Everything was so grey
and cold. I hated it. It made me feel like everything had died. The floor felt like it was radiating coldness. At least now I had mattress where to sleep but it kept the cold only so much. I couldn’t sleep for some reason. Maybe it was the moon shining behind the bars its ghostly white light. I heard occasional clings and heavy breathing from the cells. I wanted to go check that everyone was sleeping but couldn’t. Sheriff locked me out. Not that I had any enthusiasm to be with them. I just wanted to know that there was no one watching me. Beating I could stand but not the stares. You know how they say that eyes are the windows to one's soul. I kind of believe that and I wanted to keep my soul to myself. In this world thinking about things like that is just foolish. Wasting time, I know. I don’t think Zs have their souls anymore, just the drive to eat. That’s the reason I didn’t feel bad to kill them. Still, I tried not to think about it too much.
I got up. The painkillers were doing its job well. At least I could walk without chewing my lip like dog toy. That was improvement. Maybe little fresh air would do some good. Corridors were so dark. I could barely see my own foots. Small amount of moon light came from the windows. My steps echoed in the corridors. I wanted to take my shoes off to suppress the noise. I watched the shadows like hawk. Didn’t want to be surprised and find myself as meal.
Fresh air hit me as I opened the door. It was creepy how formidable the moons light can get. I walked to the tables and sit on it. It was weird to see the stars when it was so bright. But there they were like a little diamonds
on black velvet. If there weren’t Zs moan, I would have almost loved this night. Moonlight made their faces even more haunted that bright day light. Passing wind got me in goose bumps. Then I heard a creek. I stopped breathing and tried listen. Slowly I turned my head where the sound came from. I watched every shadow but nothing was moving. I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something. Fuck I’m getting freaked out. I eased my breathing and started walking slowly to the door. I checked shadows as closely as I could. About 50 meters before the door I saw it or should I tell him. Mr. Dirty leaned the wall with his crossbow in hand. He looked inscrutable. I narrowed my eyes at him and I’m sure I heard little growl of annoyance from me.
‘’So, they send someone to babysit me. How sweet’’, I said with low tone but let a small smile creep on my face. He just shrugged.
‘’Seriously that’s all I get? Have kitty got your tongue little one?’’, I say and pout. I almost do the kitty call. He pushes off the wall but don’t step in the moon light.
‘’No’’, is all he says.
‘’Aah, and he talks’’, I say with smile in my voice, ‘’so why you’re here? It’s not like I can get anywhere. No weapon and half beaten’’.
‘’Fuck you. He was three times bigger than me. Even your skinny ass would have been beaten to shit ’’, I answer. He shrugs again.
‘’One arrow’’, he finally says. It took a while to understand what he was saying. He killed him. I stare him in disbelieve. Somehow it made me confused and bit angry.
‘’Whatever’’, I huff and walk back to tables ‘’Arrow’’. I lie on the table and stare at the stars. So he’s dead. I think I knew it deep down. Why else would I be here? I would’ve loved to end him myself. Maybe this is better option for him.
Shuffle noise followed me. I look behind and see him standing slightly farther away from the table. Now his standing in the moon light and it’s a first time I look at him properly. He has longish dark hair which is messy. I’m sure he doesn’t even know what comb is and why should he? I’m sure he looks just fine either way. He was very well build. My instinct tells me that he is even more dangerous that he lets on.
‘’He touched you, didn’t he?’’, I hear his question even if I don’t want to.
‘’Mind your own business ’’, I answer to him. It was still really raw thing for me even if I could stop it. Those feeling haven’t disappeared yet. In that basement -first time I cried in a five years. And I still saw red about it. Usually nothing makes me cry. Well, usually I don’t feel anything. It just makes life easier. And now I have mixed feelings about it
– between anger and self-pity. It was the first time I really felt violated, he was just so strong. His hands were all over me. I still break out in cold sweat thinking about it. In that room I felt truly helpless. I was surrounded by people I didn’t know. Not a situation I want to get myself again, ever. I needed to keep my composure, so I raised from the table with all I got and started to walk to the door quickly.
‘’I’m going to sleep’’, I don’t even know why I said it. It’s not like his my dad
– I don’t have to tell him what I’m doing. And I’m pi
t angry to myself that I even said it. A
s I’m walking past him he grasps my arm. First he holds me hard till I stop fully but then eases his grip. I watch the ground andwai
t, butt he does not say a thing. I can feel my heartbeat in my ears and there is lump forming in my throat. We stand there awhile, and
d then he lets his hand drop along my arm. I grasp his fingers and lift my head. I swallow the feeling and I squeeze his them and give him a small smile. When I turn my head, I can feel first tear running down. Then I just run inside and walk to bed. Sometime later I hear him going to c-block. My tears are running freely and I let them. I just need to get this out of my system, I tell myself. That’s all.
Sorry for all. I got mixed with the chapers. This is an old one. I written this years ago and accidently put wrong chapters in here. Now I put right ones here so..sorry and please enjoy. Any comments??