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The New Resident

Chapter 58

Tuesday 17th June

After an hour had passed Carrie and was still on the west post, standing to attention as she impatiently waited to be relieved. It was twelve forty five now, and though she had hoped for an extended shift on watch, when the time to leave came she was eager to get away. At the time passed her eagerness to see Carl quickly turned into a sense of urgency, one that only grew with every minute of delay. She tried to be patient, knowing that it was a reasonable request he take a short break for lunch given he was pulling a double shift, but in hindsight she wished she hadn’t agreed to Daryl’s last minute request she stay on a little longer.

She had briefly considered abandoning her post, suspecting that if he returned to find her gone Daryl wouldn’t be too mad at her, but she erred on the side of caution. Too much had happened already, she didn’t need to invite Murphy’s Law to make things worse. But by the time Daryl finally returned she made an effort to hide her impatience, for it was rare he took lunch at all.

“Sorry I kept yah,” Daryl apologised, tossing Judith’s pink lunch box up onto the platform before he ascended the ladder.

“It’s okay,” she said, managing to keep her impatience from showing. She smiled now, glad that it was time to go and see Carl, to be there for Rick. “Did you have enough to eat for lunch?”

Daryl grunted and nodded, his way of assuring her that he did. He grabbed the pink lunchbox that Carrie noticed was full of dry cereal and started setting his things out, placing it on the ledge alongside his fresh cup of coffee, while she did the opposite. She had nothing other than her water bottle and empty travel mug, but she quickly cleared them away as she gave Daryl a recount of her brief time on watch, filling him as they went about the usual procedure for shift change. He checked the safety on the untouched rifle and then the rounds, casting his eyes over the binoculars, radio and spare battery to satisfy himself that there was everything he needed.

“Are you coming home for dinner tonight?”

It was a little hard to miss Daryl’s absence from their home last night, or in fact his absence all together over the last two days. She knew he had a lot to take care of right now, that he was taking over Rick’s task of security, that he was helping Sasha with the watch posts, but she had hoped he would come home last night. But he had chosen to eat at Aaron and Eric’s house, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he was avoiding her. This worry was confirmed a little, for as she voiced this question Daryl looked at her properly for the first time. Just like everyone else had and would, he cast his eyes over the bruises on her neck and then down her right arm, his gaze finally settling on her legs. He seemed to give no outward reaction to her appearance, but she felt she knew him well enough to gauge what he was thinking. He’d wanted to avoid seeing her like this, perhaps guilt ridden with the belief that he had failed her and Carl. But today there was no way for him to avoid seeing her, particularly with how small the western platform they occupied was.

“Yeah, I’ll probably come ‘ome,” he muttered, busying himself by taking the crossbow off his shoulder and setting it down by the stool. As he did this Carrie looked at it sadly, recognising it as the one that belonged to Carl…he wasn’t going to need it for a very long time, a thought Daryl voiced a moment later. “He won’t mind.”

“It’s smaller than yours, right?”

He nodded. “It ain’t got shit on my old girl, but it’ll do until I can fix her up.”

“You can fix it?”

“Gonna try,” he said proudly, giving a rare smile. “And if she ain’t fixable, she’ll go up on the wall for all to see. Take down that stupid picture o’ London, put my bow up there instead.”

Carrie smiled too. “It is a stupid picture,” she agreed, knowing the one he referred to. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

“Mmmm, yeah,” he said without commitment, taking a seat before standing up in concern again. “Can yah get down?”

She nodded, brushing off his offer to help her. Tucking the water bottle and empty mug under her bad arm she took her time as she descended the ladder, and she gave him a short wave as she departed. Just as it felt good to be back outside under the hot sun, so too did it feel good to stretch her legs after sitting on watch for over an hour, after more than a day of sitting mostly idle. She’d loved to go for a brisk walk around the community, to feel her blood pumping, but nor did she wish to draw attention to herself. Perhaps that evening she might go, seeking refuge and privacy in the darkness…perhaps she would even take company with her, maybe Tara or someone else from her family.

Making a quick stop at home she gave the now empty travel mug a quick rinse and then set it into the dishwasher, reminding herself to return it to Olivia when it was clean, and then wasted no time in setting off for the Infirmary. She could have stayed in for something to eat, to take advantage of the empty house by stealing a piece of Michonne’s candy from where she hid it in the medicine cabinet, but instead she left straight away. By now she had delayed enough already. The short walk to the Infirmary made her feel like she was under a spotlight, for although there weren’t many out and about at the moment, part of her felt like she was being watch from afar, like she was the centre of attention.

She kept her face down as she passed Jessie’s place, and her eyes averted as she passed Rosemary’s house where she and Brody sat together on the porch. When they waved to her she had no choice but to return it, raising her head and giving a polite smile, finding small relief when they didn’t try to talk to her. As she approached the Infirmary she looked further up the road to where some of the younger kids were playing hopscotch, Barbara and Betsy out there with chalk in hand, helping them draw the squares. Their backs were to Carrie, giving her the privacy she needed to get to the Infirmary as quickly as possible. Though there was a much greater sense of community these days, she still knew that gossip would be running rampant right now, that Pete’s attack and death was now the hottest topic in months.

As she reached the Infirmary Carrie slowed and then looked back up the street where the children were playing, her heart aching when she saw that Sam wasn’t there. Trying not to think about him, she took a deep breath as she crossed the pavement and arrived on the front porch of the Infirmary, though she was first greeted by a pair of small feet poking out from the other side of the love seat. Coming closer she was unsurprised to see Enid sitting there, her choice of seating on the ground necessary to avoid detection from those inside. She sat with a comic book in her lap, the large headphones over her ears connected to an iPod in her pocket. When she noticed Carrie’s approach in her peripheral vision she visibly jumped, her cheeks reddening when she realised her presence out on the porch had been detected.

“Hey, Enid,” she said softly when she took the headphones off. “You alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you need to see Denise?” she asked, though she suspected she didn’t.

Enid glanced towards the door. She hastily shook her head and then looked back up at Carrie, her expression occupied by her usual sullenness.

“I’m going in to see him,” Carrie told her gently, picking up on her nervousness, the same type she herself felt.

At this remark Enid turned her attention back to her comic. “Okay.”

“Do you want to come with me?”

“No,” she replied abruptly.

Carrie wanted to encourage her, to reassure her that Carl wouldn’t mind, that maybe he was hoping she would come visit, but she held her tongue instead. In the same way that she was, Enid would go and see Carl when she was ready to, and clearly right now she was not. But she was there, awkwardly hiding outside the Infirmary so that she was close by, so that she was there without actually having to confront what had happened to him. Remembering what Rick had told her the other day, that Enid had kissed Carl, Carrie felt for the poor girl, knowing how frightened she must feel.

“I’ll tell him you-”

“No,” Enid hissed urgently, cutting her off. “Don’t tell him I’m out here, alright?”

“Okay, okay,” she placated her, worried when for a moment it seemed like Enid might leave. “I won’t tell him you’re here, it’s cool.”

Enid glared up at her with suspicion, and though she accepted this assurance it seemed she was still rather unhappy that her lurking had been interrupted. Without another word she put her headphones back on and returned her comic, the end to the interaction allowing Carrie to breathe a sigh of relief. It felt easier now to politely knock on the door and wait, knowing that if it was closed with the blinds drawn she ought not to let herself in uninvited. She didn’t have to wait long, for a moment later Denise opened the door with a warm smile.

“Carrie, come in,” she said, stepping back and opening the door to admit her.

“Thanks,” she said quietly, going inside and looking around. At first glance the main room of the Infirmary seemed unchanged and unoccupied, no different from how she had departed it yesterday morning.

“Enid?” Denise said very quietly, looking outside at her. “Are you still not out there?”

“No,” she said tersely, not looking up. “I mean yes. I’m…”

Denise nodded, understanding. “It’s pretty warm out. Would you like some iced tea?”

To Carrie’s surprise Enid looked up, her expression softening and becoming almost vulnerable…only almost. “Yes, please,” she said quietly, before quickly continuing. “But I’m not here.”

“Got it,” Denise agreed, closing the door and then turning to Carrie. “They’re down that way. Let me know when you’re ready, I’d like to give you a check over if that’s okay.”

Nodding cooperatively, Carrie followed her direction towards the hallway, tentatively approaching it. She found Rick standing halfway down, leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest and his gaze downcast, but when he heard her approach he looked up. A slow smile crossed his face, the type that warmed her heart to see. He was glad she was there, he’d been waiting for her. But his smile faded a little, and just like everyone else she would encounter today he cast his eyes down her body. She realised that this was the first time that he had seen the bruises, for although he might have caught a glimpse of her neck last night, her legs had been hidden beneath her clothing. Nevertheless he averted his eyes quickly and looked back at her face, his smile returning as he moved towards her.

“Thank you for coming,” he said softly, joining her at the mouth of the hallway.

She nodded, suddenly unsure of what to say now that she was there. “Where is he?”

“He’s using the bathroom,” he answered, gesturing down the hallway. “By himself.”

“Ahhh,” she chuckled in amusement. “Hence the hovering?”

“Yes, hence the hovering,” he agreed sheepishly, embarrassed by what might be over protectiveness. He glanced down the hallway again, a flicker of concern in his eyes, but then he turned back to her. “How was your morning?”

“Just fine. I slept in, took watch for a little while. Oh, Judith peed on me,” she chuckled, suddenly remembering.

Rick laughed at this, the mirth meeting his eyes and indicating that his amusement was real, that he wasn’t laughing just for her benefit. “Peed on you, huh? Well ain’t that a nice way to start the day.”

Nodding in agreement, Carrie looking into the kitchen when Denise called her name, offering she and Rick some iced tea. They shook their heads, the two of them watching on as she poured the tea into a glass and added some ice before taking it outside. Rick seemed to sigh now, his hands sliding into the pockets of his jeans as he glanced down the hallway and then back at Carrie.

“Enid’s been not here for over a day now,” he said softly. “Deanna has to make her go home every night, and then she’s right back there in the morning.”

“I asked if she wanted to come in, but she said no.”

“Good,” Rick nodded, this remark surprising Carrie. “I’m glad she’s here, that she cares…but I don’t think Carl’s ready to see anyone.”

“Oh.”

“He wants to see you,” he said quickly, reassuring her. “He knows you’re coming. He’s glad.”

Carrie nodded, glad for the reassurance. That’s all people had been telling her, that Carl had asked to see her, that he was waiting expectantly. As the moment drew nearer and nearer she looked at Rick, wishing that this was a moment she could go to him, that they could put their arms around one another and enjoy the embrace. But she held herself back, seeing that he was distracted at the moment. He kept glancing down the hallway, looking worried as he waited for Carl to come out of the bathroom. Realising she had noticed his inattention he apologised unnecessarily, running his hand through his hair before he turned and went to the bathroom door.

“Carl, you doing okay in there?” he asked, having knocked politely.

“Yeah,” Carl replied, his voice sounding faint to Carrie who stood a little way down the hall. Nevertheless she felt a glimmer of hope as she recognised his voice, the sound of it a small confirmation that he truly had survived.

“You’re taking a while, that’s all,” Rick continued in concern. “Do you need anything?”

“No. Go away.”

“Do you-”

“Dad! I’m losing half my body weight in shit, it’s gonna take more than a minute!” he called out in exasperation, his voice louder this time. “Could you please get lost already?”

While Carrie cringed so too did Rick, who nodded sheepishly to the bathroom door. He opened his mouth to say something else, to ask again if Carl needed anything, but he seemed to think better of it. “Sorry…you should probably crack the window when you’re done.”

Though she felt badly for Carl’s apparent suffering, Carrie could barely hide her smile, thoroughly amused by the way he chastised his father. “How long have you been hovering outside the door?”

“Twenty minutes,” he admitted, using the extended length of time to justify himself. As he returned to her he continued explaining. “He started antibiotics last night, but they don’t seem to be agreeing with his stomach. They’re-”

“Who are you talking to out there?” Carl called out suspiciously.

Rick hesitated. “Carrie.”

“Great!” he said sarcastically. “Tell her all about it!”

“Alright, I will.”

“Go away!” he moaned, pleading with him. “Stop standing out there, it’s weird!”

It didn’t appear that Rick had any intention of leaving, but when he caught Denise’s eye from across the room he seemed to get the hint. With reluctance he followed Carrie out into the main area of the Infirmary, she could feel him glancing down at the bruises on her legs, critiquing them. They slowed to a stop, dithering there for a moment as they deliberated over the next step.

“I could use some fresh air,” he admitted, rubbing his hand over his weary face. He gestured to the patio doors, asking her to join him.

“I’ll come out in a minute. I need to see Denise first.”

He nodded in agreement as Denise came over, but he deliberated a moment longer. For a moment she thought that he was going to lean over to kiss her, but he seemed to think better of it. Carrie was glad he did, not entirely sure of where her head was at the moment, the gesture of love and intimacy not feeling like it belonged in that moment. She turned away from him and seated herself on the edge of a nearby bed, leaving him to stand there alone for a moment. Moments later he moved, and as he walked past her she self consciously rested her hands on the top of her legs. She didn’t mind that he saw the bruises, it was inevitable that he would, but part of her felt like she needed to protect him, to hide what Pete had done to her. It didn’t matter though, for Denise pulled the curtains around the bed to give them some privacy, and moments later the patio door opened and then closed as Rick stepped outside.

“Have you applied any ice today?” Denise asked her, gesturing to her legs.

“No.”

“Have you taken any ibuprofen?”

She paused, recalling that Denise had told her to. “Yes.”

“Good. Sit tight for a minute, I’ll be right back.”

As Denise slipped out of the curtains and pulled them back, Carrie sighed as she waited patiently. She had come here to see Carl, but should have anticipated Denise would want to check her over. Given his current occupation it wasn’t like she was missing time with him anyway. As this thought occurred to her she wondered if he was alright, if there was a genuine need for Rick to be hovering. Being bound to the bathroom with an upset stomach was bad enough, but after suffering the injury he had? Was he okay to be left alone in there?

Denise returned a few moments later, wrapping some ice packs in paper towel before passing them to Carrie. “How’s the pain in your legs? You look like you’re walking okay.”

“They don’t hurt much any more,” she said honestly, pulling up the hem of her shorts before applying the ice. “A little when I climb the stairs, but that’s all.”

“Good. Their colour is developing nicely. What about your throat? Is the discomfort still easing?”

“Gone,” she said simply, automatically raising her hand to her neck. “I can talk, swallow, eat…everything’s fine.”

“Is it okay if I make an assessment?” she asked gently. “Just a quick feel of things?”

She nodded automatically, ignoring the small part of herself that was saying no, that didn’t want anyone touching her. Denise seemed aware of this, sensitive to what she had been through, and she took a seat on a small stool that lowered her to slightly beneath Carrie’s height. Talking her through what she was doing she reached up and gently pressed her fingers around her neck, assessing what she could feel.

“How did you sleep last night?”

“Okay,” she said honestly, her heart warming when she thought of Rick’s company beside her, his arm around her as they both sought sleep they needed. “I took the half sleeping pill you gave me, but I don’t think I want anymore.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t like the way I feel when I wake up. It’s like being hung over…just without the fun before.”

Denise smiled a little, taking her hands off her neck before pulling over a tray table. “How would you say you’re feeling right now?”

Taking her time to consider her answer, Carrie tried to gauge what she was feeling, what was going through her head. “I feel okay,” she said honestly, actually giving a smile that felt real. “I’m worried about Carl, about Rick…but I feel good.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Denise replied as she looked her in the eye, holding her gaze for a moment before turning back to the supplies she was setting out on the tray table.

“But?” Carrie pressed, feeling like she had more to say.

“But, you may start to experience some ongoing symptoms in the coming days,” she began explaining, gently taking her broken wrist and setting it on the table. “It could be things like flashbacks and nightmares. Maybe anxiety or emotions that come on very strongly, sometimes without warning. It’s to be expected following what happened to you. You’re not being irrational, or dramatic. Okay?”

She nodded slowly, already beginning to feel her good mood waning. “Yeah. I understand.”

“When it starts, I’d like for you to come and see me, if you’re comfortable with that. I think I could be of some help, some support. Carrie?”

This time she nodded hastily, not wanting Denise to ask her again. She held back the heavy sigh she wanted to release, her eyes darting up towards the patio door where Rick was, but she couldn’t see through the curtains. Thankfully Denise seemed to get the hint, and the subject swiftly changed.

“Tell me about your wrist. Is it hurting much?”

“Not really, just aching. I’ve been keeping it elevated when I can.”

“I can tell,” she remarked in approval, looking at her wrist when the splint was removed. “The swelling’s gone down significantly…and if I’m not mistaken, there are still no deformities in the wrist bones.”

“Will I need to keep the splint on?”

“Yes, definitely. In a couple of days we might look at another plaster cast, but otherwise the splint is fine. We’ll just change it over today, get you one that’s dry.”

Apologising for her forgetfulness in getting it wet while she showered, her head having felt so cloudy when she awoke that morning, Carrie patiently allowed Denise to wipe her skin down with a soft cloth before putting on a clean splint. As she watched she couldn’t help but compare her broken wrist to her healthier left, taking note of how much skinner it was. It had been just over a month since she broken it during the supply run when Aidan and Noah were killed, and already the muscle mass had wasted away from poor use. She tried not to let this bother her, knowing that there was simply nothing she could do but allow the bone to heal. But she felt impatient, sick and tired of the cumbersome injury that held her back from going on supply runs and helping with the safe houses. It held her back from protecting herself too, from protecting the people she loved like Carl.

“I think this can stay off now,” Denise decided, having finished with the wrist splint before removing the one around her middle and fourth fingers. “They’re not broken, just bruised.”

“Good,” Carrie nodded in agreement, relieved to have one less thing to hold her back. Her fingers were dark blue in colour and still swollen, but if Denise decided they weren’t broken then that was good enough for her.

In no time at all Denise had given her another all clear, though she compelled Carrie to take it easy for a while, to defer any responsibilities or tasks that couldn’t be handled by someone else. The worst of it might be over, but she needed to be taking care of herself, something she was more than willing to do. She was glad when Denise finished up, and it was without delay that she went outside to join Rick. He looked over his shoulder the moment he heard the door handle move, his eyes alight and ready in case it was Carl who needed him, but he relaxed when he saw Carrie. She smiled tentatively as she came outside, her smile growing when she felt the warmth of the sun on her skin once again. The sound of the kids playing hopscotch echoed through the community, Courtney’s raucous laughter heard by all, the sound of her happiness helping ease the ache that continued to linger in Carrie’s chest.

“It’s a nice day out,” Rick commented, resuming his former position. He leant with his forearms against the porch railing, looking out over the lake towards the gates.

“It’s a beautiful day,” Carrie corrected him.

Moving to stand by his side, she too leant with her forearms against the porch railing, following his gaze across the lake. Much like they were, Natalie and Bob sat in the gazebo opposite their house, still holding hands after fifty six years of marriage. A few yards away Carol and Judith were by the water’s edge, the four of them enjoying one another’s company while Judith strolled barefoot along the grass. She kept approaching the water’s edge only to stop, likely being chastised and warned by Carol who kept a close eye on her.

“Denise has just gone to check on him,” she commented, glancing over her shoulder into the Infirmary. Denise was emerging from the hallway, giving she and Rick a quick thumbs up to indicate that all was still well.

“Good,” he said gratefully. “He was pretty clear with telling me to get lost. He doesn’t need me hovering.”

“How is he?” she enquired. “I mean how is he really?”

Rick paused, considering the question as he gave a long sigh. “I don’t think it’s really hit him yet. It hasn’t hit either of us,” he admitted softly. “Today’s the first time he’s really been out of bed. He’s a bit unsteady on his feet, but Denise says that’s probably more to do with the morphine than his vision.”

Carrie’s heart clenched at the mention of Carl’s vision. “You said the antibiotics have made him sick?”

“Might be them, might not be,” he muttered, sounding confused before he continued more clearly. “He was taking them after he got that cut on his arm, and he was fine, but then he’s been sick all morning. Could be the antibiotics, could be the morphine…could be bad luck.”

“I would have thought he’d had enough of that.”

Rick nodded wearily, rubbing his jaw as he tried to think. His lips parted to say something, but he was distracted by the sound of Judith crying across the lake. They both turned to look, seeing her standing by the edge of the water and protesting the fact she wasn’t allowed to go any closer. A long howl of displeasure was heard as she slowly returned to Carol, though at the last minute she bypassed her and went to Natalie and Bob instead, seeking their comfort. Her cries abruptly stopped with Bob reached out with his walking stick and poked her, and after a moment of surprised silence she burst into laughter.

“She liked the water the other day. Liked being in the pool with Maggie,” Rick commented, filling the silence.

Carrie nodded in agreement. “Carol told her you’re coming home tonight, that you’d read to her and put her to bed. She seemed happy.”

“I wanted to see her last night. I wanted to go over there and wake her up, just so I could put her back to sleep again.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because Glenn would have had my head,” he laughed. “Maggie too. She’s been a little brat for them. She doesn’t like not being at home.”

A brief silence lapsed again, the two of them watching contentedly as Judith and Bob wrestled for control of the walking stick, Bob letting her win.

“Carol stopped in a little while ago, said you were on watch.”

“Yeah, I came straight from there.”

“How was it?” he asked forlornly, sounding as though he missed the boring task.

“It was nice…it got a little nicer when Olivia stopped by.” She looked at him sidelong as she said this, pleased by the slow smile that was forming on his lips, the crinkle in the corner of his eyes that showed his happiness.

“Olivia stopped by, huh?” he said as he looked at her properly. “That was nice of her.”

It took all she had for Carrie to not roll her eyes, to not scold him for trying to be coy about what he had arranged for her. She started to express her gratitude, but couldn’t quite find the words to express what his simple act of thoughtfulness meant to her. It was amazing that he remembered her favourite coffee when she’d mentioned it only once many months ago, wonderful that he wanted to surprise her with it, and incredible that he did so in the midst of their current crisis. In spite of everything going on with his child he had still been thinking of her, he’d still wanted her to be happy, even if only for a moment. Were there any words to express what that meant to her?

“Was it right?” he asked hopefully, concerned that she hadn’t said anything.

Not knowing how else to respond, Carrie followed the urge that spread through her limbs, listening to what her body told her to do. She moved closer to him and looped her arm through his, entwining their fingers together as she leant in to kiss him. The kiss they shared the night before was only fleeting, the most she had been able to give him at the time, but that had to change now. She lingered close to his lips, not because she was hesitating, but because she wanted to remember this moment, to draw on it for comfort throughout the coming weeks and months. She and Rick had survived this, and she knew it meant they could survive anything else this world threw at them.

The problems of the world faded as they shared a kiss, happiness erupting inside her chest when their lips met. Their bodies naturally moved towards one another, Rick allowing her to take the lead and following it eagerly. It was a wonderful feeling to kiss him this way, for although it wasn’t sensual or evocative it seemed to speak volumes about their relationship, about how they loved one another. A long held pain in her chest started to ease, her spirits lifting a little as she clenched her fingers around his. He parted his lips at her request, allowing her to deepen the kiss until it slowed to a natural conclusion.

As she whispered her gratitude for the coffee they parted, but only a little. Carrie wanted to stay right there as they were, their arms entwined and hands held, their faces close enough to feel one another’s breath. When they lingered there he kissed her again, his lips moving over hers slowly and gently, a final touch before they parted properly now. He brought his other hand to theirs and held hers in both of his, holding her gaze as they simply enjoyed the moment, the peaceful serenity that they were only afforded for a short while. Some whispered murmurs passed their lips, Rick whispering that he loved her before she did the same in return. It was exactly what the moment was calling for, and when they kissed again he brought his hand up to her hair, stroking it behind her ear and letting his fingers trail down her jaw.

Feeling confident enough, Carrie reached up with her right hand and placed it over his, gently prompting it lower. She let his fingers trace down the side of her neck, his gaze dropping to look at the bruises there. Like she had expected it to his expression darkened, the peaceful moment broken by the way she wanted to confront what happened to her.

“They’re not as bad as they look,” she tried to reassure him. Stepping back a little she put some space between them, allowing him to look down at her legs. “My legs ache a little, but my neck doesn’t hurt at all anymore.”

He was silent for a few moments, his jaw set as he looked at her legs. “The colour looks worse,” he commented quietly. “Darker.”

Carrie frowned, not understanding. “Darker? When did you see them before?’

“That first night, while you were still here. I came and sat with you for a little while,” he explained, raising his gaze and looking at her again. “You were pretty out of it though. You probably don’t remember.”

She paused and tried to think, remembering only that she had seen his face at some stage, but she hadn’t been sure if she was really seeing him or if she just wanted to see him. “I think I do…I feel like I do.”

He gave no reaction to this, his attention turning back to the bruises on her neck. For a moment he allowed his hand to rest there where she had left it, but then trailed it off her shoulder and down her arm, bringing it back to hold hers. They stood there in comfortable silence again, but now that the elephant in the room had been broached Carrie wanted to keep going, to talk about things a little more.

“Rick, I need to ask you something…but I’m not mad about it.”

Though he nodded and appeared to be listening, he turned his gaze out towards the lake, breaking eye contact as though he dreaded her question already. “Go on.”

“Why didn’t you tell me the truth about your agreement with Pete?” she asked, thinking back to what he had told her during his attack. “That you attacked him. That you threatened him?”

With his gaze still focused across the lake he gave no immediate response, his plain expression making her wonder if she needed to ask him again. Was he thinking about his answer? Was he coming up with a lie? Or was he, as she suspected, trying to sort through every single action he had taken over the last month, trying to pinpoint where things had gone so terribly wrong?

“The last time I showed you that side of myself, you left the day after,” he eventually answered, his voice so soft she almost couldn’t hear. “Things between you and I were already so fragile…I didn’t want to give you another reason to stay away.”

His answer carried more weight than she expected, the impact of what he had feared hitting her heavily. She knew that they had handled their brief separation very differently, that to him it felt like she was leaving their relationship, whereas she was leaving for the sake of their relationship. She had no idea he was so scared that he had to hide himself from her, that he had to pretend. Thinking of the days that preceded her departure, the fighting and the incident at the safe house, she recalled the things he had been trying to tell her. He was showing her who he was, who had he to be in order to protect his family, and he was asking her to accept that. Her departure made him so scared of being himself that he had to hide the truth from her.

“I told you I was coming back,” she said, her voice heavy with emotion. “I told you I was in this, that I wanted to be with you.”

“I know,” he said hastily, looking around when he heard the emotion in her voice. “I know you did, I just…I didn’t know what to think.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry you felt like you had to lie to me.”

Holding her hand even tighter Rick nodded, forgiving her. “I’m sorry too…for everything.”

She took a shuddering breath, closing her eyes and trying to hold back the moisture that was building in them. She hated being so emotionally vulnerable in front of another person, but when she felt Rick’s lips pressed against her forehead she let the tears fall. It was only a few, her aversion fading a little when she felt Rick shaking, when she felt his rapid pulse on the inside of his wrist. He was upset too, and she knew he didn’t give a shit that she was crying, that it didn’t bother or embarrass him. She was going to have to get used to this, to being vulnerable in front of him and to letting him be the same in front of her. They had a long and difficult road ahead of them, there would be no sweeping their problems under the rug and pretending they didn’t exist. They had to confront these things, and she knew that together they would be.

“I feel like we need to start over again,” she said quietly, moving closer to him again. It was nice feeling his body against hers, their hips and arms touching as they stood side by side looking across the lake.

“I thought we did,” he said, a gentle nudge making her look him in the eye. He held her gaze now, his blue eyes ensuring that she listened. “The other day, you and I started over.”

“Yes. But…but with w-”

“No buts,” he said firmly. “We started over. We said what needed to be said, and we started over. It’s not the start we wanted, but it’s what we’ve got.”

Seeing that he was right, she nodded slowly.

“You told me you were happy,” he said emphatically, reminding her. “You told me you wanted to start our life together, that you were sick of waiting.”

“Yes,” she agreed, remembering the conversation clearly. “You said you felt the same.”

“I still do. There’s no reason that can’t start our life together right now. I know it’s shitty timing, I know that it’s not what how we wanted things to start out, but-”

“It’s what we’ve got,” she said, finishing his sentence for him.

“Yes,” he agreed. “So let’s do it.”

She smiled, her heart swelling with the type of happiness she hadn’t felt since before Pete’s attack. There was nothing for her to do but kiss him again, the gesture sealing her agreement, her desire to do exactly what he said.

“Things are going to change,” he continued quietly. “I’m stepping back from things, I’ll be focusing on Carl for as long as he needs me.”

“Good,” she said in relief, sharing his belief that things needed to change. She didn’t say it out loud, but it occurred to her Rick was finally going to spend more time with Carl like he had wanted to, she just wished it hadn’t taken his near death to create the opportunity. She knew too that Rick wished the same, that he’d be processing that among many of the other regrets he must harbour.

“I know I have no right to tell you what to do,” he continued. “But I can ask, can’t I?”

“Ask what?”

“For you to step back from things too.”

She gave a short laugh, gesturing to her broken wrist. “I don’t think I have much choice.”

Rick shook his head, disagreeing. “A broken wrist won’t stop you going on runs, you and I both know that. So I have to ask…please step back from things too.”

Pausing, Carrie gave consideration to his request. “Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“If it was, I wouldn’t ask.”

“I want you to step back the way I am, for us to step back together. It won’t be forever,” he assured her. “It can’t be. But I want us to focus on us, on learning how to be a family. That’s why I want you to step back.”

Carrie had to approve of his reasons. If it was because he was afraid for her or he wanted to keep her safe inside the walls her answer would have been no, that as soon as she was ready she would be helping the run crew again. But he needed her by his side throughout Carl’s recovery, he needed her there for him. He wanted them to start being a family together, and she wanted that too.

Just as Rick was about to say something a short knock at the door stopped him, and they both turned around to see Denise standing inside. She gave them a short wave and gestured behind herself, and Carrie held her breath when she saw Carl emerging from the hallway. She felt her heart starting to race as she looked at him properly, her stomach twisting when she saw the heavy bandage wound around his head. He was unsteady on his feet, his hand drifting to the kitchen counter as he slowly made his way into the living area. For a few moments he lingered there, talking to Denise who was coming his side.

“Are you coming in?” Carrie asked quietly. She had noticed that Rick turned away when Carl came out, that his jaw was clenched and his body tense. He wasn’t looking at Carl…he couldn’t.

“Do you need me to?”

Carrie hesitated, having assumed he would be there by her side. She hadn’t expected to see Carl alone, and what was she supposed to say to him? What was she supposed to do? Rick was meant to be there to break the ice, to guide her through it just like he had on Sunday when they celebrated Father’s Day. Feeling nervous she looked back inside, noting that Carl was now sitting at the kitchen counter, his chin resting in his hand as Denise poured him a glass of water and dispensed a pill in a small cup. He had already realised she was out there, and when she caught his attention he gave her a small smile. He raised his hand in a wave, and she could tell from that small gesture how tired he must be.

She turned back to Rick now, her heart aching to see the sadness in his eyes. Running her hand up his arm to his shoulder she leant in close and pressed her lips to his cheek, feeling the way he drew a deep breath. His gaze was cast into the lake below and didn’t look up.

“Stay,” she said quietly.

He nodded, but it seemed moments later he was struck with guilt, hastening to clarify his intentions. “I’ll just be a minute,” he said quickly. He looked up at her as he said this, but barely managed to look her in the eye before turning away again. “I just need a minute.”

She kissed his cheek again, understanding. This was her moment to support him, to give him something he needed by doing this alone. Bracing herself as she went in, Carrie tried not to show how nervous she was, wanting so badly for this to go well. But instantly she knew that everything was okay, for even with the bandage covering half his face she could see that Carl was relieved to see her, perhaps just as relieved as she was to see him. Already he was sitting up a little straighter, turning towards her as she came inside and closed the door.

“Hey,” he said quietly, managing a small smile.

She started to respond, but her voice failed her when she tried to speak, forcing her to clear her throat. There was a long pause, Denise hovering in the kitchen as she tried not to intrude, and then she managed to find her voice. “Hey,” she started hesitantly, unsure of what to say next. “I’m glad you’re…” She trailed off, unable to say that she was glad he was alright when he sure as hell wasn’t.

There was another pause, but thankfully Carl filled the silence. “Alive?” he supplied. “Glad I’m alive?”

With a deep breath Carrie nodded her head, reminded once again of how close he had come to death. If things had just gone the tiniest bit differently, Rick would be mourning his son’s death, never to be the same again.

“Same here,” he continued. “I’m glad you’re alive.”

She could see him looking at her legs, taking in the bruises before looking up to her broken wrist and then her neck. While his gaze roamed her injuries Carrie’s was transfixed on the bandage around his face, morbidly wondering what was left beneath it. Looking at him now it seemed unfathomable that there was nothing left, that his eye was gone. Just as it had the day Carol told her it felt like it was all just a mean spirited joke, one that everyone was in on but her. Still she kept waiting for someone to confess the deception, for Carl to smirk in amusement as he removed the bandage and showed that he was alright after all.

“This is the one that tastes bad,” Denise apologised to him, dispensing another pill. “Keep it on your tongue until it dissolves, then you can have some water.”

With great reluctance he took the small pill and considered it long and hard, finally putting it into his mouth as instructed. He grimaced at the taste, breathing heavily through his nose until he was able to take a drink of water. Though he rushed to raise it to his mouth he only drank a small amount, grimacing again. His shoulders slumped in relief when the taste was gone, and his hands shaking as he set the glass on the counter and pushed it back to Denise with a murmur of gratitude.

He slowly slid off the stool he occupied and stood, his hand still resting on the counter before he dared take a step away. “I think I need to lay down again,” he decided, his voice becoming heavy.

Carrie was both relieved and disappointed at this. “I’ll come back later if you like.”

Carl looked to her at this, frowning before hastily relaxing his features, and the clenching of his fist indicated the frown had hurt. “You don’t have to go,” he said quickly. “You can come in if you want. There’s a chair.”

Denise gave a short nod at this, and trusting that this met with the doctor’s approval was all Carrie needed to agree. If Carl wanted her to stay then she was going to, even if it made her heart ache and her stomach twist in knots to see him like this. She followed him past the kitchen towards the bedroom at the front, catching the way he looked out onto the patio where Rick stood. He was still out there, forearms leant against the railing as he looked out across the lake, mentally preparing himself to come back inside and be with his son.

“Is Enid still not out there?” Carl asked as they entered the room. When Carrie didn’t respond he looked up at her as he sank down onto the edge of the double bed. “I lost my eye,” he said dryly. “Not my hearing. I know she’s been out there.”

Seeing no use in denying it, Carrie answered. “Yeah, she’s still not out there.”

On her way in she paused, taking a pump of the hand sanitiser that was fixed to the wall. She rubbed it in and then took a seat in the chair Carl directed her too, sitting on the edge with her hands resting on her knees. Even as he lay down with a heavy sigh she could see him looking over at her neck, not that she was doing any different to him. It was awful of her, but she could hardly take her eyes off the bandage, almost as if she didn’t know where on his face to look. Thankfully Denise came in a few moments later, slipping past Carrie in the chair and making her way over to Carl.

Denise helped him get comfortable, offering him another pillow as she reattached the drip to the cannula in the back of his hand. He declined all offers, asking only for more morphine, the admission that he was in pain making Carrie’s heart clench. She wanted to hurry Denise, to tell her to get the morphine immediately so that Carl didn’t have to feel even a moment of pain, but she held back. It was clear how attentive she was, that Carl was being adequately cared for. In less than a minute she was back, administering a little more of the requested pain relief. With that taken care of she slipped the call button into his hand, urging him to use it if he needed anything at all. When Denise left a heavy silence fell about the hospital room, neither she nor Carl sure of what to say first.

“Aren’t you staying a little while?”

She knew what he meant, that he had noticed the uncomfortable way she sat on the edge of the chair, as if she was getting up to leave at any moment. Carrie settled back into the chair and brought one of her feet up, tucking it beneath her leg. “Yeah, I’m staying.”

“Good,” he said softly, closing his eye for a moment. “The morphine makes me woozy, but you can stay if you want.”

“I will,” she promised him.

Silence fell again, but it was comfortable this time, both of them a little more at ease now the ice had broken. In time Carl opened his eye again, and just like before he was looking at the bruises on her legs and neck, his jaw flexing. When he noticed that she knew he was looking his cheeks seemed to redden, and he quickly averted his gaze.

“They don’t hurt anymore,” she said, giving him the same honest truth she had given to Rick. “They just look bad.”

To her surprise he openly agreed with this. “Yeah, they do,” he muttered, looking back at them now. A long moment passed before he spoke again. “Did he choke you?”

She hesitated at this, swallowing heavily before deciding to be honest. Carl deserved that much from her, that she give him the whole truth of what happened. “Yes. It wasn’t for long though,” she said, though at the time it had felt infinite, and she remembered every horrible moment. “Daryl got there pretty quick.”

“But you killed him, didn’t you,” he eagerly questioned, propping himself up on his elbow. “It was you?”

“Yes.”

“Good. He deserved to die.”

“Yes,” she said again.

Satisfied with the answers Carl lay back down again. He raised a hand and pressed it to the front of the bandage, right over what must be the empty eye socket. “It feels weird,” he said quietly, noticing her attention. “Like it’s still there.”

Unable to take it any longer, Carrie took a deep breath and then sat forward in the chair, holding his gaze for a moment. “Carl, I…I’m sorry this happened to you,” she began, her voice tighter than she’d like. “I wish that I could take it all back, that I could change how things went.”

It seemed he had been expecting this, for he simply nodded as he took a deep breath in. “I know. You did tell me to go,” he reminded her. “You did say I was gonna get hurt.”

“Don’t think that way,” she implored him.

“Like you’re not,” he accused, though not unkindly. With a heavy sigh he turned onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. “We always blame ourselves when shit happens. It’s what people do.”

“It wasn’t either of our fault,” she said, the words not only for his benefit but for hers too. “Pete did what he was going to do. Nothing we did could have stopped him once he decided to hurt us.”

Carl nodded, looking up at the ceiling before eventually returning his gaze to her. “I wasn’t going to leave you. Not with him. Not with what he was going to do.”

Her heart sank at these words, reluctantly remembering how Carl had found them that day. He’d walked in to find her pinned to the ground beneath Pete, her face wet with tears and her dress pushed up. At first Pete had tried to brush it off as a misunderstanding, perhaps embarrassed by the insinuation, but quickly he had started using it to his advantage. He had goaded Carl, groping her right in front of him and then taunting him for not stopping it.

“I couldn’t leave you like that,” he repeated, his voice strong with conviction. “I know what that’s like…thinking that it could happen.”

She held her breath for a moment, knowing he referred to his own experience with the Claimer group. Though she didn’t know the details, Rick having never been forthcoming about it, she knew it had to be somewhat consistent with her own experience. The night that group attacked Sue had died while Carrie had fled, unable to help her and instead taking the opportunity to save herself.

“I know what that’s like too,” she said quietly, looking him in the eye. She held his gaze for a moment, knowing the gravity of her words. “I wish you had left me…but thank you.”

There was a long pause, for though Carl had mentioned it the very day they met, they had never discussed the fact they had both made close escapes from the Claimer group, and nor did he know what happened with Granger’s group. His only response was a nod, and still trying to get comfortable he turned onto his left side, plumping up the pillows before laying his head down again. “Dad said that Pete didn’t do anything to you,” he said, his eye drifting shut from lethargy. “You know, he didn’t do anything…like that.”

It was clear what he was getting at, that he was perhaps too shy to say the words out loud, and Carrie didn’t seek to embarrass or tease him like she might have in different circumstances. “No, he didn’t. That wasn’t what he wanted.”

This remark seemed to get Carl’s attention, and he opened his eye and looked at her. “It sure looked like that’s what he wanted.”

Carrie shook her head, sitting back in the chair and getting comfortable again. “No. He didn’t want to have sex with me,” she said, feeling as though speaking the words out loud helped her own belief. “But he did want to hurt us. He wanted your dad to suffer, to feel the way he felt.”

“Because he helped Jessie kick him out?”

“Yes.”

“But…” he sighed, reaching up and touching the bandage again. “But why did he do that to you?”

She paused, struggling to find the words to articulate what Pete wanted to do. He was trying to intimidate her, to use his touch and the threat of more to keep both she and Carl under his control…he did it excellently too. “Because he was cruel,” she finally said, the words harder to say than she expected. “Because he didn’t care.”

It was to her relief that Carl didn’t say anymore, the subject exhausted now, neither of them wanting to discuss it further. Like before a short time came to pass, allowing Carl to think things through before he voiced his next question.

“Do you remember how it all happened?”

“Yes. I didn’t at first, but I remember it very clearly now.”

“Can you tell me what happened?” he requested. “I don’t really remember when he actually shot me. It’s all fuzzy…confusing.”

Carrie pressed her lips together, realising he wanted her to tell him, to describe the sequence of events. “You tried to shoot him, but he was so close to me you couldn’t get a good shot. I think after the first shot went off he realised it was over, that help would be coming.”

“Then what?”

“He lunged for you. You both struggled for a moment, and then the gun went off.”

“Guns don’t go off,” he said sharply, correcting her. “People pull the trigger.”

“Yes,” she agreed, remembering the principle Rick and the others had drilled into her.

There was silence for a few moments, and then he spoke very quietly. “I think it was me.”

“You?”

He nodded, looking at the wall. “I think it was me who pulled the trigger when I got shot.”

“No,” she said very quickly, the lie coming before she could think twice. It was entirely plausible that Carl had been the one whose finger was on the trigger when it was pulled during the struggle, and with Pete blocking her view there was no way she could be sure…but who was ever going to contradict her? She didn’t care if she had to lie to him, she couldn’t let him think he was even a little bit responsible for his injury. “Pete had the gun, it was him.”

Carl looked at her long and hard, holding her gaze as he tried to decide how he felt about this news. Obviously he had some memories of the attack, and with this in mind Carrie repeated the untruth she had told him, imploring him to believe her, to accept it. Seeing her certainty Carl finally gave a gentle nod before settling further into the pillows, though whether he believed her genuinely or because he chose to she would never know.

There was a comfortable silence until he groaned under his breath, shifting in the bed and bringing his hand across his stomach. Concerned Carrie sat up in the chair and looked closer, seeing the grimace of discomfort he was trying to hold back.

“I’m okay,” he said, answering her enquiry. A few moments later he relaxed with a heavy sigh, and then gave a small yawn. “Hey…what’s the definition of bravery?”

Carrie frowned, judging by his tone that he was making a joke. “Ummm. I don’t know.”

The corners of his mouth turned upward, a smile making its way across his face. “The first fart after diarrhoea.”

Her mouth gaped in a combination of disgust and amusement, and upon seeing the stupid look of satisfaction on his face she had to settle on the latter. It felt joyful to burst into laughter, the emotion a stark contrast to the difficult conversation they had been having up until now. Spurred on by her Carl too started laughed, though his was a little more stuttered and reserved, the motion hurting his face. Nevertheless there was no mistaking that for that brief moment he was happy, a simple joke helping lift his spirits.

“Oh Carl,” she pretended to scold him. “That was a really shitty joke.”

He looked at her in disbelief, his mouth gaping in surprise as he began laughing again. His shoulders shook as he lay there in the bed, both sharing a few moments of innocent fun. It was surprising how impressed he seemed with her little joke, but there was no arguing with the look of approval he was giving her. As it always did, their laughter slowly faded into a comfortable silence, and though she had plenty more to say Carrie held her tongue.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Carl mumbled a few minutes later, his voice heavy with exhaustion. “Thanks for coming.”

Carrie smiled, glad to hear this. “I’m glad I’m here too. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t miss anything,” he said off handedly, slowing moving onto his left hand side. “Well, except me puking on Michonne last night.”

“Oh,” she cringed, her stomach turning at the very thought of someone puking on another person. Even after all she had seen in the world, she still struggled to contain her disgust at this.

Carl gave a short laugh. “That’ll teach her to beat me a chess.”

This time she smiled now, but again she chose to hold her tongue, to not say any more. She could see the way he was relaxed into the pillows, the slow way his chest rose and fell as he began drifting off to sleep. Trying his best to stay awake he intermittently raised his hand, and Carrie watched on silently as he touched his face, his fingers pressed against his forehead as if resisting the urge to touch the bandage. He seemed a bit more comfortable now, perhaps not in as much pain as before, and when he finally lowered his hand and closed his eye she breathed a mental sigh of relief. She would have happily sat there talking with him for as long as he needed her to, but she wasn’t going to pretend she wasn’t glad for the break. They had talked about a lot in a short period of time, the subject heavy and tough for the both of them.

While Carl lay still and started to sleep she waited, knowing that when he was ready to Rick would be joining her. As she waited for him she looked around the room and noted that a sofa bed had been brought in, one that used to be in the downstairs games room at Deanna’s house. She could picture Rick and Michonne taking alternating shifts spread out on the sofa bed, getting some rest there so Carl could be comfortable in the double bed. Looking at it now she wondered if she might spend the night at the Infirmary with him, if he would enjoy her company or if she would overstay her welcome.

Deciding to take things as they came, and reminding herself to ensure Daryl joined them for dinner, Carrie settled herself in to stay for a little while. Enjoying the peaceful silence she readjusted the way she sat, getting comfortable by putting her feet up on the bed and crossing them at the ankle. There was no telling how long she might be there that day, nor what would happen that might occupy her or pass the time, but she didn’t care. She felt a sense of peace and calm, and somehow she knew she’d be able to sit there all day by Carl’s bedside, not feeling impatient or bored by the lack of activity. It was an unusual state for her, for usually she preferred to keep herself occupied and busy, used to having things to do.

But just as Rick had told her, things were going to change. They had to, and not just for Carl. It worried her to be uncertain about the future, to not know exactly what to expect in the coming weeks and months, her worry reminding her about how she felt in the days that led up to her arrival to Alexandria. Like then, today she had only a small understanding of what was to come, and like then she had no choice but to let things unfold naturally. As she began dwelling on the uncertainties a small smile began to grace her face, reminding herself that today she had something in her corner just like she did the day she arrived here.

After everything that had happened she still had Rick by her side, though today she had him in a far greater capacity than ever before. In spite of her worry for the future, Carrie knew that they were going to be alright so long as they went in to this together, as the partners they already were.




Rick hated that he was too cowardly to go back inside and be with his son, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to face him.

Seeing Carl come back out felt like a kick to the stomach, for although it was a relief to see him up on his feet again, it was a short lived feeling. Like the days before the first thing he laid eyes on was the bandage, and in his mind’s eye he pictured the awful wound it was hiding. Even now there was still a part of him that expected something might have changed, that a miracle had occurred and his son was healed. Yet every time he looked and saw that bandage was still there he was crushed, the brief hope he had allowed himself to feel vanishing to be replaced with the helplessness and fear that was stronger. He didn’t know why he kept holding out hope that something had changed, why in the back of his kind he was still searching for an answer, a solution to the problem. He was Carl’s father…he was supposed to know how to fix things.

So when he came out of the bathroom with that bandage still around his head, the hope that was crushed saw him rooted to the spot, too cowardly to go in there and face the ongoing reality. He needed a few moments more of hope, to selfishly avoid having to be strong in front of Carl for just a little longer. He hated to leave Carrie on her own, to ask her to go in there without him, but in that moment he just couldn’t bring himself to hold it together. Losing control of his emotions in front of Carl couldn’t happen, not yet.

Fifteen minutes had passed before he found the courage to act, to finish the cigarette he had smoked as if his light depended on it. He lingered just long enough that the smell might dissipate before going back inside, fully prepared to keep himself together and return to his son’s side, and then something stopped him. Given the circumstances it was particularly absurd, but there was no mistaking the sound of laughter coming from Carl’s hospital room. He could hear them both laughing in there, Carl and Carrie somehow managing to find a source of amusement in the midst of the agony, and it was then that Rick knew he could delay a little longer.

Michonne had implored him to take some time for himself that day, and with Carrie keeping Carl company Rick slipped away from the Infirmary, having someone else he wanted to be with for a little while.

“Still not out here?” he asked Enid as he passed her by.

“Not out here.”

Resisting the urge to linger and listen outside the window just incase he had been mistaken about the laughter, Rick hastened home to collect a few things. Like the night before it felt strange to be back there. Collecting the satchel he took outside the walls he stuffed some books inside followed by a blanket from the crib, and then downstairs he lingered to make a small cup of formula for Judith. When Carol stopped by the Infirmary earlier Judith was already enjoying the company of Bob and Natalie, and so he had missed seeing her. Carol wouldn’t mind being relieved of her charge for a little while, and though he had already agreed he would be home in time to bathe and put her into bed, Rick longed to see his daughter. When he joined them by the lake side it felt wonderful to pick Judith up and bring her into his arms, almost as joyful as it felt to see how eagerly she ran to him, the look of happiness on her face when he peppered her cheek with kisses. Like she often did she scrunched up her face and turned away, protesting the roughness of his unshaved jaw before relenting.

To his relief Bob and Natalie kept their enquiries about Carl to a minimum, allowing to embellish the details in his answer before departing with Judith carried on his hip. They made the short walk around the lake at a delayed pace, Rick simply enjoying the opportunity to hold her in his arms, to hear her talking to him as they reconnected after two days apart.

“Now?” he asked as he passed Enid again.

“Nope.”

Despite being glad she wasn’t ready to see Carl, Rick couldn’t help but smile at her presence there, proud of the friendship that had developed between the two. Though she refused to come in and see him, her dedication to sitting a vigil outside the Infirmary was admirable. As it was when he left the Infirmary was peaceful, Denise still at her desk and the sound of laughter having died down now. Gently bouncing Judith on his hip he warned her about the impending nap time, giving her cup of formula a gentle shake before warming it in the microwave.

Judith took the cup only reluctantly, and her confusion at being at the Infirmary meant she was quiet when they entered Carl’s room, her eyes casting about the softly lit space as she tried to work out what was going on. Juggling her and the backpack Rick took a pump of hand sanitiser and made sure to rub it into her hands too, and it was then he properly looked to Carl and Carrie. It was a relief to find his son looking peaceful, his head resting on the pillow and his body relaxed. All morning he’d been unwell, his body protesting all that had happened to it and rendering him doubled over with cramps or stuck in the bathroom. Glad to see him resting now Rick came further in and looked at the chair where Carrie sat, one foot tucked beneath her leg as she watched over him. When she looked up at him she smiled, her smile growing when she saw Judith with him too.

“He’s been asleep for about five minutes,” she whispered.

“I’m not asleep,” Carl swiftly rebuked her, though his voice was heavy with exhaustion.

Murmuring his gratitude to her, Rick set Judith down into the narrow sofa and came closer to Carl, straightening the blankets as he went. “Your sister’s here. I figured she can take her nap with you.”

At this Carl opened his eye and raised his head, but he seemed too lethargic to show how he really felt. “Hey Judy.”

Rick glanced over his shoulder at her, not surprised to find she was standing on the sofa and peering at her brother uncertainly. She was confused by what was happening, intimidated by the large bandage wound around his head, and she didn’t say anything in response. Leaving her be he turned back to Carl, readjusting the pulse-oximeter and glancing at the monitor to read the vital signs. He was now too familiar with all of those readings, but the two days of experience now gave him the ability to reassure himself with just a quick glance.

“Do you need to get up again?” he asked, offering his assistance. “Bathroom?”

“No,” Carl mumbled, lifting his head again. “Where’s that pillow? The big square one.”

Understanding what he was getting at, Rick got Carrie’s attention and gestured to the far corner where the pillow lay, asking for her help. Without hesitation she unfurled her legs and got up, hastening to the corner to fetch it after it had been tossed aside that morning. Thanking her as she passed it he helped Carl sit up and then turn onto his other side, wanting to lay on his right without putting pressure on his face. It had taken some effort, but once he was comfortable this had been how he spent the night sleeping, the pillows perfectly arranged to provide maximum comfort.

Getting comfortable again Carl muttered a few words of thanks before relaxing into the pillows, and Rick suspected that within minutes he would finally be fast asleep. On the other side of the bed Carrie hovered, straightening the blankets before reaching over to pull the IV cord out from under his elbow, untwisting it and passing it to Rick to hang up. Though it was completely new to them it felt perfectly natural to have her there, for her to be by his side as they helped Carl settle in to get some rest.

Breaking the silence Judith finally found her voice, pointing to Carl and vocalising a question that Rick managed to interpret. “Yes,” he answered her, coming back and picking her up. “You’re both having a nap.”

“Oh,” Judith frowned, still looking at Carl in uncertainty.

Nevertheless she cooperated as he set her down onto the other side of the bed, and judging by the apprehensive look she gave him there was little concern about her reaching over and accidentally hurting him. While Carrie returned to her chair with a heavy sigh, Rick passed Judith her cup and blanket before opening the book of her choice and beginning to read aloud to her. He had never enjoyed reading aloud to his children, this having just been one activity he had never favoured, but today he relished in the opportunity, having taken for granted what the few minutes spent with them truly meant.

Sooner than he expected Judith turned away from him, losing interest in the books and instead turning her attention to Carl. As she drank from her cup she lay there scrutinising him, making Rick glad that he wasn’t awake to see how closely he was being studied. Moving slowly so as to not disturb her Rick got up from the bed and lay the blanket over her, his heart missing a beat when she turned and looked at him accusingly. He knew what that look meant, that she had taken note of his premature departure and was unhappy about it, but to his relief she seemed to let it go. Holding her glare for a moment longer she turned away in a huff, clutching her cup as she finished drinking the rest of it.

Knowing that she too would be asleep in minutes Rick crept away slowly, sharing a sigh of relief with Carrie. She had been watching them, a small smile on her face throughout every moment. Sinking down onto the sofa he pulled off his shoes and socks, kicking them under the bed to where they wouldn’t be in the way, and then he turned to Carrie.

“Come sit with me?”

She was slow to act, perhaps considering his request for a moment, but then she sat up and began removing her shoes too. As she came over she was looking at Carl and Judith, her expression warm and content as she watched them together. Sitting down beside him with a heavy sigh she took his hand and draped it around her shoulder, the two of them moving for a few moments to get comfortable, and then they settled. A few minutes passed in silence, and it wasn’t until he was certain Judith was sleeping that he spoke. “What were you two laughing about earlier?”

Looking at them both as they slept, Carrie smiled. “He told me a really terrible joke,” she said in exasperation. “What’s the definition of bravery?”

Rick chuckled, already knowing the answer. “He likes that joke. He’s told it a couple of times, usually when someone has the stomach flu.”

She was shaking her head to herself, and when she turned away he touched his hand to the top of her shoulder, softly saying her name until she looked back at him. “Thank you,” he said quietly, holding her gaze. He hoped she knew what he meant, that he was grateful she was there with him today, that she had been able to go on ahead without him while he lingered back a little longer.

Understanding just as she always did, she leant over and pressed her lips to his cheek, softly murmuring that she loved him. He responded in kind, grateful to hear those words again and needing to say them out loud back.

“You know, we never did finish what we were talking about out there,” he said softly, holding her gaze a little longer.

“About me stepping back the way you are?”

“Yes. I’d like you with me. With us,” he clarified. “We can start being a family together. What happened doesn’t have to stop that.”

A moment passed, Carrie looking at him before slowly nodding her agreement. “I’ll step back too,” she assured him. “We’ll focus on us, on your kids an-”

“Our kids,” he corrected her, looking her in the eyes. “Our kids…our family.”

There was no mistaking the impact of these words, Rick noticing the way her expression softened even further, the way her lips turned upward every so slightly. “Our kids,” she agreed. “Our family.”

“I’d like that.”

Still smiling she leant over and kissed him, letting her lips linger a few moments before she pulled away and got comfortable again leaning against him. “I might even marry you one day.”

“I’d like that too,” he smiled, unable to resist pressing his lips against the crown of her head. But then he frowned, his face falling a little. “Wait…might?”

He relaxed a little when he felt her chuckling. “Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen,” she teased.

While he was glad to hear her laughing, he rolled his eyes and scoffed. “I’ll make a wife outta you. Just watch.”

“You sound very certain of that. Don’t go getting cocky.”

“It’s not cocky if you know,” he said softly. Reaching down her left arm he slipped his hand overs hers to hold it, the new absence of his wedding ring particularly meaningful. “And I know.”

Carrie didn’t say anything more on the subject, but Rick knew he had her in agreement. She had sighed and settled her body against his, turning her hand over beneath his and entwining their fingers. The peaceful silence returned now, the two of them revelling in the brief moment of happiness they were allowed to enjoy before inevitably facing reality. Soon enough Judith would awaken from her nap, and then later Carl too would awaken, inevitably needing something. He was going to be in here for some time, and even after that it was going to be a long road, one in which he would need Rick’s support for. But despite the dread he felt about the implications for Carl’s future, Rick was certain that they were going to make it there together.

In that moment, right there in Carl’s hospital room, Rick had absolutely everything he needed.







Saturday 19th July

An hour in and the welcome party was in full swing, the residents of Alexandria having gone all out to welcome the five outsiders who were in attendance. With the exception of those on watch the entire community had turned up for the evening, bringing with them an abundance of food and drink the likes of which the outsiders hadn’t seen for years. Music played from the church’s speaker system, softly so as to not be heard outside the walls, while children were fluttering about playing, enjoying the wide selection of food they were allowed to indulge in. Like everyone’s did, their gaze constantly fell upon the outsiders, the people who had apparently spent the last six days acclimating to the community.

Maintaining an outward appearance of contentment and extroversion, Lana clutched her ice cold beer and brought it to her lips, the cool taste of the alcohol soothing her. To the many who cast their eyes towards her she seemed confident and carefree, eager to meet and get to know everyone, while on the inside she was nervous and apprehensive. She and her group had been here for almost a week, and yet she was constantly on alert, waiting for something to happen. Any minute now something was going to go terribly wrong, it always did. Any minute now…

She cast her eyes around the crowded church, still trying to take it all in. It felt strange to be surrounded by so many people, particularly those were were at ease and relaxed, completely care free. The relative safety of Alexandria had not yet hit home for her…she wasn’t even sure if she’d slept through the night yet. Every time she lay down and closed her eyes the fight for survival was still there, the sudden surges of adrenaline still seizing her. She could not yet relax, she could not yet let her guard down.

Sticking close with Sonja and Vetor she made the rounds of the church and engaged with people, answering their questions and listening to their introductions. Assimilating into this community was going to take a little while that was for sure, for although many of them came across as very capable and self-aware, some did not. It was immediately apparent which of the Alexandrian’s had been here since the very start, though judging by what Aaron and Daryl had told her on the journey here those people had come a long way.

As the leader of her small group, most people’s interest and questions seemed to be directed to her, not that she had to speak much. Vetor and Sonja answered for her, giving her the opportunity to gauge these people, and to look around for one in particular. She was glad she didn’t have to do much talking, for as if she needed to draw more attention to herself. God, what she wouldn’t give to meet another Australian, to hear a voice that sounded like her own. It was bad enough that people noticed her for her face and body, but it was the accent that made her stand out like a sore thumb. Some American’s loved her accent, always begging her to say annoying catch phrases from Crocodile Dundee, whereas it irritated others. Either way, it was just another reminder that even within her own group, Lana was an outsider.

Keeping up with the conversation and contributing only as necessary, Lana kept her eyes flittering about the room, still looking around for that one person in particular. She wasn’t just here to meet people and get drunk, though the latter had its appeal…she had a goal in mind, something she needed to start working at. It was a task only for her, one that fell to her as the leader regardless of whether or not she really called the shots. Although she couldn't see him, she did catch a glimpse of someone close to him…the kid.

What was that kid’s name?

From the corner of her eye she watched him, not surprised to see the kid was sticking close to the woman whose name she also struggled to recall. Michelle? Those two were all but joined at the hip tonight, the kid staying by her side wherever they went. Frankly Lana didn’t blame him for sticking close to someone he obviously trusted. Losing an eye was probably quite the blow, and was a likely explanation as to why she had only seen him twice in the six days she had been here. She had caught a glimpse of him sitting on the front porch at his house, and then at the church tonight. He didn’t seem to get out much, though she couldn’t tell if that was by choice or by restriction.

With her first beer of the night finished, Lana politely excused herself from the group she was with, wondering if there really was enough for each person to be rationed two. As she passed by Vetor he reached out and touched her arm, looking at her with the intensity she was intimately familiar with. He gestured to the far end of the church, silently reminding her of what she needed to do…as if she needed reminding at all. Pulling her arm away she continued on, needing the second drink. She was sure of herself, she knew what men liked and how to get their attention, but something told her this wasn’t going to be as easy as usual.

At the drinks table Lana scoped the far side of the church and set her eyes onto certain people, having already ascertained who might pose a threat to her and her group’s plans. It was her mistrust of these people that drove her to break into Deanna’s home office and steal her box of video tapes, easily gaining access to them thanks to everyone’s habit of leaving their doors unlocked. Taking the box back to her place she hid away in her bedroom to watch the video interviews, wanting to gain a greater insight into the people who she expected to stand in the way of her plans, but there was one interview that captured her attention the most. Moving a little further around the church Lana finally set her eyes on the man she had been looking for, the one who was going to be the focus of her attention that evening. Rick Grimes, Alexandria’s co-leader, stood at the far end of the church with a beer in hand and a relaxed smile on his face.

It had taken her well over a minute of watching the interview to realise who it was, to make the connection to the man who had greeted her group at the gate six days prior. That man had been barefoot and in track pants, so surprised by their arrival he still had a butterfly clip in his hair and finger paint on his hands. On the other hand the man on the video tape had been rough and intimidating, his stare one of cold suspicion. That’s what had gotten Lana the most about his video interview, his eyes. The light blue colour seemed piercing against the contrast of his dirty skin and wild hair, and even on video tape it felt like they might look right into your soul, seeing a person for what they really were.

Looking at Rick now, Lana studied him from a distance, taking in as much about him as she could. Being only the third time she had actually laid eyes on him she knew only what she had heard through gossip and rumours, though the information rendered by Aaron and Daryl was infinitely more trustworthy. Back in the old world Rick had been a cop, and had been his group’s leader from almost the very beginning of the outbreak. Not one of his people seemed to have a bad word to say about him, though Lana was sure that if they did they wouldn’t be sharing it with her. Either way she detected a fierce sense of loyalty among him and his group, one it seemed the rest of the Alexandrian’s had begun to develop too.

Tonight Rick seemed as casual and at ease as everyone else, though the way his hand often drifted to the handle of his Colt indicated that just like she, he was on constant alert. Nevertheless he chatted animatedly with those around him, laughing at a joke Carter had made…judging from the jokes she had heard from him earlier Rick was laughing out of politeness. Lana braced herself with a generous sip of beer, figuring this might be a good time to make her way on over. He was comfortable and at ease, but more importantly he was surrounded by his guy friends. If he was like most men he’d be quietly pleased to have a woman showing interest in him, but particularly if it was in front of other men.

But just as she was about to start over there Lana stopped, seeing her place had been taken by someone else. Out of nowhere appeared a woman with shoulder length blonde hair, one who she immediately recognised as Carrie. Given the family’s reclusiveness it had taken days for Lana to learn that the community’s leader had a son and daughter, let alone a wife.

No, she corrected herself. Girlfriend.

There were no wedding rings on either of their hands, that had been easy enough to ascertain through their limited interactions. Though it was rather a deterrence to know that he was in a serious relationship, it wasn’t going to stop Lana completely. What she planned to do wasn’t personal. It wasn’t even about genuine attraction or lust, though she appreciated that he was a good looking man. Being in a relationship didn’t stop every man from receiving the advances of another woman…hell, Lana didn’t even have to fuck him to achieve what she wanted. Sometimes her interest in them or the sheer possibility of having her was enough to get her way. Rick being in a relationship wouldn’t stop her trying to manipulate him to her advantage.

As comfortable as life here could be, Lana and her group had no intention of staying. All they needed was enough food and weapons to start over somewhere, enough supplies to get them started and on the road to self sufficiency. The food and general supplies would be easy to take, even with Olivia’s meticulous record keeping, but it was the armoury that was proving difficult. Inch thick solid doors and combination deadbolts were a little tricker…which was where Rick came in. It seemed that although a good dozen or so Alexandrians had access to the armoury, that access had been expressly denied to Lana and her group. That needed to change.

Wondering if she was about to lose her first opportunity, Lana watched as Carrie said something to him, and when she turned a little she revealed the baby she carried on her hip. She passed the baby over to Rick, and Lana couldn’t help but smile as he raised her into the air above his head. The fair haired girl shrieked and kicked her legs wildly, clearly enjoying the game. Bringing her back down to a more acceptable height he kissed her on the cheek and then reached for the small pink bag Carrie held. He left now, and not for the first time Lana noticed that he didn’t kiss Carrie on the cheek, he didn’t touch her hand as he passed her by. This wasn’t the first time that she had noticed they weren’t an affectionate couple. Her third day here she had watched from afar for as they tended the gardens and cleaned out the chicken coop together, and not once did they show a hint of physical affection. It was no wonder that it took her days to realise Carrie was his girlfriend, that they had lived together for months. Lana hoped this was a sign of trouble, that Rick was positively starved for affection and intimacy. Maybe it would be easier than she expected to get him into her bed.

With him gone for now Carrie lingered and took his place, talking happily with those he left behind. She gestured to the plaster cast on her arm, perhaps explaining why she had relinquished the baby whose name Lana couldn’t remember. But though Carrie smiled and talked animatedly, Lana knew that it was a facade, that it was bullshit. She had met Carrie twice since her arrival, and both times she had been glad to hear she wasn’t on the run crew anymore, that she was uninvolved in the day to day running of Alexandria. Carrie seemed to have a fragile look about her, her cheeks always pale and her demeanour quiet. She had not yet seen her looking comfortable and relaxed, her brow often pinched into a frown.

Carrie smiled with her mouth, but not her eyes.

Notes

A/N I’d like to say a huge thanks to my beta readers AngieB/angelcat70 (who helped with the previous story and up to chapter 35 here), and to fester01 who has taken over for recent and future chapters. These guys are a great help to me, thanks!

Now a wonderful thank you to my many readers, and to my reviewers! I don’t get paid to write this story, and so many times I feel like chucking it all in and abandoning the story, leaving it to play out only in my head - but it’s your enjoyment and you're reviews that keep me going back for hour after hour to write. Thanks to you guys for your encouragement and especially your enthusiasm - seeing how excited/appalled/shocked/thrilled/disappointed/happy etc you are is hugely rewarding, and I can’t wait to read your thoughts on the final chapter, and on the prologue/new OFC.

The Larger World - full Prologue/Chapter 1 to be posted in 1-2 weeks. Like the previous two, this story takes on the plot lines of Season 6 and 7, but with my own twist. It picks up one month after the events of 58. Nothing is quite the same, things happen in different sequences, different characters are involved - I think it’s going to make for a great sequel that will hopefully do Rick and Carrie justice.

Until then, happy reading and reviewing!

Comments

@WalkerWalkerChick
No worries, I was just so happy to find it on the other site I read it there. There aren't too many Rick Grimes stories, and yours are among the best I have found. Really looking forward to your new story and the continuing journey of Rick and Carrie.

Grimesgirl63 Grimesgirl63
5/21/17

@Grimesgirl63
Thanks Grimesgirl63, that means a lot!

Sorry it took forever to update on this site! (to get the formatting right, the copy paste has to be done from a Word doc which I don't have on my laptop - this is why I fell so far behind posting on here).

In progress of posting first chapter of The New World as we speak - hopefully up in an hour or so. Happy reading :-)

This was a great ending to the story. Loved how you weaved in the elements of the series but made it your own. Looking forward to your new story!

Grimesgirl63 Grimesgirl63
5/21/17

Hi there - just wondering if you plan to update the story on this site. I noticed this story on another FF site and it was much further along. Either way,I started reading it over there. Thanks, it is getting really good.

Grimesgirl63 Grimesgirl63
5/10/17

Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy this story. Thought the first one was good as well. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Grimesgirl63 Grimesgirl63
6/7/16