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Need You Now

Chapter 50

The present: Friday, March 10th, 2012

While it took a great deal of badgering, Sam finally managed to get Daryl to go home and get some rest, or anything else he wanted to do so long as he wasn't in her apartment watching over her like a hawk. Exhausted in spite of sleeping until well after lunch, she ached from head to toe and wanted to just sit back and relax without feeling like she was under observation. Plus, her embarrassment at kissing Daryl and being rejected stung something awful and being around him just made it worse. Sam didn't even really know why she had done it anyway. It was one of those things that just made sense at the time, but looking back was probably one of the stupidest things she'd ever done...and she'd done a lot of stupid things in her life. Thankfully, Daryl hadn't brought the subject up so she felt like she could just pretend it never happened.

After dutifully eating the lunch her mother had brought over, or at least part of it, and taking a short nap, Sam had just curled back up on the couch with the plastic wrapped brownies in her hand when the back door opened and Jacey came flying inside. Shoving the pouch of chocolatey brownies underneath the blanket, Sam sat up and opened her arms just in time to catch the excited little girl in a bear hug. "I missed you." Sam muttered against Jacey's golden locks before placing a kiss to her forehead.

"Aunt Lindy and Uncle Bo told me what happened last night. They said a bad guy hurt you." Jacey blinked away the tears in her eyes as she gave a quick glance over Sam to inspect her for damage. "Did he hurt you bad?"

"He wasn't a bad man, Jace...he didn't know what he was doing. Remember how we talked about what happens if you die and no one is there to make sure you stay that way?" Sam patted the couch cushion next to her, motioning for Jacey to sit down with her. "I'm just fine. Got a few bumps and scratches, but nothing that won't heal."

"She's been worried sick all day, even though we promised you were fine." Lindy sat down on the loveseat and smiled, although it was laced with sadness. "She just had to see it for herself, I guess."

"Thanks for taking care of her." Sam wrapped her arm around Jacey's narrow shoulders and pulled her in close. She couldn't help but think that if she hadn't let Lindy talk her in to taking Jacey home with her family so she could get rest that she never would have ended up in the horrible situation last night. "Mom said she's taking the young ones for the weekend?"

"Yeah, Mason said he'd take them over after dinner." Lindy replied, referring to her oldest son, who was assigned to the night shift patrol. "Krista and David were up all night with Kline, stomach ache. I doubt he's sick, most likely ate too much of that cake your mom made the other night. They aren't as used to sweets as kids used to be. Anyway, Donna said she wanted to keep the kids so everyone can get rest for tomorrow. I can't believe you're agreeing to play."

"It's just some scratches, nothing serious. If I can't play the guitar then I can sing and let Clay join us to fill in the spot." The idea had only just come to her and she thought it might not be such a bad idea to track down her nephew’s best friend that she'd taught to play the guitar years ago. He certainly knew the majority of their songs and was a damn fine guitar player and a heck of a singer. "We always throw a party for new town members and honestly, after last night, I could stand to have some fun."

"Jacey, sweetie, why don't you go pack a small bag for the weekend so I can talk to Sam." Lindy stood up and traded places with a reluctant to leave Jacey, but won out in the end when she said there wouldn't be any toys packed if she had to get everything together. Once Jacey was in her room, Lindy said, "I heard Daryl stayed with you today."

"He did. Came to get me in the showers last night and refused to leave me alone. It was...well, it was nice...and weird, very weird." Sam looked down at her gauze wrapped hands. Sighing, she confided in her sister-in-law, "I kissed him. I'm such an idiot, Linds. He was carrying me home, like literally carrying me in his arms, and I don't know what came over me, but the next thing I know...I just kissed him. And, he didn't kiss me back."

Having been a part of the Collins family for twenty-six years, Lindy was well versed in all things Sam, who had only been five years old when she had started dating Bo in college. Lindy had taken the small child under her wing and treated her as though she was her own and had hated ever seeing Sam upset or unhappy and today was no different. Putting a hand on Sam's knee, Lindy couldn't help but try to alleviate the pain that she was experiencing. "Sam, sweetie, last night was horrible and you were upset. We all do strange things under stress so don't beat yourself up over this. Daryl probably knows that, too. I wouldn't worry about it. But, you should talk to Ryan, I wouldn't want him hearing that from anyone but you."

"I broke up with Ryan. Yesterday." Sighing, Sam stood up and paced around the small living area. "See? I'm being an idiot! A silly, stupid idiot who just runs around and messes things up. What am I doing?"

"I think that under the circumstances you're handling the situation well, personally. Your ex-husband shows up out of the blue, twelve years later. You haven't been sleeping well or eating regularly since his group showed up. And yes, I noticed the signs. You've got dark circles the size of tires under your eyes and you look like you've lost weight in just the short time he's been here. Plus, you were attacked last night and nearly killed." Standing up, Lindy intercepted Sam and hugged her tightly, before pulling away and saying, "You need rest and food. And, honestly, you need to really consider what you want with Daryl. I think once you decide exactly what it is you want, or expect, from him things will settle down."

"But what if I don't know what I want?" Sam asked quietly, wanting to have this conversation without Jacey hearing it as the child had consistently asked over the years why Sam wasn't married to Daryl if she still loved him. It was very difficult to explain to a child that happy endings only existed in fairy tales. "And, he probably doesn't even want me, you know? I mean, he was the one that left me in the first place. I'm sure the only reason he stayed is for Jacey and I get that. I'm probably just making more out of it than there is because..."

"Because what?" Lindy prodded Sam to finish her sentence. While she was fairly certain of the reasons behind Sam's behavior lately, she hoped that by getting Sam to admit to her feelings for Daryl that she might finally accept that she never got over him, never stopped loving him, and most certainly never moved on, despite having a relationship with Ryan.

"Ok, I'm packed!" Jacey announced brightly as she pulled an obviously overstuffed Hello Kitty suitcase down the hallway behind her. "Are you coming with me to eat dinner, Sam?"

"Absolutely." Sam answered as steadily as possible as she ducked her head to wipe at the tears in her eyes. She was grateful for the interruption, not ready to answer Lindy because she wasn't a hundred percent sure of her feelings towards Daryl just yet. Sure, she loved him. Always had and likely always would, but did that mean she wanted to start up a relationship with him? The answer to that wasn't an easy one to make, even if he was willing. "I need to get ready though, so why don't you go on with Aunt Lindy and I'll meet you there in a little bit?"

With Jacey in the room, Lindy knew that any discussion of Sam's feelings towards Daryl were dropped since she refused to talk about her ex in front of his sister in any manner that wasn't completely favorable. Lindy had to appreciate the fact that despite how badly their relationship had ended, Sam never once said anything bad about Daryl in front of Jacey and didn't tolerate any one else doing so either. Stepping away from Sam, Lindy took control of Jacey's suitcase and asked, "Did you pack actual clothes or just toys?"

"There's clothes, I promise." Jacey smiled sweetly in a way that screamed that the clothes in side weren't exactly what Lindy had in mind for her to pack, before she ran over to Sam to give her a hug and asked, "You promise you'll come eat with me?"

"Cross my heart." Sam walked them to the back door and waited until they were at the bottom before closing the door to go get ready for dinner, which was only about an hour away judging from the battery powered clock Ryan had brought back from a scavenging trip a while back. An hour gave her plenty of time to get ready for dinner, so instead of hurrying up to the loft to get dressed Sam plopped back down on the couch and pulled out the slightly squished bundle of Cassie's special brownies and immediately shoved a large bite of chocolatey goodness in to her mouth. Sure, they weren't the greatest tasting things in the world, because sugar was a rarity nowadays and Cassie didn't exactly possess the baking skills to make delicious brownies in the apocalypse, but she did know how to put that special ingredient in it to make all of your worries slip away.

An hour later, dressed in something other than sweats and feeling quite pleasant, Sam pulled open one of the heavy wooden doors to the auditorium and was assaulted by the loud chatter of a fully filled room and delicious aroma of her mother's beef stew. Although Lindy had harped at her about taking better care of herself, Sam bypassed the food line and headed straight for the group of tables where her family was already eating dinner, taking the seat that had been saved for her between Jacey and Josh.

Their family had been very fortunate after the turn, losing only two of its members. Josh's wife, Rebecca, had been attacked at the high school, when one of her chemistry students who'd had a history of seizures had died out in the hallway between classes, and by the time his absence was noted, came back suddenly when she was bending over him to try and help him. They'd also lost Caitlyn, Bo and Lindy's twenty year old daughter who had unfortunately been caught by a herd of dead that attacked at a football game. Other than those two, the rest of the family was alive and well, at least for the time being.

"I'm gonna eat. I just didn't want to deal with the line." Sam promised after being given the stink eye from Lindy, who was sitting across from her, gesturing her bandaged hand over her shoulder at the single file line that wrapped half of the room as proof.

"They're not here." Jim informed Sam upon seeing her eyes scan the room, no doubt looking for Daryl and his group. "Off burying their dead."

"Oh. Do you think I should go, too?" Sam leaned forward so she could see her father better. "I mean, after last night I think I should...I did kill him."

"The infection killed him, Sam. None of it's your fault." Jim replied, knowing that while his comments were the logical answer they likely weren't what his daughter wanted to hear. "I'll have your mother save you a bowl if you want to go though."

"Do you mind if I leave?" Sam turned to Jacey and asked permission since she had promised to eat dinner with her. Reaching out, she tucked a lock of golden curly hair behind Jacey's ear so she wouldn't end up with stew all over it. "I'll come by Mom and Dad's to spend some time with you after, I just want to go by and pay my respects." When Jacey shook her head and said she didn't mind, Sam kissed her on the head and headed out the back door towards the cemetery.

Since it was still light enough out to take the shortcut, Sam barreled through the overgrown underbrush once more for that week, even though it seemed like a lifetime had passed since she'd tracked down Daryl for Rick. Within a few minutes, she was standing at the edge of the cemetery and suddenly feeling very stupid for showing up for the funeral of two men she didn't even know; one of which she had only met when being attacked by him.

They were standing around two dirt filled mounds on the opposite side from where Sam was, with Daryl hovering at the edge, almost off by himself as though he wasn't exactly a part of the group. Quietly, Sam skirted around the edge of the cemetery to stand next to Daryl and did so without saying a word. Standing next to him, shoulders barely brushing, Sam reached out and took his hand in hers, gently enough to not hurt her injured palm. This wasn't a time to make her needs or wants known, it wasn't a time to focus on whatever was going on between them. This was a time for reflection and mourning for the dead.

Notes

Thank you so much for all the feedback on the previous chapters. I truly appreciate it.

Comments

@aphishinthec


Wow! Thank you so much. Glad you enjoyed it again. :)

Serenity Serenity
12/1/16

I binge read this too over thanksgiving weekend and literally could not put it down. I was a constant reader when the updates were regular, but sadly am the worst at remembering to review. Excellent story to binge read!!

aphishinthec aphishinthec
12/1/16

@Tripper


Squee! Glad you liked it just as much the second time around. :)

Serenity Serenity
11/28/16

So, I may have just gorged myself on this story and read it all over again in a few days. This is one of my very favourite stories of all time. So freakin' good. Thanks again for this wicked story!

Tripper Tripper
11/25/16

@Lunabelle4


Thank you so much!

Serenity Serenity
11/14/16