open windows. Judging by the expression of sheer delight on her face while she danced around with a group of children around Jacey’s age and played a banjo while they all sang, Daryl figured she had yet to notice him lingering about outside.

Looking down at the ground, his dark hair falling forward to hide his face, Daryl heard the crunch of boots on gravel and cocked his head to the side in time to see Cassie hop up on to the table beside him. “Ain’t you supposed to be working on dinner?” Daryl asked since he’d seen her gathering up the remnants of lunch when he’d finally wandered back in to town.

“Seems your group had better people for the job. My lack of attention span didn’t help with Momma Collins, I was forever annoying her, and so I’ve been relieved of my duties on the kitchen staff. You’re looking at the new assistant to the music teacher…don’t think I didn’t use my connections to conjure up that assignment.” Glancing over at Daryl, she noticed the bruises on his face and smiled at the sight. “How’s the nose?”

“Been better. Been worse.” Daryl replied with a shrug as he ground out his cigarette. Spying the slightly swollen red knuckles on her right hand, he smirked and asked, “How’s your hand?”

“Been better. Been worse.” Cassie repeated his answer with a smile. She was surprised her knuckles were still bothering her after several days, proof that getting older meant it took longer for your body to heal itself since there wouldn’t have been any evidence of a simple punch to a nose back in her youth. Nodding in the direction of the open window they were several yards from, she inquired. “You taking up stalking now?”

“Nah, just waiting. We, uh…decided to stick around. Thought I’d break the news to Sam in person.”” Daryl blew out a stream of smoke as ground the last of his cigarettes beneath his boot. He leaned over and picked up the squashed butt and rolled it between his fingers. Letting his gaze fall on Sam once more, he asked, “When’d she learn the banjo?”

“Couple of years ago. Decided one of the songs she was working on would sound better with it, so she went out and got one and promptly taught herself. You know how she is with that stuff.” Cassie placed her hands on the table behind her and leaned back a little bit to soak up whatever warmth the sun could provide. “Heard you went to visit Emily last night. It’s been a long time, huh?”

Daryl gave a noncommittal grunt in response, knowing that Cassie didn’t really expect him to answer her question. They’d always understood one another fairly well, which was likely due to them being similar in a lot of ways; both had grown up with less than desirable parents, although Cassie’s were just absent whereas Daryl’s had been abusive, both were seen by the Collins family as unsuitable for Sam, both loved Sam more than anything else in their lives. Instead of saying anything about his feelings, Daryl did what he figured Cassie knew he’d do and changed the subject back to Sam. “She ever talk to you about her or does she just keep it all bottled up still?”

“Not really. You know how she was after…she didn’t talk to any of us.” Sitting back up, she angled herself in Daryl’s direction and absentmindedly picked at a scratch in the wooden picnic table. “There was one time after you left…maybe a month or so after? Found her at ya’lls old place one night packing everything up.” Cassie’s mind drifted back to that night. The night she’d found Sam sprawled across the living room floor amidst piles of half-filled cardboard boxes and pictures scattered around her, drunk on whiskey and crying her heart out. It was the one and only time Cassie had ever seen her best friend show her emotions to that level, completely devastated and emotionally broken. She still didn’t know which version of Sam after the breakup she preferred…the devastated drunk or the emotionally closed off and damn near mute version. “She was pretty bad that night…broke my heart.”

Daryl chewed on his thumbnail and let his mind wander back to how Sam was after she lost the baby. It was like every bit of sunshine, every last ounce of hope and happiness drained out of her. Closed off emotionally, she had crumbled in on herself and pushed everyone else away…leaving Daryl to grieve the loss of his daughter on his own. For weeks she’d basically gone through the motions of life, barely eating, barely sleeping, and barely speaking to anyone. While he understood the pain, the heart ache, that Sam had been experiencing, Daryl had wanted…needed…to mourn the loss with his wife, but had been kept at arm’s length while the Sam he knew withered away and died inside. There had been one brief glimmer of hope in the midst of those months of despair. One night, when his wife had come to him, loved him and fell asleep in his arms. The next morning, he had woken up to find Sam no longer tucked next to him in their bed. His heart had been filled with optimism for weeks after that night, but that sliver of hopefulness had slowly withered away along with his wife.

It had been that one night that had led Daryl to believe that the little girl held tightly in Sam’s arms in the heart shaped locket was his; the result of their lovemaking that evening.

“And then, she came back to us…slowly, but still…she came back. Started writing again, played with Ryan’s band a couple of times. The rest is history, so they say.” Cassie slid off the picnic table and shoved her hands in the pockets of her coat. Their eyes connected as Daryl dropped his hand from his mouth and looked directly at Cassie. In his gaze, she saw the same sadness, the same grief, she had seen in his eyes after Sam lost the baby and their marriage fell apart and it hurt her heart in a way she hadn’t expected. While Cassie wouldn’t admit it, deep down she was a hopeless romantic and for years had hoped that Sam and Daryl would work things out in the end. “You know, she’s happy now. I think Jacey played a big part in that. And, Ryan…when she finally gave in and moved on I thought that would fix things. But, it didn’t. Ryan? He’s so in love with her, but she’s not in love with him. Sure, she loves him, cares about him a lot, but I know Sam…likely better than she knows herself. She doesn’t look at him the way she looks at you.”

Their discussion was cut short as the sounds of doors being thrown open and the joyful shrieks of children being released from school for the day filled the air. Offering up a smile, Cassie took her hands out of her pockets and motioned towards the school. “I’m supposed to walk some of the kid’s home today. What I said? Just give it some thought, ok? And don’t tell Sam, please? She’d have my head if she knew I was out here spilling all her secrets.”

Daryl nodded in agreement as hopped off the picnic table. With Sam in his line of sight, he grabbed the bag he’d tucked beneath the bench and slid it over his shoulder as he followed behind Cassie towards Sam and Jacey, who launched herself in his direction when she noticed him. The feeling of a child wrapped around his leg, hugging him with all of her might, clearly happy to see him, was one Daryl doubted he would ever grow accustomed to. When Jacey pulled away, Daryl noticed a familiar case slung across her back and asked, “You play the guitar?”

“Uh huh. Sam’s been teaching me…even gave me her first guitar!” Jacey whipped off the case and set it on the ground at his feet and opened it up to show off the weathered guitar that was covered in stickers of flowers, butterflies and hearts. “I’m not very good, but Sam says I just need to practice lots. That’s what she had to do.”

Realizing it was the same one he’d seen hanging in Sam’s music room at her parents’ house, the one she’d mentioned purchasing at a pawn shop when she was only ten years old, Daryl smiled fondly at Jacey. “She knows what she’s doing, just gotta listen to her. Tried to teach me, but it didn’t stick.”

“Probably because you wouldn’t practice like I told you to.” Sam chastised Daryl as she reached out and mussed Jacey’s hair. Glancing back up at Daryl, but yet trying to avoid eye contact at the same time, she noticed that he was sporting a heavier load than she’d seen on him the past couple of days; with not only his crossbow slung over his back, but also had a bag over his shoulder. “Going somewhere?” She asked curiously, while praying she sounded as nonchalant as she thought she did.

“You’re not leaving are you? You just got here.” Jacey asked worriedly as she eyeballed the bag slung over Daryl’s shoulder. She’d been warned the new people might not decide to become permanent residents and that Daryl wasn’t known to stay in one place too long, but she’d said her prayers every night that her brother would want to spend time with her and not leave.

“Nah, I ain’t leaving.” Daryl replied quickly to reassure the little girl with evidence of tears in her eyes and a slightly quivering chin. When he looked back up at Sam, Daryl felt Jacey slip her small hand in his and latch on tightly. Closing his hand around hers, Daryl smiled as he said, “Wanted to tell you myself. We’re staying.”

“Oh, um…that’s good. Jacey will enjoy having you around.” Sam ignored the beat her heart skipped when Daryl said that he wasn’t leaving Collins. “Where’d they put you?”

“Where d’you think your brother put me?” Daryl replied sarcastically. Jacey bounced on her toes next to him, possibly doing some type of dance he wasn’t aware of, and tugged his hand back and forth while doing so, causing him to lurch a little bit to the side while trying to talk to Sam.

Knowing that the mobile home park that Daryl had lived at when he’d first moved to Collins was no longer there, Sam smiled softly as she realized Josh had put him back in the house he’d rented when they had started dating. The house they’d lived in when they were married. It was probably some type of weird punishment in Josh’s head. “The house on Cherrywood?”

“Yeah, got us set up in some of the houses over there.” Over Sam’s shoulder, Daryl spied Ryan coming out of the school. He’d been told that Sam’s boyfriend helped coach basketball with Tyler a couple days a week if they weren’t gone on a run, but had hoped that today would be one of the days he wouldn’t be there. Couldn’t be that lucky, of course. He nodded, jutting his chin out in the direction of Ryan and murmured, “Got company.”

Glancing over her shoulder, Sam saw Ryan approaching from the gym and muttered a low curse she prayed neither Jacey nor Daryl heard. Turning back to Daryl, she asked, “Think maybe you could show Jacey where you’re staying? I’ve got something I need to do.” Handing Jacey the book bag she’d been holding, Sam waited for Daryl to agree before saying, “She’s got some spelling words to go over and some math, if you don’t mind making sure she at least starts it? Um, this shouldn’t take long…I can meet ya’ll for dinner?”

Daryl watched as Sam jogged over to intercept Ryan, who pulled her in to an embrace that was clearly meant as a gesture to show he was marking his territory. As the two disappeared in the direction of the park behind the school, hand in hand, Daryl tried to quell the feelings of jealousy at sight of the two of them together…and tried to push aside the thoughts of what they were going to be doing while he was watching over Jacey. Once they were out of sight, Daryl sighed and looked down into the wide eyed face of his little sister and said, “Let’s get out of here.”

Sam forced herself not to look over her shoulder at Daryl as she walked hand in hand towards the park with Ryan. It was difficult, but somehow she managed to put one foot in front of the other and keep her eyes focused straight ahead and not on the past that stood behind her. She let Ryan lead her to one of the wrought iron benches situated around the water fountain and took a seat next to him. Looking in to his eyes, seeing the worry that she’d put there, Sam realized that Ryan knew what she was about to say. Keeping one of his hands in hers, she traced a finger across the back of the wide hand that had dwarfed hers in size every time they joined for the past couple of years. “Ryan, I…I’m so sorry.” Sam whispered, instantly choked with emotion as she blinked away tears and dropped her eyes.

“Don’t do this, Sam. Not for him.” Ryan grabbed hold of both of Sam’s hands and lifted them to his mouth to brush a kiss across her knuckles. He'd always had that nagging voice in his head that said she would leave him if Daryl ever came back, that he'd never compare to the love she had for her husband. Ryan had just hoped that he was wrong, but apparently not. The past few days had been downright agonizing while he waited for the talk that he and Sam were destined to have, but as the days had passed since he’d gotten back in to town and she hadn’t said a word to him, he’d foolishly let his hopes rise that it wouldn’t happen. He dropped their hands back to his lap and lifted one hand to her face to wipe away the tear that trickled down her cheek.

“It’s not for him, Ryan. It’s for you.” Sam admitted, her voice wavering as she struggled to keep any more tears from falling from her eyes. “You deserve better than what I can give you…someone who doesn’t fall apart when her ex-husband shows back up all of the sudden. Someone who can make you happy.”

“You make me happy, Sam. Always have.” Ryan let go of Sam’s hands and scooted away from her on the bench, as though those few inches of distance would help relieve the pain he felt in his heart. “I’ve always loved you, you know? From that first time I saw you singing karaoke back at college. I couldn’t believe it when you finally came to me, after all those years. But, if I’m honest with myself, I know you never felt the way about me that I felt for you.” Deciding to put more distance between them before he became a complete and total fool by begging her to break up with him, Ryan stood up and took a few steps towards the empty fountain. With his back to her, he continued, “I’m leaving in the morning anyway. Thought I’d get out of here for a while and let you figure things out.” He actually hadn’t even considered leaving Collins any time soon, but knew that the scavenging team set to leave the next day was short one due to injury and would appreciate his offer to join them.

“Another run? But you just got back.” Sam stood up and crossed over to where Ryan was standing and put her hand on his arm. She knew the dangers of going out on runs and that’s why the groups alternated, which kept the members of the scavenging teams from getting too complacent, burned out or exhausted. They’d lost too many people in the early days by sending out too many people at once and too often. “Ryan, don’t go. Please? For me?”

“Well, see, that’s the thing…you don’t get a say in what I do anymore, Sam.” With sadness in his eyes, Ryan pulled away from her and walked away without looking back…not wanting Sam to see his heart falling apart as he walked away from the only woman he’d ever loved.

Notes

Thought I'd go ahead and post another chapter since I didn't put one up on Sunday, being out sick and all. I will be on vacation next week and I plan on updating, but you know how vacations be doing you and all. Maybe, if I get a good response from these chapters I'll make sure to carve out time to write and post. Teehee, or should that be Muwahahaha?

Comments

@aphishinthec


Wow! Thank you so much. Glad you enjoyed it again. :)

Serenity Serenity
12/1/16

I binge read this too over thanksgiving weekend and literally could not put it down. I was a constant reader when the updates were regular, but sadly am the worst at remembering to review. Excellent story to binge read!!

aphishinthec aphishinthec
12/1/16

@Tripper


Squee! Glad you liked it just as much the second time around. :)

Serenity Serenity
11/28/16

So, I may have just gorged myself on this story and read it all over again in a few days. This is one of my very favourite stories of all time. So freakin' good. Thanks again for this wicked story!

Tripper Tripper
11/25/16

@Lunabelle4


Thank you so much!

Serenity Serenity
11/14/16