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Her saving Grace

4

I don’t know how long I was asleep for but the sound of a baby crying jerked me from my sleep. Raising my head I look down next to me and see that Lily is still asleep after he feeding that was probably an hour ago. Looking around my cell I realize that there is a small lantern lit in the corner on top of an overturned milk crate. I look out as I see a figure passing and I see Beth with a crying Judith pacing. “Psst.” I call getting her attention. She looks over at me and slowly makes her way over.

“sorry if we woke you.” She whispers while she continues to bouncer and Pat Judith’s back.

“She ok?” I ask sitting up slowly as to not wake Lily.

“im not sure. I’ve tried everything I can think of to calm her down but she won’t stop. Carol said that sometimes babies just need to cry. Rick can usually calm her down quickly along with Daryl but they along with your friend just left about an hour ago.

"What do you mean they left? Where did they take Michonne?” I ask. Even though I had only known Michonne for a couple hours, I owed he my life. If it hadn’t been for her, I never would have made it out of them woods.

“They went to a town called Woodbury. A couple of our people were taken there while on a supply run for Judith. It was actually my sister Maggie and he boyfriend Glenn., but Michonne said she could help us get in and get them back.” She explains.

“How do they know they are there?” I mean cause they could literally be anywhere by now.

“Michonne said the guy that took them was from there, she was also running from him when he shot her. She assumed he would make them go back there.” That did make sense. Lily starts to whimper from beside me and moves around a bit. “oh I’m sorry.” Beth apologizes.

“For what? It’s perfectly fine.” I smile at her while I pick up Lily. “Would you mind handing me that bag next to you?” I ask pointing to my bag at her foot. She grabs it and hands it to me. I quickly unzip it and look through it for the pacifiers that I had found and put in here.

“Holy crap! Where did you get tall of that?” she asks taking in all of the baby supplies. This bag was filled to the brim of baby clothes, Binky’s, wipes, and a few other things.

“oh, there is a super Walmart that is about thirty minutes north of here. It’s where I was before I got pushed away from it by a group of walkers. Was mostly untouched when I managed to get in. don’t imagine many people needing to take baby clothes so I got lucky. Most of the food shelves were bare But I found a bunch of it in the back along with a couple dozen cases of water. I was able to secure the break room and bring everything useable into it. If you guys are able to get there, I can show you were everything is.” I explain while giving Lily a pacifier and handing the other one to Beth for Judith.

“I’ll bring it up to Rick when he and the others get back.” She sighs as Judith goes quiet as soon as the pacifier is in her mouth. She sits next to me and the room is quiet. We just sit there enjoying each other’s company. When Lily is back to sleep, I grab the pack of wipes that I managed to warm up with my body heat while we were asleep and I start to clean her off.

“She looks so much like my husband.” I smile sadly before changing her diaper and slipping a pink sleeper onto her as she slept.

“What happened to him?” a new voice asks. I look up toward the doorway and see Carol leaning against it.

“Um…about seven months ago we were staying in an apartment building just west of Atlanta. A group of about sixty or so walkers snuck up on us while we were looking for a car to take to drive. He was bit while trying to get a walker that had a hold of me away.” I pause to clear my throat and wipe the tear that slid down my cheek. “we had just found out that day that we were gonna have this beautiful girl. It was the best day ever since everything fell apart, but it was like a blink of an eye and it turned into the worst. We managed to get away at first but he started to slow down and kept getting dizzy. He had lost so much blood that he was white as a ghost. I will never be able to forget that look of sheer panic and fear that he had on his face. I had never ever seen that look before and it terrified me.” I was openly crying now.

“you don’t have to tell us anymore if you don’t want to.” Carol whispered crouching in front of me.

“its ok, it feels nice to be able to about it. Haven’t had anyone to talk to since I lost Brandon.” I sniffed wiping my eyes.

“Was that your husband’s name?” Beth asks turning carefully so she didn’t wake Judith.

“Yeah, it was.” I smiled laying Lily down on the bed. “We ended up in the woods and we had stripped his bag and shirt off so we could dress the wound…try and slow the bleeding with the last of the gauze that we had. He started talking about how much he loves me, about the baby and talking about the last almost twelve years that we have known each other, our six years of marriage, just stuff people talk about when they are dying. He couldn’t walk no more so I took his duffle bag and sat him against a tree. He kept rubbing his hand across my belly and making me promise that I would keep fighting. Said I knew how to survive, he trained me. Said he didn’t waste all those hours of training me like how they did in the academy, only for me to give up and not use that knowledge.” I laugh softly thinking about all the complaining I did all those training sessions.

“Academy? Was he a cop?” asked Beth.

“Yep, the youngest deputy chief that the Athens Police Department has ever had. I was so damn proud of him when he got that promotion. We didn’t even see it coming but the whole station voted for him. He had always wanted to be a cop and was a senior cadet our senior year of high school.” I will never forget how he looked while he was wearing his uniform. He was always laid back and goofy but also very serious at the same time. He treated every person with the same respect, even if he was arresting them. He always felt bad about having to be rough and harsh with someone but it was what he had to do.

“Rick was a sheriff’s deputy before all this.” Carol smiled. That explains where Carl got the hat from.

“Anyway, the walkers had managed to catch up to us in the woods. I took down as many as I could and tried to keep them away from Brandon but there were just too many for me to handle. I don’t know where he got the strength but Brandon had stood up and started yelling at them, grabbing their attention. I tried to ask what the hell he was doing but all he said was for me to run and that he loved me. I didn’t want to leave him but I knew if I didn’t I wouldn’t have made it. I remember grabbing our bags and running as fast as I could. I can still hear his screams as they took him down. After that I just kept going from place to place. Only staying long enough to rest up and gather a few supplies.” The silent that followed was almost deafening.

“I lost my daughter last year. He name was Sophia. She got separated from us when a herd came through the stretch of highway that we were on. We didn’t find her until it was too late.” Hearing that brought back a memory that I hadn’t thought of since I had seen it.

“Was that sign on the yellow mustard from you?”

“Yeah, that was were we lost her. We ended up meeting Beth, Hershel and Maggie the next back. Carl was accidently shot by one of their people while he was hunting. We left the highway but left that sign when we went to the farm.”

“Seems like everyone has lost someone that they care about.” I whisper looking at my socked feet. We all remain silent for a while with me standing against the wall. By this time my breasts had started to get heavy and full as it got closer to the time for Lily to eat, but my left on was especially sore and full. As my arm accidently rubs against it, Carol notices me wince at the slight pain.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, my breasts are just tender. For some reason Lily doesn’t like to feed from my left one and I’ve tried to express the milk with my hands but it just doesn’t come out like it would if she were suckling from it.” Right about that time both Lily and Judith start to whimper from their sleeping spots. “Guess it’s feeding time.” I smile taking Lily into my arms as Carol hands he to me. Beth gets up after handing Judith of to Carol and goes to get her a bottle.

“will it be ok to feed her in front of you? I don’t have anything to cover up with right now.”

“I think your boob is that last thing we have to worry about.” She smiles. “we will just have to find something if you want for when you are outside or something.”

“Yes, don’t think I wanna scar poor Carl for life with that image.” We laugh as Beth walks back in with a bottle for Judith. I uncover myself and bring Lily up to my breast and she latches on right away. I look back up to say something to Carol but I see a man in a grey jumpsuit that I have never met before, just standing there staring at me. “Um can I help you?” I ask leaning back to try and cover myself as much as I can with Carols body.

“Axel!” Carol yells making him jump.

“Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stare. Its just been a long time since I saw a pretty woman, hell let alone any woman. Just lonely I guess.” Axel said.

“Well you are gonna keep being lonely. Now quit staring and go on.” Carol snapped making the man disappear. “Sorry about him. He was here when we found the place. He was locked in the kitchen with four other inmates. He is harmless though. He was originally locked up for robbing a gas station with a toy water pistol. Idiot thought it was a good idea. Cops only arrested him because he had some type of pharmaceutical on him.” She explained before turning he attention to Judith. “ok pretty girl. Open up.” She cooed trying to get the nipple of the bottle into her mouth.

After trying for a few minutes and Judith still refusing to take the bottle, I suddenly remember about a chapter in a book I read when Brandon and I first started trying to get pregnant a few years ago. “I once read that when babies who are bottle feed start rejecting it, it might have to do with the formula or milk. It could be causing her to get a tummy ache. My friends niece was sensitive to formula when she was a baby and since he sister wasn’t producing enough milk to keep up with her they had to get help from milk bank.”

“that’s a thing?” Beth asked.

“Yeah. I know you all just met me and hardly know me, but if you would allow me to, I’d like to try feeding her. See if that works.” I offer. They both looked at each other and I could understand the apprehension.

“What could it hurt? We wouldn’t have to look for formula.” Beth said.

“What if Rick sees and gets mad.” Carol says. “She is his daughter.”

“Well if he gets mad, just say that you guys found me with her and she was already feeding. I’ll take the full blame for it all.” After a few minutes they nod and Carol sets down the bottle. Beth gets the pillows to place under the babies so it is easier for me to hold them before Carol places Judith on the pillows near my left breast. I pull my bra all the way of and help Judith latch on which she does rather quickly. She immediately starts sucking and going to town.

“well, I guess that solves the feeding issue we have been having.” Beth laughs. We sit there and watch the girls for a while before Carol leaves to start making dinner after she checks in with Hershel and Carl. Beth sits next to me and tries to cover up a yawn.

“Why don’t you go take a break while she is preoccupied?” I offer.

“Are you sure? She might get fussy or something.”

“Its fine. Go. See your dad, eat, shower, lay down or whatever you want. I think after this she might sleep more.” She smiles at me before standing up.

“Thank you.” Then she’s gone. Soon after both girls are full and sound asleep. I gently place them on the bed best to each other with their heads toward the wall and make sure they aren’t gong anywhere before walking out to the main area right outside the call. Im actually able to get a look around since I didn’t get a chance to yesterday. It’s pretty dark except for the lantern that are lit creating the light and the little bit of moon light that is shining through the windows that were right up. I look back in on the girls before heading over to Carol who is staring what look like beans in a pot over a camping stove .

“Hungry?” she asks grabbing a bowl.

“Starving.” I reply as my stomach growls.

“haven’t eaten much since before I got here.”

“it’s not much, but it’s more than nothing.” She speaks the truth. She pours some into the bowl and hands it to me along with a spoon. I watch as she pours more into a few other bowls but frown down at mine. She has given me more than everyone else.

“Carol, you gave me too much. I’m sure everyone else is just as hungry as I am.” I try to hand the bowl back to her but she shakes her head.

“You are feeding two babies who are going to try and suck the energy out of you through your boobs. I think we can spare an extra spoon full so you can take care of them.” She replies.

“Fine, but I will only agree to the extras every other day.” I smile pointing my spoon at her. She was really easy to get along with, kinda reminded me of my mom.

“Deal.” She smirks before adding another little spoon full to my bowl. I glare at her before returning to my cell before she can add any more. After eating the beans, I chug half my bottle of water and decide to lay back down for a bit after I using the bathroom. I manage to shift the girls over enough to make room for me to lay down. Wrapping Lily hand around my finger, I fall asleep too their quiet snores.

Notes

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